AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 .. I only intend to chase it with one person though.. Not going to lie, I've tried with other men and its not the same as when there is a friendship. As cliche as it is.. It's different with him. And it's different for him with me, that's been made clear. But this is about the thrill, not the feelings of love .. Even though those make it better. The moral side is preached but grown ups (in general) know what they are doing. I get its wrong. I still do it and intend to continue, but I'm careful at the same time. Can't be TOO careful or the thrill is gone though.. So.. There's that. I sound like a terrible person, but I'm not. Neither is he, and he sounds it too when I try and describe him. How many of you were ultimately in it for the thrill? I do have feelings for him, but it's not what makes me continue the affair, I feel like I could give that up easier than had lust and rush I feel in his company. I just want to know if I'm alone. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 The thrill? No, I can't say that thought has ever occurred to me. I'm afraid I don't understand that aspect of it at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 The thrill? No, I can't say that thought has ever occurred to me. I'm afraid I don't understand that aspect of it at all. For you, is it mostly loving feelings then? Not the lust? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 I've been told I think like a man about sex. It's chasing that thrill more of a man thing? Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Good grief. If you are looking for a thrill, try skydiving. Don't get your thrills at the expense of other peoples hearts. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Good grief. If you are looking for a thrill, try skydiving. Don't get your thrills at the expense of other peoples hearts. I'm aware how evil it sounds. I do think about it. It's not as if I'm without any guilt. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 For you, is it mostly loving feelings then? Not the lust? Definitely. I loved him way before I got physically involved with him. Sex is not the main or major factor in why I am with him. If I was just in it for sex, there's plenty of single guys that would be willing. It is him, who he is and what we've discussed about future. I have a very high sex drive, but I've never been with someone unless I loved them, including MM. Affairs are too difficult and too much work for me to deal with if I didn't truly love him and want more than sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) Definitely. I loved him way before I got physically involved with him. Sex is not the main or major factor in why I am with him. If I was just in it for sex, there's plenty of single guys that would be willing. It is him, who he is and what we've discussed about future. I have a very high sex drive, but I've never been with someone unless I loved them, including MM. Affairs are too difficult and too much work for me to deal with if I didn't truly love him and want more than sex. I loved him too before we got physical .. The emotional side went on three years before we ever touched. But now it's very much about the physical.. We had to shift it to that to stay sane I think. It's when we can be together.. We spend a huge amount of time together and are unable to touch .. So when we are alone.. It's a lot about that. I've only tried the one night stand thing once and it was not for me. I never said this was only about sex. But it's a LOT about sex.. And the thrill of when we get to be together. Edited September 2, 2013 by AutumnMoon Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 For you, is it mostly loving feelings then? Not the lust? Yes for me it absolutely was. Can't say it was that way for MW but for me I fell hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) Definitely. I loved him way before I got physically involved with him. Sex is not the main or major factor in why I am with him. If I was just in it for sex, there's plenty of single guys that would be willing. It is him, who he is and what we've discussed about future. I have a very high sex drive, but I've never been with someone unless I loved them, including MM. Affairs are too difficult and too much work for me to deal with if I didn't truly love him and want more than sex. "This Thread is about the thrill, not the feelings of love even though those make the affair better" that's what my original post should have said I guess. I do love him. I also love the thrill and if it was ONLY about the sex it would not be worth the risk, the guilt or the pain that is involved a lot.. Edited September 2, 2013 by AutumnMoon Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 "This Thread is about the thrill, not the feelings of love even though those make the affair better" that's what my original post should have said I guess. I do love him. I also love the thrill and if it was ONLY about the sex it would not be worth the risk, the guilt or the pain that is involved a lot.. I was just answering your question. For me, it is not lust feelings. I'm attracted to him, I like being with him, but it's not lust and it's definitely not a thrill. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 I was just answering your question. For me, it is not lust feelings. I'm attracted to him, I like being with him, but it's not lust and it's definitely not a thrill. I appreciate the answer sorry if it seemed otherwise.. I'm married too.. My situation would be different than a single OM too.. Not sure if you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 Just because you're grown up doesn't make you a "grown-up". You sound very immature. I was chasing thrills when I was 20. Now that I'm older and more mature, I no longer chase thrills. Though, something tells me that you're quite a bit older than me. You will mature too....someday.....hopefully. I'd say I'm mature in my everyday life. I own two successful businesses, I'm a mother and a friend and a wife.. And then once or twice a month I have these intense secret meetings. I'm 28. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I get what you're saying Autumn, I also like yourself and Bentley fell in love with my MM long before PA started, but its the BIGGEST thrill when we see eachother, nothing boring or casual about it thats for sure. We dont spend all of our time having sex, but thats a small part of the thrill too, yes. For me the feeling starts as soon as I see his car pull up Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I appreciate the answer sorry if it seemed otherwise.. I'm married too.. My situation would be different than a single OM too.. Not sure if you are. I'm a single OW. Of course I love seeing him. I don't want anyone thinking otherwise. There's no thrill to the actual affair aspect, hiding, seeking out opportunities to have sex, etc. for me. Actually quite the opposite. I hate that part of it and would love it to be out in the open. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 I'm a single OW. Of course I love seeing him. I don't want anyone thinking otherwise. There's no thrill to the actual affair aspect, hiding, seeking out opportunities to have sex, etc. for me. Actually quite the opposite. I hate that part of it and would love it to be out in the open. Does the thrill factor in for him you think? Or is this his first affair? I tend to think if people have thought about having an affair before or been in one before the thrill must factor in.. Or if they are not actively trying to get out of their marriage.. If they want to stay in their current relationship and have an affair.. It must be about get thrill a bit or am I wrong?not trying to make assumptions about your situation because I don't know it! I'm just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 I hope you don't mind my impute, I am a betrayed spouse who is happily divorced and as my name says "Aliveagain." AutumMoon as exciting as you think this is I promise your life is about to get much more thrilling. I remember the first time I sat my ex down to tell her she needed to find a new place to live because she couldn't stay with me anymore, what a Kodak moment that was. I also remember the sound of her voice the first time she called me after having her charge card rejected at her favorite restaurant. Reality can be very very thrilling when you don't expect to get caught. Just wait until your children, family, friends and your neighbors find out and start to gossip. The part that sucks is the bigger than life Other Man you risked it all for will run away leaving you on your own to deal with this. He knows how much he will lose financially if his wife divorces him, he's going to beg and kiss her ass and throw you under the bus. Yup, he is going to blame everything on you. Try asking him if he would give up everything to be with you just for giggles and ****s, see what his reply will be. My "Ex" thought just like you and the thousands of others that are on this site who did get busted, none of them thought they would get busted, some of them even read on internet sites about how not to get caught cheating on their family. She is not so cocky now, she has to work at a job she hates to keep her nasty two bedroom apartment. You should see the POS car she drives now, nothing like the CLK 430 AMG Mercedes convertible she used to drive. She even had to take Other Man to Court for child support, he wasn't mine(thanks to DNA testing), like they say wayward's always lie about using protection, I'm sure you do. Anyway, just wanted to share my experience about "Can't be too careful or the thrill is gone" you wrote about. My story is true and I will put up $5000.00 and bet you that you will be caught, wouldn't that add to your "thrill?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 The thrill is not getting caught.. Or having the shared secret maybe? Hard to explain. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 He says it's his first. I don't know if the thrill is there for him or not. Our dynamic is different than any I've read here and I am still not comfy with posting the details, but ultimately yes, the marriage is supposed to be ending. (If everything I've seen and all proof I have seen is correct on both of their facebook pages.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 I hope you don't mind my impute, I am a betrayed spouse who is happily divorced and as my name says "Aliveagain." AutumMoon as exciting as you think this is I promise your life is about to get much more thrilling. I remember the first time I sat my ex down to tell her she needed to find a new place to live because she couldn't stay with me anymore, what a Kodak moment that was. I also remember the sound of her voice the first time she called me after having her charge card rejected at her favorite restaurant. Reality can be very very thrilling when you don't expect to get caught. Just wait until your children, family, friends and your neighbors find out and start to gossip. The part that sucks is the bigger than life Other Man you risked it all for will run away leaving you on your own to deal with this. He knows how much he will lose financially if his wife divorces him, he's going to beg and kiss her ass and throw you under the bus. Yup, he is going to blame everything on you. Try asking him if he would give up everything to be with you just for giggles and ****s, see what his reply will be. My "Ex" thought just like you and the thousands of others that are on this site who did get busted, none of them thought they would get busted, some of them even read on internet sites about how not to get caught cheating on their family. She is not so cocky now, she has to work at a job she hates to keep her nasty two bedroom apartment. You should see the POS car she drives now, nothing like the CLK 430 AMG Mercedes convertible she used to drive. She even had to take Other Man to Court for child support, he wasn't mine(thanks to DNA testing), like they say wayward's always lie about using protection, I'm sure you do. Anyway, just wanted to share my experience about "Can't be too careful or the thrill is gone" you wrote about. My story is true and I will put up $5000.00 and bet you that you will be caught, wouldn't that add to your "thrill?" I'm not with my husband for money. He's gone.. A lot, living his own life. I raise our children day to day and own my own businesses and make my own money. That wouldn't be a factor in our divorce. Time with with my children and with my husband who I do love.. Would be affected greatly which is where the risk really lies. Thank you for your input. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 2, 2013 Share Posted September 2, 2013 Sounds like your just looking for the thrill, Eyes Wide Shut sort of thing. I am struggling with becoming another man, morals keep getting in the way. I posted it under "Strange, Strange Day just yesterday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 2, 2013 Author Share Posted September 2, 2013 (edited) Sounds like your just looking for the thrill, Eyes Wide Shut sort of thing. I am struggling with becoming another man, morals keep getting in the way. I posted it under "Strange, Strange Day just yesterday. My marriage and family are worth more than the thrill, but without the thrill.. I don't think I could stay married. I know that must not make much sense. I'd give it up in a second if the risk was to large.. I don't want to hurt them. I get that I am indirectly.. My husband is happier now than he was before this affair started. He would say that. Although he would not accept that affair regardless if he knew. He's a good husband in a lot of ways and not in a lot of ways but it doesn't help to get into that. .. Besides the thrill this other man makes me feel accepted in a way I never have before with anyone. It's not ONLY the thrill, but it's a big part. Edited September 2, 2013 by AutumnMoon Link to post Share on other sites
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