I will tell his W

[maidai]

What about my health? All this anxiety, restlessness and breakdowns. There have been times when I have lost focus while driving !! I am a good person, and in past 7 months there were times when his behaviour was odd and we broke up! I never once thought anyone needs to know what happened, he always came back! He was gone for whole June but came back in full swing saying cant do without you, you are my life !!! His wife would have been five months pregnant then right? I have always kept quite but this time its all different and for whatever reason I am not able to just move on. I have tried a lot.

 

This may sound harsh BUT there is a difference. You *knowingly* engaged in a relationship with a married man and when he proved lack of commitment and kept leaving and coming back you repeatedly took him back. Even if his wife is a demon she is an innocent party in this. She has been cheated on by him and with your help knowing she existed. The baby is even more innocent and not even here yet. Did this innocent baby asked to be sired (sorry I can not even bear to use the term Fathered by this man)? Your part was by choice. Theirs is not.

 

You are going to have to move on. Vengenace gains nothing. It won't make him come back so all you will be left with is still needing to move yourself on but with a possible s**t storm blowing around your head. A destroyed wife, a destroyed childs life and I tell you now with the emotions of her pregnancy and being a new Mother if you think it will make her kick him to the curb it won't. It will make her cling on more, upset, lonely and frightened but desperately trying to cling onto her dog of a husband out of loyalty to her new born child not herself. She WILL fight for her husband in her childs life.

 

You will gain nothing from this and will lose the respect of others around you.

[zum1]

This may sound harsh BUT there is a difference. You *knowingly* engaged in a relationship with a married man and when he proved lack of commitment and kept leaving and coming back you repeatedly took him back. Even if his wife is a demon she is an innocent party in this. She has been cheated on by him and with your help knowing she existed. The baby is even more innocent and not even here yet. Did this innocent baby asked to be sired (sorry I can not even bear to use the term Fathered by this man)? Your part was by choice. Theirs is not.

 

You are going to have to move on. Vengenace gains nothing. It won't make him come back so all you will be left with is still needing to move yourself on but with a possible s**t storm blowing around your head. A destroyed wife, a destroyed childs life and I tell you now with the emotions of her pregnancy and being a new Mother if you think it will make her kick him to the curb it won't. It will make her cling on more, upset, lonely and frightened but desperately trying to cling onto her dog of a husband out of loyalty to her new born child not herself. She WILL fight for her husband in her childs life.

 

You will gain nothing from this and will lose the respect of others around you.

 

Like I said I had no intention to inform her before knowing that if it did not work for us then MM will continue his life there. But he said he won't stop so I should let him continue screwing other women (probably single) as he prefer and let him pass on his values and STDs.

 

I am not sure if it will turn out to be for good or bad or nothing but I will feel better that at least I informed her and let her decide. And after such disgusting comments how can I just keep my cool?

 

This woman used to frustrate her, he was going to leave her, he used to sleep in a different room. Let the W do just all that!

[zum1]

I say go for it. While I agree that it's not right to tell the wife out of vengeance, you make it sound like he's threatening you- not to tell! He doesn't want to be exposed and wants to have his cake and eat it too.. In that case I say you expose that POS. pregnant wife or not. She will be better off knowing, in the long run.

 

I am with you on this and I am thinking I should take one of my aunt in confidence and see what she has to say and if I can count on her.

[Ruffian1]

I would want to know if I was his wife.

[PutARingOnIt]

Don't tell her. Just leave it alone.

[zum1]

I would want to know if I was his wife.

 

I am OW and I feel I wanted to know he was two timing!! That was not acceptable between us!!! I was kept away from all the men around me! I wasn't even allowed to use social networking web site and in my account had picture of flowers so no one can get attracted to me or think about me!!! The reason for our breakups were insecurities that he had so he always came back apologising all this was not envisioned ! He did not wanted to be kept from seeing his son so wanted divorce on clean grounds not wanted to be accused of infidelity, I bought into that and treated that boy as my own!! And gave him presents! He liked me, MM used to say he is lioking forward to have you as his mum, cannot wait for that. I had no reasons to doubt him. And still he wants to continue the way we were !!!! What a world class jerk he is!

Edited September 4, 2013 by zum1

[So happy together]

You know, I am one who doesn't believe in disclosure. But in this instance, I think you should tell, then walk away.

 

Be ready for your life to be hell. But you need to tell. Then MOVE ON.

[HopingAgain]

What about your feelings and anxiety? Like another poster pointed out you chose to go into an affair with a MM. Since you are so blinded by a selfish need for vengeance just know that you will not be able to control the consequences when you do tell. And I wouldn't just be worried about MM or your family either but also possibly her loved ones coming after you as well. Noone takes kindly to a person that hurts a pregnant woman, That's a fact!

[letmoc]

Walk away and let it go. You won't find peace doing things like that.

[So happy together]

What about your feelings and anxiety? Like another poster pointed out you chose to go into an affair with a MM. Since you are so blinded by a selfish need for vengeance just know that you will not be able to control the consequences when you do tell. And I wouldn't just be worried about MM or your family either but also possibly her loved ones coming after you as well. Noone takes kindly to a person that hurts a pregnant woman, That's a fact!

 

This should be said to her husband.

[Red Wolverine]

It certainly can change things if the wife has an undiagnosed STD and delivers vaginally, it could have very serious consequences for her child.

 

We all know this isn't the motive the OP has for disclosing but let's go with this.

 

The OP can get tested for STDs. If she has one, the wife might, too. If that's the case, I'd see the value in disclosing now.

 

Any other reason can wait until the baby is born.

[Journee]

We all know this isn't the motive the OP has for disclosing but let's go with this.

 

The OP can get tested for STDs. If she has one, the wife might, too. If that's the case, I'd see the value in disclosing now.

 

Any other reason can wait until the baby is born.

 

Some STD's can lay dormant. Pregnant women have lowered immune systems which is why some common things like the flu can be deadly to pregnant women. The HPV I believe my husband gave me through one of his affairs only became active while I was pregnant. I couldn't fight it off. This led to precancerous lesions ,biopsies and several colposcopies. I have only recently received a normal pap. Some things like the cancer causing HPV that I was given can kill even years down the line.

 

If this MM plans to continue with having affairs at least the woman and child who have no say in this could have the chance to be protected. Just my nickel's worth. It makes one wonder what kind of man would put his unborn in that kind of danger. That's what I wonder daily.

 

I can only imagine having to call a pregnant woman and disclose. Very stressful I'm sure. A lot to weigh in this decision.

[thefooloftheyear]

Hmmm.....

 

I wonder if the MM decided to leave his BS for the OW, would the OW still do the "standup thing", and inform the BS of the STD risk? Because lets face it, he could have easily been banging prostititutes, OOW, etc...I mean this poor woman should know that she is being exposed to risks..

 

My guess is NO...

 

TFY

[GreySkyMorning]

We all know this isn't the motive the OP has for disclosing but let's go with this.

 

The OP can get tested for STDs. If she has one, the wife might, too. If that's the case, I'd see the value in disclosing now.

 

Any other reason can wait until the baby is born.

 

Just because you sleep with someone with an std, its not 100% certain you will contract it. Its very possible for the wife to catch something from him and for the ow not to catch it.

 

At this point, her motives mean little. There's a real possibility for a disastrous outcome for a newborn infant. I'd feel differently if this was a man that perhaps had only been involved with op. But he's made it clear that he's engaged in multiple affairs and will continue to do so. He's very high risk for STDs. I hope the OP has gotten tested already. But her negative results do not negate the need for this pregnant woman to have a full screening before delivery. Even the risks of transmitting something as severe as HIV can be extremely reduced based on medications the mother receives, the method of delivery and whether she breastfeeds. She needs the truth in order to protect her child. It's obvious that her husband has no interest is doing so.

[HopingAgain]

Hmmm.....

 

I wonder if the MM decided to leave his BS for the OW, would the OW still do the "standup thing", and inform the BS of the STD risk? Because lets face it, he could have easily been banging prostititutes, OOW, etc...I mean this poor woman should know that she is being exposed to risks..

 

My guess is NO...

 

TFY

 

Exactly. Taking vengeance and using a pregnant woman as collateral damage to do it? Its not gonna end well for OW.

[Red Wolverine]

Hmmm.....

 

I wonder if the MM decided to leave his BS for the OW, would the OW still do the "standup thing", and inform the BS of the STD risk? Because lets face it, he could have easily been banging prostititutes, OOW, etc...I mean this poor woman should know that she is being exposed to risks..

 

My guess is NO...

 

TFY

 

I've been thinking about these points, too.

 

If I was really concerned about STDs with a man, I wouldn't be sleeping with him.

 

I'm still not on board with this disclosure. The term, " Grasping at straws" comes to mind in justifying it.

[GreySkyMorning]

Seriously??? I can't understand some of the mentality on this thread. I would even venture to say there are some people commenting that obviously have no children. Newborn babies can DIE from undiagnosed STDs! This is a confessed serial cheater that is high risk for passing STDs! Severe health issues can be prevented in some cases for newborns if only a few simple measures are taken at delivery.

 

At what point do you say "hey I screwed up and I'm probably gonna face serious consequences with my life for it, but the possibility of preventing a childs death is more important than my discomfort."? Don't think it doesn't happen. I've seen perfectly healthy women walk into a hospital and give birth to babies that faced horrible long term prognosis due to undiagnosed infections in the mother. Hepatitis can be limited in transmission if the infant receives a different vaccine at delivery. HIV transmission rates are drastically reduced with C-section delivery and no breastfeeding. CMV, herpes, syphilis all can be reduced by C-section delivery and the infant not passing through the birth canal. Chlamydia and gonorrhea can both be silent infections, yet passed on during delivery and can cause serious health issues, up to and including death, in a baby.

 

Waiting until after delivery may prevent the mother from being stressed at that time, but at what potential cost? Seeing your baby on a ventilator, fighting overwhelming sepsis and fighting to live is far more stressful. Not to mention, if the worst did happen and doctors are struggling to find out what exactly is wrong with this suddenly sick baby before its too late, you think HE'S gonna speak up then?

 

I know it seems like I'm on a soapbox about this, but I've watched it happen too many times. Everything may be fine, but it may not be also. I'd hate to be the one knowing I could have spoke up and prevented it, but didn't because I was too worried about facing the consequences in my own life.

 

Man, I'm so glad my affair is over!!

Edited September 4, 2013 by GreySkyMorning
typo

[AlwaysGrowing]

Grey, I am on board with you.

 

There is no better time, than NOW.

 

People need to get over that non-issue.

 

What is worse? Being lied to for 1 year or 1 year and 1 day?

 

The sooner the wife/new mother knows, the sooner she can take care of herself and her unborn child. She needs the information.

[HopingAgain]

As long as we're weighing out risks here, consider the following:

 

Here we have this angry, hellbent on revenge scorned OW, who wants to hurt the MM in any way possible because she's pissed at HIM. Do you think she's going to let the BS down easy? Think she's gonna be at all "gentle" with her delivery of this news at such a delicate time in BS's life? Or do you think she's gonna go for maximum DAMAGE potential and let fly with all types of scorn in an effort to take out her frustration on MM? Do you think she will remain composed enough to not hurt BS any more than to let her know her H is cheating? Or will she probably lose control of her emotions when dealing with BS and drive the knife in as far as possible?

 

Now that you've considered those questions, what if the BS DOES go into pre term labor upon hearing this stressful news from an OW who's only motive and desire is to make MM pay? I'm no stranger to NICU myself, my twins were there for 2 weeks. It is very difficult for a Preemie baby to overcome several health obstacles and even if they do survive they can face several life long health complications. So I guess it's pick your poison, huh? a risk of STDs being passed or a risk of a baby being born Preterm. Which one seems more likely given this scenario?

[Midnight_Princess]

As long as we're weighing out risks here, consider the following:

 

Here we have this angry, hellbent on revenge scorned OW, who wants to hurt the MM in any way possible because she's pissed at HIM. Do you think she's going to let the BS down easy? Think she's gonna be at all "gentle" with her delivery of this news at such a delicate time in BS's life? Or do you think she's gonna go for maximum DAMAGE potential and let fly with all types of scorn in an effort to take out her frustration on MM? Do you think she will remain composed enough to not hurt BS any more than to let her know her H is cheating? Or will she probably lose control of her emotions when dealing with BS and drive the knife in as far as possible?

 

Do you really think this woman is a monster?

 

Id tell her. She has the right to know and make her own decisions especially with a baby involved.

[HopingAgain]

Do you really think this woman is a monster?

 

Id tell her. She has the right to know and make her own decisions especially with a baby involved.

 

I don't think she's a monster, Per Se, but the expression "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" sure wasn't pulled out of thin air. She's been ranting for a long time about exacting revenge on MM and revenge is not KIND nor is it GENTLE. I think her telling the BS in this state of mind is going to create a lot more damage than waiting until after the baby is born.

[bentleychic]

I don't think the OP is a monster, but I don't think she's telling for the right reasons. I think she's telling b/c she is hurt and wants some revenge on the MM, for him to feel some of that hurt. Telling BS will cause him some hurt/pain.

 

I don't think she's telling BS b/c she thinks it's the right thing to do, for the health of the baby or due to remorse. I think it's purely and simply revenge for a hurt heart.

[thefooloftheyear]

Bottom line is no one would give a RATS ASS about the BS and her poor newborn if the MM ran off with the OW...So, because he didnt, now everyone wants to be a hero...Oh how thoughtful....

 

End of story...Just call it as it is...Retaliation...

 

TFY

[HopingAgain]

Bottom line is no one would give a RATS ASS about the BS and her poor newborn if the MM ran off with the OW...So, because he didnt, now everyone wants to be a hero...Oh how thoughtful....

 

End of story...Just call it as it is...Retaliation...

 

TFY

 

I want to like this 1000X and then give it a stamp of approval on top!

[Midnight_Princess]

I don't think she's a monster, Per Se, but the expression "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" sure wasn't pulled out of thin air. She's been ranting for a long time about exacting revenge on MM and revenge is not KIND nor is it GENTLE. I think her telling the BS in this state of mind is going to create a lot more damage than waiting until after the baby is born.

 

She was scorned? No. The poor wife is. Whatever her reason for telling she needs to know. It will be much harder to leave(if she decided) with a new born baby.

 

I do understand your points though.