Finger on the trigger

[esperanzado]

Hey there LS friends. I really want to email him tonight. Just one quick email with no questions...like "I miss you" or something like that.

 

I can't believe I have gone (withstood) n/c since mid-june and I STILL can't seem to go ONE freaking hour w/out him crossing through and f-ing up my activities.

 

Things are getting neglected in my life b/c of this obsession which I feel is "true love". Could it ever be "true love" or is this what happens to us all?

 

I'm also not strong enough to not spy on him through mutual parties (social media).

 

Any advice on biting the bullet?

[whichwayisup]

Don't email him. Say what you want to say him on here, just get it out and you'll feel better. Emailing him will be a mistake! Don't break NC. You've come a long way and there is progress made even if you don't feel like there hasn't.

 

MAKE yourself stop thinking of him, only allow yourself certain times of the day when you're allowed to and make a promise to yourself it'll be 10 minutes, have your cry and then pick yourself up and do something - Accomplish something. DO NOT let him ruin you and what you do in your life.

 

I believe you're much stronger than you realize but you're scared of totally letting go.

[happy stillmore]

I'm in the the exact same boat. I am constantly fighting the urge to send my thoughts or questions to him. I want sooo bad to know what he is feeling, thinking. I want him to know how I'm hurting and he is the reason for it. I, like you, avoided looking on FB because I was afraid. It would break me totally to see happy pictures of him living life as if everything is fine when I'm crying inside. To fight the urge, I remind myself of how I felt when I was alone and waited for his texts. How I felt when he would spend the day doing things with his wife. I hated the jealousy and wanting something so bad. His actions chose her even though his words said otherwise. I learned his words meant nothing so why should they mean anything now. Plus, I'm also afraid that if I text, it will look like I'm pathetic. I worry that with time, he had come to see our affair as a momentary lapse of reason and had now seen the light. Any communication from me may just be an annoyance to him and that would only make me feel even lower if there was a cold reply. A part of me has to believe he did love me but he was too afraid to leave his settled life for an unknown life with me.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

Hey there LS friends. I really want to email him tonight. Just one quick email with no questions...like "I miss you" or something like that.

 

I can't believe I have gone (withstood) n/c since mid-june and I STILL can't seem to go ONE freaking hour w/out him crossing through and f-ing up my activities.

 

Things are getting neglected in my life b/c of this obsession which I feel is "true love". Could it ever be "true love" or is this what happens to us all?

 

I'm also not strong enough to not spy on him through mutual parties (social media).

 

Any advice on biting the bullet?

 

If you are spying on him through social media (in any way) then you are really not in NC - this is keeping you stuck. You really need to stop looking. For me, this is when things started to turn around - when I made the decision not to look anymore. Have I slipped? Yes. But I'm telling you it is so much better. Knowing what he is up to does not change your situation at all. Will you stop thinking about him right away? Probably not but I can promise you it will get less and less if you stay off that stuff.

 

This is for protection of you and your heart. Be a little selfish right now and focus on you.

[trailrunner1975]

Rather than quote every single response before mine I will simply say that they are ALL 100% correct Stay NC and stay the course towards freedom!

[JPMC]

If you are spying on him through social media (in any way) then you are really not in NC - this is keeping you stuck. You really need to stop looking. For me, this is when things started to turn around - when I made the decision not to look anymore. Have I slipped? Yes. But I'm telling you it is so much better. Knowing what he is up to does not change your situation at all. Will you stop thinking about him right away? Probably not but I can promise you it will get less and less if you stay off that stuff.

 

This is for protection of you and your heart. Be a little selfish right now and focus on you.

 

This is the best advice. I told mine, I'm not going to engage. You feel a lot better at the 1 week mark, superwoman at the 2 week mark, stay off the internet. If you are married, focus on that, if not, go find someone else.

[esperanzado]

I learned his words meant nothing so why should they mean anything now. Plus, I'm also afraid that if I text, it will look like I'm pathetic. I worry that with time, he had come to see our affair as a momentary lapse of reason and had now seen the light. Any communication from me may just be an annoyance to him and that would only make me feel even lower if there was a cold reply. A part of me has to believe he did love me but he was too afraid to leave his settled life for an unknown life with me.

 

I can completely relate with the seeming/looking pathetic thing. In fact, I often wonder how much of our NC is related to pride (both of us). But then I think about all the men that have wanted to be with me...they made no secret about it...and they were never "too busy" or "scared" or whatever lame-o excuse they use/d. If a man wants to be with you, REALLY wants to, he will. Ugh...I know this at a brain level, but not at a heart level.

 

When I think about running into him, my blood pressure goes crazy and I feel like I'm going to faint! It will be nice some day to not give a damn if I see him or not.

 

Here is a link to an article I found interesting and I can relate to a lot of it, maybe you can, too:

 

Washingtonpost.com: Health

 

 

 

PS- I didn't email him! THANKS EVERYONE! Keep coming back, lol!

[Eggplant]

Could it ever be "true love" or is this what happens to us all?

Both......

[happy stillmore]

]I can completely relate with the seeming/looking pathetic thing. In fact' date=' I often wonder how much of our NC is related to pride (both of us). [/b']But then I think about all the men that have wanted to be with me...they made no secret about it...and they were never "too busy" or "scared" or whatever lame-o excuse they use/d. If a man wants to be with you, REALLY wants to, he will. Ugh...I know this at a brain level, but not at a heart level.

 

When I think about running into him, my blood pressure goes crazy and I feel like I'm going to faint! It well be nice some day to not give a damn if I see him or not.

 

Here is a link to an article I found interesting and I can relate to a lot of it, maybe you can, too:

 

Washingtonpost.com: Health

 

 

 

PS- I didn't email him! THANKS EVERYONE! Keep coming back, lol!

 

You are right about the pride statement and NC. I believe he is not in contact with me because he knows I know the truth. He essentially is a coward. He may feel genuinely bad about hurting me and it is easier to close the door on the pain he caused. Less pain for both of us. I think (dread) the thought of running into him someday. My heart is so raw and aching. I would probably cry right there. I want to get to that point too where I just don't care anymore or worry I will see him. Yes, if a man really wants to be with you, he will. In fact, those are the words that keep going in my head, telling me to text them to him: True love would not accept a life without each other in it.

it says so much. He didn't love me enough or he didn't have the courage to make it happen.

 

Be strong girlfriend. I feel this is one area I can control. I wasn't able to make him choose me. We can't unfortunately make others do what we want.

 

Good article by the way. Very true.

[Eggplant]

True love would not accept a life without each other in it.

Not true. There are reasons to choose to live without a true love: for instance, you don't want to cause devastation to his children, or he has some substance addiction or fatal relationship flaw. In these cases, you don't stop loving him, but you accept a life without him...