Chances of reconciliation? Feeling so confused...

[blue636]

Hahaha, thanks MA. That's a pretty funny post.

[Charlane]

Originally posted by blue636

I do understand now what a bitch she is, after all I had said to her to attempt to reconcile things. She's definitely a spoiled brat, but who can blame her when her parents had been wiping her ass (and still continue to do so) her whole life? I hope the next guy that ever comes around in her life let's her realize that she'll never have a successful relationship with anyone ever again.

 

All I need now is patience, like you said. This is becoming increasingly difficult.

 

 

Actually, patience gets easier once you see the toll that life will begin to take on her because of her attitude. If you really want to keep up with the latest on what is happening with job numbers and other financial information, check out cnnfn.com. Look for the jobs report (like today and the numbers came out baaaad) or the intial claims report every Thursday (also baaaad again). An extra 25,000 people filed for unemployment claims nationally this week alone. So figure that times 4 for the month and you see where I am going with this. Since her dad is a distributor, just look for the reports about the dollar falling and I know your ex's dad is sweating bullets right about now and maxxed out smashingly on credit thinking it will all go away when it will all blow up instead.

 

Don't get me wrong. I don't want to see anyone unemployed but I stand to make a mint from it and this is why my ex and I broke up. I'm the first female oil and silver commodities trader in Texas and I'm making history. I haven't made the cash yet (well, I did make 25K in the last 2 months) but he just couldn't see me not working a 8to5 and didn't like that when he took me to get us a house (with land on a nice hilltop and a large price tag) that I didn't do it because I finished my own DoD contract (under my own company) and decided to stop that altogether. I gave my soul to the guy and when he broke up with me, you could have froze ice on his ass. I cried for 2 months and then my dad died in August after that and I have no brothers or sisters or mother. So I think you can see how serious I am about this. If you hear oil, gold and silver going up (I know he is looking out for it, too) then you will know that I made my dream come true and I'm not about to give it up for anyone. I get asked out a lot, and I have gone out too. I will go with the guy that I think is not the loser and if my ex comes back, then I have the option to think about it as I see the fear in his eyes that he saw in mine. I will forgive though. It is the way that I am.

[blue636]

Hmm... I don't know. My father-in-law is a smart man. He is not only a distributor but a manufacturer. But he does have a lot of assets. He owns 41 acres of redwood forest in Northern California, probably his largest asset amongst other things I have no idea about. The company may be in some debt, but I doubt it is anything largely substantial. I do know his personal credit is like gold.

 

But at any rate, my soon-to-be ex-wife is trying to find a job outside of the company. Get this - she's never been employed outside of the company in her entire life.

 

Good luck to her! Hahahah.... my primary concern is the well-being of my daughter.

[brkelsey]

Charlane, Blue,

 

Both of you seem like you want you STBXs back. However, it doesn’t seem like you want them back for the right reasons. I want my STBX back too, but only if she loves me unconditionally. It doesn’t make sense to want someone back because they will be unemployed or fail at other relationships. I’d only want someone back if they admit that they made a mistake and truly discovered that they love me. I don’t want to be the guy she settles for. I want to be the one she can’t live without. The one. But that is not going to happen. I’ve really started to move on and find out what it is that makes me happy. She doesn’t make me happy she makes me miserable. So why would I want to stay in misery I don’t. I don’t want anyone to “settle” for me. On the other hand, I don’t want anyone to obsess over me either. I want to share the good and the bad and to grow with someone. Not grow apart. I want someone who understands me but doesn’t always agree with me. I understand your reasons for wanting to get back together. Breaking up is very difficult but what’s wrong with being you for a while? Why not discover the person who is not just ok but right for you? The only problem with that is you first have to know yourself.

[MassiveAtom]

That ain't gonna happen bub. Take a look at what YOU'RE doing right now! You'll take her back >IF< ... That's conditionally!

 

She's not your dog, your mama, OR your best friend. THose relationships ARE based on unconditional love. Marriage, in reality is not.

The truth of the matter, my friend, is that NO ONE can love someone romantically without conditions. It's the reality ofthe situation. Sorry to have to tell you all this, The "wanting them back" is something on the order of addiction.

 

You can't go back! I don't want to seem belligerent or anything, but please save yourself the heartache of that fairy tale.

 

I GOT my STBXW back 2 years ago, you know what, I shouldn't have. She has a bad attitude about everything AND shes a taker. I was doing all the stuff the relationship gurus told me to. Problem is, it was all wrong! I still got my heart kicked in! Blue, you got it! She isn't worth your time. Most times the thing we think we want is not the thing we pursue.

 

When you want a Double bacon cheesburger, do you get a bowl of bean sprouts instead? C'mon. Let go. It's easier than holding on, and I promise you, It won't hurt if you land on your feet

 

 

mmmmm cheeseburger..

 

--edit--

And the rest of your post brkely is all good!

[brkelsey]

Massive Atom,

 

Good point, I want a million dollars but it doesn’t mean I’m going to get it. I think if you read my post, you will see that: “It isn’t going to happen.” You are exactly right, what you want isn’t always what you get. Your ex settled. However, is there unconditional love in a romantic relationship? I hope so, just not with my STBX. My father and stepmother have been together for 22 years. They are made for each other. My mother and father on the other hand were like oil and water. They can’t stand to be in the same state together. You don’t seem belligerent you seem jaded. Relationships aren’t like cheeseburgers; you don’t get to have it your way. But you got what you wanted didn’t you:

 

I GOT my STBXW back 2 years ago, you know what, I shouldn't have. She has a bad attitude about everything AND shes a taker. I was doing all the stuff the relationship gurus told me to. Problem is, it was all wrong! I still got my heart kicked in!

 

Why did you get your heart kicked in?

[MassiveAtom]

Originally posted by brkelsey

Massive Atom,

 

Good point, I want a million dollars but it doesn’t mean I’m going to get it. I think if you read my post, you will see that: “It isn’t going to happen.” You are exactly right, what you want isn’t always what you get. Your ex settled. However, is there unconditional love in a romantic relationship? I hope so, just not with my STBX.

I was actually saying, what you want is not always what you pursue. That's what I understand about me, so maybe I'm projecting a little, even though I've seen guys do that very thing over and over. It's kinda sad really.

 

Oh I can hear myself right now, "The only true love is unconditional, and there's no way around that." But that's a double faulty dilemma. Love simply is, when you get down to the bottom line, an action. and ALL actions are inherently true. Some love is unconditional. My dog loves me unconditionally, I could beat her and she'd still come wagging for a butt-scratch in five minutes.

Romantic love, however is NOT unconditional, and can never be so. Try beating your wife senseless and see if she still loves you. She'll either hate you, care enough to get you help, or even worse, become enmeshed and codependent!

My father and stepmother have been together for 22 years. They are made for each other. My mother and father on the other hand were like oil and water. They can’t stand to be in the same state together.

You might find it interesting to talk with you dad about why his relationship works. If he's even aware. Most men really don't have a clue. I'm learning some interesting things about relationships that seem to belie everything I've heard about how to make it work. Challenging stuff for sure, but so far The clarity is improving.

You don’t seem belligerent you seem jaded.

It makes total sense to me why you might see me as jaded. Anybody who is going through what we are, could easily become that way. I like to think that instead of becoming bitter, I have finally accepted REALITY..

I'm in touch with the reality of how I viewed women, relationships, and my role with and in them. And how they ACTUALLY are. I see them a whole lot clearer now, and honestly, they seem a whole lot more interesting , too!

Relationships aren’t like cheeseburgers; you don’t get to have it your way.

Ah, my dear friend the truth is you DO get to have it your way, but you have to know what that is. AND you have to be ready, willing, and able to settle for nothing less. NOTHING less. It sounds unrealistic, I know. But it doesn't preclude imperfection, compromise, affection, and all the other stuff that goes into a fulfilling relationship..

But you got what you wanted didn’t you:

 

Nope, I got what I pursued!

I wanted a loving , compassionate, sexual woman, who was flexible and giving of her time, self, and heart.

I pursued a cold, indifferent, spoiled, little child, who's never heard the word no and can't understand what compassion is to save her ass. And I got her! YAY ME!!

Why did you get your heart kicked in?

because I got what I pursued, and not what I wanted.

 

as always

 

mA