I will tell his W

[zum1]

I re-read his texts again today almost after a week. They all boil me up. Feeling of vengeance is huge! He said you are cheap , keep your mouth shut otherwise you have no idea what you will have to go through ..BEWARE!!

And lot more. 2 weeks from now grandparents are flying out of town for 2 weeks that's when I will meet his W.

 

Is it worth asking her to keep my family out? And use her own investigations to confront him? He did say that he will continue having affair without hers and my knowledge.

 

Any suggestions on how to handle this conversation beginning to end wil be much appreciated. Thanks .

[HopingAgain]

I re-read his texts again today almost after a week. They all boil me up. Feeling of vengeance is huge! He said you are cheap , keep your mouth shut otherwise you have no idea what you will have to go through ..BEWARE!!

And lot more. 2 weeks from now grandparents are flying out of town for 2 weeks that's when I will meet his W.

 

Is it worth asking her to keep my family out? And use her own investigations to confront him? He did say that he will continue having affair without hers and my knowledge.

 

Any suggestions on how to handle this conversation beginning to end wil be much appreciated. Thanks .

 

You are preparing to help blow this womans world apart, your reasons for telling her are purely for vengeance against MM. You have no right to ask her to keep your family out of the drama after you've dropped the bomb on her that you've been sleeping with her husband! That is really some nerve to even think to ask any favors from her!

 

My advice is that be prepared to get any type of reaction from her once you tell her this. Up to and including her being pissed off enough at you to tell everyone and anyone that is close to you.

[bentleychic]

Be fully prepared for any repercussions. You have no right to ask anything of her and, to be honest, I wouldn't even bring up what you DON'T want her to do b/c she will likely not respect your wishes any more than you respected her marriage.

[thefooloftheyear]

Just let it go....Nothing good will come of it...Listen to the others..

 

TFY

[Feb]

The W is 7 or 8 months pregnant, right? Please have some compassion for her and leave them both alone. Your motive for telling is anger ... The conversation can turn ugly for all and you don't want to hurt the baby by putting her in an early labor.

 

DO NOTHING. Stay silent, walk away, and begin a new life.

[underwater2010]

I am glad that you are going to tell her. But you have no right to ask that she not expose you to your family. You are just as guilty as he in the affair. You participated in blowing her world up.

 

All that being said...you might get lucky and she will go easy on you. I truly believe that if anything is exposed...it will be because of him. You picked a great on to have an affair with.

[whichwayisup]

I re-read his texts again today almost after a week. They all boil me up. Feeling of vengeance is huge! He said you are cheap , keep your mouth shut otherwise you have no idea what you will have to go through ..BEWARE!!

And lot more. 2 weeks from now grandparents are flying out of town for 2 weeks that's when I will meet his W.

 

Is it worth asking her to keep my family out? And use her own investigations to confront him? He did say that he will continue having affair without hers and my knowledge.

 

Any suggestions on how to handle this conversation beginning to end wil be much appreciated. Thanks .

 

Fact is, you are telling out of revenge, to 'get him', not to genuinally help her, so why should she keep her mouth shut and protect you?

 

I feel like a broken record because I know you see yourself as 'the victim' and you're far from it. You want her to feel bad for you, feel sorry for you. She won't because you've said you've done nothing wrong.

 

Tell, don't tell. BUT, BE SURE of your decision. Do not tell on an emotional whim. You could very well regret blowing up her world and yours at the same time.

 

He did say that he will continue having affair without hers and my knowledge.

 

He isn't obligated to you.

[whichwayisup]

That's a threat. He's not so bright it seems. Take it to the police.

 

That isn't a threat enough to go the cops. He has told her if she tells his wife, he'll tell everybody in HER family, extended family etc about the affair. She wants to tell without suffering her own consquences and actions. She's painted herself as the victim in all this and the MM is the big bad wolf.

[Red Wolverine]

I'm going with not telling her...at least not now.

 

1. She's pregnant. The baby is the priority.

2. Vengeance is a bad idea. Trying to hurt him is not a good motive.

3. You have no right to ask anything of her.

 

Don't tell her if you have any intention of communicating with him again.

 

What's your motive? Helping her, hurting him, or hoping you'll get this prize who called you cheap and threatened you?

 

Walk away. Thank your lucky stars you're not carrying his baby and calling him your husband.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Be fully prepared for any repercussions.

 

 

Whether or not you tell, heed this advice.

 

It should be on every ap's mind the very second they decide to encroach on anothers marriage.

 

It comes with the territory.

[Red Wolverine]

Be fully prepared for any repercussions. You have no right to ask anything of her and, to be honest, I wouldn't even bring up what you DON'T want her to do b/c she will likely not respect your wishes any more than you respected her marriage.

 

The acceptance of repercussions are the difference between remorse and revenge. I realize most BS want to know and aren't interested in motives but it's important when an OW examines whether to tell, what to tell, and how to do it.

[WakingUp]

Oh please just walk away.

 

That poor woman is about to have a baby! That is a challenging enough time without this as well.

 

You will NEVER forgive yourself if something happens to that child or its mother.

 

DONT TELL! This situation is one where silence is golden. That little baby could become an innocent victim.

 

PLEASE don't do it.

[Journee]

Oh please just walk away.

 

That poor woman is about to have a baby! That is a challenging enough time without this as well.

 

You will NEVER forgive yourself if something happens to that child or its mother.

 

DONT TELL! This situation is one where silence is golden. That little baby could become an innocent victim.

 

PLEASE don't do it.

 

 

 

That's a tough spot. I can really only speak from my experience of having my H sleep with someone else while I was pregnant. I hated that it happened but was so glad to find out. I immediately asked my OB for a complete STD panel. A lot of times some docs don't repeat certain tests with married women. My good friend didn't find out that she had an STD until her 6 week check up. Some diseases can cause newborns blindness if birthed vaginaly. They can also cause miscarriage and preterm births.

 

On the other hand the stress from it all can be quite dangerous. My youngest was early. I really think it had a lot to do with the mounting stress of it all. I wish everyone could know the truth about who they are with. Maybe the BS in this situation would choose NOT to have anymore children with this cheater. Maybe she would not want to live a lie any further. Very tough spot.

[trailrunner1975]

I say leave it alone. WHEN she tells your family and she will, you will wish you had taken the simpler route out of this. She and her H will eventually drift out of your life, but once your family finds out you are saddled for life with their comments/negative views of you.

[undercover_lover]

I say go for it. While I agree that it's not right to tell the wife out of vengeance, you make it sound like he's threatening you- not to tell! He doesn't want to be exposed and wants to have his cake and eat it too.. In that case I say you expose that POS. pregnant wife or not. She will be better off knowing, in the long run.

[imbetteroff]

Tell her, I would and did 3 weeks ago.

[Red Wolverine]

Tell her and tell her A.S.A.P.

 

This man has told you he will continue having affairs, which is putting his wife and innocent child at risk for STD.

 

As someone else said, Drs. don't generally repeat the initial STD testing on married women.

 

She needs to be told so she can protect the baby and get tested for STD immediately.

 

Dear God, people, don't you see the danger to the child if the wife doesn't have the necessary knowledge to protect her unborn child's health. Her husband is screwing around with multiple people, do none of you think that's important??

 

Tell her. Your motivations suck, but I don't care. The end result is the child will be safe.

 

As much as I can appreciate the STD concern, waiting until she delivers her baby won't change anything. Leave her in peace to enjoy the end of her pregnancy.

 

You can destroy her and her husband later. In the meantime, hopefully you'll calm down.

[whichwayisup]

As much as I can appreciate the STD concern, waiting until she delivers her baby won't change anything. Leave her in peace to enjoy the end of her pregnancy.

 

You can destroy her and her husband later. In the meantime, hopefully you'll calm down.

 

I agree. Every action has a reaction and telling now could that innocent beautiful unborn baby at risk. Wait until the baby is born and then do as you please Z.

 

I WILL say again and again, OWN your part in this affair, don't play the victim when you talk to his wife. Apologize and tell her your side of the story but do make sure YOU understand his wife owes you nothing so if she feels the need to tell your family, friends, or whomever, she has that right and there's nothing you can do to stop her and her husband from doing so.

 

What you put out there in life, comes back..So keep that in mind if you're telling her out of revenge. Intent is important in a situation like this. If you're kind and gentle, apologetic, allow her to feel what she feels, answer her questions, give her respect, and again OWN your part in helping her husband hurt her by having an affair with him, then possibly she won't blast your world apart. GIVE that some thought before you go off and blurt out whatever to her and play the victim card.

[thefooloftheyear]

I just dont get the whole "I'm telling" mindset....It reeks of vindictiveness and petty "sore loser" mentality.

 

Ive used this analogy before, but its like complaining that the Rattlesnake bit you and put you in the hospital, when you were the one that picked it up, when you could have just let it be.

 

And if you want to be the public health advocate by warning people you dont even know about the dangers of STD's then become a cop or something so that you can get paid for it.

 

Its just this simple....You(OW), knowingly entered into a relationship that right from the start could, and most times will, end poorly. if it didnt work out, for whatever the reason, just accept that you made a grave error in judgement and move on. And dont think for one minute that the MM(or even the BS as well) wont seek out some form of counterattack back on you. Do you really want that hanging over your head?

 

Evaluate the decision...What do YOU have to gain from it, besides some personal "vindication"?....Nothing...Just let it go....Move on with your life and make better decisions in the future..

 

TFY

[GreySkyMorning]

As much as I can appreciate the STD concern, waiting until she delivers her baby won't change anything. Leave her in peace to enjoy the end of her pregnancy.

 

You can destroy her and her husband later. In the meantime, hopefully you'll calm down.

 

I disagree. This is a man thats done this before and probably at the same time as he's been having sex with op. He's a high risk for stds.

 

As a former NICU nurse, I've seen newborns die from stds. CMV is one that is transmitted frequently, can be prevented from being passed to the infant by having a csection instead of vaginal birth, by giving antibiotics during labor, many things. But most women aren't tested for it prior to delivery. And its often fatal to the baby. Others are herpes which can be transmitted to a newborn at delivery even if mom has no symptoms or even syphilis. I've seen babies die from all of them.

 

Please tell her now so she can safely take care of her child.

[Journee]

GreySky

 

This really does get overlooked quite a bit. It's a very real risk. Thank you for posting this. Maybe the word of a trained professional will make a difference.

[HopingAgain]

Your desire is to hurt MM, and what better way to do it than by striking at his pregnant wife while she's most vulnerable, right? Hey, if she has a nervous breakdown and goes into preterm labor and delivers a struggling preemie, that's just bonus points!!!

 

Can you just THINK about what you're doing here and why? You're too angry to tell his wife anything right now without seriously damaging her and/or the unborn baby from all the stress. This is too volatile a time and situation on all sides to be anything but disastrous if you give into your urge for revenge now. Really hope you'll reconsider your timing on this at least.

[Trimmer]

I re-read his texts again today almost after a week. They all boil me up. Feeling of vengeance is huge! He said you are cheap , keep your mouth shut otherwise you have no idea what you will have to go through ..BEWARE!!

And lot more. 2 weeks from now grandparents are flying out of town for 2 weeks that's when I will meet his W.

 

Is it worth asking her to keep my family out? And use her own investigations to confront him? He did say that he will continue having affair without hers and my knowledge.

 

Any suggestions on how to handle this conversation beginning to end wil be much appreciated. Thanks .

I get the sense that you believe that you and she will somehow find common ground, maybe even be united in some small way against this enemy, and that is what leads you to imagine that you might ask this favor of her - to leave your family out of it.

 

I think you should be prepared for the possibility that she's not going to find ANY common ground, sympathy, or any positive feelings for you at all. As a matter of fact, if you go in there "gunning" for her husband, as if he is indeed a common enemy, you have no idea how she will react. I think it's somewhat likely that she will see you as their common enemy, and things will just go downhill from there.

 

Now, you still may find it compelling to tell her, for your own reasons or possibly others detailed previously in this thread. But do heed the advice: be prepared for any repercussions. Please don't be foolish enough to walk in with a plan based upon some particular expectation of how she will react.

[zum1]

Wow ! Lot of assumptions going on about my motive here when I have clearly stated why I want to tell his W. As far as timing is concerened that is something MM should have thought about! Why he did not tell be back in Feb?

What about my health? All this anxiety, restlessness and breakdowns. There have been times when I have lost focus while driving !! I am a good person, and in past 7 months there were times when his behaviour was odd and we broke up! I never once thought anyone needs to know what happened, he always came back! He was gone for whole June but came back in full swing saying cant do without you, you are my life !!! His wife would have been five months pregnant then right? I have always kept quite but this time its all different and for whatever reason I am not able to just move on. I have tried a lot.

 

I am not sure if any of you listen to your gut feeling but I do and I feel that I became involved in all this because may be any other girl wouldn't have done what I am willing to do (expose him)! He himself said he is selective about who he has affair with!! And to answer one of the posters comment that its his wife's problem and I shouldn't be concerned, well I am and he knows that. When I had A with him I never once doubted his words. He knows that! I feel he has told me now because be probably knows that I wouldn't bother a pregnant woman!! I don't believe him but he also said he was with me and he is not in love with his wife and this was an accident but this is not the time to think about all that and we (him& I )should keep quite and carry on the way we did. And just saying again! According to him it's 'my' fault that she is pregnant because that day 'I' couldn't sleep with him and I left him do desperate !!!!!

Edited September 4, 2013 by zum1

[Trimmer]

Wow ! Lot of assumptions going on about my motive here when I have clearly stated why I want to tell his W.

Indeed you did:

Feeling of vengeance is huge!

Have very many posters been assuming otherwise?