subliminal Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I've posted on here about the same issue, but a different occasion. She got texts from the same guy from a new #. She comes right in and tells me about it and shows them to me. She basically told him to stop texting her, she stopped talking to him by her choice because she respects her man and her relationship. Ok, cool thx for being honest. Kinda aggravating, but eh. Well I later get texts from him obviously starting crap, blow it off. Well along comes screen shots of stuff she conviently left out. # 1 being "I only said that so when he sees this he don't get mad... so I can save ur #" hmmmm wtf? Several others from him then " ill call u sat when he's at work" so I'm kinda at a loss Because after confronting her in a calm adult manor, and got nothing but lies. Total denial, walks out, then goes out to the bar. Hasn't tried to call me or anything since (3 days of sleeping in a motel) but then txt last night asking about how to fix her hair that her friends messed up trying to highlight Because I always do it good and she doesn't like it now. I'm of course angry, but just say idk and leave it there. No further texts or calls. So should I just move out now? Because I'm ready to. Link to post Share on other sites
Pompeii Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 You honestly need to throw this relationship in the trash. It's not doing any good for you nor is it progressing anywhere. These types of problems should have been addressed much early on. If its this bad now, what will it be like when you are married. She is obviously not serious about marriage nor is she marriage material. Bottom line: move your **** out, dump her, become a better man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author subliminal Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 Yea, and they were, I admit to my faults, I'm insecure, but it's amplified by her actions. Yea I've snooped, yea I've got jealous, but you're sposed to build each other up, not tear each other down. I love her but time and time again I'm shown that she doesnt take it serious Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Well along comes screen shots of stuff she conviently left out. # 1 being "I only said that so when he sees this he don't get mad... so I can save ur #" hmmmm wtf? Several others from him then " ill call u sat when he's at work" so I'm kinda at a loss Because after confronting her in a calm adult manor, and got nothing but lies. Total denial, walks out, then goes out to the bar. Hasn't tried to call me or anything since (3 days of sleeping in a motel) but then txt last night asking about how to fix her hair that her friends messed up trying to highlight Because I always do it good and she doesn't like it now. I'm of course angry, but just say idk and leave it there. No further texts or calls. So should I just move out now? Because I'm ready to. Yeah, I think you have no other real choice. She's obviously sneaking around behind your back, even if it is just texting, and when you confront her, instead of apologizing and trying to change it, she tells you lies. So what are you supposed to do with that??? Without trust, you don't have much of a relationship, and she has given you no good reason to trust her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 I'm insecure, but it's amplified by her actions. This isn't about insecurity. It's about your gut screaming at you that she isn't trustworthy. Insecurity would be if you were being jealous or snooping or controlling with no reason to feel that way. Not the case at all here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author subliminal Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 would it make a difference if the guy was actually me texting. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 would it make a difference if the guy was actually me texting. So you are texting her to trap her? Pretending to be a different guy? I don't think it makes a difference as to her trustworthiness, but I think it seems sad and desperate on your part. The big question moving forward is this: Did you do it simply because you got a vibe that you can't trust her and you thought it would help you get info? If so, it could be forgivable and understandable to a degree. Or did you do it because you are unable to relax and be vulnerable in a relationship unless you have "proof" that you can trust your partner? If so, you have some work to do on yourself before you are ready for a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author subliminal Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 It was Because of her hiding things in the past a few times, I honestly thought she would not even reply. I was totally fair about it, but 3 days later, she still won't admit to it, when I know for sure it was said. It blew up, and it was my fault partially, but if she had just been upfront, I'd have totally let it go and worked on fixing whatever it is that made her think she had to lie or hide anything. I even told her that I already know why I think. .. still lies, then ef u to the bar. Not a word since Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 It was Because of her hiding things in the past a few times, I honestly thought she would not even reply. I was totally fair about it, but 3 days later, she still won't admit to it, when I know for sure it was said. It blew up, and it was my fault partially, but if she had just been upfront, I'd have totally let it go and worked on fixing whatever it is that made her think she had to lie or hide anything. I even told her that I already know why I think. .. still lies, then ef u to the bar. Not a word since If she knows it was you, I can see her side, how she would feel violated and tricked. Nobody likes that feeling, especially from someone who is supposed to love them. So I get that walking away and ignoring you doesn't seem unreasonable to her. But the fact remains that she has a history of hiding things, she was hiding this again, she lied, and she's run away instead of dealing with the problem. All this together is enough of a reason for you to walk away from the relationship. And be sure you spend some time single before trying to date again. You need to re "normalize" yourself, so that you aren't viewing the world through the filter someone gets when they are in a relationship with someone they can't trust. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Does she like pina coladas ? and getting caught in the rain?? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author subliminal Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 Yea, I was going to tell her after she admitted it, but she does think it's me. I think that if she cant be honest with me then why even try to explain it. But this is how she deals with things, always runs away. I truly thought she would do the right thing, and was prepared for her to not , but if she had any value to our relationship, she would have tried to talk it out, instead of walking off and letting me sleep in a hotel to avoid admitting wrong doing. It's messed up and the fact that she wants me to help fix her hair Is shallow and ridiculous, especially because she had no contact with me since the walk off Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Liars, lie about everything, and nothing. You live with it or not...up to you. The rest is details. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Well along comes screen shots of stuff she conviently left out. # 1 being "I only said that so when he sees this he don't get mad... so I can save ur #" hmmmm wtf? Several others from him then " ill call u sat when he's at work" This is all you need to know, she is lying to your face, she disrespects you by cheating, she is not girlfriend material. The sooner you get her out of your life the sooner you will meet the the woman your destined to be with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author subliminal Posted September 3, 2013 Author Share Posted September 3, 2013 I agree with that, its cheating, either way you look at it. It wasn't actually doing it, but intent to do so. So no matter what it's no different, she was knowingly deceptive, even though I was too, it was not with the intention to go outside the boundaries we had established in our relationship of open book. At this point i don't think I want to go back Because it's gone too far. Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted September 3, 2013 Share Posted September 3, 2013 Let me see if I got this right. She was texting a guy behind your back. You caught her. She told him to stop contacting her. You texted her from a different number pretending to be the other guy. She replied, "I only said that so when he sees this he don't get mad... so I can save ur #" and "ill call u sat when he's at work". If the above is correct, dump her. Total lack of respect for you. I'm with Forum Lurker. Once somebody breaks your trust, I don't consider it out of line to do a few sneaky things to check up on them. She betrayed your trust and needed to prove that she can be trusted. Instead, you found out she can't. The hair thing is probably an excuse to get you to talk to her without having to deal with the elephant in the room. Don't even acknowledge it. You live with this woman? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 Well....writing is on the wall. She's sketch. You acted sketchy too but I can understand why. Time to move on bud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author subliminal Posted September 4, 2013 Author Share Posted September 4, 2013 She just admitted it. Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 Sorry dude. Don't act all sissy to her about it. If you feel the need to vent, do it here or to your friends and family. NOT to her. I repeat, do NOT state your emotions to her. Sorry man, many people on this board have been there. You're not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
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