I wrote a letter...no response

[Sailynn]

About a week ago, I posted on here that I was going to write a letter to my ex-GF after seven months of NC. I wrote the letter because I need to get some things off my chest and she's been showing up at my health club when I'm in class and walking by me and purposely ignoring me and sometimes waving. She could wait five minutes before coming in and I would be gone and she would never have to cross my path. It's been really strange.

 

So, I wrote a letter expressing regrets that the relationship had soured and that I wished we could at least shake hands when crossing the street. I basically told her that she will always be in my thoughts, yet I was moving on with a happy positive attitude with the memories of our relationship and what she meant to me.

 

THE RESULT: I HAVE HEARD NOTHING FROM HER...

 

SO, THAT'S IT................FINI..........

[tattoomytoe]

good.....hope it continues!

[Weird]

bitch.

 

why not at least say "thanks for the letter"

 

Sheesh. Some people these days...

[kisslaboca]

Who broke up with who?

 

If you broke up with her, her attitude sucks but it is understandable. When somebody dumps you a lot of sensitivities and deep rooted issues are stirred up, more than the other party could ever imagine or experience themselves. You may be ready and willing to be her friend. But a post relationship friendship is actually more up to the dumpee. She had to respect and accept your wish to no longer be with her romantically, which could be a real stinger, and now you must be willing to respect and accept any wish from her side not to keep a friendship or even just a civil exchange with you. It is just part of the risk that dumpers ahve to take when they end a relatioship.

 

If it was her that broke up, unless you did something horrible like beeing abusive to her psycologically, verbally, or physically or cheated on her or something then its kinda bitchy not to give any kind of acknowledgement or response. Then again, every person is a different world people react in different ways and for different reasons, and that doesn't necessarily make them a bad person. Only they know deep inside why they choose to react the way the do.

 

I suggest you give it some time. If the breakup was preety recent, the sand may not have settled yet. Once I wrote an ex a letter, it took him 4 months to answer. He explained to me he had not written before cause he was not ready emotionally to do so. Also, are you sure she received it?

[katty]

I don't know if you recall but a couple of weeks ago I posted about my writing a letter to the ex and was trying to decide if I should mail it or not. Well it got stamped and put in my mailbox but later that night I went back out and retrieved it. I didn't send it. I still debate if I did the right thing by taking it from the mail box.

Has your ex shown back up at the health club since you sent her the letter? Maybe she is respecting your feelings and emotions and not making contact with you until she feels you are ready. I'm probably

making no sense at all, couldn't sleep last night so now I am just a little weird, ok a lot weird.

I do hope it all works out for you. kat

[Sailynn]

She broke up with me. She was very critical and accusatory. I had taken a class for a couple of weeks and I didn't see her as much during that time span and she became upset, called me untrustworthy, self-centered. The accusations flew. I was taking a class to improve myself and to get certified to become a Coast Guard Certified Captain. I was planning a big sailing trip for us where I was going to propose and getting the certification would help me charter the boat. I told her of my plan and she said I was just saying what I thought she wanted to hear.

 

Now, I was not psychologically abusive to her. I never called her names. I never cheated on her, took her money, came home drunk or anything like that.

 

When she started showing up at my health club, she would walk by, make a big showing she was there, and then would look away when I became near. I thought that was very childish. She would then get on a treadmill and pretend to watch other guys playing badmiton and just smiling. I paid no attention. The thing about her showing up at the health club is that she does it just as my class is ending or in the last three to five minutes. She could wait, come in and not encounter me, at all. Since my letter, I have not seen her at the health club.

 

Well, all I know, is that if I received a letter like that, I would respond unless I was feeling really, really guilty about something.

 

Thanks for all the input from all of you and God Bless you all.

[Weird]

sounds cold hearted. Sheesh. Why do some people after breaking up act like the relationship never happened? All it does is make them look so friggin childish.

 

BTW props for the certified captain course. That's friggin cool. Did you get your certificate for it?

[tokyo]

Could it be that she said she wanted to break up with you, and you just accepted it? Then you decided to go on NC, because it was the best for you?

 

My guess is, she might have wanted you to stop the break up, but you didn´t. Now she was waiting for you to beg her not do go, but you didn´t. She´s trying to get your attention at the health club, again, doesn´t work, you don´t look like you are bothered with her looking at other men. And now you even write her a letter telling her how happy you are.

 

I´m just making a guess, I don´t know your story, this is how it could have been. If I´m right, she´s still very immature and not sure about your feelings for her, that´s why she´s demanding proof.

[Sailynn]

We were in a civic club together, a health club together and did all kinds of things together. When we broke up, I was devastated and I needed to heal. So, I resigned from the civic club. Besides, it seemed to me some people were treating me differently (those were her friends), so I presumed she may have talked about me. Anyway, I thought it more healthy to go away and heal quickly rather than stay in the club and "do the dance" in front of her.

 

I really think the issue for her sudden outburst and breakup was that she felt she couldn't control me, hence the seething attack on my character. I have always thought that just because someone doesn't do what you expect, don't think they didn't love you. She never voiced her expectations, but railed against me when I didn't meet them. The outbursts came about every eight months. I guess she just stored them up and then exploded. Frankly, I don't need that, but the trouble is, for the time periods between the outbursts, things were sweet, sexy and loving and I fell in love with her.

 

As for not acknowledging me, I think she's either uncaring, a liar or a complete coward. Once, when she passed me, I stopped her and said "Hello". When she turned around, her head was looking down, she could not look me in the eye, AT ALL, and was just very soft-spoken. What I saw in her body language, indicated guilt, shame and fear.

 

As for becoming a Sailing Vessel Captain, yep, I'm all ready to go and I've been chartering boats and inviting friends to go along. I've had a blast. I've sailed on ten-day cruises, five-day and three-day cruises and I'm the Captain. Everyone calls me Captain and I just love it.

 

SO, for this guy, I shall visit that Port of love no more. I shall not think upon the turbulent waters and hidden dangers that encompass her. I shall destroy the coordinates that navigate my soul and my love toward that woman. There are other ports, hundreds of them, waiting for a handsome, brave, hearty Captain to sail into their life. From hear on out, it's set sail, there's fair maidens ahead.

 

LESSON LEARNED: SAIL ON!!!

 

And I now sail with a pure heart, knowing I have the courage to make myself vulnerable before the storms of love.

[Sailynn]

You said: "Could it be that she said she wanted to break up with you, and you just accepted it? Then you decided to go on NC, because it was the best for you?

 

My guess is, she might have wanted you to stop the break up, but you didn´t. Now she was waiting for you to beg her not do go, but you didn´t. She´s trying to get your attention at the health club, again, doesn´t work, you don´t look like you are bothered with her looking at other men. "

 

I believe you have hit the nail on the head with your analysis up until the point where I've stopped quoting you. She had acted this way once before when whe was mad I didn't walk her dog or something like that and I was apologetic, contrite and promised my love to her.

 

I have often thought exactly what you've described. I was bothered with her looking at other men. The reason I removed myself from her presence is that I thought she would do exactly that. I was so conflicted at the break-up because I thought it was a test, but she said one thing that was hard for me to get over. She said that she didn't love me anymore, her feelings had changed and she didn't want to be friends anymore. Every bone in my body and cell in my heart told me to go, go get your lady, sweep her off her feet. Yet, my head said it's useless because her statement had killed my hope. No clear answer came to me on what to do. I thought I would give it some space.

 

The letter I wrote spoke of my regret at any failure I was responsible for, to speak of my love for her, the thought I had of her being my "once in a lifetime", my hopes that one day we could speak and shake hands, hug or just be aquainted again and how I would hope to my dying day that we could heal as a couple, but that most of all, I sincerely wish for her safety and happiness. That's what I wrote, in a nutshell.

 

So, with the no response, I guess I have to move on and continue my healing process. I have had dates with lots of girls, but nothing interests me. This is the first time in my life, I have felt so in love with someone, that nothing else or no one else, interests me. I've heard of this feeling before from some people, and now, I have it. It's not fun to lose someone you loved , SO MUCH. There's been a death in the family, but there's been no formal ceremony, no funeral to mark the occasion, to reflect on the life of the relationship and to bury the remains.

 

My heart goes out to everyone recovering from the loss of a loved one, whether through breakups or death. My prayers are with everyone.

 

Thank you all.

[Weird]

congrats on being a captain.

 

Oh and your ex has for sure handled things like a little child. Send her a pacifier since she apparently is at that level of maturity.