confused Posted January 6, 2001 Share Posted January 6, 2001 My boyfriend "parted" us because he needed time to "think", to find himself - that was the first week of oct. 3 wks after that, we decided to wait til after his vacation (end of nov) to re-unite. Well, he never phoned... i emailed him wishing him a happy new years, and hoping he had a nice trip. that was all. he emailed back saying he still doesnt know what he wants, he's tired of hurting everyone he comes in contact with. It's hard for me to be "nasty" so to speak, when someone hurts me,so i responded with being understanding of his wants and needs right now, and if he ever wants to call to talk or to get together to just let me know. Well, he emailed me back saying i can come by his apartment saturday night if i want, he'll be home watching the hockey game, and that it's my choice. I havent cried over him for the past two months, and now i started again. I thought i was over him. I know this may be a stupid question but i dont know what to do now. I still care for him but he played too many games with my heart and head so far. And now I feel like its my fault i'm unhappy because i emailed him in the first place. I really cant think clearly right now, because all my feelings for him have rushed back into me....would i be better off to just steer clear of him? thanks for listening .... if you have any questions for me to better understand the situation, just ask Link to post Share on other sites
Quandary Posted January 6, 2001 Share Posted January 6, 2001 I would not go over there... I would jsut write back and tell him that you appreciate his offer, but you actually had other plans. He did not say can you please come over... he left the ball in your court. (That is not a cry for help from I can see). If you do go over there DON'T SLEEP WITH HIM... you will end up being a booty call. Don't do anything with him, no hugs, kisses NOTHING. Keep it friends... remember why buy the cow if the milk is free. If he says that he wants you back... start all over like it was a brand new guy take it slow... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 6, 2001 Share Posted January 6, 2001 Stay away from him...and forget him. By the tone of his invitation, you are not very important to him. Unless I got the wrong idea from the wording of your post, he is not extremely excited about you coming over and is almost indifferent. You don't need that in your life. You don't need to get back all these feelings...you just plain need to forget this guy. There are too many men in this world to whom you would be important. As a practical matter, whenever someone tells you they need time apart from you to think about what they want, tell them to go to hell. That's just a cowards way of saying they want to break up with you. Someone who cares about you deeply enough for you to want to see them will not want time away from you. I wouldn't even bother calling this chump...I just wouldn't bother going over to his place. Go to a movie or elsewhere and have some great fun...but stay away from his place. He's a scumbag. Link to post Share on other sites
empathetic buttercup Posted January 6, 2001 Share Posted January 6, 2001 Well, well. Your situation sounds similar to mine. All I can say is be strong. You don't need him. You can do much better. Don't worry about the email you sent, just take control NOW. From now on try to use more of your brain instead of your heart. Try to think of all of the needs you have and how they are not being met by this person. It isn't fair for you to do all the work. Resist! You can do it. My boyfriend "parted" us because he needed time to "think", to find himself - that was the first week of oct. 3 wks after that, we decided to wait til after his vacation (end of nov) to re-unite. Well, he never phoned... i emailed him wishing him a happy new years, and hoping he had a nice trip. that was all. he emailed back saying he still doesnt know what he wants, he's tired of hurting everyone he comes in contact with. It's hard for me to be "nasty" so to speak, when someone hurts me,so i responded with being understanding of his wants and needs right now, and if he ever wants to call to talk or to get together to just let me know. Well, he emailed me back saying i can come by his apartment saturday night if i want, he'll be home watching the hockey game, and that it's my choice. I havent cried over him for the past two months, and now i started again. I thought i was over him. I know this may be a stupid question but i dont know what to do now. I still care for him but he played too many games with my heart and head so far. And now I feel like its my fault i'm unhappy because i emailed him in the first place. I really cant think clearly right now, because all my feelings for him have rushed back into me....would i be better off to just steer clear of him? thanks for listening .... if you have any questions for me to better understand the situation, just ask Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Posted January 6, 2001 Share Posted January 6, 2001 it may be logically better for you to stay away from him. But, love is not logical, if you really have such strong feelings about him then go to his house on saturday and tell him everything you have told us (only do this if the two of you were really close). tell him you need to know what he wants and ask him why he thinks he is going to hurt everyone. also, let him know that you are also afraid of falling in love and getting hurt.... tell him you can face that together. be open and honest with him and see how he reacts. if he is sincere and really wants to be with you then great! but, if he tries to come up with lame excuses as to why you two can't be together and you get the feeling that he is BSing, then tell him that he has messed with your head long enough, tell him that you really care about him but you are not going to cry over him anymore and tell him he needs to make up his mind, either he wants you now or he is never going to get you. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
leah Posted January 6, 2001 Share Posted January 6, 2001 by this guy saying to come over if you want to...tells me he doesn't want to put forth any effort. you've been parted for a couple of months and he has a lukewarm attitude towards it. you haven't cried for two months and now you are...so his reconnection is only upsetting you. release this guy...he does not have a good effect on you and is not giving you anything in the way of an emotional connection. Link to post Share on other sites
Ace Posted January 7, 2001 Share Posted January 7, 2001 I am kind of in the same situation but the sexes are turned around. She broke up with me. It has also been about 2 months that I haven't cried and I also emailed her telling her to have a good new years. I didn't know if I should but I did anyway. Well, we talked for a little bit that day and she called the next day about some computer problem. Nothing relationshipwise. I also met her at the gorcery store which was really weird but we talked friendly again. I told her that I was over it and that I was ok now to kind of cover up things, but I am far from over her. We went out for 4 years. OK, nuff about me. If you REALLY love him, I would come over if he invites. Then sense what he wants. If he seems like he wants to get back together then go with it because I know that is what you want if you are anything like me. If he acts like nothing had ever happened then I would TRY to forget him. Adam Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted January 8, 2001 Share Posted January 8, 2001 You traipsing over to his place because of his lackluster invitation is not a good image for me to contemplate. He should be the one going over to your place, asking you out on a real date, into which he has put some planning and time. Don't settle for his lukewarm approach, unless you like to be in a relationship where you are not really a priority. I am kind of in the same situation but the sexes are turned around. She broke up with me. It has also been about 2 months that I haven't cried and I also emailed her telling her to have a good new years. I didn't know if I should but I did anyway. Well, we talked for a little bit that day and she called the next day about some computer problem. Nothing relationshipwise. I also met her at the gorcery store which was really weird but we talked friendly again. I told her that I was over it and that I was ok now to kind of cover up things, but I am far from over her. We went out for 4 years. OK, nuff about me. If you REALLY love him, I would come over if he invites. Then sense what he wants. If he seems like he wants to get back together then go with it because I know that is what you want if you are anything like me. If he acts like nothing had ever happened then I would TRY to forget him. Adam Link to post Share on other sites
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