ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 (edited) You explained and said it in a much better way the confusedhumanbeing. So thank you for that. but i am only here for a few more days. its not like im meeting up with her and texting everytime in-between. im just going to meet up once to say goodbye and then it is NC for however long it takes me to get completely over her Is this really the difference between feeling a world of hurt when she dates someone else and not feeling the pain (or less pain)? Yes there is a HUGE difference. Thats what were trying to tell you lol. You can get upset at me for telling you the truth and if you remember correctly, I said the exact same thing on like page 1 in much better terms then currently to which you agreed with everything and still did the opposite lol. My thing is why come on here and ask advice if you just say "Oh I agree BUT....." then follow it up with your own things? That again isnt listening and taking advice. That is just picking bits and pieces that you like and disregarding things you dont like. Thats not how life works man lol. Its very clear to me and everyone else that she feels bad for what she is doing and you are being sympathetic towards it....which is noble...but will lead to a LOT more heartache in the future. You say "Yeah, I'm going to go NC when I move" and that sounds like a great goal, but since you feel like you guys are "friends" again, the door is open, I can promise you that during this you will say "Well, sending a text to see how she is doing wont hurt"...then its "She didnt respond, why dont I send another.".....its a very slippery slope there man and thus leads to more heartache and anguish. Thats why were saying just stop talking or texting her. You say you will do that, but I honestly dont believe that you want to do that nor have it fully set in your heart. I hope for the best obviously, but again, I've seen this story played out before. Good luck to you. Edited September 8, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 she just texted me this morning "such a lovely sunny day today. Hope you're doing okay?" it seems like a nice gesture although from reading what u guys have been saying that it is really all centred around her Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 she just texted me this morning "such a lovely sunny day today. Hope you're doing okay?" it seems like a nice gesture although from reading what u guys have been saying that it is really all centred around her Well, you guys are friends now so that seems like a pretty friend like gesture. Thats what friends do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 check this out... i am considering choosing this as an elective for my last sem at uni i feel it is very appropriate haha - it really sounds interesting Love, Sex and Relationships - PSYC11-116 - Bond University - Subjects Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 So I just found out I failed a subject at my uni (I am taking blame for that obviously however I was depressed most of the semester due to my relationship situation). This means I possibly have to live another 4 months away from home in order to complete 1 subject and get my degree. I guess this would have spelt the demise of my relationship if she hadn't ended it now anyway... This has easily been the worst week of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 And it has finally happened... the deletion of our relationship from facebook. I was wondering when that was going to happen.. i left it there until she did it. I was hoping she wasn't going to for some reason... Just saw the change on my profile then it must have been done within the last hour. **** that hurt seeing that gone. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) And it has finally happened... the deletion of our relationship from facebook. I was wondering when that was going to happen.. i left it there until she did it. I was hoping she wasn't going to for some reason... Just saw the change on my profile then it must have been done within the last hour. **** that hurt seeing that gone. This isnt no contact Block her. Delete facebook. Social networks and cell phones are killing the world slowly. I HATE using my phone anymore, but I'm so attached to the d*** thing I keep using it. If everyone in the world didnt have cell phones, this world would be such a better and stress free place. I believe that so much. It was going to happen. The relationship is done. Doing something on a social network doesnt really change anything. Again, dont do this to yourself. This is why we all advocate no contact because that feeling right there you had...WILL get worse. She will post a pic of her happy MAYBE at a party or gathering. MAYBE she takes a picture with other guy. That will get your mind and heart RACING to the point you will want to text her again and again. She WILL get annoyed and thus makes it SO much worse. This cycle will continue to haunt you. This, Chatmonkey, is the number one thing I can tell you. This is the most personal thing I've ever experienced. Listen to me 100% here. I'm not trying to be mean though you think I am....I know what this is like. Ready: Ignorance is bliss. Not knowing a DAMN thing is so much better off than knowing. She was honest with you (hopefully), upfront and said she was done. It hurts and sucks so much, but that is it. Doing ANYTHING else after this is just torture. True story: Emotional pain is said to only last for 12 minutes, anything longer than that is considered to be self-inflicted. Everything youre doing right now, youre doing to yourself. It's going to get so much worse unless you stop just keep that in mind.... Edited September 9, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing "IT DOESNT MATTER WHY I EDITED" -The Rock...does anyone actually reads this. I can do a backflip without landing on my feet.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 This isnt no contact Block her. Delete facebook. Social networks and cell phones are killing the world slowly. I HATE using my phone anymore, but I'm so attached to the d*** thing I keep using it. If everyone in the world didnt have cell phones, this world would be such a better and stress free place. I believe that so much. It was going to happen. The relationship is done. Doing something on a social network doesnt really change anything. Again, dont do this to yourself. This is why we all advocate no contact because that feeling right there you had...WILL get worse. She will post a pic of her happy MAYBE at a party or gathering. MAYBE she takes a picture with other guy. That will get your mind and heart RACING to the point you will want to text her again and again. She WILL get annoyed and thus makes it SO much worse. This cycle will continue to haunt you. This, Chatmonkey, is the number one thing I can tell you. This is the most personal thing I've ever experienced. Listen to me 100% here. I'm not trying to be mean though you think I am....I know what this is like. Ready: Ignorance is bliss. Not knowing a DAMN thing is so much better off than knowing. She was honest with you (hopefully), upfront and said she was done. It hurts and sucks so much, but that is it. Doing ANYTHING else after this is just torture. True story: Emotional pain is said to only last for 12 minutes, anything longer than that is considered to be self-inflicted. Everything youre doing right now, youre doing to yourself. It's going to get so much worse unless you stop just keep that in mind.... thank you for your persistence in helping me. I know you are right. I will do my best to NC and if it gets tough or something happens I will post here for support. Once I am done and over her I will create a thread on how I am going and the changes in my life that have happened since. I really appreciate you all so much 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 9, 2013 Author Share Posted September 9, 2013 she just texted me "I'm really sorry for how you are feeling. I can't stop crying thinking about how i've hurt you. I'm sorry" i havent replied It makes me feel so upset that she is crying. All i want to do is comfort her for breaking up with me... strange huh? Link to post Share on other sites
stormer1092 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 she just texted me "I'm really sorry for how you are feeling. I can't stop crying thinking about how i've hurt you. I'm sorry" i havent replied It makes me feel so upset that she is crying. All i want to do is comfort her for breaking up with me... strange huh? Man that's a hard one. She made you cry and suffer. I personally wouldn't help her. Don't be her shoulder to cry on anymore. She ended it, its her fault. I wouldn't reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Misfortune Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 she just texted me "I'm really sorry for how you are feeling. I can't stop crying thinking about how i've hurt you. I'm sorry" i havent replied It makes me feel so upset that she is crying. All i want to do is comfort her for breaking up with me... strange huh? Make an experiment out of it, try everything that you want to with her and learn from it. Comfort her, try to be her friend, think she's an angel and w/e else you want to. It'll give you experience on how to handle another relationship or break up. You have to lose.... Link to post Share on other sites
stormer1092 Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 Make an experiment out of it, try everything that you want to with her and learn from it. Comfort her, try to be her friend, think she's an angel and w/e else you want to. It'll give you experience on how to handle another relationship or break up. You have to lose.... From my experiment I tried comforting her and she replied with "thanks for being there It really means allot" and the next day she was in the arms of another boy. Just my $0.02 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 she just texted me "I'm really sorry for how you are feeling. I can't stop crying thinking about how i've hurt you. I'm sorry" i havent replied It makes me feel so upset that she is crying. All i want to do is comfort her for breaking up with me... strange huh? Good for you for not replying. Like you said, she is looking for sympathy from you from something she did to you. It's a common move for dumpers and it's best not to feed it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Misfortune Posted September 9, 2013 Share Posted September 9, 2013 From my experiment I tried comforting her and she replied with "thanks for being there It really means allot" and the next day she was in the arms of another boy. Just my $0.02 Most people know that's how it goes 99.9% of the time. It's his 1st, time to rack up some experience IMO. Sometimes you have to experience the emotions yourself and hit bottom to see the light. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Make an experiment out of it, try everything that you want to with her and learn from it. Comfort her, try to be her friend, think she's an angel and w/e else you want to. It'll give you experience on how to handle another relationship or break up. You have to lose.... I see what you saying in theory, but all that does is just prolong this and make him suffer for MUCH longer than needed. He doesn't need to keep repeatedly stabbing himself to learn lessons. Yes, he will probably make mistakes along the way because we all do even with the millions of people giving advice, but I dont think he needs to just keep doing them for the sake of "learning" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 My dad came up to me and said I need to decide when I am leaving to go back to University and thinks it should be tomorrow. Right then and there I was terrified and my stomach felt like I was falling. The thought of leaving here and not being in a relationship with her scared the **** out of me. I am not leaving tomorrow but in the next few days probably. I am worried that when i finally decide and on my way to the airport, Inside I will be freaking out and become overwhelmed with emotion. This is my biggest obstacle right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 I think the experiment would be an interesting idea for the sake of dealing with it in the future... I don't want the pain though... Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 My dad came up to me and said I need to decide when I am leaving to go back to University and thinks it should be tomorrow. Right then and there I was terrified and my stomach felt like I was falling. The thought of leaving here and not being in a relationship with her scared the **** out of me. I am not leaving tomorrow but in the next few days probably. I am worried that when i finally decide and on my way to the airport, Inside I will be freaking out and become overwhelmed with emotion. This is my biggest obstacle right now. Change is scary to really anyone. I HATE change and that probably made my breakup that much more lame because of it. I'll tell you a very small story. My GF broke up with me almost a year ago (a year next week) after an almost three year relationship. The first girl I ever actually loved. Of course, I was crushed. I lost everything I had. I ended up losing my job (depression), my apartment (the no job part), my friends (sick of me talking about it-me getting defensive over my ex to them). Everything. I had to move in with my Mom at 26 years old...embarrassing. For the next five months, I did NOTHING. I laid in bed till about 6pm, got up, ate, played video games, went back to bed. Repeat. I tried to "win" her back or whatever for like three months to no avil. One day, I realized how lame I look and felt. WHY keep doing this to myself?!?! Life is too short. I decided I needed a change...and I HATE change. I saved up some money from umpiring local baseball and basketball games and I moved 2,500 miles away. Left EVERYTHING I knew. I've now been here for three months, and getting away from it all is the BEST decision I've ever made. Dwelling in the past, no matter how long or short, will get you nowhere. You HAVE to live life and not have this stay here. I've read about how you failed a class and how you're about to start uni up again. Its SCARY to think about change and being away from something, but it can HONESTLY be the best thing for you right now. Going to uni and moving forward IS what needs to happen. Going there, STAYING NO CONTACT and moving forward, you will get past everything. Time has in incredible way of healing wounds. Your wounds are still SO fresh. Just keep at it my man and realize this wont last forever. The End lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 Change is scary to really anyone. I HATE change and that probably made my breakup that much more lame because of it. I'll tell you a very small story. My GF broke up with me almost a year ago (a year next week) after an almost three year relationship. The first girl I ever actually loved. Of course, I was crushed. I lost everything I had. I ended up losing my job (depression), my apartment (the no job part), my friends (sick of me talking about it-me getting defensive over my ex to them). Everything. I had to move in with my Mom at 26 years old...embarrassing. For the next five months, I did NOTHING. I laid in bed till about 6pm, got up, ate, played video games, went back to bed. Repeat. I tried to "win" her back or whatever for like three months to no avil. One day, I realized how lame I look and felt. WHY keep doing this to myself?!?! Life is too short. I decided I needed a change...and I HATE change. I saved up some money from umpiring local baseball and basketball games and I moved 2,500 miles away. Left EVERYTHING I knew. I've now been here for three months, and getting away from it all is the BEST decision I've ever made. Dwelling in the past, no matter how long or short, will get you nowhere. You HAVE to live life and not have this stay here. I've read about how you failed a class and how you're about to start uni up again. Its SCARY to think about change and being away from something, but it can HONESTLY be the best thing for you right now. Going to uni and moving forward IS what needs to happen. Going there, STAYING NO CONTACT and moving forward, you will get past everything. Time has in incredible way of healing wounds. Your wounds are still SO fresh. Just keep at it my man and realize this wont last forever. The End lol I have been viewing the move as bad nd it never really came into my head that change could actually be a good thing. I really have to try tackle this move head on and view it as something positive. I know you cant really guess how long it will take to get over someone but i might see if i can set small goals for myself... i want to speed up the process if that is even possible... One of the many things i have learned on this sight is the art of distraction! The first idea i have had is to hire out a movie from the Uni library every night so i have something to watch and keep my mind off her when I'm not working or with friends. I guess this is my starting point. Also - this has been the first day where both her and I did not send each other a text so that is a small step forward for now Thank you.. again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 her mum mentioned something to me she said "...I know she was missing you yesterday and wringing her hands. " isn't that INTERESTING hmmmm Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 her mum mentioned something to me she said "...I know she was missing you yesterday and wringing her hands. " isn't that INTERESTING hmmmm Quit it!!!!!!! It's like teaching the stock market to a chimp lol STOP TALKING TO HER MOM!!!!!! That is part one. That will get you NOWHERE and if, somehow, she finds out you were talking, that is going to REALLY grind her gears. Just a BAD decision all around. If the mom is the one telling you this without you asking, politely tell her to not say anything about it again. Her mom feels bad for you too I'm sure because it was a crappy way to go out, but again, JUST BECAUSE SHE MISSES YOU DOESNT MEAN SHE WANTS TO BE BACK WITH YOU!! My ex said she missed me too....A LOT after we broke up to my face and through text. Didnt mean anything as she never came back. Hell, my ex before my recent one I broke up with and I said that I missed her too...but I didnt want to get back with her. Its a VERY common thing for a dumper to miss a person especially after spending such a long time with them, but again it doesnt matter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Quit it!!!!!!! It's like teaching the stock market to a chimp lol STOP TALKING TO HER MOM!!!!!! That is part one. That will get you NOWHERE and if, somehow, she finds out you were talking, that is going to REALLY grind her gears. Just a BAD decision all around. If the mom is the one telling you this without you asking, politely tell her to not say anything about it again. Her mom feels bad for you too I'm sure because it was a crappy way to go out, but again, JUST BECAUSE SHE MISSES YOU DOESNT MEAN SHE WANTS TO BE BACK WITH YOU!! My ex said she missed me too....A LOT after we broke up to my face and through text. Didnt mean anything as she never came back. Hell, my ex before my recent one I broke up with and I said that I missed her too...but I didnt want to get back with her. Its a VERY common thing for a dumper to miss a person especially after spending such a long time with them, but again it doesnt matter. unfortunately i cannot stop talking to her mum as weird as that sounds lol because she is on a holiday in India and frequently updates me on her travels and i feel rude not responding lol... I understand that just because she misses me it doesnt mean she wants me back and i refrained myself from believing it after she told me this. I have accepted it is over. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 unfortunately i cannot stop talking to her mum as weird as that sounds lol because she is on a holiday in India and frequently updates me on her travels and i feel rude not responding lol... I understand that just because she misses me it doesnt mean she wants me back and i refrained myself from believing it after she told me this. I have accepted it is over. The second part of your response is gold. Yes, it is over. I'm glad you see that part. Next, her mom can tell someone else about her travels. You can simply say "I hope you are having a good time in India. I hope things are well. I wanted to say thank you for being supportive and understanding my situation and with how I feel. With that said, I think it's probably in everyones best interest if we don't discuss __________. I need to move past this and talking about her brings up raw emotions. Again, thank you for understanding. Travel safe" There see? That is a mature, responsible answer to that. You are not obligated to talk to her and NOT talking to her is not rude or disrespectful. I can bet apples to oranges that she will COMPLETELY understand and abide by those wishes. Staying in this purgatory is not healthy and will continue to get worse unless you do something about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Chatmonkey Posted September 11, 2013 Author Share Posted September 11, 2013 Ok so if she talks to me i will ask that we not discuss my ex but it is ok if she wants to talk to me about other things? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 11, 2013 Share Posted September 11, 2013 (edited) Ok so if she talks to me i will ask that we not discuss my ex but it is ok if she wants to talk to me about other things? I can tell you my opinion, but I feel as though you are going to do what you are going to do lol. If this were me, I would remove myself from ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. Again, she is probably a nice lady, but she is WAY too close to the situation. WAY too close. Lets say this: If she wasnt her mom, would you guys "be friends?" Would you go have a beer with her and play X-Box with her? I'm going to go out on the limb and say no lol. There are many other people that you can talk about yourself and other things that are not her. From an outside perspective, I feel as though you keep her around because thats the last piece of your ex that you have and it scares you a bit to cut contact because that would be the end of it. Sounds pretty reasonable, but again, this is about healing and talking to her isnt doing that. Edited September 11, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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