savethedrama4allama Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Mr. Llama (my boyfriend's) ex has started throwing out rumors that the two of them were still having sex when he and were first dating. Now before you say "she's a psycho and just said it to get you angry" read it out. When we first began dating there were two occassions that he told me he was going to meet her at her parent's house to help her study. She is a student in a discipline where you may need someone to help you with flashcards, etc. She had a boyfriend of her own so I'm not sure why he could not help her? I am not sure if anyone else was home (it was in the afternoon) or how late he stayed. There was also an occasion where he went to pick her up at 4am when she got mad at her date at a party and didn't want to ride home with him. Don't know if he was too drunk or high, or what. I am kind-of torn. Would he tell me he was going over there if he was cheating? And the fact that she had a boyfriend is a deterrent also I'd think. But why couldn't her own boyfriend help her study? And why were they so attached, calling so much, he text messaged her on new years eve saying he'd always love her and be there for her etc, did they still have a love affair going on? But if so why not just DATE again? She IS an established wacko. She could be saying it just to mess with me, and if they hadn't met up I would have dismissed it with no worries. I had shoved my doubts away until recently I told a girlfriend about this who said "RED FLAG!!" Now she's gotten my panties in a wad. What do I do now? I have asked and he swears that they never did anything sexual after they broke up a year before. But he has lied to me before. Should I ask for specifics, like what was she studying, who was home? I doubt he'd remember how long he stayed as it was months ago. Give him a lie detector test? I don't remember if we got together afterwords and if he smelled different, looked tousled or (not to be nasty here) but if he still had energy to have sex with me. I didn't have ANY reason to distrust him yet so I didn't even pay attention. I need some reassurance here or cold truth, whichever is fitting. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 i say Give him the benifit of the doubt. it is soooo hard to do, but since it someone you really care about and have no trust issues with.....why not just let it go. and if something comes up in the future.....well then you can blow up and accuse. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Girl you are having an EC moment..Stop it! I don't remember if we got together afterwords and if he smelled different, looked tousled or (not to be nasty here) but if he still had energy to have sex with me. I didn't have ANY reason to distrust him yet so I didn't even pay attention. I need some reassurance here or cold truth, whichever is fitting. You didn't notice anything wrong before or sense anything wrong so why start now? If you already asked him countless times and he keeps saying nothing happened and he is still with you then let it go. Hes with you now girl. Don't try to make those two incidents bigger than what they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 I agree...don't let someone else start putting doubts in your head. If he did cheat it didn't change the way your relationship came out now. You will have no real way of knowing if he cheated unless you make him submit to a lie detector test...if you went to that extreme...what would that say about your trust for him??!! I think you should let it go...you know him better now, you'd sense if something was wrong now....I dunno I say let "sleeping dogs lie" she could still be jealous and bored and looking to stir up trouble..... Or it could be true...would you really want to know now? What would happen if you find out it's true but he's been faithful since? Would it change your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 I doubt he'd remember how long he stayed as it was months ago. I think it's too late to re-hash this now. You like the way things are with you two? Then go with it. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Originally posted by Barby Or it could be true...would you really want to know now? What would happen if you find out it's true but he's been faithful since? Would it change your relationship? It would end the relationship. We have had problems with his dishonesty (Lying, not cheating, about her to boot) and he claims that he's been honest completely since mid-summer and there is nothing else he needs to come clean about either. If he came clean about cheating with her, maybe. But if I found out myself...NO way. There is barely any trust left as it is. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 It would end the relationship. We have had problems with his dishonesty (Lying, not cheating, about her to boot) and he claims that he's been honest completely since mid-summer and there is nothing else he needs to come clean about either. If he came clean about cheating with her, maybe. But if I found out myself...NO way. There is barely any trust left as it is. Then why are you with him Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Because he sucks me in with the green eyes and swears that he loves me and I am most important to him and he is now honest with me and will be forever. Because I believe in second chances when you love someone and I believe that trust CAN be rebuilt. I'm not talking about a little kiss, I'm talking about having sex with her and endangering my life by exposing me to STDs after telling me that he's come clean about everything he ever lied about. I couldn't forgive that. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 I'm confused...did he do these things before and then come clean about them? I'm in the dark here....if he did and you know already..why are you concerned? Did she say they are still having sex? Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 I agree let it go or leave him. If it keeps bugging you and your stressed out about this girl all the time when do you have time to be happy with him? I agree its hould be the end if you do find out he cheated but your just guessing now and trying to look for things that are probably not there. If he's been good up to know put those caca ideas out of your head. Green eyes huh? Why are we such suckers? lol Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Originally posted by Barby I'm confused...did he do these things before and then come clean about them? I'm in the dark here....if he did and you know already..why are you concerned? Did she say they are still having sex? I'll make it as brief as possible: they were friends, they broke up long before I came along. He told me that he only talked to her every so often but I found out they were talking a LOT more. I told him I wasn't down with this much contact and he cut her off, telling her not to call anymore, he wanted nothing to do with her. Well she continued to call/email/text/etc and he would cover it up. He did this multiple times and says that it was lying to avoid conflict. I would catch him and he would promise to be honest from there on out but I'd catch it again. As far as I know he never responded to her or contacted her after he said he wouldn't, which I believe. I believe because she went bonkers, going so far to follow us into a gas station one day when she saw us driving to yell at him. If they had been talking, there would be no need for that. As far as I know he never lied to go see her or anything like that, nothing that bad. And he claims they didn't have sex at all after they broke up. Does that help? p.s. i'm a total sucker for those eyes EC Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Yes much clearer now... thanks for explaining! Your last post is what confused me....anyway I think you should just let it go. If he didn't give you any reason to think he was sleeping with her...why start believing it now? You know she was a little obssesed so maybe she is wanting to begin to stir up trouble again like before to get a rise out of you. If things have been good so far why rock the boat? I think you'll have to ultimately decide who and what to believe...your instinct and his actions, or a could be jealous ex girlfriend...bringing up things that maybe happened in the past, not present! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Trust him or trust her, pick one. Make him give you details, unless he has a memory of a goldfish, he remembers! Tell him honesty is the best policy, rather than to get caught in an entire web of lies later. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Let me tell you something sweety, EYES THAT DON'T SEE CAN NOT BELIEVE!!! Now she can say all she wants but if you did not see it with your own eyes do not believe it!!! Anyone can say that. Maybe she wants him back and is trying to get you to leave him. Trust your man! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Now before you say "she's a psycho and just said it to get you angry" read it out. Damn. I forgot to add one thing. She's a psycho and just said it to get you angry. Love ya llama! Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Hahaha thats the kicker- I KNOW SHE'S PSYCHO so its almost like self-inflicted anguish. I should know better. I would NEVER mess with another woman's head like that and so its hard to believe that she would mess with me. Boy if she's making it up (and even more if she isn't making it up and its true) what a BEOTCH. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Girls are "Griiiimmy" thats my word meaning they play dirty. I should know huh? lol But seriously she is demented. Just let her be and don't listen to her....Does he treat you good, does he give it to you the way you like it, besides her are there any more problems within your relationship?? Don't let her get to you. Next time she says something about your guy, turn around and say "No, not my guy" and tune her out. Seriously self inflicted pain. Stop it...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 You can't let her get to you, you have to know that there are crazy broads out there, look at all the ones who try and trap their man by pretending to be prego, or claiming they know the man is the baby's daddy when in fact they haven't a clue who really is, (i could go on and on) but like you are being told trust mr. llama he didn't show you that he was screwing around on you....so don't let some jealous ex ruin something that the two of you have been working to build. Everyone is insecure (i mean come on who isn't) but it's what you do with that insecurity that determines the outcome of most things...you know in your heart that she could be doing all she can to try and get between the two of you, just like before...so just don't stop believing him until you have a real reason to... Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 I asked him some questions (couldn't help it) and he said that both times her parents were there, he was there for an hour, and they studied in her front living room. (A lot better than her bedroom right) Sounds good as long as its the truth Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Well trust him over crazy woman!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 so who is the crazy (ex)girl friend? You or her? Not you! So quit over analyzing Everything! it makes you CRAZY!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Llama my friend... Trust YOURSELF. For obvious reason(S) you can't trust HER... For previous LIES, You're having a difficult time trusting HIM... Trust YOU. Trust your instinct and inner voice.. don't be irrational.. but don't push things away that are screaming. It isn't what she SAYS now.. OR what he DID then.. It's what he Does NOW, and reveals to you that matters. Loves ya Llama.. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 I never trust rumors or information provided by ex-lovers. If you didn't sense something when it happened, then I'd say let it go. It doesn't matter now and there's no way of proving or disproving it. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Thanks for your wonderful encouragement and advice as always guys. I explained to him that doubts arise and I feel reassured when I can ask about them, and it helps if he's patient with me even if he feels he's repeating himself. In the email where she made these infidelity accusations she also made extremely raunchy remarks (real or made-up) about their sexual relationship. He didn't know that the accusations or nasty comments had been made, and now he does, so that is a positive note. I tried to be a big girl and ignore her message but in the end I had to tell him. He called her a low class skank, immature, and pathetic for saying these things. And well, that just made me feel better. He never called her names like that before, and frankly if he hates her its insurance that there won't be any bull going on behind my back. Probably not the most mature of me, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama Thanks for your wonderful encouragement and advice as always guys. I explained to him that doubts arise and I feel reassured when I can ask about them, and it helps if he's patient with me even if he feels he's repeating himself. In the email where she made these infidelity accusations she also made extremely raunchy remarks (real or made-up) about their sexual relationship. He didn't know that the accusations or nasty comments had been made, and now he does, so that is a positive note. I tried to be a big girl and ignore her message but in the end I had to tell him. He called her a low class skank, immature, and pathetic for saying these things. And well, that just made me feel better. He never called her names like that before, and frankly if he hates her its insurance that there won't be any bull going on behind my back. Probably not the most mature of me, I know. Who cares if it's "mature" ????? She should just be happy you never ate her a** with a spoon! The beeeoootttcchhhh~ah! Link to post Share on other sites
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