Either way I win

[youngnlove89]

Dear Strangers of the Internet,

I've been on these forums for over a year now and most have witnessed the brutality and strong emotion I have fathomed. You have seen me up and down, back and forth and swinging wayward.

 

I have been with an emotionally constipated man for 2.5 years now and despite it all, I love him. Some may argue that commitment issues don't exist and it's merely an excuse for "I'm just not the one", but I beg to differ.

 

After extensive research on the topic, talking to a Psychologist, relating to many people who have also experienced the emotional whiplash of going back and forth AND also hearing it from the commitment phobe himself, I do believe there are such issues. And it is serious.

 

Albeit, I have created some frustration, havoc and rage, I rest knowing that I am not a bad person because of it. I used to be afraid to come on here and speak of my true feelings because I knew I would get crucified for it. And I did. Maybe it was because people cared, maybe it was because they didn't. Point is, I shouldn't care what other people think. After all, it is my life.

 

Either way I win. A friend told me, "Either he steps up or I move on to something better. Time will tell which one".

 

As for now, drum roll please, I have decided to stick around. Maybe you think it's settling, or meant to be, or just a waste of time. One thing I learned is to not base the decisions on the advice of people who don't have to deal with the results. I appreciate the pages of advice I have from this site. But love won this war. I couldn't bare to be without those baby blues.

 

Life is short. I love him. I can't help it. I don't know what the future holds, I have an idea, but no one really knows. And in the meantime, I choose to keep what I have. And so does he. After a long deep conversation that exploited the dirty laundry and the intimate details of our feelings, we have both agreed that we want to stay together. That we will get through this together no matter what. I trust him, I believe in him and I have faith in this relationship. We both have been wrong, done wrong and we both our fixing it. We agreed it's time to work on us.

 

Maybe this isn't the relationship some of you would choose. Maybe it is. Maybe you have before. Maybe you won't ever again. But for now...I am happy with what I have.

 

So after the fight, the debate and people proclaiming this isn't love and he is using you...I'm staying. I know him better than any of you. He does care about me and he does love me and I'm sorry, but no good pussy is this good enough to stick around with if he really didn't want me. Sex isn't the lifeline of our relationship...it's love. And I know deep down inside, he really thinks I'm the one. I can feel it. I can tell when he kisses me, when he holds me all night long, texts me all day and calls me every night.

 

This has been a tough ride and still is, but anything worth something won't be easy.

 

I'm prepared.

Edited September 4, 2013 by youngnlove89

[mummyjonno]

and you felt the need to announce that why?

 

Its your life, if you want to make decisions, silly or not make them.

 

You don't need people here to justify them.

[Curt2013]

Good luck to you. Just protect yourself and learn from this experience. I know you love him but remember that love is great but is not enough to sustain a long term relationship. Other things such as mutual respect, honesty, maturity and integrity play a huge part of everyone's future as a couple. Sometimes we're all so scared of pain that we numb ourselves to avoid it. Sometimes we make excuses for the pain. Either way it's necessary to face your fears and deal with the pain. It will make you stronger in the long run. While I'm extremely happy you got your wish by reconciling with your ex I hope you have enough courage to make the tough choice if things don't turn out as planned. Remember, what we desire is not always whats necessarily best for us.

[Toddbt12y1]

If I'm understanding this correctly...you got back with him, yet again? .....wow.....

[Keenly]

The cycle continues.

 

 

Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity?

 

 

I mean, you can make all the excuses you'd like, including " I know him better than any of you " but you just remember saying this when you realize you are going in circles.

 

 

Best of luck to you.

[Toddbt12y1]

Well. I don't know what to say. Young, this will only be a repeat. You shouldn't have to be kicked in the face twenty times to know that this won't work. You are a pretty girl. Get someone else, who will treat you better. You're just making yourself a victim again to this foul cycle.

[mummyjonno]

Well. I don't know what to say. Young, this will only be a repeat. You shouldn't have to be kicked in the face twenty times to know that this won't work. You are a pretty girl. Get someone else, who will treat you better. You're just making yourself a victim again to this foul cycle.

 

I have to agree, such a pretty little thing she is. Shame she doesn't seem to know her own worth and goes back to someone who mistreats her.

 

Just looked at her threads, not even going to bother reading them there are so many.

 

Some people are just a glutton for punishment

[mtnbiker3000]

So then the question begs... Why still posting here? Can we assume we won't hear from you again now that you've figured things out and have grown tired of what the community says about it? If this is the life you've chosen, then logic dictates you will stop bringing it to our attention, except in another year to tell us how wrong we all were, and how well everything has worked out.

 

And, good luck!!

[Zahara]

Just predicatable behavior.

 

The last time she made an announcement as this one (and there have been many), I-love-him-he-loves-me, it blew up in her face when the guy lied to her and was doing whatever with some other chick. He didn't chose her. Then she hit rock bottom.

 

In a few months, she'll be back with the same drama. Only this time she won't be so cocky as she is now because she will seek help from the board.

 

She'll learn the hard way. I think that's the only way.

[unexpectedlyhere]

Good luck! Make sure you have very clear expectations of him and you understand the ones he has of you.

 

If it doesn't work out, though... just BIN HIM.

[Zahara]

Maybe you all hate me because you see your ex in me, or see your ex in him...or

 

No one hates you. Some of us are too old to fly with such childish reasonings.

 

What we do see is a young woman that just can't fathom being rejected because her self-value and image is so strongly dependent on being accepted by a man, even when it's clearly unhealthy for her. Thread after thread, month after month isn't an indication that things are going to change. It's just an indication that you're weak and just can't help yourself.

[mummyjonno]

No one hates you. Some of us are too old to fly with such childish reasonings.

 

What we do see is a young woman that just can't fathom being rejected because her self-value and image is so strongly dependent on being accepted by a man, even when it's clearly unhealthy for her. Thread after thread, month after month isn't an indication that things are going to change. It's just an indication that you're weak and just can't help yourself.

 

Her thread after thread may as well all be deleted. He's not an abusive scumbag its " miscommunication"

[pteromom]

Hey, I hope this time is different, and good luck to you. Love with all you have, but just make sure your head stays in the game too - don't use so much heart that you lose your head.

 

I guess my main piece of advice is to not assume that he is feeling exactly what you are feeling. Watch his ACTIONS, not his words, and if his actions match up with what you want, great.

[youngnlove89]

I think you all just want my relationship to fail...so you will all be right. I really don't think any of you give a toot about whether I'm happy or not. You just all are cynical about my situation.

 

Or maybe you are jealous because it didn't work out with your ex and I still have power in my relationship. Not saying everyone feels this way...

 

But if anything...this isn't caring about a stranger. It's putting them down to prove that you "could" be right.

 

I still have power unlike most of you. And I'm sorry your hearts hurt or you don't agree with what I'm doing, but don't bash me. This is a community that is to provide support and love to one another.

 

I could write novels about pain/heartbreak. I've had my fare share and I probably will still experience it. But I provide love and support and I try to be understands because the biggest factor in everyone here is our hearts.

 

And if given the same opportunity...I bet most would take their ex back.

[Zahara]

I think you all just want my relationship to fail...so you will all be right. I really don't think any of you give a toot about whether I'm happy or not. You just all are cynical about my situation.

 

Or maybe you are jealous because it didn't work out with your ex and I still have power in my relationship. Not saying everyone feels this way...

 

But if anything...this isn't caring about a stranger. It's putting them down to prove that you "could" be right.

 

I still have power unlike most of you. And I'm sorry your hearts hurt or you don't agree with what I'm doing, but don't bash me. This is a community that is to provide support and love to one another.

 

I could write novels about pain/heartbreak. I've had my fare share and I probably will still experience it. But I provide love and support and I try to be understands because the biggest factor in everyone here is our hearts.

 

And if given the same opportunity...I bet most would take their ex back.

 

Victim mentality. Everyone hates me.

 

How can anyone be jealous of what you have when all you've had is heartbreak? It has never worked out so what is there to be jealous. The day he commits to you fully, come here and throw it in our faces that it finally WORKED! Tell me you're with the most amazing man that lavishes you with respect and commitment, and I'd be the green eyed monster. What you have is just a mind p***f.

 

You have no power. You contacted him. And this is how it all came about. He didn't come begging for you. You had to keep running back to him. You just made yourself available to him and that's how he's always roped you back in. That's not power. Power is when he's banging on your door, begging for you and you're pondering if you should slam it.

[Toddbt12y1]

He only comes back when he has no vagina to get.

 

I do not dislike you Young. I gave you advice too. I care for you stranger. But, you are going down such a path of sorrow. You were once a victim to something horrible. Now you are making yourself that victim.

 

He's a liar. You are weaved in so well....he loves your vagina, not your heart

[youngnlove89]

Can I ask one thing...if all of you are just so tired of it, "old enough to not fly with it", yada yada...then why are you here? Why do you keep giving me the same advice if you know it won't stick? What are you trying to prove?

 

Why does every single one of my threads gain the most attention? Huh?

 

What is the point?

 

Cheese n' rice.

[mtnbiker3000]

Sad to say... Entertainment value.

[Zahara]

Can I ask one thing...if all of you are just so tired of it, "old enough to not fly with it", yada yada...then why are you here? Why do you keep giving me the same advice if you know it won't stick? What are you trying to prove?

 

Why does every single one of my threads gain the most attention? Huh?

 

What is the point?

 

Cheese n' rice.

 

How ungrateful can you get? When you're down and out you seek help and people take their time to give you advice, and the "old enough" do it because they've been there and don't want you to make those same mistakes.

 

And people give you the same advice because they hope at some point it will stick because sometimes it takes a couple of falls to finally learn. And why does your posts get attention? Maybe it's because you're one of those posters that people want to see succeed.

 

No one is out to prove anything. You have certainly proven you're level of immaturity by the things that you say.

[Simon Phoenix]

Can I ask one thing...if all of you are just so tired of it, "old enough to not fly with it", yada yada...then why are you here? Why do you keep giving me the same advice if you know it won't stick? What are you trying to prove?

 

Why does every single one of my threads gain the most attention? Huh?

 

What is the point?

 

Cheese n' rice.

 

Because we see potential for much more in you. You obviously have a brain, you are obviously well-spoken. You just are afraid to use it and it's disappointing. You are so afraid of life that you'll put up with anything. And the sad thing is, you are smart enough to know all of this. You aren't a dumb bimbo who just cares about tanning and going to the mall and being extra cool. You have potential, you just don't use it.

 

There's nothing more frustrating in this world than wasted talent. You have all of tools necessary, but none of the strength, moxie and work ethic to make it happen for yourself. In football terms, you are basically Jamarcus Russell right now. Unfortunately, you'd rather cave and then paint yourself as the victim than realize that there's a whole world out there you can conquer.

[youngnlove89]

I've only had a few who actually genuinely cared about me and my situation. And they no longer post on LS. The rest have just turned against me.

 

I would call no one a friend on here. You all just lash out. Look at you. My friends and family would never treat me this way.

 

Curtains closed. Shows over.

[Simon Phoenix]

I've only had a few who actually genuinely cared about me and my situation. And they no longer post on LS. The rest have just turned against me.

 

I would call no one a friend on here. You all just lash out. Look at you. My friends and family would never treat me this way.

 

Curtains closed. Shows over.

 

With the way you talk down to people, I'm surprised more people haven't turned against you.

[mummyjonno]

I've only had a few who actually genuinely cared about me and my situation. And they no longer post on LS. The rest have just turned against me.

 

I would call no one a friend on here. You all just lash out. Look at you. My friends and family would never treat me this way.

 

Curtains closed. Shows over.

 

Your friends and family don't treat you well at all. Perfect strangers shouldn't have to tell you what the issue is, your friends and family should be helping you!

 

Perhaps they are and you ignore them too.

[Simon Phoenix]

Your friends and family don't treat you well at all. Perfect strangers shouldn't have to tell you what the issue is, your friends and family should be helping you!

 

Perhaps they are and you ignore them too.

 

One of her friends saved her from caving the other night when he was texting her about his penis. I think they try too and she treats their advice the same way she treats ours -- ignores it and then whines about how mean they are when she ultimately caves.

[Zahara]

I've only had a few who actually genuinely cared about me and my situation. And they no longer post on LS. The rest have just turned against me.

 

I would call no one a friend on here. You all just lash out. Look at you. My friends and family would never treat me this way.

 

Curtains closed. Shows over.

 

If you call no one here a friend, I am not sure why you kept posting. But, I can safely say that you will be back because as much as you dismiss those that don't support what you do, you'll be back. This is just a temper tantrum because no one here is coddling you.

 

Well, good luck to you.