Affair sex

[ladydesigner]

In general. Does that make me sound horrible? I miss sex greatly. I'm 43 yrs old and before xmm, I was single for ten years. I just wasn't looking for anyone or even making myself available to anyone. I had a few flings, friends with bennys things, but not a lot of contact. Then with xmm, we only got together about every month and a half. So there was a lot of time without sex then too. Now I really miss it. I have this fear that I'll never be in a relationship again and I'll turn into a dried up old lady.

 

I just can't bring myself to do the casual sex route though anymore. Theres a guy I work with that would be a good friend with benefits type and we've joked around a little bit with it, but I can't make myself get to the point of enjoying anything with him. I have no libido anymore. What's up with that?

 

(((GreySkyMorning))) You are still mourning your MM. It makes sense why you do not want casual sex. Anytime I really loved someone and we broke up, casual sex was always unappealing to me.

[GreySkyMorning]

(((GreySkyMorning))) You are still mourning your MM. It makes sense why you do not want casual sex. Anytime I really loved someone and we broke up, casual sex was always unappealing to me.

 

Well when can I stop??? I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of hurting all the time. It's been six months since he even pretended to love me. When do I get to be free? He's not mourning me, I know that for a fact. He's having no problems with sex again. He was nice enough to tell me. Why do I have to be the one still sitting here flipping crying six months after it ends?

[ladydesigner]

Well when can I stop??? I'm so tired of this. I'm so tired of hurting all the time. It's been six months since he even pretended to love me. When do I get to be free? He's not mourning me, I know that for a fact. He's having no problems with sex again. He was nice enough to tell me. Why do I have to be the one still sitting here flipping crying six months after it ends?

 

Oh it stops when you are done feeling for him. When you are indifferent. When one day he won't matter to you anymore. When you are important enough to let go of him. Plus you don't know if he's not mourning you. Men in general I know can hide their emotions, sometimes better than us females.

 

If he is in R with his BS things are not as pretty as OW think they may be. It's a lot of hard work. Many times the BS has mind movies so bad we have to stop having sex with our WH's because of that. No one is happy after the A.

[Baby123]

In general. Does that make me sound horrible? I miss sex greatly. I'm 43 yrs old and before xmm, I was single for ten years. I just wasn't looking for anyone or even making myself available to anyone. I had a few flings, friends with bennys things, but not a lot of contact. Then with xmm, we only got together about every month and a half. So there was a lot of time without sex then too. Now I really miss it. I have this fear that I'll never be in a relationship again and I'll turn into a dried up old lady.

 

I just can't bring myself to do the casual sex route though anymore. Theres a guy I work with that would be a good friend with benefits type and we've joked around a little bit with it, but I can't make myself get to the point of enjoying anything with him. I have no libido anymore. What's up with that?

 

Ah i'm sorry your going through this. Would you not want to look for a proper full on relationship? casual sex can be tough, to be honest I had a friends with benefits situation and it worked out for me, because my FWB treated me with respect and like a gf, he was exclusively sleeping with me and took me out for dates. But watching some of my friends in situations where the FWB was nearly ALL about the sex was tough, I couldn't do it if their was not a lot of respect from the person I was sleeping with.

[solostand]

Our sex is good but when we started out, we were both really shy and awkward! Only once we got to know each other sexually and get comfortable together did it get great. You get your own little things goin, ,you know?

 

As far as casual sex, I too wish I could do it. I went years shuddering at the thought of having a strange man touch me, though.

 

And don't worry about being old and dried up at 43. I'm 49 my AP is 64 and we're at it like bunnies. . .three four times a week!

[watergirl12]

Gawd thank you for posting this. Reading all you OW saying us BS's are dried up just kidding. There actually was a time that I wasn't in the mood for sex and it was when I suspected my WH had his first A's. In our M it has been ALL about HIM. I supported him, helped him through school, acquire jobs, raising 2 kids and work full time, etc. My WH wanted me to just **** him when he got home, sometimes would just whip it out on the spot. Really romantic huh, especially after doing so much for HIM and getting nothing in return. I have explained this to my WH. it is a very hard thing to admit not being sexually attracted to your mate and not understanding why. I understand now, my WH does too, but at what cost? Our family is like wreckage that we are sifting through trying to make sense of what happened.

 

Marital sex is the one area where the divide between the sexes is never wider.

I have sat down to explain to male friends, why it is that if the man doesn't perform around the house, and pull his weight, that the woman shuts down. And even among the smartest of them, they couldn't make that connection. A wife will feel that if the man doesn't care enough to take care of hearth and home, than she won't feel like giving him any sex. They just could not understand this concept. Men tend to put sex in a different bubble. it doesn't matter, they will still want to have sex.

 

Also, it has FINALLY come to the attention of psychologists that for some reason, many women in a long term monogamous relationship, shut down sexually. Not in just hetero relationships either, in lesbian couples, after years the sex will also taper off. So the science community has finally caught onto this phenomenon and are looking into the hows and whys of it.

I have my theories.

[watergirl12]

Our sex is off the charts, mind blowing. But there are other factors driving this, so it isn't due to it being illicit.

 

I do have concerns that he has ruined me for anybody else. lol

[AutumnMoon]

Our sex is off the charts, mind blowing. But there are other factors driving this, so it isn't due to it being illicit.

 

I do have concerns that he has ruined me for anybody else. lol

 

I could say the same. I think all the time, nobody else will ever compare.

[cocorico]

I think it's about compatibility. There are some people that talk about additional heat from the "risk factor" of it being an affair but those seem to be mostly short term relationships that are mostly ABOUT the sex.

For us it's really only getting better every day but we are very compatible in all areas, I don't know if I'd ever find another man as compatible with me, so I don't know if sex would ever be like the affair sex.

 

...even sex with the same guy, outside of the A?

[Got it]

Yes and no for me. Once because elements during the affair were firsts for me, so that made the affair exciting. But the elements learned in the affair are still exciting now. What I appreciated during the affair was the prioritizing of sex between both parties as well as their satisfaction. I can see how being in a relationship after the affair how easy it is to slid into boring routine sex and stop prioritizing it. So it is about putting into actions the desire to keep sex exciting and randy.

 

I have only had sex with two people and yes my AP/husband is better. He just is due to longevity, size, technique, etc. So just the mechanics of sex are more orgasm producing than with my ex husband. So that is helpful but the energy that the parties put into it is the tipping point.

 

But any sex that both parties prioritize the other's satisfaction and each party is invested in making it the most enjoyable each time is going to be darn good sex.