Quiet Storm Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 Regardless of motives, I believe the BW has the right to live an authentic life. Whether its motivated by revenge & spite, or kindness & remorse. This is information the wife needs to know. Did you know 1 in 6 Americans have genital herpes? 1 in 5 American women. These are CDC statisics. It can cause no symptoms. The test for it is not always included in standard screenings. People imagine herpes as being obvious blisters, but a person can have the virus with no symptoms or very mild and rare outbreaks. It is possibly fatal for the baby. If there is any indication of herpes, the doctor will do a c-section. You need to tell her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Red Wolverine Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 Regardless of what anyone says, I'm doubting the OP tells anyone. The reason... Self-preservation. It's not just for MM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 I agree, RW. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 My XWS gifted me TWO STDs! Another piece of information that would have been useful. Something else I had to take care of, calling his OW to let them know. Because I'm a human being. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 4, 2013 Share Posted September 4, 2013 I re-read his texts again today almost after a week. They all boil me up. Feeling of vengeance is huge! He said you are cheap , keep your mouth shut otherwise you have no idea what you will have to go through ..BEWARE!! And lot more. 2 weeks from now grandparents are flying out of town for 2 weeks that's when I will meet his W. Is it worth asking her to keep my family out? And use her own investigations to confront him? He did say that he will continue having affair without hers and my knowledge. Any suggestions on how to handle this conversation beginning to end wil be much appreciated. Thanks . The clueless logic of the unfaithful continues to astound the rest of us. While most clearly don't approve of this woman telling her married-man's wife of the affair... (because of how it will harm or torment the innocent woman) the overwhelming majority would advise that same married man to give the same information to the same wife/person no matter how harmed and tormented that person might become as a direct result. This is plainly selfish and completely illogical thinking. Now if this married man knew of the plot being planned against him, he should indeed be telling the wife first, to spare her the additional pain of her learning the truth from another party. However, when there is little or zero chance that an innocent partner would ever find out about such an affair then the correct logic is not telling the innocent spouse ever, in order to spare them the same pain which could come down upon the innocent wife mentioned in this thread. Your guilt becomes a non-issue in such an equation, as you created this problem for yourself. It is perhaps only the flawed mind that would engage in such an affair in the first place which would conceive of the purely selfish though processes behind the clueless impulse that is informing an innocent spouse of an affair when nothing else would ever cause them to find out. And the fact/statement that you "would want to know" means exactly nothing in the way of justification for bringing emotional harm to an innocent person. . Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 The harm has already been done. I for the life of me, will never understand how people advocate LYING. The hurt does not come from the telling the truth, the hurt comes from the actions already done. Again, why some think that they are above everyone else, and feel they have the right to manipulate another so that they can feel like they "are doing the unselfish thing". Bottom line, they are avoiding consequences. Nothing noble about that at all. Its simple folks.....lies protect the liar. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 I would want to know if my H was sleeping with other women so that I could protect my unborn child from stds, wouldn't you all? Surely there is a way for this mother-to-be to have the information so that she can be tested and the little one be protected if need be. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
trailrunner1975 Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 Hire an escort to go to tell his wife she was seeing him. Wife gets the hint, you stay relatively safe 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 Zum1, you've got to figure out a kind way to let this mtb know that she needs to be tested before childbirth. You have to forget your rage for the sake of the baby. Forget about yourself and put this baby first. And forget about revenge. He'll (XMM or XOM, whichever) get what's coming to him and it will be worse if you let God handle it than if you do it. If you do it, then God doesn't have to. "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." (can't rem ref but it's in there) "'Revenge is mine' says the Lord," also in the Bible. So figure out a way to kindly help this little baby. Do you know someone who is a nurse who can go with you? It would be a good idea to have someone with you anyway to keep your emotions in check. And she could explain the risks to the mom, if needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Share Posted September 5, 2013 Hire an escort to go to tell his wife she was seeing him. Wife gets the hint, you stay relatively safe I am all up for it. Hope he won't send 2-3 escorts my way!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Share Posted September 5, 2013 Just wanted to clarify a couple of things here. In general I am not of the opinion that I involve anyone (W or friends) into something that I started and went wrong. I did not go asking his wife whether I can have A with her H. So why now? Hence, whenever I thought we are through I kept quite and not even once thought need of telling anyone. Now the way he is behaving and saying things it's not something I should be doing anymore. Secondly, as the subject of the thread is, I will tell his W and I need to know if there is a way of doing that without involving my relatives (note not my BF or H, it's my relatives I want to keep out). That is all this thread is about so posters who suggest to not tell W please & kindly don't try to argue or change opinions. I have discussed this with one of my male friend, same one to whom I sent a rude text, he was mouth open shocked but is supporting me completely on this, he convinced a lot and said forget him & move on but when I argued too much he said blow off all the covers and runaway with me. I take he is joking but good to know I have support. I am staying at aunt's today and looking for a chance to grab her for a chat . Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 When I read threads like this I am so thankful I never became involved with a single OW. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 When I read threads like this I am so thankful I never became involved with a single OW. When I read these threads I have a newfound respect for my single fOW... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 So tell the wife! Walk right up and knock on her door and tell her. Your H is a dirt bag with side chicks. Not just A side chick but side chicks plural!!!! Please punish him! Sorry to stress you out and all BUT I would appreciate it if you would do me the favor of leaving my family out of this, not that I cared about YOUR family or anything. Please understand my double standards. I can't see what could possibly go wrong! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Share Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) So tell the wife! Walk right up and knock on her door and tell her. Your H is a dirt bag with side chicks. Not just A side chick but side chicks plural!!!! Please punish him! Sorry to stress you out and all BUT I would appreciate it if you would do me the favor of leaving my family out of this, not that I cared about YOUR family or anything. Please understand my double standards. I can't see what could possibly go wrong! Because I am not going to your relatives or grandparents! And I am not telling your aunt who can sympathise with you for rest of your life what an unlucky poor creature you are. So please walk out from this jerk or live with him ( informed) but don't involve my relatives. May be she won't,but he will for sure. Edited September 5, 2013 by zum1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Share Posted September 5, 2013 When I read these threads I have a newfound respect for my single fOW... TFY Are you a jerk like this MM? Talk to her the way he did and then we will see. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 (edited) Are you a jerk like this MM? Talk to her the way he did and then we will see. Nope... I am a jerkoff for entering into an inappropriate relationship, but I wont put that on anyone but myself.. But you act like a petulant 9 year old girl...You entered the game, knew the rules and lost.....Stop crying in your beer..He probably talked to you in that manner, because you made his life a living hell. Own your part and move on with your life... Just answer this one question..You seem to care SO much for the welfare of the poor BS. If you did, why did you involve yourself with this man in the first place? And if he decided to run off with you, would you still tell the BS about the STD risK? Because the way you talk about him, he was banging every woman on the street.. I know you wont answer it honestly...Its OK...I know the answer already.. I wish you well, I really do.. TFY Edited September 5, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Share Posted September 5, 2013 Nope... I am a jerk for entering into an inappropriate relationship, but I wont put that on anyone but myself.. But you act like a petulant 9 year old girl...You entered the game, knew the rules and lost.....Stop crying in your beer..He probably talked to you in that manner, because you made his life a living hell. Own your part and move on with your life... Just answer this one question..You seem to care SO much for the welfare of the poor BS. If you did, why did you involve yourself with this man in the first place? And if he decided to run off with you, would you still tell the BS about the STD risK? Because the way you talk about him, he was banging every woman on the street.. I know you wont answer it honestly...Its OK...I know the answer already.. I wish you well, I really do.. TFY Excuse me! Where did I quoted that I am informing because I cared about his W?? That is just a side effect of information she will get. I want to put a full stop on his manipulations and yes 'vengeance' is still the word. And which 9 year old will act like that ?? They will be too immature..Watch what you are saying . Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 Since you're determined to tell her, WOMAN up and be prepared to face any consequences coming to you. If you are foolish enough to request anything from her just be ready to endure her rage. How would YOU react if a woman who's been sleeping with your husband then had the audacity to ask you a favor? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
maidai Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 When I read threads like this I am so thankful I never became involved with a single OW. OI! Don't tar us all with the same brush! I was not a classic OW I was in an 18mnth un secret relationship with a man who's wife knew about us all the time we were together and did not care. On the day of the divorce being sorted 3 years after seperation she managed to convince him to go back. Their marriage was hell. The most vengeful I got was wishing her good luck because she would need it when she contacted me. The best best revenge is going full NC and leaving the pair of them to stew in their own misery and infighting which is already happening after just a month :laugh: Some of us walk away dignified and worry about no one other than ourselves. We are usually the ones who come through it better and quicker aswell. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 Excuse me! Where did I quoted that I am informing because I cared about his W?? That is just a side effect of information she will get. I want to put a full stop on his manipulations and yes 'vengeance' is still the word. And which 9 year old will act like that ?? They will be too immature..Watch what you are saying . How unbelievably petty and selfish can one person be? Its clear you don't know the meaning of empathy or consideration. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Share Posted September 5, 2013 Since you're determined to tell her, WOMAN up and be prepared to face any consequences coming to you. If you are foolish enough to request anything from her just be ready to endure her rage. How would YOU react if a woman who's been sleeping with your husband then had the audacity to ask you a favor? Really can't say. Too many 'what ifs' to deal with. That's why I an quite so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 5, 2013 Author Share Posted September 5, 2013 How unbelievably petty and selfish can one person be? Its clear you don't know the meaning of empathy or consideration. I do. So will it be better if I do not tell W, keep her out and limit my agony to MM? Have him arrested or something ? Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 What makes you think she would tell your visiting grandparents?? And honestly, why do you care if she does? That's pretty hypocritical. You want him outed to his family for being such a cold jerkface serial cheater, but you don't want your family to know you've been sleeping with a MM? Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted September 5, 2013 Share Posted September 5, 2013 You write on and on about yourself and your need for revenge when an innocent little baby could be hurt very badly. I don't understand this type of thinking. I would think you would be writing asking for suggestions about how to handle letting the mtb know she needs to get tested. Link to post Share on other sites
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