What is the Correlation?

[KathyM]

Focus Insights | Premarital sex and greater risk of divorce |

 

There are several studies that show a correlation between premarital sex and a higher divorce rate. The above link lists several studies showing that correlation to be true.

[oldshirt]

Swinging may be intramarital, but it often causes even more problems for the married couple.

 

Absolutely it can.

 

10, 20, 30 and 40 years of strict monogamy can take it's toll too.

[oldshirt]

 

My mother used to admonish me and call me names because she thought I was being promiscuous when I was not. I left home partly because I wanted to date in peace, without my mother ruining my relationships or calling my extended family to tell them what a whore I was. Now my mother tells me that she wishes she dated more; looks like her insults were out of jealousy.

 

I have the gut feeling your insistence of you being promiscuous in your past is no where near what many of the rest of us would consider high-count at all.

 

I have the feeling your actual number would not make very many people even blink an eye. I suspect your mother's slut-shaming of you has made you think that you were wild and out of control when in reality you were probably just a normal healthy young woman.

 

I think you may be being a little harsh on yourself here.

[oldshirt]

Focus Insights | Premarital sex and greater risk of divorce |

 

There are several studies that show a correlation between premarital sex and a higher divorce rate. The above link lists several studies showing that correlation to be true.

 

 

I have seen reports of these studies before. I think it's important to reemphasize that correlation is not causation.

 

It doesn't surprise me a bit that virgin brides (and grooms) probably have a lower divorce rate than those that have had multiple partners prior to marriage. My grandmother told me that a long long time ago, it's not rocket science.

 

Some of it does have to do with values and mores. If someone values virginity and marriage and saving themselves for marriage blah blah blah they are probably going to be more likely to try to hang on.....regardless of how miserable they are or how dysfunctional the marriage is.

 

Just because someone remains married and faithful despite all odds doesn't mean that they should.

 

Case in point, one of my best friends had barely any dating experience and a couple sexual experiences with one gal in his early 20s. He got his first steady GF at 25 and married her against the advice of all of his friends and family and all of HER friends and family. She made his life a living hell and he endured a fate that no person who had prior dating and sexual experience would have ever put up with. He did it because he was a near virgin and had no other experience to base his experience against and he didn't have street-smarts and interpersonal skills to stand up to her nor did he have the skills and confidence to believe he could have replaced her with someone who treated him well and wasn't Bat $hit crazy.

 

They finally divorced after a dozen years of misery for both of them.

 

The religious talking heads and the virginity lovers would say they divorced because they had each had sex with others before marriage.

 

Others would say they each lived in misery for many years because neither had the sophistication and know-how to navigate the sexual waters and realize that they were a terrible mismatch.

 

Is being married for 50 years really a blessing and something to admire and emulate when it is 49 years of hell for both parties?

[robbysurfs]

This might help Studs Vs Sluts ....

 

[Nyla]

I have the gut feeling your insistence of you being promiscuous in your past is no where near what many of the rest of us would consider high-count at all.

 

I have the feeling your actual number would not make very many people even blink an eye. I suspect your mother's slut-shaming of you has made you think that you were wild and out of control when in reality you were probably just a normal healthy young woman.

 

I think you may be being a little harsh on yourself here.

 

You could be right. I am often told that I am too hard on myself.

 

My mom is a very repressed woman. She thinks oral sex is disgusting and that it is unseemly for a woman to enjoy her sexuality. I'm sure that this is part of the reason my father was unfaithful to her. My mom will sometimes admonish me for "loving sex too much". I just tell her that my husband is too tired and satisfied to have an affair.

 

I dated a lot of different men but I certainly did not sleep with all of them. I did far more kissing than having sex. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 18, while most of my peers were not virgins by age 15. I was with my first love for one year.

 

My husband loves how sexual and sensual I am. He always says that I teased him when we were dating, because I was very sexual without having intercourse for six weeks. He said that he never waited that long to sleep with any other woman, which is shocking to me because six weeks is not a long time.

[Nyla]

I have seen reports of these studies before. I think it's important to reemphasize that correlation is not causation.

 

It doesn't surprise me a bit that virgin brides (and grooms) probably have a lower divorce rate than those that have had multiple partners prior to marriage. My grandmother told me that a long long time ago, it's not rocket science.

 

Some of it does have to do with values and mores. If someone values virginity and marriage and saving themselves for marriage blah blah blah they are probably going to be more likely to try to hang on.....regardless of how miserable they are or how dysfunctional the marriage is.

 

Just because someone remains married and faithful despite all odds doesn't mean that they should.

 

Case in point, one of my best friends had barely any dating experience and a couple sexual experiences with one gal in his early 20s. He got his first steady GF at 25 and married her against the advice of all of his friends and family and all of HER friends and family. She made his life a living hell and he endured a fate that no person who had prior dating and sexual experience would have ever put up with. He did it because he was a near virgin and had no other experience to base his experience against and he didn't have street-smarts and interpersonal skills to stand up to her nor did he have the skills and confidence to believe he could have replaced her with someone who treated him well and wasn't Bat $hit crazy.

 

They finally divorced after a dozen years of misery for both of them.

 

The religious talking heads and the virginity lovers would say they divorced because they had each had sex with others before marriage.

 

Others would say they each lived in misery for many years because neither had the sophistication and know-how to navigate the sexual waters and realize that they were a terrible mismatch.

 

Is being married for 50 years really a blessing and something to admire and emulate when it is 49 years of hell for both parties?

 

Your story resonates with me.

 

I was a very naïve and inexperienced 20 year old, when I met a controlling older man of 32. I was with him because I lacked wisdom or self esteem. I thought he was ugly and boorish along with being a bossy jackass. I finally broke up with him when I left home a year later. We stayed friends for years and he finally apologized to me for pushing me into certain things I said no to many times. He was the best mistake I ever made; the man who introduced me to the big city and adult life.

 

I always say that if I had been allowed to date in high school like a normal young person, I would have had the confidence and street smarts to stay away from a man like that. Being inexperienced with dating and sex can have its downsides, like your friend's situation. It is the same thing I see happening to people who get married in their teens, before they get to know themselves. Their identities are fused with someone else's, so they don't know how to be without their spouse.

 

I hear many older couples say that their marriages are "good" because they have stayed together for 30+ years. A lot of the time, the marriages last because the women are doormats.

[KathyM]

I have seen reports of these studies before. I think it's important to reemphasize that correlation is not causation.

True, but the OP asked if it was correlated. Studies show that premarital sex is correlated with a higher divorce rate.

It doesn't surprise me a bit that virgin brides (and grooms) probably have a lower divorce rate than those that have had multiple partners prior to marriage. My grandmother told me that a long long time ago, it's not rocket science.

 

Some of it does have to do with values and mores. If someone values virginity and marriage and saving themselves for marriage blah blah blah they are probably going to be more likely to try to hang on.....regardless of how miserable they are or how dysfunctional the marriage is.

Second marriages have a much higher rate of divorce than first marriages. You are trying to claim that these marriages of people who held off with sex until marriage are only staying together because they don't believe in divorce, but the studies show that such people are also more faithful to their spouses (and we all know infidelity is a primary cause of divorce and marital discord).

Just because someone remains married and faithful despite all odds doesn't mean that they should.

Divorcing is not the answer (unless infidelity is involved), since the partners will be bringing whatever dysfunction they brought to their first marriage into their subsequent marriages as well.

Case in point, one of my best friends had barely any dating experience and a couple sexual experiences with one gal in his early 20s. He got his first steady GF at 25 and married her against the advice of all of his friends and family and all of HER friends and family.

I'm not trying to claim that all virgins make quality marriage partners, or they make the right choices in a marriage partner, nor are the studies I posted claiming that. Obviously, there are many things that go into being a quality relationship partner. I'm just saying that studies show that premarital promiscuity is correlated with a higher divorce rate and higher rate of infidelity.

She made his life a living hell and he endured a fate that no person who had prior dating and sexual experience would have ever put up with. He did it because he was a near virgin and had no other experience to base his experience against and he didn't have street-smarts and interpersonal skills to stand up to her nor did he have the skills and confidence to believe he could have replaced her with someone who treated him well and wasn't Bat $hit crazy.

I know many couples who had little to no prior sexual experience who have great, long lasting marriages. I'm one of them. Your friend made a poor choice in a relationship partner because of poor relationship skills in general, and because of those poor relationship skills, he thought he had no better option than the bat **** crazy lady.

They finally divorced after a dozen years of misery for both of them.

Their marital discord was not due to their lack of premarital sex. As you said, it was due to personality issues of this particular man and woman.

The religious talking heads and the virginity lovers would say they divorced because they had each had sex with others before marriage.

The studies show the qualities often found in people who wait until marriage (self control, commitment to marriage, belief in the sanctity of marriage, and belief in sexual purity), are more likely to lead to a faithful and long-lasting marriage.

Others would say they each lived in misery for many years because neither had the sophistication and know-how to navigate the sexual waters and realize that they were a terrible mismatch.

You said they were a mismatch because she was bat **** crazy.

Is being married for 50 years really a blessing and something to admire and emulate when it is 49 years of hell for both parties?

You are trying to claim premarital sex will prevent or reduce marital discord. That is just not the case. In fact, the opposite is true, according to the studies I've posted.

[smoky eyes]

 

...Divorcing is not the answer (unless infidelity is involved), since the partners will be bringing whatever dysfunction they brought to their first marriage into their subsequent marriages as well.

 

 

What nonsense. While a person may well bring the same faults to their subsequent relationship (or maybe not, some people learn), being with a different person often results in those faults being unimportant. Being a messy person doesn't matter if you're not with an abusive controlling neat-freak, for example, and if someone's abusive and controlling, that's a reason for divorce whether they're unfaithful or not.

[oldshirt]

True, but the OP asked if it was correlated. Studies show that premarital sex is correlated with a higher divorce rate.

 

Second marriages have a much higher rate of divorce than first marriages. You are trying to claim that these marriages of people who held off with sex until marriage are only staying together because they don't believe in divorce, but the studies show that such people are also more faithful to their spouses (and we all know infidelity is a primary cause of divorce and marital discord).

 

Divorcing is not the answer (unless infidelity is involved), since the partners will be bringing whatever dysfunction they brought to their first marriage into their subsequent marriages as well.

 

I'm not trying to claim that all virgins make quality marriage partners, or they make the right choices in a marriage partner, nor are the studies I posted claiming that. Obviously, there are many things that go into being a quality relationship partner. I'm just saying that studies show that premarital promiscuity is correlated with a higher divorce rate and higher rate of infidelity.

 

I know many couples who had little to no prior sexual experience who have great, long lasting marriages. I'm one of them. Your friend made a poor choice in a relationship partner because of poor relationship skills in general, and because of those poor relationship skills, he thought he had no better option than the bat **** crazy lady.

 

Their marital discord was not due to their lack of premarital sex. As you said, it was due to personality issues of this particular man and woman.

 

The studies show the qualities often found in people who wait until marriage (self control, commitment to marriage, belief in the sanctity of marriage, and belief in sexual purity), are more likely to lead to a faithful and long-lasting marriage.

 

You said they were a mismatch because she was bat **** crazy.

 

You are trying to claim premarital sex will prevent or reduce marital discord. That is just not the case. In fact, the opposite is true, according to the studies I've posted.

 

The OP did use the word 'correlation' but her real question was not if there is any statistical correlations between promiscuity and the divorce rate. Her direct question was whether someone who had multiple sex partners was more likely to cheat. Those are two different things.

 

My gut instincts tell me that the studies that indicate a correlation between premarital promiscuity and increased divorce rates are probably somewhat true. I think it makes sense on some kind of basic level.

 

I'm just saying that doesn't mean that there is causation and that the promiscuity is causing the higher divorce rate. And especially do not believe that just because someone was promiscuous before marriage that means they are going to cheat.

 

I think where we differ is how we see the role of divorce. I don't want to put words in your mouth or speak for you but You likely think that divorce is always bad and should never happen (or only happen in the most extreme of abusive or adulterous of circumstances)

 

I do not. I think divorce is the right choice for many people provided that the children are still being taken care of and provided for and that people are maliciously being taken to the cleaners in the divorce process.

 

Yes some people do make initial mistakes in their selection of a spouse. I think many of those mistakes are from jumping for the first person that makes their heart go pitter-pat. And I think it is a greater mistake to continue to remain with that person for decades after the mistake is realized.

[oldshirt]

.

 

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Your friend made a poor choice in a relationship partner because of poor relationship skills in general, and because of those poor relationship skills, he thought he had no better option than the bat **** crazy lady.

 

Their marital discord was not due to their lack of premarital sex. As you said, it was due to personality issues of this particular man and woman.

 

The studies show the qualities often found in people who wait until marriage (self control, commitment to marriage, belief in the sanctity of marriage, and belief in sexual purity), are more likely to lead to a faithful and long-lasting marriage.

 

You said they were a mismatch because she was bat **** crazy.

 

You are trying to claim premarital sex will prevent or reduce marital discord. That is just not the case. In fact, the opposite is true, according to the studies I've posted.

 

Yes she was bat **** crazy. Yes they had personality issues. But they also both believed in the sanctity of marriage, they both had self control, they both believed in a commitment to marriage etc etc etc

 

They were both also very inexperienced even though neither were technically virgins.

 

I am not exactly saying that each of them needed to screw 'X'-number of prior partners before getting together per se. What I am saying is that if he had more dating experience and more experience with women and along with that more experience with sexuality in general he would have very early on made the realization that, "that b!tch be crazy!" and would have walked away after 3 dates.

 

And to defend her a little bit, if she had had more experience she would have likely realized that he would drive her to the brink of insanity and would have stopped seeing him after a date or two as well.

 

As it was, both of them were clueless as to the nightmare that they were getting into even though everyone that knew them could see it a mile away.

 

(and I need to add that both of these people are highly educated geniuses with advanced degrees. These were not dumb, simple or ignorant people. They were the living embodiment of nerds on the TV show Big Bang Theory)

[oldshirt]

I guess the bottom line of what I am saying in this thread is this -

 

A. someone who has had lots of sex partners prior to marriage, is not destined to cheat any more than someone who hasn't per se.

 

B. however they are more likely to exit a relationship sooner if things aren't going well for them in the relationship.

- Sometimes that is a good thing.

 

C. As some of the other posters have said, sometimes someone who has been around can also be more likely to know when they have a GOOD thing going and will be LESS likely to just walk away out of curiosity and less likely to fall victim to GIGS.

 

D. There is a point of no return. There is a point where the promiscuity is likely due to traits such as low impulse control, substance abuse, selfishness, irresponsibility, Trying to fill a void in their life, lack of respect for relationships/marriage, lack of empathy for other people etc etc and those people will have continued instability in relationships and will be at great risk of infidelity.

 

 

What makes this all very controversial is each individual's own personal judgement. Some people will think premarital sex with one other person is the point of no return. Others will think that several dozen is OK

And some like me will think it is even important to get some real-world experience under your belt before even trying to make that decision.

[janedoe67]

I grew up with parents who had/have an amazing marriage and a very healthy sex life. I was a "kiss goodnight at the door" gal until college, and then the times I got very close to crossing "the line" were few and with people with whom I was serious. I believed that as a Christian I should save myself for my husband and was committed to that. I also believed that if I followed God's plan and guarded my purity that a passionate marriage would be my reward (which was of course what we were taught in our youth group). The closer my wedding got in my mid/late 20's the more excited I got because after 20-X years of virginity and waiting I was ready to make up for lost time lol.

 

I married a man who began trying to wait me out on our honeymoon, used porn instead of sex for a time, and eventually announced to me that "that part of our marriage was over".

 

And I screw up the correlations. I was a sweet and godly and self-controlled virgin young lady who waited until she was in her mid/late twenties and married.

 

Ashamedly, I have had multiple affairs, and all of them have been about my horrible method of coping with a lack of touch and intimacy.

 

If I had it to do over again, I would have talked more openly with my then fiance, and I probably would have had a "test drive" and some pretty frank expectation conversations. My choices to cheat are completely inexcusable. But my husband's choice to break another pretty basic vow by marrying me and then refusing for years was pretty darn painful too.

 

In my view, if my own daughter starts dating a man who is so "gentlemanly" that sex doesn't even seem to be on his radar....I'll caution her to run the other way. Being married to someone who is asexual is tough.

[KathyM]

What nonsense. While a person may well bring the same faults to their subsequent relationship (or maybe not, some people learn), being with a different person often results in those faults being unimportant. Being a messy person doesn't matter if you're not with an abusive controlling neat-freak, for example, and if someone's abusive and controlling, that's a reason for divorce whether they're unfaithful or not.

You think people magically change who they are or their engrained patterns just because they divorce and marry someone else? No. Unless they've developed some heavy insight into their part in the break up of the marriage and are committed to change those things, they are destined to repeat those same dysfunctional behaviors/habits in their subsequent marriages. A person who is a messy lazy man is not likely to be any more accepted for those traits in his subsequent marriage by his second wife. He may try to make an effort to change a little at first, but as soon as the honeymoon is over, it will be business as usual. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high for second and subsequent marriages? Because people don't change, don't accept their part in the breakdown of the marriage, don't think they need to change, or simply don't want to make the effort to change. Unless they develop insight into their role in the breakdown of the marriage, and are motivated enough to change in the long-term, they are destined to repeat the same dysfunctional behaviors.

[KathyM]

The OP did use the word 'correlation' but her real question was not if there is any statistical correlations between promiscuity and the divorce rate. Her direct question was whether someone who had multiple sex partners was more likely to cheat. Those are two different things.

The OP asked if there was a correlation between promiscuity and not being "relationship material." I posted studies showing a correlation between promiscuity and divorce. I think that qualifies for what the OP was asking. One of the studies I posted also showed a correlation between premarital promiscuity and later marital infidelity. That was also something the OP was asking.

My gut instincts tell me that the studies that indicate a correlation between premarital promiscuity and increased divorce rates are probably somewhat true. I think it makes sense on some kind of basic level.

 

I'm just saying that doesn't mean that there is causation and that the promiscuity is causing the higher divorce rate. And especially do not believe that just because someone was promiscuous before marriage that means they are going to cheat.

It doesn't mean that they are GOING to do anything, it only means that they are more likely to do those things (cheat or have dysfunctional marriages). That's what the studies show. You can chose to not believe them if it suits your purposes.

I think where we differ is how we see the role of divorce. I don't want to put words in your mouth or speak for you but You likely think that divorce is always bad and should never happen (or only happen in the most extreme of abusive or adulterous of circumstances)

I'm just saying that divorce does not usually correct dysfunctional habits/patterns. People generally bring those same patterns into their subsequent marriages. Hence the higher divorce rate for subsequent marriages.

I do not. I think divorce is the right choice for many people provided that the children are still being taken care of and provided for and that people are maliciously being taken to the cleaners in the divorce process.

 

Yes some people do make initial mistakes in their selection of a spouse. I think many of those mistakes are from jumping for the first person that makes their heart go pitter-pat. And I think it is a greater mistake to continue to remain with that person for decades after the mistake is realized.

Yes, some people do not choose their spouse carefully, but to keep with the topic of the OP, premarital promiscuity is correlated with both divorce and with marital infidelity, as the studies I posted show.

[Nyla]

You think people magically change who they are or their engrained patterns just because they divorce and marry someone else? No. Unless they've developed some heavy insight into their part in the break up of the marriage and are committed to change those things, they are destined to repeat those same dysfunctional behaviors/habits in their subsequent marriages. A person who is a messy lazy man is not likely to be any more accepted for those traits in his subsequent marriage by his second wife. He may try to make an effort to change a little at first, but as soon as the honeymoon is over, it will be business as usual. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high for second and subsequent marriages? Because people don't change, don't accept their part in the breakdown of the marriage, don't think they need to change, or simply don't want to make the effort to change. Unless they develop insight into their role in the breakdown of the marriage, and are motivated enough to change in the long-term, they are destined to repeat the same dysfunctional behaviors.

 

I think that second and third marriages have high failure rates because of blended family issues. It is very difficult to form a new family, without stepping on the toes of stepchildren, ex-spouses who play a role in their children's lives and the new stepparent. There is also an unwillingness to emotionally shift from being a completely autonomous single person, after being self sufficient for decades.

 

Being engaged was scary for me because I never believed that I would marry and I was a raging feminist. I had a mourning period where I said goodbye to my old single self; it was necessary for me to move into being a wife. I never cheated on my then fiancé, but I spent some late out nights with girlfriends and took long walks in the neighbourhoods I resided in when I lived alone.

[Nyla]

The OP asked if there was a correlation between promiscuity and not being "relationship material." I posted studies showing a correlation between promiscuity and divorce. I think that qualifies for what the OP was asking. One of the studies I posted also showed a correlation between premarital promiscuity and later marital infidelity. That was also something the OP was asking.

 

It doesn't mean that they are GOING to do anything, it only means that they are more likely to do those things (cheat or have dysfunctional marriages). That's what the studies show. You can chose to not believe them if it suits your purposes.

 

I'm just saying that divorce does not usually correct dysfunctional habits/patterns. People generally bring those same patterns into their subsequent marriages. Hence the higher divorce rate for subsequent marriages.

 

Yes, some people do not choose their spouse carefully, but to keep with the topic of the OP, premarital promiscuity is correlated with both divorce and with marital infidelity, as the studies I posted show.

 

I asked if there was a correlation between women's premarital promiscuity and infidelity after marriage. I did NOT ask about premarital promiscuity and how it relates to divorce. I also did not ask whether or not a promiscuous person is relationship material.

 

I didn't want to jump in because it seemed like you were having a lively discussion with Oldshirt and I love passionate debates in my threads. I felt that I needed to correct you so that nobody would get the wrong idea about what I was discussing.

[janedoe67]

I heard a lot of that "premarital sex makes you more likely to divorce, more likely to cheat, more likely to not be loved as much by Jesus, etc" stuff in my Bill Gothard, fundamentalist Baptist youth group. They like those "studies" because they can be used to keep hormonal teenagers in line.

 

You know what they say: there are lies, damn, lies, and statistics

[oldshirt]

I asked if there was a correlation between women's premarital promiscuity and infidelity after marriage. I did NOT ask about premarital promiscuity and how it relates to divorce. I also did not ask whether or not a promiscuous person is relationship material.

 

 

There are probably going to be studies that indicate a correlation between women's premarital promiscuity and infidelity after marriage. There are studies that show growth rates of mold on old potato peels correlate to rising interest rates in China so why not promiscuity and infidelity LOL;)

 

My grandmother would say that women that screw around a lot before marriage are going to be more likely to screw around after marriage so I always default to what Grandma would say.

 

That does not mean that any one individual is going to do or not do any specific act however, it just means that the general trend will curve towards greater extra marital activity from those with greater premarital activity.

 

Even the nastiest, sluttiest whore on the planet can choose to not spread her legs anymore and the most purest, untainted, virginal church-girl can choose to cut loose and screw the whole neighborhood at any given time.

 

I don't really see that as any kind of newsflash.

 

"Marriage Material" is a judgment call by each individual buyer on the market place. To some, any form or premarital activity is a deal breaker. To others premarital activity WITH THEM is fine and they may be OK with a limited few before them as well. And for some others, they may want someone who is thoroughly broken in and knows fully well what they are doing and what they are all about.

[oldshirt]

I heard a lot of that "premarital sex makes you more likely to divorce, more likely to cheat, more likely to not be loved as much by Jesus, etc" stuff in my Bill Gothard, fundamentalist Baptist youth group. They like those "studies" because they can be used to keep hormonal teenagers in line.

 

You know what they say: there are lies, damn, lies, and statistics

 

Yeah and any study coming from or funded by any kind of religious-based group or social or political action group is suspect right from the get-go.

[Nyla]

There are probably going to be studies that indicate a correlation between women's premarital promiscuity and infidelity after marriage. There are studies that show growth rates of mold on old potato peels correlate to rising interest rates in China so why not promiscuity and infidelity LOL;)

 

My grandmother would say that women that screw around a lot before marriage are going to be more likely to screw around after marriage so I always default to what Grandma would say.

 

That does not mean that any one individual is going to do or not do any specific act however, it just means that the general trend will curve towards greater extra marital activity from those with greater premarital activity.

 

Even the nastiest, sluttiest whore on the planet can choose to not spread her legs anymore and the most purest, untainted, virginal church-girl can choose to cut loose and screw the whole neighborhood at any given time.

 

I don't really see that as any kind of newsflash.

 

"Marriage Material" is a judgment call by each individual buyer on the market place. To some, any form or premarital activity is a deal breaker. To others premarital activity WITH THEM is fine and they may be OK with a limited few before them as well. And for some others, they may want someone who is thoroughly broken in and knows fully well what they are doing and what they are all about.

 

My mom would say the same thing as your grandmother, even though she wishes that she dated more.

 

With the way that some people talk, you would think that only church going virgins can make good wives. I think it is hilarious when men who sleep around only want virgins...then they cheat on their "good" wives with women who have been around the block.

[oldshirt]

My mom would say the same thing as your grandmother, even though she wishes that she dated more.

 

With the way that some people talk, you would think that only church going virgins can make good wives. I think it is hilarious when men who sleep around only want virgins...then they cheat on their "good" wives with women who have been around the block.

 

Just as women bang bikers in bars while their 'nice guy' husband is home taking care of the kids.

[Nyla]

Just as women bang bikers in bars while their 'nice guy' husband is home taking care of the kids.

 

Hey, I didn't say ALL men wanted virgins to marry and "wh0res" to cheat with.

 

I specified men who were promiscuous before marriage and wanted "pure" wives.

[carhill]

I believe that people can mature and change as they grow older. Many young adults have a period of playing the field before they settle down. What some people fail to realize is that sometimes those who were "pure" before marriage, end up cheating because they wonder what they missed out on.

 

Why would the latter people not mature in the same fashion as the former people? Does the numbers of sex partners along the way define maturity? What about swapping some of body fluids and having a few orgasms makes a person 'mature'? Why would a person suddenly become 'immature' if they haven't popped that cherry as a teenager, but rather ten years later in their marriage?

 

Interesting questions. I personally see no correlation, either way, between numbers of sexual partners, maturity and/or a propensity for infidelity and/or other antisocial behavioral sets.

[Nyla]

Why would the latter people not mature in the same fashion as the former people? Does the numbers of sex partners along the way define maturity? What about swapping some of body fluids and having a few orgasms makes a person 'mature'? Why would a person suddenly become 'immature' if they haven't popped that cherry as a teenager, but rather ten years later in their marriage?

 

Interesting questions. I personally see no correlation, either way, between numbers of sexual partners, maturity and/or a propensity for infidelity and/or other antisocial behavioral sets.

 

When I spoke of maturity and change, I was speaking of promiscuous young adults deciding to settle down with one partner instead of sleeping around. I don't know why you immediately assumed I was implying that the number of sexual partners defines maturity.

 

Perhaps I should have been clearer. Sorry.