How do I start over as a newly single woman?

[Evanescence]

Hi

 

Well, I'm 22, and I've never REALLY been single. My boyfriend of 5.5. years broke up with me last February, and two months later I started dating again. Just yesterday that relationship also ended.

 

I am still not over my first relationship entirely, but I told him that I can't speak with him anymore because he was constantly playing with my emotions and he was making it hard for me. My last bf wasn't that great either. It was awesome to begin with, but the relationship just went downhill starting a few months ago (we were long distance and it got to him too much, plus he showed me less and less respect as time went on).

 

Now I'm single, and I think it might be a good way to be for awhile. Plus I don't know where I'll be come next Sepetmber because I'll be starting grad school.

 

One problem I do have though, because my 5.5 yr bf and I were so serious, is I have set in my mind that I have to get married... and within the next few years. I'm terrified that I may never find that special someone. I know that I have SO many years to get to that point, but I just can't get it out of my head that it has to happen soon for me to be happy.

 

Anyway, I would really like to have a fresh start at life. For the last year I have been incredibly depressed and nothing ever seemed to go my way. I was wondering if anyone has any advice for making myself feel better and for making a fresh start.

 

I recently started a new job, made new friends, and I volunteer. Basically I'm keeping busy. Being a student I have limited funds, so if you can suggest something that doesn't cost much, or doesn't cost anything at all, that would be awesome. I also want to try and have just a new outlook at life... so even encouraging words to help me achieve this would be awesome.

 

I just want to start over. If I could, I'd move away... like to the other side of the country or something, but at the time I can't do that. I just want something fresh and new.... the way I've been doing things so far doesn't seem to be working out for me.

 

Anyway, sorry if this is vague, but anything you can say to help would be appreciated. Thanks.

[bluechocolate]

Now I'm single, and I think it might be a good way to be for awhile.

 

I agree.

 

Plus I don't know where I'll be come next September because I'll be starting grad school.

 

And do you really want the hassle come September of dealing with this "guy that I really like & I've been accepted somewhere a thousand miles away & I don't know if I should stay or ask him to........"?

 

....but I just can't get it out of my head that it has to happen soon for me to be happy.

 

No one is going to make you happy - that is your responsibility alone. Use the time between now & September to focus on yourself. Forget about "Mr. Right" for now.

 

...or doesn't cost anything at all, that would be awesome. I also want to try and have just a new outlook at life... so even encouraging words to help me achieve this would be awesome.

 

The Internet is pretty cheap & full of info about building confidence & self-esteem & finding your happiness from within & you could go to the library & find loads of self-help books. You can pick up lots of good pointers on how to think differently & gain a different perspective on some of that swill that sloshes around our heads.

 

I just want something fresh and new.... the way I've been doing things so far doesn't seem to be working out for me.

 

So change them. Honestly ask yourself why you feel you can only achieve happiness through marriage? What? You get married & then you die happy? I don't think so.

[bluetuesday]

i love the film 'the odd couple'.

 

there's a great scene where oscar (walter matthau) and felix (jack lemon) are arguing over felix's burnt meatloaf. it got burnt because oscar said he'd be home by 7pm and felix had a meal all prepared and oscar was an hour late and the meatloaf...well, it wasn't pretty.

 

oscar's solution is to just pour gravy over the meatloaf.

 

"where the hell am i going to get gravy?" felix barks, "it's 8pm."

 

oscar answers, "how the hell do i know! i just thought it came when you cooked the meat."

 

some people think happiness is like gravy. it just comes when you cook the meat.

 

evanescence, happiness is within you. and the only relationships in which you experience happiness are the ones when you take it in with you. it doesn't magically appear with the right guy, the right house, the right life.

 

being single is often thought of as a situation you're lumped with because no-one wants you. that's a very narrow view. ok, it's sometimes true. but being single is also a choice, and a valid one.

 

being single is a wonderful opportunity. it's the time you find out what you really want out of life, what's most important to you.

 

get to know yourself, discover what makes you tick, what motivates you, what your passions are, how you really like your eggs done in the mornings, what movie you want to see without having to compromise and watch die hard for the 87th time.

 

you're answerable to no-one, you can stay in bed and eat marshmallows all day watching seinfeld re-runs if you want (now they're finally out on dvd, thank you god) and have a marvellous time figuring yourself out.

 

don't rush into anything. you need time to get over these men.

 

a rebound marriage would be a disaster.