Author zum1 Posted September 6, 2013 Author Share Posted September 6, 2013 I wondered that myself. Why in hell would a MM tell an angry xOW that he is going to keep having affairs. Would MM not think that would piss OW off enough to rat him out to his wife? It doesn't make sense. Unless he isn't right in the head, it would be foolish to tell an OW this. I have replied in post # 103 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 6, 2013 Author Share Posted September 6, 2013 I'm always confused when OW expect fidelity with their MM. Common sense that came late! I believed him when he told me that his marriage is sexless and his W irritates him! If she was not pregnant then this would have continued for longer! He kept her pregnancy undercover as much as he could! Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 6, 2013 Author Share Posted September 6, 2013 You are right that he is game playing! He enjoys that! Soooo you're thinking of telling the wife as revenge when you could have him deported????? Break out the big guns and fire away! Send his pathetic bum home! That's a win win for everyone. Seriously, this guy is a jerk, walk away! He just told me this very briefly once long time back. I haven't thought about it. He is not allowed to be in country that he is in and initially I thought that's why may be he wants to marry me to get citizenship but he told me he is not interested in the citizenship. Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 Common sense that came late! I believed him when he told me that his marriage is sexless and his W irritates him! If she was not pregnant then this would have continued for longer! He kept her pregnancy undercover as much as he could! hmmm...they don't have sex but she got pregnant? Call the Weekly world News! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GreySkyMorning Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 hmmm...they don't have sex but she got pregnant? Call the Weekly world News! Wow! I don't think that had been mentioned in this thread yet!! And the insightful way that you pointed it out....I'm overwhelmed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I wondered that myself. Why in hell would a MM tell an angry xOW that he is going to keep having affairs. Would MM not think that would piss OW off enough to rat him out to his wife? It doesn't make sense. Unless he isn't right in the head, it would be foolish to tell an OW this. Exactly. which is why I think he's screwing with Z's head on purpose as he knows exactly how to manipulate her and piss her off, and to get a reaction. You're far done from him as you KEEP responding to his texts. You've not cut him off by changing your number. OK, I saw you replied to part of my reply to you but (again) did not acknowledge the part about owning your part in all this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 Exactly. which is why I think he's screwing with Z's head on purpose as he knows exactly how to manipulate her and piss her off, and to get a reaction. You're far done from him as you KEEP responding to his texts. You've not cut him off by changing your number. OK, I saw you replied to part of my reply to you but (again) did not acknowledge the part about owning your part in all this. I know that I am equally responsible for A but I did not see what I am doing wrong back then! I could not see beyond his lies! My fault! Link to post Share on other sites
Feb Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 hmmm...they don't have sex but she got pregnant? Call the Weekly world News! No, it's better than that. If you read zum's backstory, her MM said he doesn't have sex with W, but then he and zum got in an argument or LC (can't remember which), so MM had sex with W out of despair for zum, but was thinking of zum the entire time during sex. Out of that came the pregnancy. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
Feb Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Exactly. which is why I think he's screwing with Z's head on purpose as he knows exactly how to manipulate her and piss her off, and to get a reaction. You're far done from him as you KEEP responding to his texts. You've not cut him off by changing your number. OK, I saw you replied to part of my reply to you but (again) did not acknowledge the part about owning your part in all this. OP sees herself as victim of MM's lies, and feels zero, and I do mean zero, ownership. Others here have tried and failed to get her to see this. She is too angry and emotional right now to look at the A from a logical angle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 No, it's better than that. If you read zum's backstory, her MM said he doesn't have sex with W, but then he and zum got in an argument or LC (can't remember which), so MM had sex with W out of despair for zum, but was thinking of zum the entire time during sex. Out of that came the pregnancy. Ugh. !!!!!! Let me re-iterate. He said he has sexless marriage and is looking for a clean exit. He hides pregnancy from me, after 7 months when tells me about it very casually. When I ask for explanation he says he had sex thinking about me. This disgusts me and I pick up a nasty fight with him that lasts all day! After which we don't speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 OP sees herself as victim of MM's lies, and feels zero, and I do mean zero, ownership. Others here have tried and failed to get her to see this. She is too angry and emotional right now to look at the A from a logical angle. Whatever he did with me was on the grounds of lies, big ones. I did say it was my mistake to have relationship with MM wish I were a bit strong and had some sense to think that a man living with a woman under a same roof can have any kind of relationship with her that I may never know about!! MM also made sure that I have no scope of having relationship with any man around me, so the feeling of being betrayed doesn't goes away. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 He said he has sexless marriage and is looking for a clean exit. The state of their marriage was none of your business. The state of their marriage has nothing to do with your choice to f&*k her husband The state of their marriage doesn't make what you did any less wrong This is just justification at work. So what...their marriage was not working. It still was not your place to pour gasoline on his wife. That is what YOU did. A clean exit does not involve a third party. NOthing noble about that at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 If you tell her. Do it with compassion and not spite. If you attack she will most likely attack back. If you go to her with remorse, sympathy and compassion you might find that she is stronger than you think. I had a few convo's with my H's OW....She denied, denied, denied. *shrug* I was calm and logical...I gave her (them) the green light. Go on with him honey good luck with it. She ran as fast as she could.....oh well. I would have been grateful to her if she would of told me the truth. But that's me. I was getting lies, lies, and more lies...which made me think I was a lunatic. So you might be surprised that she wants the truth from you. I understand. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Stop focusing on his choices...and start focusing on your own. You chose to have a relationship with a married man. That was the only thing you needed to know... Are you married? Yes. Well, good day then. See...that is how you respond to a married person. However, you didnt. You gave yourself "outs", you needed something to tell yourself that it was okay to f*&( another womans husband. So he gave them to you. Bottom line....you decided that in CERTAIN situations it is okay to sleep with married men. That was your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
randomwoman Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 As much as I would feel like outing him to the world, I'd be outing myself too. If it helps, just think about it this way..if that is the way he is going to talk to women he has affairs with, one day he will run into a woman that will out him for the world to see and you stay out of the drama. Deep breaths, I'm sure it's very hard to maintain your composure but you'll be glad you did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 Stop focusing on his choices...and start focusing on your own. You chose to have a relationship with a married man. That was the only thing you needed to know... Are you married? Yes. Well, good day then. See...that is how you respond to a married person. However, you didnt. You gave yourself "outs", you needed something to tell yourself that it was okay to f*&( another womans husband. So he gave them to you. Bottom line....you decided that in CERTAIN situations it is okay to sleep with married men. That was your choice. Normally this would be the scenario, but he was old friend . I did not had much clue about his married life, just assumptions that married with what he told me. He courted me for 2 months and I used to be so unbelievably happy. I know most affairs with MM don't work out and my family may not have accepted either but for some crazy reason I had this feeling that we are meant to be and we will end up together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 As much as I would feel like outing him to the world, I'd be outing myself too. If it helps, just think about it this way..if that is the way he is going to talk to women he has affairs with, one day he will run into a woman that will out him for the world to see and you stay out of the drama. Deep breaths, I'm sure it's very hard to maintain your composure but you'll be glad you did. Doing just that. It's odd but one of his text was what you said, 'Take deep breaths. I know it's hard for you to digest but relax ' That smiley in the end was so annoying! Anyways, I know what you mean. Link to post Share on other sites
randomwoman Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 Doing just that. It's odd but one of his text was what you said, 'Take deep breaths. I know it's hard for you to digest but relax ' That smiley in the end was so annoying! Anyways, I know what you mean. He sounds like he enjoys taking jabs. Do you have a make up/break up pattern? It may even be in efforts to spice that up. That has been my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 He sounds like he enjoys taking jabs. Do you have a make up/break up pattern? It may even be in efforts to spice that up. That has been my experience. There wasn't a pattern but if I ever gave priority to any other work or person over him (even family) he used to stop talking to me and then come back by himself anywhere from 3 hours to max 9 days. In March it was getting too much physical and I said to him, it feels like its all about body and you don't love me. He got offended and went off for over a month!! I kept thinking about him and somehow came to a conclusion that it was my fault to talk to him like that!! So I approached him and we were back together in no time. Now I know why he was gone!!! Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 There wasn't a pattern but if I ever gave priority to any other work or person over him (even family) he used to stop talking to me and then come back by himself anywhere from 3 hours to max 9 days. In March it was getting too much physical and I said to him, it feels like its all about body and you don't love me. He got offended and went off for over a month!! I kept thinking about him and somehow came to a conclusion that it was my fault to talk to him like that!! So I approached him and we were back together in no time. Now I know why he was gone!!! See, if someone whom you love said, "your actions are making me feel unloved!" then surely the logical thing to do is get offended and stop talking to that person! He's manipulating, teaching you not to confront him with reality. This guy is a special kind of jerk. That is NOT love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author zum1 Posted September 8, 2013 Author Share Posted September 8, 2013 See, if someone whom you love said, "your actions are making me feel unloved!" then surely the logical thing to do is get offended and stop talking to that person! He's manipulating, teaching you not to confront him with reality. This guy is a special kind of jerk. That is NOT love. I feel like this to him.. That he is a special kind of jerk !! And I really like your footnote ! Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 zum1...again..why the focus on him. You do realize that this is your life right? That you made choices this whole time? That you decided it was okay to sleep with a married man? You see...when you have self respect...you don't allow yourself to behave in a manner that will be disrespectful..to yourself firstly...others secondly. You did not do that. You still don't. You sit lamenting about what he did or didn't do/say. What about YOU? Link to post Share on other sites
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