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ex got back in contact with me!!

iltoro

By iltoro,
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julia12

julia12

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Hi there,

 

I'll add my tuppence worth of advice here. I agree with the person who said, don't try to analyse words of a text, etc. It will drive you round the bend! I used to do that until I got exhausted and got out of my own way. It didn't help anything at all.

 

The feeling of being powerless isn't very nice, but I think you have done everything in your power (and then some!) to try to get her back. She'll just end up feeling really badly hassled if you take it further. Step back and leave her alone. The fact that she said the words "don't turn into a stalker" is a real red flag, no? Ultimately the best you can maybe do here is say "humph!", stop reading too much stuff into things, and leave her alone.

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iltoro

iltoro

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Hi there,

 

I'll add my tuppence worth of advice here. I agree with the person who said, don't try to analyse words of a text, etc. It will drive you round the bend! I used to do that until I got exhausted and got out of my own way. It didn't help anything at all.

 

The feeling of being powerless isn't very nice, but I think you have done everything in your power (and then some!) to try to get her back. She'll just end up feeling really badly hassled if you take it further. Step back and leave her alone. The fact that she said the words "don't turn into a stalker" is a real red flag, no? Ultimately the best you can maybe do here is say "humph!", stop reading too much stuff into things, and leave her alone.

 

Hi julia, idk if you understood, but the "being a stalker" thing was 6 months ago. now some month ago we had a chat and had a sort of reconciliation going.

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happydate

happydate

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Hey guys this'll be a long read but i want you to know all the details:

So i knew this girl the night of my birthday last year. Intelligent pretty loving and caring. We were together for some 10 months. We were also each others first ones in the bedroom. She loved me like crazy. Not much gone and i loved her too. We had our difficulties meeting up and such but nothing to big.

 

New year passes and for various circumstances we couldnt have sex anymore. Coming with the anxiety of the finals i also **** up at valentines when we didnt even meet with my excuse being to busy with finals. Some day in late march she drops the bomb out of the blue...after a long conversation about money and keeping her she says were done, you cant keep me. I think: okay its the classic she will get back in a matter of hours. It didnt happen, but she contacted me with an "How are you" text two days later. We started talking and after 5 agonizing days chasing her and begging her to come back i had another chance with her. Two days later, texting (we hadnt even met after the break up) i asked her to come over, she didnt feel like it and told me that it was better if i let her go...

 

Days go by, i realise what i lost and try to get her back, one day even crying on the phone and contacting her sister.After a month of little contact, Nothing. she said i dont love you anymore, dont turn into a stalker. At 12th of may was her birthday. I did one last try: Bought flowers and at 12 am went to the club she was partying to wish her a happy birthday. She seemed like she was happy i got there but told me that i shouldnt have gone there. Now problem is that after nearly 2 months from the break up i cant get over her and i really want her back. I deciced i will start no contact from that day (12th of may).

 

Now after three months of no contact, she sent me a text about a week ago, saying that she was sorry for everything. She said she really meant it and one day she was going to explain me everything. I responded in a cold but correct manner saying that those things were in the past and there was no need to bring them up.

 

Now thing is i would LOVE to get together with her again, how do i proceed? Please help!!!

 

You are being needy and clingy to her and that is why she left you and you still are, border lining to being a stalker. There is nothing between you and her that makes her want you back. It is basically over 10 months, so it is a honeymoon over period and that she realized there was not romance and love to fall back on because the buzz is gone. There are no explanations necessary really.

 

Ignore her. If she wants you back, she will call and will make an effort to. But that is usually if she couldn't get any luckier than a man like you. A woman with a little kitty kat down there can pretty much get any man, probably better than you and not as needy and clingy as you are.

 

As others had said, you can only get someone back if you let time works its magic. Sometimes, it will take as little as 6 to 9 months, sometimes 2 years or more. But if she comes back, chances are she came back because she isnt as luck as good as a catch to other men and you are her compromise. Do you want to be her only compromise? Sounds like a used Blackberrry phone nobody wants!

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Angry bird

Angry bird

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NC is good to get space and perspective. If they do return you are not under the spell of the emotional pull. You are coming from a sound mind, of what is BEST or you.

 

You are not ready to get back with her.

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iltoro

iltoro

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Hi guys. So ive met my ex 2 times in the course of these 3 days. Casual coffee and chit chat. Been contacting her also with sms-es. What i understand is that she wants to get back together but take it slow. Thing is that i discovered that she dated someone else this period of time, and that has pushed me back a bit :(. What do you guys advice?

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Mariposa10

Mariposa10

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Hi guys. So ive met my ex 2 times in the course of these 3 days. Casual coffee and chit chat. Been contacting her also with sms-es. What i understand is that she wants to get back together but take it slow. Thing is that i discovered that she dated someone else this period of time, and that has pushed me back a bit :(. What do you guys advice?

 

 

Did she tell you or did you ask? You have to decide whether you'll get past that or not before you guys start having a relationship again. How were you guys broke up?

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lylat333

lylat333

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Good question. I've often wondered what I would do if my ex wanted to reconcile but had been with another guy(s) while away. I would be very bitter about my ex going so cold on me so fast just to go to another guy, it would be a big blow to my dignity.

 

What period of time are we talking about? Everyone has their own opinions on this.

 

imo it's purely personal preference. You have to consider the circumstances and decide if it's something you can accept or not. Some people have the attitude pretty much anything goes when you're single. I don't see it that way, imo how a person carries themselves while single is a reflection of their character.

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NoMoreJerks

NoMoreJerks

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Good question. I've often wondered what I would do if my ex wanted to reconcile but had been with another guy(s) while away. I would be very bitter about my ex going so cold on me so fast just to go to another guy, it would be a big blow to my dignity.

 

What period of time are we talking about? Everyone has their own opinions on this.

 

imo it's purely personal preference. You have to consider the circumstances and decide if it's something you can accept or not. Some people have the attitude pretty much anything goes when you're single. I don't see it that way, imo how a person carries themselves while single is a reflection of their character.

I found out my ex slept with a prostitute (in Thailand of all places, STD-capital of the world) 3 days after breaking things off with me, then got back together with me 5-6 days later, and we had unprotected sex a few weeks later (as we used to -- and he probably had unprotected sex with the prostitute too, as he is unable to hold an erection with a condom on)... I felt so horrified and disgusted and hurt when I found out about this (6 months after it had happened) and got tested for STDs twice to make sure I didn't get anything. I frankly consider that cheating, though he defended himself by claiming he was "single" at the time. I don't think he grasps the disgusting nature of his behavior. It's doubly disgusting that he expects me not to take it personally. Knowing all this now, I'd never take him back again (we broke it off for the final time, a few weeks after I found out), because I can't tolerate the idea of getting back together with a man like that.

Edited by NoMoreJerks
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lindsay1990

lindsay1990

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Whoa. This is like major league.

 

Has he gotten tested?

 

I think the most concerning (terrying?) part of this is how you say he is making it out to be a matter of "cheating" (alleging his singledom at the time) instead of the severe health risk it represents for you.

 

I know you love him and I'm sorry to be harsh, but either he is a moron and shouldn't be trusted because he's just THAT irresponsible and reckless, or he is an as*hole that doesn't care about himself much less about you. I'm sorry to hear this but I'm glad you have tested clear. Let this be a lesson to you about his responsibility and trustworthiness.

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iltoro

iltoro

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Hey guys, got news here. So i met her a couple of times last week and when chit chatting with sms-es she hinted sometimes that she would like to come back with me( at least that's what i understood from her words). But when we talked for the last time (i messaged her) she said she couldnt understand this sudden all day sms reaproach. Earlier that day when she messaged me she told me: "i know im being a bit fastidious to you!! Imagine that! Also she was going in a vacation and i got curious ( i thought she was going with the guy she had been while away from me) and i did some questions. She obviously didnt like this and told me that she needed too feel that she could do all she wanted. Now everything happened on friday and i havent talked with her since, what should i do? Send her an sms or something? How do i act next?

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bungeechord_toolong

bungeechord_toolong

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I think you already have your answers from previous posters. You keep "digging" the same hole although you've been warned that there is NO WATER in the area. Can you please DO NOTHING AT ALL just for a change? Can you just disappear from her life? The door is closed for now and you keep knocking at it. You don't deserve this...

Edited by bungeechord_toolong
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