derrickrose1989 Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) hello guys i need your opinions. i have been dealing with a tough situation for almost like two months. I have been with my gf for almost two years and we also have been living together for one and half year. I had a very bad night 2 months ago and i need your guys opinion about that night. me and my gf were having some problems and we were fighting each other lately. one night my gf went out with her "alcoholic sister". she came to the house little bit later i arrived home from work. she was drunk and i told her " i will go out with my friend" she was so angry with me and i heard she called her sister and asked her she was at the bar right next to our house. I closed the door and went out. when i was out with my friend i got text from my gf like " i'm having bad days im going to stay at my sister house tonight" i didn't text her back and i just wanted to go to that bar right next to my house. as soon as i pulled out my car over there i saw her with a guy walking out through from the bar. when she realized me she went back to the bar and i approached to guy and asked him "what's going on" he told me "there's nothing going on" he knew i was from different country than US somehow (my gf probably told him) and he told me "there is nothing big deal about having conversation between girl and guy at the bar as friendly" that was he told me. He wasn't nervous or anything. after when i asked about that night my girl friend told me "since i was upset with you,i went to the bar by myself and he knew me from before when i was at that bar with my sister and he just came and talked to me. he had beers from the bar and he was going to take his beers to his car and i was going to smoke and we were going to chat after he drop his drinks as soon as we walked out from the bar you showed up and it seems very bad it was all about it." thats what excatly my gf told me about this situation. What do you guys think ? she was going to his house or something ? or her story sounds true ? i'm from a middle east country and im kinda controller guy. what would you guys do if you were me ? Edited September 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Add paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
StyleOnEm Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 It really depends on your relationship with her. Has she done anything to violate your trust in the past? Link to post Share on other sites
Author derrickrose1989 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 It really depends on your relationship with her. Has she done anything to violate your trust in the past? she hasn't done anything to violate my trust in the past. she was just complaining about my controlling. she said she didnt even attempt to cheat on me that night but i don't know that story is not something i can forget. she said she was going to stay at her sister house but her sister wasn't even at the bar when i got there. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 she hasn't done anything to violate my trust in the past. she was just complaining about my controlling. she said she didnt even attempt to cheat on me that night but i don't know that story is not something i can forget. she said she was going to stay at her sister house but her sister wasn't even at the bar when i got there. Hmm. She's obviously lied to you about where she was and who she was with. Does that mean she had the intention to cheat? Not necessarily...but it's not a good sign. How have things been with you two since that night? Also, the bolded part concerns me. In what ways do you try to control her? Be honest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 one night my gf went out with her "alcoholic sister". she came to the house little bit later i arrived home from work. she was drunk and i told her " i will go out with my friend" she was so angry with me and i heard she called her sister and asked her she was at the bar right next to our house. I closed the door and went out. when i was out with my friend i got text from my gf like " i'm having bad days im going to stay at my sister house tonight" my girl friend told me "since i was upset with you,i went to the bar by myself and he knew me from before when i was at that bar with my sister She made an excuse to be mad at you and then told you that she was going to stay at her sister's house that night, but instead went without her sister to meet up with the guy that she had met earlier that night at the bar. She lied about her whereabouts, and gave herself the option of not coming home that night, as her sister had met the guy and was going to cover for her. You caught her leaving the bar heading to the other man's car. She had given herself the opportunity to cheat, and was probably going to do so had you not arrived. Other than a photo of them in bed together, you rarely get better evidence than this. At a minimum they were both exploring the possibility of a relationship with each other; when you are in a committed relationship, you are not suppose to be exploring options. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) " i'm having bad days im going to stay at my sister house tonight" i didn't text her back and i just wanted to go to that bar right next to my house. as soon as i pulled out my car over there i saw her with a guy walking out through from the bar. when she realized me she went back to the bar and i approached to guy and asked him "what's going on" he told me "there's nothing going on" he knew i was from different country than US somehow (my gf probably told him) and he told me "there is nothing big deal about having conversation between girl and guy at the bar as friendly" that was he told me. I believe she was setting up a night with someone(man you caught her with was a planned date) her alcoholic sister is her alibi. You caught her leaving to go to his place for the night. No GF goes to a bar by herself after an argument, specially after lying to you about not coming home. Sorry friend, but even Homer Simpson could figure this one, you caught her red handed. She lives with you, tells you she isn't coming home that she is staying with her sister(it is very common for a cheating spouse to start an argument so they can go and meet the lover), you live next door to the bar so she meets him there otherwise the neighbors might notice a strange man picking her up at your house, no car to worry about, her sister covers for her, man at bar drives her to her sisters house in the morning, you never find out. That is more than likely the real scenario. When you pulled up she probably said "it's my boyfriend, leave" and went back into the bar, she was caught without her sister. Edited September 3, 2013 by aliveagain Link to post Share on other sites
Author derrickrose1989 Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 Thank you guys for replies. I'm not sure about what I need to do. Do you guys think I should break up with her? First of all she claims she was drunk that night. She went to that bar after I left the house and she said she didn't really know and talk to him till that night. She said she was talking about me to the guy all night and actually when I talked to the guy that night he knew where I was from and how controller I was because he told me people can talk each other at the bars in US and he said there was nothing wrong with that. The thing makes me confuse is she was going to across the street with him and the guy had beer in his hand to take the car. (she told me she went out for smoke and she was going with him when she smoked and then she said she was going back to the bar (?)) she also didn't even call her sister but she said she was going to stay over her house. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) Call me crazy but if your planning to party with someone you picked up at a bar(again, no sister present)you always buy drinks to take home so you can loosen her up, they can always blame the alcohol if their caught. No woman I know goes out to a guys car that is across the street(at night) just to have a smoke with him, she would wait in a safe area until he came back. She crossed the street because she intended to get in his car and leave with him, that's why they bought more drinks, she had the whole night to spend with him. Her story doesn't sound right, girls don't walk strangers they just met in a bar to their car, they wait in a safe place. SHE NEVER CALLED HER SISTER, SHE LIED IN ADVANCE,WHY? Edited September 3, 2013 by aliveagain 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 (edited) First of all she claims she was drunk that night. The number one excuse for why cheaters cheat is that they were drunk at the time, so her telling you that she was drunk with another man makes matters worse not better. She said she was talking about me to the guy all night and actually when I talked to the guy that night he knew where I was from and how controller I was Cheaters almost always complaint about their partners to their affair partners, so yes he knew who you were. She gave the other man home field advantage in that he gets to know about you and can plan accordingly, while you did not even know that the other man even existed in your partner's life much less that your relationship was under attack. he told me people can talk each other at the bars in US and he said there was nothing wrong with that. Even if you were from the US, affair partners always claim that they are just friends and that you are jealous and controlling if you try to say otherwise. The fact that you are from antoher country just gave him more ammo to try to get you to second guess what you saw with your own eyes, but that does not make the lie true. It is not OK to hang out and get drunk at a bar with another man and then head off to alone with him to his car, especially when you lied to your partner and said that you were spending the night at your sister's house. she also didn't even call her sister but she said she was going to stay over her house. She admitted meeting him earlier that very night and then went back while telling you that she was going to spend the night at her sisters. Please get a clue. You do not really expect a cheater to tell the truth about their cheating do you? Cheaters lie about their actions. She lied about her actions. She was cheating. If it were me, I would break up with her over this as it is obvious what was going on which is why you posted in the first place. I would only consider taking her back if she tells the truth and earns her way back into your life. But that is me. You must decide for yourself what you will tolerate. BTW, controlling is not a bad word if applied within the agreed upon boundaries of the couple. A basic concept of agreeing to be in a committed relationship, is that both parties agreeing to be controlled in their interaction with members of the opposite sex. Sneaking off to get drunk with another man that is not a friend of the couple and that is unknown to the partner, violates this basic agreement; calling her out on this violation is not controlling, as it is only enforcing the basic boundaries of a committed relationship. Edited September 3, 2013 by Try Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 Not enough information to tell. If she felt you were controling (and if you actually are) that would explain her going back inside. It could be in your head, it could be true. Not enough background knowledge to make a solid contribution. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 She is not committed to your relationship. Whether this lack of commitment is caused by your controlling behaviour or not, is immaterial. She is not committed to you and is looking to cheat. If you had not caught her, she would have cheated. But you did, so it will happen next week or next month or next year instead. Yes, dump her now and save time. Link to post Share on other sites
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