At age 32 are you considered a late bloomer or hopeless

[painfulchange]

Hey guys,

 

As said I am 32 going on 33. I have had only one meaningful relationship in my entire life and I am still virgin. Most of my teen years were wasted in the hell of social anxiety and intense shyness, which I have overcome for the most part. I have had only one significant relationship, but I have had a number of women (and men) try to pursue me over the years. All of these I have turned down because for the past six years I have also been stubbornly declaring that I don't need to be in a relationship or want to get married. During this time turning women down was a means of ensuring my continued emotional independence, however deep down inside I knew I was lonely. The real reason why I've been avoiding women is because I have no confidence. I feel as if my lack of experience thanks to being socially awkward from my teens to my mid 20's will make me look pathetic in their eyes. I also have a very kind, giving nature. A friend of mine once commented that I was like a girl, as in she had never met a guy with such a strong nurturing instinct before. I am afraid that my significant other would find me clingy, obsessive, and over bearing. So yes people, rather than take a chance and make a change I decided just to avoid the problem and now I have nothing. And now that I have woken up I cannot stop torturing myself with regret. What can I do? Is it too late for me? I have no game, I have next to no experience, and now I am quickly approaching my mid-30's. Can I start now did this ship sail a long time ago?

Edited September 5, 2013 by painfulchange

[Lokie]

You are not hopeless. Most of us question ourselves and are afraid of getting hurt - that's part of being human. When you meet someone you really like, you will have a lot of fun learning about their body and your body and what pleases both of you.

 

Until then, take time to learn about yourself... And more importantly to love yourself exactly as you are.

[Pompeii]

Hey guys,

 

As said I am 32 going on 33. I have had only one meaningful relationship in my entire life and I am still virgin. Most of my teen years were wasted in the hell of social anxiety and intense shyness, which I have overcome for the most part. I have had only one significant relationship, but I have had a number of women (and men) try to pursue me over the years. All of these I have turned down because for the past six years I have also been stubbornly declaring that I don't need to be in a relationship or want to get married. During this time turning women down was a means of ensuring my continued emotional independence, however deep down inside I knew I was lonely. The real reason why I've been avoiding women is because I have no confidence. I feel as if my lack of experience thanks to being socially awkward from my teens to my mid 20's will make me look pathetic in their eyes. I also have a very kind, giving nature. A friend of mine once commented that I was like a girl, as in she had never met a guy with such a strong nurturing instinct before. I am afraid that my significant other would find me clingy, obsessive, and over bearing. So yes people, rather than take a chance and make a change I decided just to avoid the problem and now I have nothing. And now that I have woken up I cannot stop torturing myself with regret. What can I do? Is it too late for me? I have no game, I have next to no experience, and now I am quickly approaching my mid-30's. Can I start now did this ship sail a long time ago?

 

 

I'm sorry, but you're pretty much ****ed.

 

These behaviors of mating and dating are learned from an early age in the teenage years. There's lots of leeway for mistakes and such in the early stages of development up to the middle 20s. By the latter 20s, if you are interested in dating and mating, you should have already worked out a lot of basic kinks and experimentation. People will say "no, no, no, no there's still hope for you" but honestly... being a virgin at 33 with zero experience with women is pretty much screwed (in a bad way). Your behaviors with women are virtually subconsciously internalized at this point. It is possible to reverse it, but at this point it will be very, very, very hard to do.It is said you need an entire month of consistent effort before a habit is established and deconstructed.

 

When that woman said you were a "kind, nurturing" male, she was effectively castrating you. Men are not "kind and nurturing" unless it comes to their kids. Even then, its not as much as women. You need to abandon your persona and start over. It's not easy. Good luck.

[carhill]

I'd say you're a late bloomer and life isn't over until you're dead, so get moving.

[El Brujo]

The OP has been listening to the media and to hypersexed braggarts.

[fallenheart]

Lower your standards and take the first girl that comes along that's willing to sleep with you.

 

You keep waiting for someone "perfect" and s hit yes you WILL be alone until the day you die.

 

But get as much experience as fast as you can and you might be able to catch up enough to fake it and at least find someone tolerable so you don't die alone.

[TheGuard13]

As said I am 32 going on 33. I have had only one meaningful relationship in my entire life and I am still virgin. Most of my teen years were wasted in the hell of social anxiety and intense shyness, which I have overcome for the most part. I have had only one significant relationship, but I have had a number of women (and men) try to pursue me over the years. All of these I have turned down because for the past six years I have also been stubbornly declaring that I don't need to be in a relationship or want to get married. During this time turning women down was a means of ensuring my continued emotional independence, however deep down inside I knew I was lonely.

So you were being dishonest, with both others and yourself. Why? Because you were afraid?

The real reason why I've been avoiding women is because I have no confidence. I feel as if my lack of experience thanks to being socially awkward from my teens to my mid 20's will make me look pathetic in their eyes.

A lack of confidence can crippling. You say you've overcome your social anxiety and shyness, but I question whether you have if you still lack confidence, as that's a big part of being social with people.

I also have a very kind, giving nature. A friend of mine once commented that I was like a girl, as in she had never met a guy with such a strong nurturing instinct before. I am afraid that my significant other would find me clingy, obsessive, and over bearing.

Why, if you are nurturing, would they find you clingy, obsessive and overbearing? ARE you those things? Those seem like the opposite of kind and nurturing to me.

So yes people, rather than take a chance and make a change I decided just to avoid the problem and now I have nothing. And now that I have woken up I cannot stop torturing myself with regret. What can I do? Is it too late for me? I have no game, I have next to no experience, and now I am quickly approaching my mid-30's. Can I start now did this ship sail a long time ago?

What can you do? You can start trying to change things. You can start at any age. It won't be easy. But life isn't easy, either.

As far as "no experience", what DO you have experience in, and experience doing? Relationships, beyond the basic chemistry and physical stuff, tend to have lot of in common with other forms of social interaction.

Some professional counseling might be in order if you feel like you cannot motivate yourself to make the changes you need to make.

[gaius]

I remember my grandmother was involved with a guy who was a virgin for a while. He must have been in his 60's. It took me a while to figure out what he was but he still could have gotten laid if he wanted to. It's never really too late if you truly want it. If you put the effort in to figure out how to stimulate women.

[Eternalize]

OP stop torturing yourself with regret. Learn to forgive and love yourself. When you do that then you will be free to love others.

[taiko]

You have at least ten more years before you are socially red flagged so go out and learn how to flirt. Being willing and able to interact is the educational reason behind schools sponsoring dances and proms. While you may have problems many women do to