WTH is going ON?

[thatgirl5]

I'm going crazy, break ups are so stress full.

 

So it's been two weeks since my ex broke up wit me. His excuse was that he had to work more hours to pay off his mom's hospital bill (she has cancer) to move back to California (where I live) and we wouldn't be able to talk much since his schedule was going to be really busy so it would be better to just break up. We met about 2 yrs ago, we talked for a long time but i couldn't make it official because i was iffy about having a long distance relationship (people always tell me they don't work out). He had told me i had broken his heart because I couldn't make it official with him. Few months later, I missed him....so i told him to give me a chance, that I wanted to be with him and that I wanted to give us a chance so i asked him out. He said yes. Because of our distance, and his busy work schedule we didn't set a date to see each other but we would talk about every night, it was nice...he is the sweetest guy I've ever come by.

 

I felt the love. We had our small arguments here and there but he would always remind me how in love he was with me. We had FUTURE plans, that he would move back here by this year and we'd be fine. We dated for 10 months, and although without physical contact I had the best 10 mnths with him. It came unexpected when he broke up wit me..he was just telling me how much he wanted me to stay in his life forever and the next day I get dumped? He wants to stay friends because he still cares? No I can't! I went NC hoping he would come to his senses and at the same time give me some clarity to think about WHAT DA HEK was going on.

 

A week after, last week, I broke NC by texting him telling him that he was still thought of...no response...out of madness I told him that I just didn't understand why he didn't talk to me about the situation before hand and that I felt like i did not do anything to break us apart and that it was okay for him to ignore me because it just told me how he felt...No response.

 

Same day, 11pm *text*

" I wasn't ignoring you, I don't even have time to charge my phone. I get home at 3am to wake up at 6am, its hectic. I know i should have talked to you about the situation before but i kno if i did you would have tried to understand and be okay with it and us not having time to talk as before would have complicated things because a relationship without communication is just not good. And i know u did not do anything to cause this"

 

I didn't know what to respond, instead I just asked if he felt the same about me as before and he said "Why wouldn't I? ..I responded, "im not saying you don't Im just asking if you do?"..His response, "I do but i just don't have the head space to be in a relationship right now. My break is over, i can text you tmr if you want" and I just said Okay, goodnite and he responded with a goodnight back....end of conversation.

 

I kind of expected him to text me the day after, but no he didn't maybe my okay pushed him off? Anyways...lots of weird things have been happening, maybe he's moved on, maybe he's not and I know for myself to heal i shouldn't be snooping at his social networks..and because i have i've hurt myself from it. I deleted my IG, made a new one, and i think he came by it. I posted a conversation that me and my guy friend had...we weren't flirtn just talking about horoscopes but i decided to check his page...he had posted a picture that said SINGLE, TAKEN, [x] DEPENDS WHO'S ASKING. I thought to myself , like REALLY dude? couple minutes passed, fell for the hole again, checked..he had taken the picture down...to making his page private in a matter of minutes and deleting my sister as his friend. I had forgotten I even befriend him on twitter but there he was posting quotes like " I rather live crazy and happy than normal and bitter"..."sometimes we don't say how we feel, not because we don't want to but because we don't know how the person is gonna react" . . . "i love to quickly, and forget real slow" RIGHT there just for ME to see...i hate this feeling...it hurts to feel this way and thats the outcome of looking and see him making a fool outa himself but he was the one who dumped me!

 

& no i haven't spoke to him, don't plan to although i do want to at times. Im trying to tell myself im going to be okay, this will pass...and ill get through this.

 

 

WTH is all this? Is he trying to hurt me? WHat is he doing? A male perspective would be lovely...

Edited September 3, 2013 by thatgirl5

[ThisGal]

I'm not a man but I think you're wasting brain cells on this guy. He maybe thought he could handle a long distance relationship but have realized it's personally too much for him and have opted out. However, the way he did it was inconsiderate, especially after 10 months of dating.

 

Have you two ever met in person, face-to-face? You didn't mention it but you did say you first met him 2 years ago. If not, you wasted a lot of time, should have met longggg time ago as to not have emotionally invested too much in nothing.

 

Sometimes I say the reason for the breakup does not matter; one should not bang their head trying to figure out why the other person decided to end it;it's gonna drive you crazy. He gave you a direct answer though "...i just don't have the head space to be in a relationship right now."

 

Take that straightforward answer and move on with your life. He's no longer interested.

Edited September 4, 2013 by ThisGal

[TMichaels]

WTH is all this? Is he trying to hurt me? WHat is he doing?

 

Don't give him so much credit. People/relationships/feelings are a dime a dozen to him. You (and probably countless others) are nothing more than collateral damage scattered along the roadside of life.

 

Mistake #1: You got in too deep when you hadn't even met this guy.

Mistake #2: You were the one who made the first move. All that did is signal to him that you were already smitten, giving him the power to do as he pleased which he knew you'd put up with it rather than "lose" him.

Mistake #3: You broke NC after the guy dumped you and didn't even have the courtesy to tell you why.

Mistake #4: When he finally responds and he essentially tells you "thanks, but no thanks" to continuing your "relationship" you still expected he'd get in touch with you and couldn't figure out why he didn't.

 

Sorry thatgirl5, the ONLY mistake you didn't make, was snooping around to see what he's been up to. Normally, checking up on a SO is a death knell -- it indicates the trust between you is already gone and without trust no relationship will survive.

 

However, in this case I think it was the *best* thing you could have done. Seeing who he really is and how he's been spending his "precious" time was the cold water you needed to wake you up to the fact you were just an idle amusement to him and a pleasant way to pass the time when the mood suited.

 

You know all that now, so learn from it.

 

And keep this well-worn piece of advice in mind:

 

"Never make someone else a priority who considers you nothing more than an option in theirs."

 

All the best,

TMichaels