coldfeet Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Ok this is really going to help me since I can't talk to anyone else about this. I'm 25 years old, just moved from one state to the mountains. Dropped everything including a very good job to move in with my fiance. he is adventuresome and really loves the mountains but hates the city. I, on the otherhand, have discovered I miss my family (3 hours away) and actually enjoy more stuff than just an ingels or walmart up the road (i'm out near pretty much NOTHING). I am now working a job that doesn't pay anywhere close to where i was before.... I'm depressed because I don't like it here and yet my fiance loves it. I miss everything...my parents....things that are familiar. What is scary are the thoughts that have been going through my mind the past 2 weeks and i'm not sure if it's normal or if i should really consider getting out of this...... I'm scared of getting married which is planned 6 months away. i talked to my mom a little, but she's paying for the wedding so i don't want to freak her out if nothing changes. i really love the guy but i feel like i owe it to myself to really think about how i feel in this situation. i'm not sure if i am making sense.....i need some help with this. has anyone ever experienced this before? any advice??? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Your SN could say it all... You need to talk to your fiance' about your fears and whats bothering you.. communication is key. Link to post Share on other sites
Author coldfeet Posted November 16, 2004 Author Share Posted November 16, 2004 thank you merin2. i appreciate the quick reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Originally posted by coldfeet thank you merin2. i appreciate the quick reply. You're so welcome:) Wish I had more to offer.. I just know you will feel better talking with him and finding resolution there. You'll be fine;) Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 I agree, talk to your man! Is there a compromise possible? 3 hours isn't so bad, but you do sound like you're out in the middle of nothing - no matter how far away you are from your parents! I think it's somewhat normal, and healthy to have pre-wedding jitters and questions. But you've got to face it directly and try to obtain an answer BEFORE you wed. And one more thing, take care of this while the wedding is still months away, rather than weeks. Good luck, keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Marriage is a partnership that meets both people's needs. You and your fiance have to be able to have those discussions BEFORE you get married. You also should have a pretty good shot at setting up a living situation that suits you both - possibly a compromise, possibly an even better alternative. Talk, talk and talk some more. Can you talk with him?? Don't be afraid to talk to your mom either, REGARDLESS of what has already been booked or paid for. Please don't make the mistake of going through with a marriage that doesn't feel right (at least at the moment) just because the caterer charge is non-refundable. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 Lifestyle preferences can be a major contributor to divorce. You need to discuss this with him before getting married and I'd say as soon as possible. There should be a compromise that you both can come to where you both can be happy. I ended a relationship due to lifestyle differences. It takes more than just love to make a marriage work. Link to post Share on other sites
JackieQ Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I agree agree...talk to him. Talk to your mom. Also realize if you've not made a move like this before that feeling depressed right after you get there is probably pretty typical. I've made two moves to new states where I knew noone. Takes about a year to find your way around, meet new people, and start to find the little hide aways you knew in your old town. Couple years before those acquaintances you've made become closer friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucia Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Imagine that you have to spend your life there, can you do that? What would your life be like? Would you be happy? Do you love your fiance? Would it make you happy if he agreed to come with you? Does he love you? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 You need to split and go home coldfeet! My ex wife experience same thing when we married and she moved from toronto to detroit. She hated it here and missed her familiy/friends so much that it ruined our marriage. We divorced after 3 yrs. Do your fiance a favor and pack your bags and go home. This is a warning sign that it is not meant to be. It will not get any better and if you start off on a bad foot you will stumble and fall. Link to post Share on other sites
CraigC Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 I agree with folks saying it will take some getting used to, but on the other hand, it sure sounds like you have had to drop everything. Another thought: Here in New York City, it's not unreasonable sometimes for it to take an hour to get somewhere, maybe even two hours. And also, for instance, I know people who do a multi-hour travel by train each way to NYC every day from Connecticut, NJ, and even PA. I guess I'm wondering if that could be some sort of compromise, maybe getting a job an hour or two away. I don't know your plans for children or whatever though, so that could just postpone or put in yo-yo mode your feelings. Also too, maybe meeting your family at some half way point point between where they are and where you are won't be too bad once a week or something like that, but too, perhaps that's just side-stepping the general reality. Link to post Share on other sites
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