Lissie47 Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I dont know what to do. I get very jealous over my boyfriends ex. He went out with this girl for 3 years and he says that he loves me and that she doesnt even compare to me, but i still get jealous. His mom even told me that she always thought that my boyfriend would marry her (his EX)!!!, but she guessed that he loves me more? (could you believe that!!) I find myself getting depressed and upset at my boyfriend b/c of this. He hasnt spoke to her for months and they have been broken up for a good 2- 3 years. How do i get over my jealousy and stop taking out his past on him and myself? Link to post Share on other sites
Dadubwa Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Okay!...I have a little bit of a feeling of what you might be going through but on the opposite of the spectrum!... ------but she guessed that he loves me more? (could you believe that!!)-------- I know this is kinda out there but listen....I dated a girl for 8 months...sometimes people date other people...BUT AREN'T AS HAPPY AS THEY DESERVE!!!!!!.... I dated this girl and realized how crappy of a relationship we had after 5 months...I went on with her for another 3 months thinking everything was all it could be and that's as happy as I was goanna get in a relationship...finally I realized I deserved better!...When we broke up and I started dating my current girlfriend I realized just how happy I was with her...I love her so much more than my first girlfriend!! ...sometimes when people break up and move on and date again they realize how much they could have deserved and how crappy their past relationships were!...okay so what I'm trying to say is!.... Your boyfriend may have dated a girl thinking she was all he could ever deserve and he was happy with her....but then they broke up for one reason or another...He dated again and realized how much he was missing out on...He missed out on all these wonderful qualities that you posses...and ended up wasting his time thinking he was set with someone who didn't fit his needs....making him love you more for being more of a woman than the other girl could ever show him in 3 years!.... also keep in mind it's not the QUANTITY it's the QUALITY!...you're QUALITY...she was QUANTITY!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Originally posted by Lissie47 I dont know what to do. I get very jealous over my boyfriends ex. He went out with this girl for 3 years and he says that he loves me and that she doesnt even compare to me, but i still get jealous. His mom even told me that she always thought that my boyfriend would marry her (his EX)!!!, but she guessed that he loves me more? (could you believe that!!) I find myself getting depressed and upset at my boyfriend b/c of this. He hasnt spoke to her for months and they have been broken up for a good 2- 3 years. How do i get over my jealousy and stop taking out his past on him and myself? They have been broke up almost as long if not as long as they were actually together to begin with.. I think you're letting the length of his past relationship trip you up here.. and his Mom.. pssshhh who knows, my guess she could be just one of THOSE MOMS.. know what I'm saying? It really doesn't make a sh*t of difference what his Mom thinks.. she isn't the one dating you and she doesn't get to make his choices in whom he wants in his life (which is obvioulsy you!) Next time Dear Ol Mom says some stupid crap like "I always thought he would marry her" smile sweetly and say "Well lucky for both of us, he found out she wasn't right for him and now we've got each other" He is with you, because he CHOOSES TO BE. Belive it;) Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 You're torturing yourself. Has he given you a reason to be jealous? I doubt it. Just be sure of yourself and leave her memory in the past, where it belongs!!!! Confidence is the key word!! Link to post Share on other sites
termofendearment Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 I've been in this situation for a lot of the 10 months I've been with my boyfriend. I can't stop thinking about him and his ex: what they must have done together, what feelings he must have had for her, how happy they probably made each other, etc etc. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, I suddenly imagine him with her, and it chills me to the bone. I think mostly because I'd never had a relationship before him, so I don't know what it's like to be in his situation and have that sort of past. I know I'm just torturing myself. I know in some ways it's my brain trying to build up walls so that if it all goes wrong I can tell myself I saw it coming, that I always knew he had found her more attractive, thought she was better at something or other, loved her more... It's stupid though. I can see how much he loves me, but just can't trust that I'm good enough for him to want to be with me in the long term, no matter how much he says that he does. Definitely a confidence thing, and that's something I seriously lack after 23 years of getting hurt and rejected by every guy I liked. Link to post Share on other sites
Calotine Posted November 22, 2004 Share Posted November 22, 2004 Originally posted by termofendearment I've been in this situation for a lot of the 10 months I've been with my boyfriend. I can't stop thinking about him and his ex: what they must have done together, what feelings he must have had for her, how happy they probably made each other, etc etc. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, I suddenly imagine him with her, and it chills me to the bone. I think mostly because I'd never had a relationship before him, so I don't know what it's like to be in his situation and have that sort of past. I know I'm just torturing myself. I know in some ways it's my brain trying to build up walls so that if it all goes wrong I can tell myself I saw it coming, that I always knew he had found her more attractive, thought she was better at something or other, loved her more... It's stupid though. I can see how much he loves me, but just can't trust that I'm good enough for him to want to be with me in the long term, no matter how much he says that he does. Definitely a confidence thing, and that's something I seriously lack after 23 years of getting hurt and rejected by every guy I liked. Sounds like me when I was 19 and had my very first boyfriend. He had one ex and he was my first. The relationship was horrible and I eventually dumped him after a year and half. I figured at that time, the issue of "ex" would have never bother me again, right? Since I have had at least one boyfriend. Later, I met a very nice guy who had dated "2.5" girls before me... bang, the problems came right back to me, because there were more than I had. It didn't bother me too much though as he was a very wonderful boyfriend. Then out of stupidity, I broke out with him out of my own issues a few years later (trust me, I can not forgive myself for doing that knowing what I know now, but what's been done has been done) and now I am dating someone who has dated and slept with the whole Hollywood. (at least it seems like it!) He had one true relationship before me in his early 20th. He had loved her deeply and she passed away.... (she died a few years after they had broke up but he was still very hung up on her for a very long time.) Ok, that girl before me was a girl his mom paired them up with. That girl's mom is still a very good friend of my bf's mom. That girl was someone whom my boyfriend thought was his soul mate. Go figure. So trust me, I know your pain and I am not ashame to admit I feel the same insecurity everyday. Even if you think I have some sort of problem feeling this way. Every emotion is and should be ligite. What's holding up with this relationship is love. Everything else on paper is kinda crappy at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts