Success Stories?

[WantAMajorChange]

Not sure how many people here need to hear it but does anybody have any success stories? Stories where they moved on successfully, found someone else, or had their WAS come back.

[vla1120]

I'm mid-divorce, but hopeful. However, I've seen PLENTY of examples out here where married couples worked things out wonderfully. I've seen individuals go through hell and back and FINALLY come out on the other side happier and stronger, and able to find love again. Some are still going through that daily hell. It has a lot to do with an individual's approach to the situation, no contact, 180's, etc. People out here will give excellent advice for every situation.

 

Hopefully, some of the veterans will chime in on this.

[WreckedDan]

Everyone eventually becomes a success... depends on what you are looking for. Jennyfromtheblick is the only thread I read that was able to turn things around if that isbwhat you mean. As for moving on... Debtman's thread, and WorldGoneWrong are top notch for step by step survival to new found happiness.

 

Just my 2©

Dan

[RonaldS]

I have great relationships with my kids and get to live the life I want to live.

 

I would consider that a success.

[2.50 a gallon]

My college life was a disaster education wise. I could not figure out what I wanted to do in life, so I was lost as to what courses I needed to take. I knew I loved history. At that time it did not matter, the beginnings of man, old world, Roman, Greek, Elisabethan England, new world, Maya, Aztec, 18th and 19th century plains Indians, the settling of the old west. I read it all.

 

Searching for guidance, I was steered toward a degree in archeology. That is until I found out that in order to raise above the position of a helper or a digger, I had to establish a name for myself, and then learn how to work the banquet circuit in order to raise funds for next years project. Totally not me.

 

I was working in a factory to support myself and put myself thru school. When the shop owners offered my a 4-year apprenticeship, to learn to run their high speed machinery, I had to agree to drop out of college. Hey, it was a trade, so I was a drop out at age 22

 

A dozen years later, I marry, and the wife, is offered a career beginning job a thousand miles away, so I move away from my home town. Six months later, we separate.

 

Another six months later, the perv in me kicks in, while driving past a local university, and under the pretense that I have never looked over the campus, I find myself walking the grounds and checking out that years class of coeds.

 

When a sudden rain storm hits, the building I seek shelter in turns out to be the graduate library. I hadn't been in a library in well over a dozen years, but still knew how to find the history section. And in order to give myself something to read, locate a pulled off the shelf a 19th century history book.

 

Less than 10 minutes later, I ran across a short sentence that was to change my life forever, as it solved a mystery that had stumped historians since the turn of the century.

 

The thought that I knew something, that no one, not even the smartest people in the world was beyond exciting. Not more than ten minutes later, another find, followed by more.

 

Not many get to experience an epiphany in life, as at that moment I knew why I had been put on this planet. Historical research.

 

Totally boring to the normies of the world, a total turn on for myself. While in the past vacation time was fishing, camping, hiking, now a days, it is to visit some out of state libraries and historical societies, looking for the answers that the experts are too lazy to go looking for. There is something that I can't explain that somehow leads me to find answers that have long eluded the educated historian

 

Some of my findings have long since been published. Very little financial reward, just the pride that I have added to the knowledge of man.

[2.50 a gallon]

As for my love life, I had zero interest in ever falling in love and marrying again. However I was not about to cut women out of my life, so I worked at getting back into the dating scene and it was not long before I once again had a great sex life.

 

I very much enjoyed living alone, I had my books, my research, my writing, my hobbies, to keep me busy. A few times, the beginnings of love started to sprout, and I took the cowardly way out and ran.

 

That lasted for a good dozen years. Until I met this out of my league looking lady with long legs. Second date, first kiss, and I felt loneliness for the first time in years. It was too late, my walls were down, I was helpless.

 

We have now been happily in love for coming up on 18 years. She is the kindest sweetest most giving person I have ever met. I am now several years retired, and my lady still has a week to go before she turns 60. A 60 year old grand ma, who still has an hour glass figure. I can't tell you how great retirement can be when your living with a woman who is still eye kandy.

[2.50 a gallon]

One other thought. Where in order to placate my Ex 30 years ago by watching but one college game and one pro game a weekend, during football season.

 

My current lady bought me a wide screen TV for Christmas purposely so I could enjoy my sports and racing all that much better. All I have to do is put up with her Judge shows.

[KathyM]

I consider my sister a success story, even though she's been divorced twice. Her divorces were because the ex husbands cheated on her. The first was a serial cheater. The second cheated while they were separated and working towards reconciliation. She is now married to a husband who would never hurt her like that, and who treats her wonderfully. She is extatic to have found the perfect match and they have a wonderful life together.

 

I have a friend who has been married for many years who had separated from her husband for several months, but realized she made a terrible mistake in leaving him, so she returned and they are now very happy together.

[revitup]

My college life was a disaster education wise. I could not figure out what I wanted to do in life, so I was lost as to what courses I needed to take. I knew I loved history. At that time it did not matter, the beginnings of man, old world, Roman, Greek, Elisabethan England, new world, Maya, Aztec, 18th and 19th century plains Indians, the settling of the old west. I read it all.

 

Searching for guidance, I was steered toward a degree in archeology. That is until I found out that in order to raise above the position of a helper or a digger, I had to establish a name for myself, and then learn how to work the banquet circuit in order to raise funds for next years project. Totally not me.

 

I was working in a factory to support myself and put myself thru school. When the shop owners offered my a 4-year apprenticeship, to learn to run their high speed machinery, I had to agree to drop out of college. Hey, it was a trade, so I was a drop out at age 22

 

A dozen years later, I marry, and the wife, is offered a career beginning job a thousand miles away, so I move away from my home town. Six months later, we separate.

 

Another six months later, the perv in me kicks in, while driving past a local university, and under the pretense that I have never looked over the campus, I find myself walking the grounds and checking out that years class of coeds.

 

When a sudden rain storm hits, the building I seek shelter in turns out to be the graduate library. I hadn't been in a library in well over a dozen years, but still knew how to find the history section. And in order to give myself something to read, locate a pulled off the shelf a 19th century history book.

 

Less than 10 minutes later, I ran across a short sentence that was to change my life forever, as it solved a mystery that had stumped historians since the turn of the century.

 

The thought that I knew something, that no one, not even the smartest people in the world was beyond exciting. Not more than ten minutes later, another find, followed by more.

 

Not many get to experience an epiphany in life, as at that moment I knew why I had been put on this planet. Historical research.

 

Totally boring to the normies of the world, a total turn on for myself. While in the past vacation time was fishing, camping, hiking, now a days, it is to visit some out of state libraries and historical societies, looking for the answers that the experts are too lazy to go looking for. There is something that I can't explain that somehow leads me to find answers that have long eluded the educated historian

 

Some of my findings have long since been published. Very little financial reward, just the pride that I have added to the knowledge of man.

 

This is EXACTLY what Rev is up to now! Exactly-My own history and the history of the Croatan Indians Of Sampson County NC-Hidden and abused.Now uncovered by REV and the fight of a lifetime.If I had stayed with the STBXWW-it would never have happened!

 

I have had to learn Archaeology,Anthropology,Tribal Law,Open meetings law,Public information laws,DNA,MTDNA, and all of the writings of my grandfathers in books (published) and NCGS Laws!

 

Wow we are more alike than I would have imagined.So in that way-this D is a great thing for REV! A success!

 

REVITUP

[revitup]

One other thought. Where in order to placate my Ex 30 years ago by watching but one college game and one pro game a weekend, during football season.

 

My current lady bought me a wide screen TV for Christmas purposely so I could enjoy my sports and racing all that much better. All I have to do is put up with her Judge shows.

 

This is a way better program to be on 2.50-tip o' the hat on the upgrade!

 

REVITUP

[revitup]

2.50 a gallon is my hero!:)It's official now-long legged nice and kind woman getter you!

 

You have given me hope.

 

REVITUP

[2.50 a gallon]

REV

 

I forgot to add the best part. It has been 30 years since I last laid eyes on the Ex. A couple years back, I got curious and searched for her on the web and found a photo. The passage of time has not been kind to her in the looks department. She is probably twice the woman that I knew.

 

We first hooked up when she was 19, and married and broke up at age 22.

At that time she was still fold out material. Strawberry blonde, the right amount of freckles, to give her a look of innocence along with a killer body that could have easily graced the photo section of a men's magazine.

 

She kept trying to reconcile with me for the next 3 - 4 years. B-day, Xmas, and V-day cards. She found my phone number and would occasionally call. This part I never understood, as the calls were all the same. ILY. It has been awhile, let's get together and catch up. etc. Then when I declined, the b*tch in her would come out. Telling me how she was dating. You get the picture.

 

The last time she called, I got the feeling that this was her last gasp, and was getting serious, and kind of suspected she would remarry shortly, she would have been 26 or 27.

 

Knowing her, I was prepared for the day that we would accidently meet, with her new hubby on her arm, and she would flash her new wedding ring under my nose. As I was going to let it out that I had been the one that got to F-word her when she was young

[keepontruckin]

Here's the problem with success stories on websites such as this!

 

You're not going to get many of them. The odds are, we won't get our ex's back... However, when people meet someone new, this is the last place that we'll spend our time on!

[2.50 a gallon]

REV

 

I totally understand where you are coming from with your project. For the longest time I was too busy and having too great a life to get involved with love.

 

Sort of like going fishing, and the view, a couple of cans of suds, the soft grass to lay back and watch the clouds go by, that who wants to disturb that moment by catching a fish. Still you are fishing, so you throw out a bobber line with just half a worm on it

[MsOptimist]

I consider myself a success story even though I am not years out from my situation. I am 1 year post separation and 6 months post divorce.

 

Not coming out of this as a stronger person was not an option for me.

 

I have learned a lot about myself and about my marriage. Not all of the marriage was a failure, but I learned more about where things went wrong. Hopefully what I learned will be applied to future relationships. Life is just one big learning curve.

 

I've learned to be ok living on my own and enjoying my own company (something I never had a hard time doing anyways). I've learned to embrace change and be ok with things in my life not being permanent - I used to resist change quite a bit. But change can bring about unexpected opportunities that can be quite beautiful.

 

I've started to date and it's been quite nice to enjoy the company of a new man and the beginnings of a new, and hopefully healthier, relationship. Even if it doesn't end up working out, I'll be ok.

[Mystery2Me]

Blessed would be more accurate for me....and ain't that good news! Divorce has been a swift take-no excuses educator for me, and forced me way out of my comfort zone.

 

Fortunately, I've always done well in school and more importantly still have gifted teachers in my life (Parents, Cinnabella-doggy, close friends).

 

I married young (24 yrs), then to find myself suddenly single 16 yrs later, has well taken a village to get me thru. ****And I look really great, well it is the Truth! Regardless of my other successes (PhD, cool job), my heart was broken and it has taken a lot to heal.

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm tough lady and have always zestfully enjoyed life....but discovering the depth of the lie my life had become was shocking:eek: and liberating.

 

Darling it is gonna hurt and for awhile, especially if you really loved. Get some help, give yourself time....but never give up.

[WantAMajorChange]

It's been a little over 2 years since H and I reconciled. He was a walk away, a bomb dropper, a cheat. Anyway, He learned his lesson, came crawling back and we have worked hard together to rebuild. It's not an easy path to take, by no means has it been easy! Hell, it would have been much much easier to go through with the divorce.

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you everything is happy happy honky dory. It is for the most part but there are days I think I should have divorced him.

He's still the same man he has always been. He's a better version of himself and I appreciate him more. Things can be so great and yet....... It's never quite the same. Are we a success story? I don't really know. We are still married, we are happier together then we were before the Midlife Crisis affair, I am much stronger now. I've learned a lot about myself, relationships, and him. Is it success? For me it is.

Not because of him or our marriage but because of who I've become. The things I've learned and put into practice for MYSELF. See, MY happiness is all that I am responsible for, all I can control. I determine my reality. He is along for the ride. He can come along or he can stay on the porch. I'm glad he chooses to come along but if he ever chooses not to.....well, he's free to make his own choices I will be just fine either way. I'm not afraid of losing him. He can get on down the road whenever he wants. The door is open. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a bitch about it, nor do I say things to him in a bitchy manner. He just knows I won't be putting up with any bull**** what-so-ever.

I think it was something like "Go get the greener grass, the door is open". I'll be fine. I helped him pack his crap and smiled when I told him goodbye. He didn't like it. He really has been a much better husband since then. Would you consider that success? It's all in perspective.

You determine your reality. No one can take that away from you. You really can choose to be a success or a failure.....perspective.

 

Honestly your post is what I needed the most. This is most genuine and real success reconcile I have read.

 

I have prayed long and hard asking for one way or the other. I realized that we are now in limbo. Whatever happens will happen and I can only control myself. I have faith we could get back together as a stronger couple with a lot of hard work. I also have faith that I will be OK without her. Life will go in and I must walk the path laid out in front of me, to become a better man, with a smile on my face. Thank you.

[WantAMajorChange]

It sounds like you are well on your way

..........

Don't let yourself get sucked back into the fear of losing her and you should do fine. Control what you can and let go of the rest.

You can change only yourself, your perspective, and in doing so....you change your life.

Yesterday the drive to my new place was so calm and serene. I felt great joy and clarity that things were going to be ok. I felt that i was on my way to a great journey that I would come back a new man. It was like the last day at a horrible job, stepping off the plan into a new country, or a man's first day out of prison.

 

Now I feel different. I thought I was on my way but now that I have my son I can't focus on him. I played with him but she was on my mind. Im wondering what she is doing, what she is thinking, who is she thinking about, etc. I feel so empty and I can't stop thinking of her eyes, hair, her laugh, the smile she had on her face during our wedding,or how she would simply carry herself. I tell myself that she is the woman of my dreams and I can be the man of her dreams if she gives me a chance.

 

I want to just run but I can't due to my knees hurting. I want to forget about her but I can't cause my heart hearts. I'm not angry, crying, or any extreme emotions but I am feeling down.

[WantAMajorChange]

You'll be ok! I KNOW you will be ok!

Thanks for the support. I need to focus on the future, not tomorrow, not 6 months from now, but years from now. I know I will be happy with or without her.

 

My roommate is a bitter divorced version of the old me. I can see so many traits that she complained about in him. During the weekends I have my son I stay at my mom's. I can also see some traits that my wife complained about as well in her.

 

I dont want to go back to the old me. The old me was filled with a lot of insecurities, views on how marriage is supposed to me that caused a lot of harm to everybody, and the old me was too stubborn to improve things. I need to become a diff person that understands how people work, relationships work, and doesnt let my insecurities ruin my life. I also know that if we want to get back together in the future she would also need to work on her communication and stubbornness or else we would be here again in a few years.

 

I talked to my wife before I left. I just asked what she was going to be working on during this trial period. It was funny cause I mentioned her choice in friends cause my friends all said "go to counseling or try to fix the marriage" but her friends said "you should leave". I commented that she was more mature than her friends. She said that none of them said to leave me but wanted her to talk to me, and not just one of them but all of them. She is so stubborn and manipulative that she ignored all of their advice to fix our marriage and manipulated them to agreeing with her actions of leaving me without talking to me.

 

 

I know this is a random topic but I wanted to tell people about this.

Today I had some two strange dreams. My first dream I was at a large sports arena. I was unable to move but I there was something that was moving me. It was like I was an action figure being moved by an invisible hand in a play house. It moved from being with people I didnt know, to a lonely corner, to some friends, to where my wife and and son where (I didnt see her but I did see my son), to a hole in the ground twice, then I was moved to a spot with two kids. When I arrived they called me dad and I asked if they were having fun. We talked and they said mommy was behind me. I turned around and woke up.

 

The second dream I was talking with my wife I ended up getting jealous about something. I walked away to calm down and ended up chatting with my roommates. I then got them something as they were moving out. I then spoke with my mother in law and she informed me that my wife was giving me until 5 to win her back. I did some desperate moves and eventually won her back and the last thing I said before I woke up was "I'm happy".

[LIFE.GOES.wrONg]

Want,

 

You pose a loaded question because the answer depends on what your individual definition of "success" it...

 

I'm assuming what you're really asking is - are there any stories of people who were able to handle the pain and find love again. You'll find plenty of people who will be able to answer "yes" to that question.

 

You might define success as finding another partner who loves you. Many people think success is being surrounded by love or money...

 

What I've learned is that success happens alone in the darkness, when you're curled up on the floor, beaten down to the bottom of your rope with every reason in the world to stay there... and you choose to get back up, and take one step forward.

[WantAMajorChange]

Want,

You pose a loaded question because the answer depends on what your individual definition of "success" it...

 

It was cause i'm stuck in a moment of limbo. I'm holding out hope that both of us will be willing to give it a chance in the future. I stopped wearing my ring but I keep it in my wallet so its literally in my back pocket.

 

I also have hope that I will find someone else who will be there for me as I will be there for her. I've learned a lot about myself and I see my faults and I'm also learning about other's incompatibility and how to handle those situations.

 

During this trial separation I'm going to focus on myself. Its hard to not wonder about her or us but I need to and have to. I'm going to IC to help move forward and to fix my problems that hurt my relationship. I opened this tread cause I didnt want to specifically hear about people reconciling or people moving on. I just wanted to know that whatever God's path for everybody was they're going forward with their life and they are doing great, with or without that person.

 

LGW, do you feel that you're a success now or that you're on your way? Can you please share?

[vla1120]

What I've learned is that success happens alone in the darkness, when you're curled up on the floor, beaten down to the bottom of your rope with every reason in the world to stay there... and you choose to get back up, and take one step forward.

 

This made me cry (again today), probably because TODAY was the day I chose to get back up, shake myself off (and shake HIM off), and take a huge step forward. Thank you for such an eloquently spoken truth.

[worldgonewrong]

My success story (luck story!) -

I have a GF with whom I've been with for almost a year now.

She's terrific, soulful, etc. & we have discussed marriage (not rushing into it, mind you).

Her entire being makes up for all the living hell that the ex-wife put me through during the marriage, separation, and divorce.

[worldgonewrong]

(Sidebar - one of the keys to a healthy relationship I've learned late in life? Don't miss a single day where EITHER one of you expresses some measure of gratitude to each other. I mean it. Conveying that gratitude - not necessarily in a grandiose way - is everything. It keeps you both anchored and honest.)

[WreckedDan]

LGW, I can honestly say I remember that day. I remember it like it just happened. Only, it was three months ago... guess that makes me a success.

 

Everyone here has been through this same hell. Some are just finding out they are in it, some are praying to get through it, and some have found some semblance of peave on the other side. We will all get there our own way. Every breath we take is a symbol of success. It means we didn't give up.. and some of us almost did. Keep living and you can't avoid success.

 

Just my 2©

Dan