trying to get my wife to end a long standing swinger relationship

[kennedy37]

I don't understand you anymore. You wanted her to stop that relationship and afraid of loosing her, and now you are defending her and you seem do don't mains her keeping that guy. I think she can not take you seriously anymore and I think you are very confused you keep going back and forth.

 

 

I just told the other lady the truth, my wife is bi polar Schizophrenic , I found it out about 2 years ago after we were in a relationship with the other couple. It is very hard to deal with ,especially with 2 children .

[kennedy37]

I don't understand you anymore. You wanted her to stop that relationship and afraid of loosing her, and now you are defending her and you seem do don't mains her keeping that guy. I think she can not take you seriously anymore and I think you are very confused you keep going back and forth.

 

I started posting just to see the response and if any one else had ever been involved in this sort of relationship with another couple , but the truth is I contributed to the insanity of it trying to understand a Bi-polar schizophrenic person and trying to make them happy . But I can never make her happy because she is so ill . I never knew she was bi-polar Schizophrenic , I suspected she was Bi-polar from taking courses in college, but never suspected

Schizophrenic . We went to council and I had her tested , many tests . The council said Run From this Relationship if you are smart . But we have two children , and were already involved in a relationship with another couple . So I extremely complicated matters even more . Now I realize I am married to a crazy woman , but if I give her , her way she is fine and dandy and covers up everything . She is very good with children , she is just very bad with me and with anyone outside of the house . She hates my family with a passion because they tell her she is crazy .

[aliveagain]

I am being pushed by a married couple that I have known for 25 years to become his wife's lover with his approval. I have not committed to doing so, my moral issues are in the way, I'm single so it wouldn't be like I was cheating on someone. What I do have experience with is bipolar, friend you couldn't be in a worse situation. I would talk to a lawyer and prepare yourself for the worst. The one thing you have going for you is his wife, tell her your wife is in love with her husband, f**K the job. She will not agree to give up her husband or her lifestyle, she will go to war with your wife. You will need to get your wife help because once it starts they can become suicidal.

[bubbaganoosh]

You could keep giving, and giving and giving and the final outcome will be someday there will be no more to give. Then what?

The council said run from this relationship. That's what you need to do. If she's that mentally ill that you have to hire a PI to keep tabs on her, I don't know how you can honestly feel that your children are safe. Rather than pay for a PI, you should have her committed and I swear I'm not joking or making fun of this problem. She sound very unstable an I would be wary.

 

If she's not willing to get help then it's up to you AS HER HUSBAND to get it for her even if it means if she's kicking and screaming all the way to the hospital. That has nothing to do with being an introvert or a door mat or anything else. Your her husband and you have to do what's best and having a guy come over and screw her isn't the answer. Neither is his nympho wife servicing you the answer. Honestly, I don't know how you can post something that is so serious as a mentally ill wife and swinging. If those people know how bad she is, then if they have any brains, they should call it quits with you and her. This guy is taking advantage of a mentally unstable woman and what's worse, your letting him

 

If all this activity is going on behind closed doors, where are the kids? Is this stuff going on with your kids in the next room? The way your talking,the guy is there more than you are.

[kennedy37]

You could keep giving, and giving and giving and the final outcome will be someday there will be no more to give. Then what?

The council said run from this relationship. That's what you need to do. If she's that mentally ill that you have to hire a PI to keep tabs on her, I don't know how you can honestly feel that your children are safe. Rather than pay for a PI, you should have her committed and I swear I'm not joking or making fun of this problem. She sound very unstable an I would be wary.

 

If she's not willing to get help then it's up to you AS HER HUSBAND to get it for her even if it means if she's kicking and screaming all the way to the hospital. That has nothing to do with being an introvert or a door mat or anything else. Your her husband and you have to do what's best and having a guy come over and screw her isn't the answer. Neither is his nympho wife servicing you the answer. Honestly, I don't know how you can post something that is so serious as a mentally ill wife and swinging. If those people know how bad she is, then if they have any brains, they should call it quits with you and her. This guy is taking advantage of a mentally unstable woman and what's worse, your letting him

 

If all this activity is going on behind closed doors, where are the kids? Is this stuff going on with your kids in the next room? The way your talking,the guy is there more than you are.

 

Being Bi-Polar Schizophrenic does not mean being stupid , quite the opposite , often they are very intelligent , but they are master manipulators, master mind game players , Master users , and sometimes master abusers . You can not make someone take medication , you can not force them into an institution, you can not take their children away unless you prove some sort of safety issue . I had her investigated by child services , I had her diagnosed , but only after getting involved with a swing couple .

 

I only got involved with my company owners son , because he was so wealthy , he like me and made sure I was promoted . His wife was very beautiful and my wife had used sex as a weapon for many years , so perhaps a lover would change her mind and attitude . She only gave me sex when I threatened to leave her , so I could not figure her out . I though she had a sex problem , not thinking her problem all along was mental . I was never abusive to her at all , but even small petty arguments would be a reason for no sex for a week , when your in your early 30's no sex for a week is a very long time and you wonder what did I do wrong ??

 

Now the company owners son loves to **** my wife , so If I stop it I will get revenge from her , there is no telling what she will say to him , and he will have me replaced or fired . I work hard for his father to make him lots of money and I would be the looser . She never has shown anything negative towards the children, but Bi polar people pick their targets and I am often the

Target . These are extremely complicated people . If my boss finds out I got his son involved with a crazy woman it will go bad for me .

 

My children are in school when she screws his brains out .

[kennedy37]

I am being pushed by a married couple that I have known for 25 years to become his wife's lover with his approval. I have not committed to doing so, my moral issues are in the way, I'm single so it wouldn't be like I was cheating on someone. What I do have experience with is bipolar, friend you couldn't be in a worse situation. I would talk to a lawyer and prepare yourself for the worst. The one thing you have going for you is his wife, tell her your wife is in love with her husband, f**K the job. She will not agree to give up her husband or her lifestyle, she will go to war with your wife. You will need to get your wife help because once it starts they can become suicidal.

 

I wish it were this easy , Bi-Polar people are extremely smart , or can be extremely smart , her best friend is Shelly the wife of her lover . My wife can do no wrong in her eyes . People often put on perfect acts in front of other People , she has multiple personalities , not just one or two . She can be a sweet lilly white girl or be a complete psychopath raving lunatic . she can say no to sex , or screw his brains out for hours . They share her husband together , a threesome and he loves it , the even did a movie and sent it to me , I think she did it for revenge because I wanted to know where she was all day long . You have no idea . No one wants to raise an autistic little boy , and there is no one to really communicate with .

 

She is the type of person they write books about and do movies about , but she is real , she is a walking lesson in mental science . yet she can be so sweet so many times her demeanor can change in a heart beat . I watched her once tried to run over a man in the parking lot who fussed at her for parking to close to him , he jumped out of the way, he was an elderly fat man , I was so embarrassed , she embarrasses me all the time . I have to figure out a way of the situation without hurting my children or my life , she just bought another BMW , she thinks nothing about buying expensive toys .

[aliveagain]

You have one way out of this and one or both of you will suffer because of your situation. Bipolar's can sell ice to Eskimo's, problem is they rarely finish what they start. She will burn through your money like a drunken sailor, protect your children, protect your finances. She will blame you and hold you responsible for everything that happens. Carry a voice activated recorder on you at all times from this day forward. My ex attacked me daring me to hit her in front of the nanny and her two son's. All the while she was punching me and pushing me against the wall with her foot. She studied kick boxing from a former world champion, she stands 5'10" without shoes on. I had to lock myself in my car while I and a friend(at another location) both called the police. You have no idea how bad and vengeful she can become. You need to talk to a lawyer, you have no idea how bad things can get.

[Trimmer]

This may seem to some like an odd suggestion, and I'm not even sure I can advocate it myself, but for the purposes of discussion, have you considered that the current status quo may be the most stable scenario?

 

At first, I got the impression that you were describing an otherwise normal wife, who you wanted to reclaim (from this swinging situation) back into a nice normal family where you would be loved by this woman that you described in glowing terms. But now, you describe her as basically a loose cannon, ready to go off and destroy everything if you make the wrong move.

 

It appears that what you had BEFORE the swinging sucked, and I don't see how you can imagine anything after forcing a STOP to the swinging would be anything other than terrible. You describe the swinging as something you both have grown to really enjoy and love. The people involved are respectful, polite, and discreet, and notably, you say that your wife's personality has improved for the better as a result, and that she is now "fabulous and amazingly fun."

 

Given the likely downsides, and the apparent informed consent of all those involved (perhaps except for yourself, at the moment), why is it again that you want to change this situation?

 

Is it possible that this arrangement is the one that is most likely to maintain a stable life for you and your family for the forseeable future?

 

Objectively, you have a reasonably stable wife who - by your description - has become a much more interesting, fun, amazing person, PLUS you get to have your brains screwed out by the nympho wife of your wife's lover.

 

Realistically, given what you know about your wife, what is it the best scenario you can hope for if you were able to bring a halt to the swinging arrangement?

[Nyla]

Being Bi-Polar Schizophrenic does not mean being stupid , quite the opposite , often they are very intelligent , but they are master manipulators, master mind game players , Master users , and sometimes master abusers . You can not make someone take medication , you can not force them into an institution, you can not take their children away unless you prove some sort of safety issue . I had her investigated by child services , I had her diagnosed , but only after getting involved with a swing couple .

 

I only got involved with my company owners son , because he was so wealthy , he like me and made sure I was promoted . His wife was very beautiful and my wife had used sex as a weapon for many years , so perhaps a lover would change her mind and attitude . She only gave me sex when I threatened to leave her , so I could not figure her out . I though she had a sex problem , not thinking her problem all along was mental . I was never abusive to her at all , but even small petty arguments would be a reason for no sex for a week , when your in your early 30's no sex for a week is a very long time and you wonder what did I do wrong ??

 

Now the company owners son loves to **** my wife , so If I stop it I will get revenge from her , there is no telling what she will say to him , and he will have me replaced or fired . I work hard for his father to make him lots of money and I would be the looser . She never has shown anything negative towards the children, but Bi polar people pick their targets and I am often the

Target . These are extremely complicated people . If my boss finds out I got his son involved with a crazy woman it will go bad for me .

 

My children are in school when she screws his brains out .

 

Hmmm....I am bipolar and I am not a "master manipulator" or "master game player." I am also not abusive, so please be careful with the generalizations. I am completely faithful to my husband and I can't imagine sharing my body with anyone else. Not everyone who lives with mental illness is the same; many of us function quite well. I take my medicine every day, I work, I have a happy marriage and maintain friendships.

 

If I refused to take my medication and keep acting out as a result, eventually my husband would leave because that would not be taking responsibility for my illness.

 

Having said that, untreated mental illness is very hard to handle. You need to put your foot down and demand that your wife get treatment. I don't know why you are allowing yourself to be victimized, but that is a huge part of the problem. You teach people how to treat you.

[kennedy37]

This may seem to some like an odd suggestion, and I'm not even sure I can advocate it myself, but for the purposes of discussion, have you considered that the current status quo may be the most stable scenario?

 

At first, I got the impression that you were describing an otherwise normal wife, who you wanted to reclaim (from this swinging situation) back into a nice normal family where you would be loved by this woman that you described in glowing terms. But now, you describe her as basically a loose cannon, ready to go off and destroy everything if you make the wrong move.

 

It appears that what you had BEFORE the swinging sucked, and I don't see how you can imagine anything after forcing a STOP to the swinging would be anything other than terrible. You describe the swinging as something you both have grown to really enjoy and love. The people involved are respectful, polite, and discreet, and notably, you say that your wife's personality has improved for the better as a result, and that she is now "fabulous and amazingly fun."

 

Given the likely downsides, and the apparent informed consent of all those involved (perhaps except for yourself, at the moment), why is it again that you want to change this situation?

 

Is it possible that this arrangement is the one that is most likely to maintain a stable life for you and your family for the forseeable future?

 

Objectively, you have a reasonably stable wife who - by your description - has become a much more interesting, fun, amazing person, PLUS you get to have your brains screwed out by the nympho wife of your wife's lover.

 

Realistically, given what you know about your wife, what is it the best scenario you can hope for if you were able to bring a halt to the swinging arrangement?

 

You hit the nail on the head spot on , I am doing all I can short of gong crazy . I created the monster now I have with the monster . I should not have posted , but at times I feel like I am the crazy person for bending over backwards and doing what I have done to make her happy . And I feel like I am changing so much for the negative , at times I can not focus . I constantly worry she will do something to the kids , but she never has . I try and keep the best Nannies and house keepers , and I have special needs teachers I pay for to come in and spend time with my son and daughter .

 

Passing by the road or house no one has an idea what goes on inside

[kennedy37]

Hmmm....I am bipolar and I am not a "master manipulator" or "master game player." I am also not abusive, so please be careful with the generalizations. I am completely faithful to my husband and I can't imagine sharing my body with anyone else. Not everyone who lives with mental illness is the same; many of us function quite well. I take my medicine every day, I work, I have a happy marriage and maintain friendships.

 

If I refused to take my medication and keep acting out as a result, eventually my husband would leave because that would not be taking responsibility for my illness.

 

Having said that, untreated mental illness is very hard to handle. You need to put your foot down and demand that your wife get treatment. I don't know why you are allowing yourself to be victimized, but that is a huge part of the problem. You teach people how to treat you.

 

I wish it were that easy, I have only known she was truly mentally ill for about 2 years now after creating a horrible situation . You are smart for doing everything you do to save your marriage and respect your husband. She makes no effort . Many days things seem normal or almost normal , probably about 2/3rd of the time . From the beginning you recognized your problem and you worked hard to correct it , this makes all the difference in the world , you care and you love your husband . I know she does not love me . Instead she loves the money , the house , her things , the children make her appear to be normal . If you have never manipulated anyone your truly remarkable for a Bi-Polar Schizophrenic . We had another situation , but it was the man who was BPS , he murdered his own daughter to get revenge on his wife , it made the papers and news media . He affixed a hose from the exhaust of his Van , back to the interior , his little girl was only 4 years old , he gave her some pills to put her to sleep , and later himself to sleep, he pulled his van on a side road and committed suicide and killed his daughter . He left a long audio tape explaining why he killed his daughter . You are the extreme exception for BPS , this means you really really really love your husband and family , My wife only loves herself .

[kennedy37]

This may seem to some like an odd suggestion, and I'm not even sure I can advocate it myself, but for the purposes of discussion, have you considered that the current status quo may be the most stable scenario?

 

At first, I got the impression that you were describing an otherwise normal wife, who you wanted to reclaim (from this swinging situation) back into a nice normal family where you would be loved by this woman that you described in glowing terms. But now, you describe her as basically a loose cannon, ready to go off and destroy everything if you make the wrong move.

 

It appears that what you had BEFORE the swinging sucked, and I don't see how you can imagine anything after forcing a STOP to the swinging would be anything other than terrible. You describe the swinging as something you both have grown to really enjoy and love. The people involved are respectful, polite, and discreet, and notably, you say that your wife's personality has improved for the better as a result, and that she is now "fabulous and amazingly fun."

 

Given the likely downsides, and the apparent informed consent of all those involved (perhaps except for yourself, at the moment), why is it again that you want to change this situation?

 

Is it possible that this arrangement is the one that is most likely to maintain a stable life for you and your family for the forseeable future?

 

Objectively, you have a reasonably stable wife who - by your description - has become a much more interesting, fun, amazing person, PLUS you get to have your brains screwed out by the nympho wife of your wife's lover.

 

Realistically, given what you know about your wife, what is it the best scenario you can hope for if you were able to bring a halt to the swinging arrangement?

 

My council thinks I have had a mental breakdown but have dealt with her for so long that I have become mechanical or kind of on auto pilot . Actually she is behaving the best she has ever behaved in the last 2 years or so . So let her have her boyfriend , but it does drive me crazy at times .

[aliveagain]

As long as they are on their medication things can be very normal. My ex often didn't take her medication, she liked the extra high she got when she was manic. The same with the sex, she was very hyper sexed, she couldn't get enough. When she crashed she really crashed, heard voices and saw people that weren't there. She stopped taking her medication because she started drinking and doing coke with other man, medication wasn't effective. They constantly have to have their medication adjusted. There is no cure, it's for life and in the more extreme cases infidelity is a symptom. Your other option is to just get out and fight for your children.

[stillafool]

 

These are extremely complicated people . If my boss finds out I got his son involved with a crazy woman it will go bad for me .

 

My children are in school when she screws his brains out .

 

You should tell your boss what has happened and ask for his help. If you are a valued, loyal asset to his company he will not just "replace" you on the spot. He will be terribly upset with his spoiled son. Also you do not have to be married to your spouse to help raise your kids. Couples break up and still raise their children. It happens everyday. I don't think the type of household you are running right now is healthy for the kids. To me it's quite disgusting. I think you should take back your manhood and clean up your house or divorce.

[kennedy37]

As long as they are on their medication things can be very normal. My ex often didn't take her medication, she liked the extra high she got when she was manic. The same with the sex, she was very hyper sexed, she couldn't get enough. When she crashed she really crashed, heard voices and saw people that weren't there. She stopped taking her medication because she started drinking and doing coke with other man, medication wasn't effective. They constantly have to have their medication adjusted. There is no cure, it's for life and in the more extreme cases infidelity is a symptom. Your other option is to just get out and fight for your children.

 

 

Yes I am considering somehow leaving the country , but it is just thoughts. Law enforcement is effective at tracking someone down , even the government now admits to knowing everything about you . When I make my exit I must have everything perfect . The Good thing is Hydraulic Frac'ing is exploding world wide and they need Engineers , though I do not think I will ever make the money I am making again in my life time . Also companies black ball you so badly and if I screw my employer and hurt him in anyway he will have me black balled and ruin my reputation as an Engineer . But at least I would escape my wife . Another item is to pay her off for a divorce , she would get the best lawyer in Texas and take me to the cleaners . Actually now things are not bad at all compared to the past , but the council said I need to divorce her to keep my sanity . She is a walking time bomb , ready to explode

[Trimmer]

Yes I am considering somehow leaving the country , but it is just thoughts. Law enforcement is effective at tracking someone down , even the government now admits to knowing everything about you . When I make my exit I must have everything perfect . The Good thing is Hydraulic Frac'ing is exploding world wide and they need Engineers , though I do not think I will ever make the money I am making again in my life time . Also companies black ball you so badly and if I screw my employer and hurt him in anyway he will have me black balled and ruin my reputation as an Engineer . But at least I would escape my wife . Another item is to pay her off for a divorce , she would get the best lawyer in Texas and take me to the cleaners . Actually now things are not bad at all compared to the past , but the council said I need to divorce her to keep my sanity . She is a walking time bomb , ready to explode

Earlier you said "I refuse to desert my children..." How would that work? Take them with you, and essentially become an international fugitive? Or desert them?

[kennedy37]

Earlier you said "I refuse to desert my children..." How would that work? Take them with you, and essentially become an international fugitive? Or desert them?

 

Now you see my how complicated it can be , that is one reason I am sticking around , I do not want to be a fugitive or take the chance of being murdered because I am an American in a foreign country . At the same time when we think we are going crazy we look at all avenues . I am slowly building a case against her as incompetent , but the case is a weak one because I allowed things to happen so I am equally incompetent .

 

I had Child Protective services investigate and they found nothing wrong of any serious nature , but they do not know about the sex part .

 

Currently I am working on some inventions , Frac'ing continues to evolve and improve year to year , for safety and environmental concerns , I work for my employer , but my inventions are my own , it is part of my contract with him . Normally when you work for someone you give up that right . The big deal is getting home refueling stations down in price from 5000 to 500 then Natural Gas fuel vehicles will also explode .

 

So the industry has really just taken off . So I much rather eat dirt and live in America at least we are paid well for our work . When you deal with crazy people nothing is the same .

[Nyla]

I wish it were that easy, I have only known she was truly mentally ill for about 2 years now after creating a horrible situation . You are smart for doing everything you do to save your marriage and respect your husband. She makes no effort . Many days things seem normal or almost normal , probably about 2/3rd of the time . From the beginning you recognized your problem and you worked hard to correct it , this makes all the difference in the world , you care and you love your husband . I know she does not love me . Instead she loves the money , the house , her things , the children make her appear to be normal .

 

If you have never manipulated anyone your truly remarkable for a Bi-Polar Schizophrenic . We had another situation , but it was the man who was BPS , he murdered his own daughter to get revenge on his wife , it made the papers and news media . He affixed a hose from the exhaust of his Van , back to the interior , his little girl was only 4 years old , he gave her some pills to put her to sleep , and later himself to sleep, he pulled his van on a side road and committed suicide and killed his daughter . He left a long audio tape explaining why he killed his daughter . You are the extreme exception for BPS , this means you really really really love your husband and family , My wife only loves herself .

 

You have made several assumptions. Not everyone with bipolar schizophrenia is the same, no matter what you may think. Suffering from mental illness does not automatically make someone manipulative or a murderer.

 

First of all, who said I was schizophrenic? I am bipolar. Everyone has been manipulative at some point in their lives; I just do not make a habit out of it. I love myself enough to want to do better; I was doing well before I met my husband. A mature person with mental illness wants to heal for herself and not others.

 

My marriage does not need saving just because I am bipolar. Educate yourself about high functioning mentally ill people. A healthy adult can be whole by themselves. Self love is needed for self esteem, though selfishness has no place has no place in a marriage.

[kennedy37]

You have made several assumptions. Not everyone with bipolar schizophrenia is the same, no matter what you may think. Suffering from mental illness does not automatically make someone manipulative or a murderer.

 

First of all, who said I was schizophrenic? I am bipolar. Everyone has been manipulative at some point in their lives; I just do not make a habit out of it. I love myself enough to want to do better; I was doing well before I met my husband. A mature person with mental illness wants to heal for herself and not others.

 

My marriage does not need saving just because I am bipolar. Educate yourself about high functioning mentally ill people. A healthy adult can be whole by themselves. Self love is needed for self esteem, though selfishness has no place has no place in a marriage.

 

So sorry, I miss understood . Yes I know there is a big difference in Bi-polar , a narcissist , and a schizophrenic . you have a great marriage you should be proud , this is wonderful . I would give anything if my wife were like you .

 

I have studied and taken classes now for two years ever since getting the correct diagnosis . I just miss read you . I still love my wife very very much or would not be with her now and certainly not for 13 years . I forgive her in a heart beat , I hold no grudges if she were like you and say , I need help and need medication . I am still in love with her very much , and I do not care how many boyfriends she has . Life is so short not to love .

 

At the same time I must accept the fact that she is not like you or any person seeking help . I have had over 20 sessions with my council since finding out she is truly ill . She has went to none past the initial diagnosis . If she would go to just half of those sessions that I went too she would try and turn herself around .

 

I am a very very good father , and a wonderful lover and dedicated husband , I did make a horrible choice giving her the ultimate freedom. Frankly I would die for her . I just get depressed and stupid and say stupid things . I have been on medication for depression for a long time now , she takes nothing .

 

The next woman I get in my life hopefully will be like you .

[Nyla]

As long as they are on their medication things can be very normal. My ex often didn't take her medication, she liked the extra high she got when she was manic. The same with the sex, she was very hyper sexed, she couldn't get enough. When she crashed she really crashed, heard voices and saw people that weren't there. She stopped taking her medication because she started drinking and doing coke with other man, medication wasn't effective. They constantly have to have their medication adjusted. There is no cure, it's for life and in the more extreme cases infidelity is a symptom. Your other option is to just get out and fight for your children.

 

The words about the medication is true. I am a completely different person when I don't take my pills. Mania is very deceptive; it feels wonderful to the sufferer but others can see that the sufferer is not well. I have not had my medications adjusted since 2007 though.

 

I don't know why anyone with mental illness would want to disregard treatment. Just as an asthmatic needs puffers, those with mental illness often need to take pills and be in counseling at least temporarily.

[Nyla]

So sorry, I miss understood . Yes I know there is a big difference in Bi-polar , a narcissist , and a schizophrenic . you have a great marriage you should be proud , this is wonderful . I would give anything if my wife were like you .

 

I have studied and taken classes now for two years ever since getting the correct diagnosis . I just miss read you . I still love my wife very very much or would not be with her now and certainly not for 13 years . I forgive her in a heart beat , I hold no grudges if she were like you and say , I need help and need medication . I am still in love with her very much , and I do not care how many boyfriends she has . Life is so short not to love .

 

At the same time I must accept the fact that she is not like you or any person seeking help . I have had over 20 sessions with my council since finding out she is truly ill . She has went to none past the initial diagnosis . If she would go to just half of those sessions that I went too she would try and turn herself around .

 

I am a very very good father , and a wonderful lover and dedicated husband , I did make a horrible choice giving her the ultimate freedom. Frankly I would die for her . I just get depressed and stupid and say stupid things . I have been on medication for depression for a long time now , she takes nothing .

 

The next woman I get in my life hopefully will be like you .

 

Look, I think it is admirable that you want to stay for your kids and you want to help your wife. Unfortunately, you cannot help someone who does not want to be help themselves. If your wife refuses to have her illness treated and she doesn't care how the swinging is affecting your marriage, you have to decide if this is what you want your children to be exposed to. You may love your wife but she doesn't even love herself, much less her husband.

 

You deserve far better than this. I believe you know that you should not have to tolerate this nonsense, since you are thinking of the next woman in your life.

 

Some of the blame belongs to you since you are the one who allowed an open marriage and now you cannot handle the challenges that come with that kind of relationship. Couples underestimate the damage opening their marriage can do.

[kennedy37]

Look, I think it is admirable that you want to stay for your kids and you want to help your wife. Unfortunately, you cannot help someone who does not want to be help themselves. If your wife refuses to have her illness treated and she doesn't care how the swinging is affecting your marriage, you have to decide if this is what you want your children to be exposed to. You may love your wife but she doesn't even love herself, much less her husband.

 

You deserve far better than this. I believe you know that you should not have to tolerate this nonsense, since you are thinking of the next woman in your life.

 

Some of the blame belongs to you since you are the one who allowed an open marriage and now you cannot handle the challenges that come with that kind of relationship. Couples underestimate the damage opening their marriage can do.

Oh I accept 100% of the blame , I put no blame on her . I was the one the ask her for a date , I was the one to ask her to marry me , I was the one to suggest we have children , I was the one to say, you do not have to work , I will make enough money for both of us . So please stay home and enjoy your life . I was the one that did not recognize something was truly wrong with her personality and simply over looked her because I loved her so much . I was the one whom did not demand much from her in the way of sex or demand maturity . I was the one whom sheltered her from harsh realities of real life . I saw how bored she was and I introduced her to a life style she would ultimately loose her self control . I was the one that did not insist she take medication when I could have

[smoky eyes]

What exactly are you trying to get out of this thread? People have given you advice ranging from "stand up for yourself," to "leave your wife," but there's always some excuse why you can't do anything.

 

Your wife is wonderful, amazing, fun, but also selfish and only interested in herself. To be fair, I have a bipolar friend who I could say the same about (sorry, Nyla, not trying to paint everyone with the same brush here, but he's definitely describing my friend). You say of yourself that you weren't a great lover and couldn't please your wife like her lover does and now in your last post you say you ARE a great lover. Which is it?

 

Also, I see no need to flee the country over this, just separate and if need's be, get another job. If your wife's lover can get you fired so easily it doesn't sound like a great place to work. Even if you do decide to leave the country (I live abroad and recommend it), who's to say you're going to get murdered? That's ridiculous!

 

It sounds to me like you either need to accept the situation as it is (in which case you're just coming here to moan) or you need to make drastic changes. Yes, it's a pity she's mentally ill, but if she refuses to treat herself you are not responsible and should leave her. To me this has little to do with the swinging and a lot to do with the evident anger you have towards her.

[aliveagain]

The words about the medication is true. I am a completely different person when I don't take my pills. Mania is very deceptive; it feels wonderful to the sufferer but others can see that the sufferer is not well. I have not had my medications adjusted since 2007 though.

 

I don't know why anyone with mental illness would want to disregard treatment. Just as an asthmatic needs puffers, those with mental illness often need to take pills and be in counseling at least temporarily.

 

Nyla, the way it was described to me is her high's were so much more high when she was off her meds, the sex, her orgasms were also heightened. She started drinking heavily without my knowledge, she started doing coke with her affair partner and his friends, I think her medication restricted the effects somehow and she was all about the high. I knew when she was getting weird, her eyes looked like the eyes of a bodybuilder on steroids, best way I can describe her crazy look, she became scary. I could not control her, she could be sweet and caring one moment than in micro seconds turn into an absolute bitch and want to argue about everything. You could never reason with her because she didn't understand why I felt hurt. When I left I left permanently, I went totally dark on her. To this day I am unlisted, my friends and family know not to give out my contact information to her or her friends. She has others contact my family in an attempt to get my contact information, she became a stalker. She attempted suicide three times, once about 30 days before I left her and twice after I left. She was hospitalized, she lost her two children, social services placed them with their biological father. She got her affair child back after a year but her O/M is long gone.

[kennedy37]

What exactly are you trying to get out of this thread? People have given you advice ranging from "stand up for yourself," to "leave your wife," but there's always some excuse why you can't do anything.

 

Your wife is wonderful, amazing, fun, but also selfish and only interested in herself. To be fair, I have a bipolar friend who I could say the same about (sorry, Nyla, not trying to paint everyone with the same brush here, but he's definitely describing my friend). You say of yourself that you weren't a great lover and couldn't please your wife like her lover does and now in your last post you say you ARE a great lover. Which is it?

 

Also, I see no need to flee the country over this, just separate and if need's be, get another job. If your wife's lover can get you fired so easily it doesn't sound like a great place to work. Even if you do decide to leave the country (I live abroad and recommend it), who's to say you're going to get murdered? That's ridiculous!

 

It sounds to me like you either need to accept the situation as it is (in which case you're just coming here to moan) or you need to make drastic changes. Yes, it's a pity she's mentally ill, but if she refuses to treat herself you are not responsible and should leave her. To me this has little to do with the swinging and a lot to do with the evident anger you have towards her.

 

Yes it is some anger toward her for not even considering taking meds , but it is much more anger towards myself .

I have no idea what I want from this forum , but it is good to hear from people whom know more than me or at least experienced people like this . I am about to end the posting and thank all of you for your thoughts . I was so depressed and frustrated and felt helpless . There are days when it is all OK , and then days when I realize what I have done is so wrong . I make decisions every day that affect many people's lives and look out for my employees best interest insuring their stability and their future . If they only knew I could not manage my own life they would laugh . I guess I am moaning , I did not consider that . What I have learned is , this is all so dangerous and explosive . At first it is fun like anything else , then it becomes an obsession pulling you in deeper and deeper . Like a quick sand about to suck life from your body . She has affected my mind in a highly negative way , The Doctor says it is a form of mental breakdown , and it is extremely hard to fix unless all parties involved want to fix it . I am the only one that wants to fix it .