My first ever girlfriend just broke up with me

[Chatmonkey]

We have had a long distance relationship since day 1. We often talked about living together and what pets we would get when i come back to live in the same city (which is only 3 months away). I come to Sydney on 5 week holidays from uni every 3 months or so and in-between then i come down occasionally on weekends to visit for 2-3 days. We have been together for just over a year and celebrated our anniversary (first ever anniversary for both of us) less than a month ago where I took her out to dinner and we went to an amusement park and acted like kids.

 

She says she loves me still and loves me even more than her father and her brother (she is not too close to either of them) and wants to remain close friends. We are both 20.

 

This absolutely destroyed me when she told me this yesterday afternoon. When she first told me I showed no emotion and took it like a man. She was crying when she said it but I didnt. Then a puppy came over to us and just sat itself in the middle of us, licking us both. This cheered us up a bit for a minute but when it left it was sad again. I left quickly in my car but couldnt bring myself to leave her street, and i eventually sat on her street in my car crying my eyes out. I called her and i went back to her room where we cried together and I said how much I loved her and we hugged each other for ages.

 

She let me see her this morning where i read something to her that i wrote last night, saying all the things i will miss and thanking her for loving me and letting me love her (while crying my eyes out). She asked me to send it to her via email and i dropped her off at university and that is the last we spoke. When i sent it to her i wrote even more how much I love her and begged her to give me another chance though she says i didnt do anything wrong. She says she just changed a lot of the past year and didnt feel the same about me.

 

I gave 110% all the time and i am absolutely devastated that I will no longer be able to hold her and tell her i love her and feel her warm skin and body.

 

I am leaving to go back to home in 2 days because my last semester at uni starts.

[tart6245]

I know how you feel. I dated a girl for 2.5 years, and we had to do long distance for 6 months towards the end after I graduated college. We still loved each other when we split, but the distance simply did us in and it became exhausting to only see each other for like 3 days a month. We both grew tired.

 

Take time to heal. Losing your first love is the hardest because no one ever forgets the first time their fall in love.

[bagofnuts]

Grow from it.

Most of us , 99% i should say, have broken up with our first girlfriend.

You will soon realise that it is not such a big deal. The only reason u think and feel it is now is because you have only gotten into a r/s with her.

There are definitely better girls out there.

I know it is difficult to forget the wonderful moments you guys had together. But thinking of the bad things that happened and her bad qualities might help you forget her.

One last word of advice, never beg a girl never never never.

i learnt it the hard way once. Heh. all the best brah. u can do it.

[Chatmonkey]

Thanks guys i really appreciate the fast responses u have given me. I'm just sitting here watching the broncos v ravens game trying to forget for a little while but she just texted me.

 

she had an exam this morning and her text read " First anatomy spot test done!! :)"

 

acting like everything is fine and nothing ever happened...

 

She may be misguided and hurting me by this text but this is not on purpose and she is such a pure soul.

[Chatmonkey]

I wish i hadn't begged her to take me back in that bloody email but there is nothing I can do about that now...

[tart6245]

You can't just act like nothing happened or you won't grow and move on. Girls tend to use guys post-break up for emotional support as they slowly let go. She will do it to you too. I recommend you cut off all contact with her, as much as it hurts. It will make things easier for you in the long run.

[KCCK]

it's ok.. we did stupid things such as begging and pleading.. I did it as well when my ex dump me.. anyway, u will get better as time goes on and put all your focus on your new semester in university and focus on your future.. it is more important.. =)

[Chatmonkey]

do i send her a text or email asking for no contact or do i just not reply/answer anything??

 

what is best??

 

also... is this a tactic just to help me move on or is it also sometimes used to get them back?

[tart6245]

do i send her a text or email asking for no contact or do i just not reply/answer anything??

 

what is best??

 

also... is this a tactic just to help me move on or is it also sometimes used to get them back?

 

You can simply tell her that you need time away from her to heal because this breakup has hurt you.

 

It is a tactic first and foremost for you, but it also happens to be the best way to bring the girl back, if she ever does. Begging, pleading, and constantly talking to them will just drive them away because they will be able to slowly let you go and move on...

 

Most girls do it after a breakup. That's why a lot of them want to be friends so quickly. But that friendship just leads to more heartbreak for the guy because the girl ends up seeing other guys and using her ex as her emotional support while she chases others. Don't let that be you.

[Chatmonkey]

A friend just called me and asked if i wanted to hang out at his house tonight or if I wanted him to come over to mine. The only friend i have told is a friend that lives in India so im not sure if this guy knows somehow or not but im not sure if i want to go.

 

I dont want to burst out crying while at his house.. that would be horrible

[Chatmonkey]

You can simply tell her that you need time away from her to heal because this breakup has hurt you.

 

It is a tactic first and foremost for you, but it also happens to be the best way to bring the girl back, if she ever does. Begging, pleading, and constantly talking to them will just drive them away because they will be able to slowly let you go and move on...

 

Most girls do it after a breakup. That's why a lot of them want to be friends so quickly. But that friendship just leads to more heartbreak for the guy because the girl ends up seeing other guys and using her ex as her emotional support while she chases others. Don't let that be you.

 

You are making a lot of sense tarheelian,

 

I really appreciate it

[tart6245]

A friend just called me and asked if i wanted to hang out at his house tonight or if I wanted him to come over to mine. The only friend i have told is a friend that lives in India so im not sure if this guy knows somehow or not but im not sure if i want to go.

 

I dont want to burst out crying while at his house.. that would be horrible

 

I've cried in front of my best friends before. Sometimes you have to do it.

 

It won't be easy to recover from this, but we all lose people who we were once close to, and life goes on. You aren't the only one dealing with a problem.

 

The worst thing you could do to yourself is to let her continue to act as if you were together when she wants you. Remember, she dumped you. She made that choice, whether she did it out of malice or not, she still dumped you. You no longer are responsible for her.

[Chatmonkey]

I followed your advice and sent her this text in response to her text about finishing her first exam.

 

"I think it is best for me that we dont talk for a period of time as it will only hurt me more if we have any contact with each other"

[tart6245]

I followed your advice and sent her this text in response to her text about finishing her first exam.

 

"I think it is best for me that we dont talk for a period of time as it will only hurt me more if we have any contact with each other"

 

Good move. Yeah, it seems cold, but she dumped you. Whenever you feel like you've been rude to her, remember that.

 

Each day will get better, but don't be surprised if you have your moments. We've all been there.

[Chatmonkey]

I feel like I should also state that about 2 months ago, we had a 2 and a half month period where she didn't know if she wanted to be in a relationship with me. She often used the same excuse about how stressed she was at uni (which was true, she was stressed that she wouldnt pass the subjects she needed) but she started to almost use that same excuse for everything. Eventually after waiting 2 and a half months for an answer, on a 4-day long visit to see me she told me she wanted to be with me. I was so happy.

 

(let me state that during that period where i felt like a yoyo in her hand and she couldn't make up her mind about our relationship, we kept talking as usual as she said that is what we need to do to fix it and she couldn't see how not talking was going to resolve anything)

 

but now this has happened...

 

I have recieved no reply from the text i sent her about not talking to me

 

Right now all i am clinging on to is that she eventually wants to reconcile things as I know she is such a good soul and just needs to find out what she is missing now that i am gone.

 

I will do the best i can to NC from now on...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I feel like I should also state that about 2 months ago, we had a 2 and a half month period where she didn't know if she wanted to be in a relationship with me. She often used the same excuse about how stressed she was at uni (which was true, she was stressed that she wouldnt pass the subjects she needed) but she started to almost use that same excuse for everything. Eventually after waiting 2 and a half months for an answer, on a 4-day long visit to see me she told me she wanted to be with me. I was so happy.

 

(let me state that during that period where i felt like a yoyo in her hand and she couldn't make up her mind about our relationship, we kept talking as usual as she said that is what we need to do to fix it and she couldn't see how not talking was going to resolve anything)

 

but now this has happened...

 

I have recieved no reply from the text i sent her about not talking to me

 

Right now all i am clinging on to is that she eventually wants to reconcile things as I know she is such a good soul and just needs to find out what she is missing now that i am gone.

 

I will do the best i can to NC from now on...

 

So lets see? Two and a half months ago, she wasnt sure she wanted to be with you?

 

Look man, its sucks I know. All you can do is NOT talk to her. All it does is prolong this whole thing and drag you down for many many more months I assure you. Do NOT contact her, do NOT text her, do NOT check up on her with social media. Thats all you can do. I can go into 1000 reasons why, but I dont feel like spending the time to do it. The ONLY advice to take her is do not contact her.

[Chatmonkey]

I am almost certain the friend that contacted me was contacted by my ex (it feels weird not to call her my girlfriend anymore and shakes me to the core) to meet up with me and either make try make me feel better or report back to her on how im going as I know she is extremely sad for hurting me like she did.

 

i told the friend im not in a good place right now and want to be alone but appreciate his effort.

 

Ive been in my room all day and just dont want to be with anyone right now except her

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I am almost certain the friend that contacted me was contacted by my ex (it feels weird not to call her my girlfriend anymore and shakes me to the core) to meet up with me and either make try make me feel better or report back to her on how im going as I know she is extremely sad for hurting me like she did.

 

i told the friend im not in a good place right now and want to be alone but appreciate his effort.

 

Ive been in my room all day and just dont want to be with anyone right now except her

 

Well sadly broseph, you won't. If you DO hear from her, its to ease her own guilt and NOT to get back with you. She feels bad for doing you like that, but TRUST me, it will past through her like a bad dish at Taco Bell. If she does, then I can assure you (which its okay we've all done it) you will get very panic-y and do things in the heat of the moment because you want her to stay. In reality, those things NEVER work. Her pain will take her a very small portion of what it will take YOU to get over it. She has been planning on doing this for quite some time, but never had that gall to do it. Now, she finally has. It sucks for you because it hurts and you dont want to do ANYTHING. Trust me, weve ALL been there.

 

What I can tell you is it wont be easy, and there will be pain involved, but in the end of it, you will be a better person for this experience. It sucks because it is the first one, but you will grow from this and be a better person. Its so hard to see, but you will.

 

For the interim, do NOT contact her. Stay AWAY from her. She will probably hit you here these next several days with everything she has (ala I miss you so much, I dont think I can do this anymore, my heart hurts, I love you etc etc) ANYTHING short of "I made a terrible mistake I want you to be my boyfriend please forgive me I am so so sorry" do you attempt to talk to her. Even WITH those words said, I wouldnt believe them if she has done this before. You will falter, you will make mistakes that people tell you not to do, you will get mad at us sometimes because we speak the truth and you dont want to hear it.....bottom line is your world revolves around you and you only. Focus on that and everything else takes care of itself.

[BeholdtheMan]

Losing your first love is the hardest because no one ever forgets the first time their fall in love.

Ah, c'est la vie

 

I would say having my heart broken for the first (and only) time triggered my transformation from boy to man.

[Chatmonkey]

I know you said not to do this and you knew i would but i have already broken NC.

 

I am crying as i write this because i can't fathom leaving to go back to university and knowing i might never be able to hold her in my arms again.

 

I no this is no unique case and its the same as everyone else.. But I am absolutely ****ing shattered. I am only 20 and i never thought i would feel this type of pain. It is unbearable. **** my life

[Chatmonkey]

I cannot bring myself to eat any food

 

my stomach makes me want to feel like i want to throw up

 

I have to be friends with this girl, i can't just not speak to her. We were friends for 2 years before this and I can't just not be friends with her. We want each other in our lives because we were friends before we were together.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I cannot bring myself to eat any food

 

my stomach makes me want to feel like i want to throw up

 

I have to be friends with this girl, i can't just not speak to her. We were friends for 2 years before this and I can't just not be friends with her. We want each other in our lives because we were friends before we were together.

 

Wrong! That bold part is 100 wrong.

 

You might want to be in her life, but she is not really choosing to be in yours hence the breakup to begin with. She is saying all this stuff right now because she feels guilty. A large 99% of what she is saying right now is because she feels bad and doesnt really know how to deal without you currently...but she wants to do that. That is why she left. My ex said everything from "you are the one I know it" "Im coming back I promise I need more time" and "You are my everything" and 800 things under the sun as do many of the people on here have that same story. The common theme in all of them is that the ex isnt there with them in the end. It blows. You know whats funny?? I went some no contact, and my ex had the nerve to text "you seem to be doing so much better without me. Will you still want to be with me when I'm done with whatever I'm going through?" SHE BROKE UP WITH ME AND SAID THAT TO ME?! Whats funny is the fact she was seeing someone while texting me that and using me as a backup plan. Dont be the backup plan......she wanted this, give it to her.

 

Here is the bad part...ready? Its going to suck....she has moved on in her head. She is past this relationship up in her head and is lightyears getting over it than you are. The bad part about a breakup that seems 'sudden' is the other person has planned this in their head for a while now, contrary to what they say. She is still talking to you like nothing is wrong because she is easing the guilt. She knows how hard this is for you and knows she crushed you. She will be in your life for the smallest amount and when you get too emotional, she will flip that switch and get angry at you. Anger you probably have never seen in her before. Why? Because she WANTS to move on...contrary to what you want.

 

All of it sucks man. Heartbreak is awful....that is why this site exist. But what you HAVE to do: Well first eat lol. I lost like 20 pounds during mine and I wasnt anywhere near fat to begin with. Next, just take it day by day. Whatever you do....DO NOT CONTACT HER! I swear to you man, you have to listen to us. We have ALL been through this before we know what we are talking about.

[Chatmonkey]

ok looked i ****ed up not trying to contact her tonight. but its only the day after the break up. I went for a drive and and had a good yell and cried my face off and now i am back home watching a movie.

 

I will do my best to not contact her but I still want her in my life as I enjoyed being friends with her before we were together

[hurts2death]

thats the way the dumpers are .. agree 100%

mine also said the bull s hit need even more time but you not necesary wait or if you need anything call ofcourse ... f uck them..... just f uck them

 

NO CONTACT ALLLLLL THE WAY or if you like being hitted then ok .... lol just NO CONTACT MAN

 

they are UNHONEST-TRAITORS-LIERS-ACTORS-SUPER SELFISH-EMOTIONAL CHEATERS-HUMAN USING FOR THEIR BEST- really now if you want to be with someone who is like that ok then.. i just do not want....

 

typical profile of a dumper girl

 

 

Wrong! That bold part is 100 wrong.

 

You might want to be in her life, but she is not really choosing to be in yours hence the breakup to begin with. She is saying all this stuff right now because she feels guilty. A large 99% of what she is saying right now is because she feels bad and doesnt really know how to deal without you currently...but she wants to do that. That is why she left. My ex said everything from "you are the one I know it" "Im coming back I promise I need more time" and "You are my everything" and 800 things under the sun as do many of the people on here have that same story. The common theme in all of them is that the ex isnt there with them in the end. It blows. You know whats funny?? I went some no contact, and my ex had the nerve to text "you seem to be doing so much better without me. Will you still want to be with me when I'm done with whatever I'm going through?" SHE BROKE UP WITH ME AND SAID THAT TO ME?! Whats funny is the fact she was seeing someone while texting me that and using me as a backup plan. Dont be the backup plan......she wanted this, give it to her.

 

Here is the bad part...ready? Its going to suck....she has moved on in her head. She is past this relationship up in her head and is lightyears getting over it than you are. The bad part about a breakup that seems 'sudden' is the other person has planned this in their head for a while now, contrary to what they say. She is still talking to you like nothing is wrong because she is easing the guilt. She knows how hard this is for you and knows she crushed you. She will be in your life for the smallest amount and when you get too emotional, she will flip that switch and get angry at you. Anger you probably have never seen in her before. Why? Because she WANTS to move on...contrary to what you want.

 

All of it sucks man. Heartbreak is awful....that is why this site exist. But what you HAVE to do: Well first eat lol. I lost like 20 pounds during mine and I wasnt anywhere near fat to begin with. Next, just take it day by day. Whatever you do....DO NOT CONTACT HER! I swear to you man, you have to listen to us. We have ALL been through this before we know what we are talking about.

Edited September 6, 2013 by hurts2death

[BrownBear]

Brother, many posters here on Loveshack can only see things in black and white - they've experienced personal trauma that has in some cases never left them. For that reason I would take all advice with a pinch of salt (I expect you to apply the same thinking to my posts).

 

Although all of us here at Loveshack have endured a similar experience to the one you're currently having - in reality our stories are very, very different - (the girl, the boy, the friends, the memories and so on and on). For that reason you need to forge your own path and do what is right for you - that's not to say you can't seek guidance and wisdom from others.

 

Personally, I don't think you'll go far wrong if you follow your heart in the next few days - do what you need to do. If that means crying on her doorstep - then so be it. (Although I would try to avoid this if at all possible!).

 

There is a caveat to my advice of following your heart though - at some point in the not too distant future (a week's time?) you need to go 'no contact' with your ex girlfriend. This will of course be incredibly difficult for you but if you want to heal, to grow, to become stronger than you must, MUST end all contact.

 

If you do decide to take this course of action - I would speak to your ex girlfriend about the n/c plan, the reasons why you're doing it and that at some indefinite point in time - maybe, the two of you can re-establish a connection and become friends.

 

I would strongly advise that you keep n/c until you've completely overcome this emotional challenge. A good gauge of your recovery is if you can imagine your ex being with another and not only it not causing you any inner turmoil but the thought of her being happy with another makes you happy.

 

Long term - some people can grow soooo much from the experience of losing a loved one - whilst others never get to that point and are left only with poison and bitterness. It is up to you which path you choose . . .

 

Peace and love . . .

Edited September 6, 2013 by BrownBear