Confession of a Hypocrite

[Cali408]

Been on here for awhile, had an affair that ended in 2010. For all the support and advice I gave, I fell off the wagon hard. Felt like a complete hypocrite. AP in the midst of a contentious divorce, called me and up it started. Hooked up with her after not seeing her for 3 years. I knew it wasn't going to work out as she was going to date people and I was on borrowed time. Although it was a great time, it wasn't as great as I remembered it. My conscience was on my shoulder the whole time. Well we got caught. You knew it was going to happen. Soon to be ex who has a new gf and baby finked us out.

 

By the grace of God, my saint of a wife took me back and things have been going really well.

 

Well I received a call after 3 weeks of no contact from the ap that she found someone after a week and to thank me for all I've done for her. I first felt a little jealous, but then vowed myself to get over her. No contact, no cyber stalking (which she does to me all the time) nothing. Was great for 8 days, feeling good that the situation was hopeless and time to focus on my wife. Calls me again today, I finally tell her to leave me be. I told her I'm not engaging period. Ask her about new man, she gives me 4 red flags. What a train wreck.

 

I feel so good moving forward. Emotionally great, and on my way with a little wind at my sail. I just want to apologize for being a hypocrite. Knowing the right thing and doing it are two different things and I failed.

[Owl]

Sounds like you're doing the right things now.

 

Did you tell your wife about the email, and given her full disclosure on the affair, and this most recent contact by her?

[fanine]

Do you understand why you did it? Why you felt you had to respond to this woman? Do you really feel you would never cheat again? I'm just interested I guess to see a man's perspective on this whole type of thing, having been the other side

[Journee]

I am not sure if I understand correctly. This would be the second affair with the same woman? Your wife has been through this twice with the same woman? What is keeping you from being with AP? I'm sorry I do not remember the details of your A and marriage. Would you mind sharing?

[Cali408]

I understood why I did it. I did some soul searching and have figured it out. The ego and gratification of my self esteem.

 

I've known this person for 20 years, and was friends and it developed into something extremely serious and heavy. Broke it off, and both of us I guess needed closure.

 

It won't work because of distance, family, her baggage and boatload of debt. I have a good marriage, I'm just self destructive when I get bored. That ends now.

 

Plus, I don't want it any more. The second time I got caught, the fear of God was put in me. I could have been kicked out, on the verge of a divorce, meanwhile, the ap would be now dating someone else and I would be alone.

 

Selfish? Cake eater? Guilty, guilty. Time to grow up in middle age.

[Cali408]

Do you understand why you did it? Why you felt you had to respond to this woman? Do you really feel you would never cheat again? I'm just interested I guess to see a man's perspective on this whole type of thing, having been the other side

 

This is the only person I would cheat with and I'm not doing it again. The situation is hopeless and it's finally time to move on. It was an addiction.

[fanine]

This is the only person I would cheat with and I'm not doing it again. The situation is hopeless and it's finally time to move on. It was an addiction.

 

I hope you can move on and break your addiction, for you and your wife's sake. I think my xMM is very self-destructive. I saw him doing it in all areas of his life - and he too got bored easily.