Wife doesn't like sex, but will masturbate

[Johnsmith1003]

Ok so marriage life is going wonderful. No strains in it. I'm 23, shes 19. Married since February. Nothing is out of the ordinary. She is 6 months pregnant but recently she has not been wanting sex, like ever. I kinda want it all the time, but she gives in to please me. I'm always the one instigating it, she'll do it once in a blue moon and doesn't even make me feel satisfied when I'm doing it because it's basically "are you done yet" and bored moans but I deal with it. That is, until I notice she probably doesn't realize she makes it aware that she's masturbating. This upsets me because what the **** is wrong with me? Why become bored and disgusted with me and then just please yourself when I'm gone? Sure she's self conscience about her constantly growing stomach and feel fat but do pregnant girls do this? Does she have an aversion to me or is it normal? I feel left out and not able to please her. Have any answers??

[Philosoraptor]

Maybe it's not comfortable right now being pregnant? Are you spending enough time on her pleasure and foreplay? Why not go assist her when you know she's taking care of herself?

 

Not enough information here. There are millions of reasons a pregnant woman wouldn't be interested in being intimate.

[Arabella]

Oh dude. She is PREGNANT. This is a bad time to judge her actions as a representation of her normal self.

 

I'm 4 months pregnant right now. During the first 2 months or so, I went from wanting sex 4 times a week (my normal sex drive) to not wanting sex EVER. My SO's sex drive isn't as high as mine, and he was freaked out that we were only having sex once a week. And it was for his sake, mainly. I just didn't want to at the time. I became so sensitive that my SO bumping my cervix would literally make me cry.

 

Lots of strange things happen to a woman's body during pregnancy. Cut her some slack. It could be SO many things. She could be self-conscious of her growing belly, or she could even be experiencing pain during sex. You don't know yet, so you need to talk to her and ask her. And if she has no specific answer for you... be patient and see what happens after she gives birth. Things should go back to normal after a couple of months (once she's had the opportunity to heal from labor).

[Faith13/2]

Ok so marriage life is going wonderful. No strains in it. I'm 23, shes 19. Married since February. Nothing is out of the ordinary. She is 6 months pregnant but recently she has not been wanting sex, like ever. I kinda want it all the time, but she gives in to please me. I'm always the one instigating it, she'll do it once in a blue moon and doesn't even make me feel satisfied when I'm doing it because it's basically "are you done yet" and bored moans but I deal with it. That is, until I notice she probably doesn't realize she makes it aware that she's masturbating. This upsets me because what the **** is wrong with me? Why become bored and disgusted with me and then just please yourself when I'm gone? Sure she's self conscience about her constantly growing stomach and feel fat but do pregnant girls do this? Does she have an aversion to me or is it normal? I feel left out and not able to please her. Have any answers??

 

 

When I was pregnant for my first child I was the exact same way. I always had a high sex drive, but I hit about 4 months during my pregnancy and my sex drive was completely gone. I still wanted to "get off" used masturbating often. My SO at the time also got very annoyed about this. I just couldn't help my sex drive and probably only had intercourse once a month until my daughter was about 2 months old.

Edited September 6, 2013 by Faith13/2

[Johnsmith1003]

She's 19 and already not into you. Bad sign. VERY bad sign.

 

Oh, I almost forgot. 19 and pregnant with your child. Bad sign, VERY...

 

Clearly not the case. We are both matured far beyond our age, and nearly have our bachelor degrees in our respective fields soon. We are not immature.

[Johnsmith1003]

When I was pregnant for my first child I was the exact same way. I always had a high sex drive, but I hit about 4 months during my pregnancy and my sex drive was completely gone. I still wanted to "get off" used masturbating often. My SO at the time also got very annoyed about this. I just couldn't help my sex drive and probably only had intercourse once a month until my daughter was about 2 months old.

 

 

Thank you for your reply. Yes I believe it has something to do with it being a boredom thing, or rather something to expel the stress she's having but not towards me. She says it hurts her to have sex, but I would think masturbating with a toy would wield the same results.

[pteromom]

This upsets me because what the **** is wrong with me? Why become bored and disgusted with me and then just please yourself when I'm gone? Sure she's self conscience about her constantly growing stomach and feel fat but do pregnant girls do this? Does she have an aversion to me or is it normal? I feel left out and not able to please her. Have any answers??

 

Yes, normal.

 

Hormones + a rapidly changing body = varied changes to sexual drive and response.

 

Do not take it personally. Be supportive, and if she needs to masturbate right now, give her the freedom to do it. It will only strengthen her love for you so when her sex drive goes back to normal, she'll come back to you with no resentments.

[Johnsmith1003]

Oh dude. She is PREGNANT. This is a bad time to judge her actions as a representation of her normal self.

 

I'm 4 months pregnant right now. During the first 2 months or so, I went from wanting sex 4 times a week (my normal sex drive) to not wanting sex EVER. My SO's sex drive isn't as high as mine, and he was freaked out that we were only having sex once a week. And it was for his sake, mainly. I just didn't want to at the time. I became so sensitive that my SO bumping my cervix would literally make me cry.

 

Lots of strange things happen to a woman's body during pregnancy. Cut her some slack. It could be SO many things. She could be self-conscious of her growing belly, or she could even be experiencing pain during sex. You don't know yet, so you need to talk to her and ask her. And if she has no specific answer for you... be patient and see what happens after she gives birth. Things should go back to normal after a couple of months (once she's had the opportunity to heal from labor).

 

I'll keep it in mind.

[pteromom]

Thank you for your reply. Yes I believe it has something to do with it being a boredom thing, or rather something to expel the stress she's having but not towards me. She says it hurts her to have sex, but I would think masturbating with a toy would wield the same results.

 

The difference is with a toy, you control depth and speed.

 

Maybe she would be willing to try different positions. When I was pg, doggie style worked the best - with the understanding that there would be no hard pounding involved.

 

Also, maybe she would be interested in oral or just mutual masturbation.

 

Since she is self-conscious about her belly, turn the lights off so she can relax.

[Arabella]

She says it hurts her to have sex, but I would think masturbating with a toy would wield the same results.

 

Nope, not the same thing. With the toy, she can control the depth, angle, speed, etc much better.

 

Most women get extraordinarily sensitive during pregnancy... and while this may make sexual release all themore pleasurable, it can actually hurt to have sex. This leads to an interesting dilemma, as you've observed... she wants to masturbate, but not have sex.

 

Please, be understanding. Her case is not unique, and there probably isn't anything wrong with you

[Arabella]

The difference is with a toy, you control depth and speed.

 

Maybe she would be willing to try different positions. When I was pg, doggie style worked the best - with the understanding that there would be no hard pounding involved.

 

Also, maybe she would be interested in oral or just mutual masturbation.

 

Since she is self-conscious about her belly, turn the lights off so she can relax.

 

Great minds think like...

 

One caveat though... doggie didn't work for me at all. It was the position that allowed for the deepest penetration, so him even barely touching my cervix felt like murder.

 

Sideways facing each other, or with her on top, may also be good options.

[carhill]

Since she's masturbating, she's having sexual thoughts and feelings, so experiment a little. You've got a baby on the way, so PV sex has worked for you; Congrats!.

 

Now move into cunnilingus, fellatio and handjobs. If she can move that dildo around, she can stroke your dick. She should want to. You're the father of hers and your child. Talk with her about this, outside of the bedroom. Be understanding, yes, and extraordinarily so out in the world, as she's the mother of your child. She also must be understanding and open to compromise. That's how relationships work. Good luck.

[Johnsmith1003]

Great minds think like...

 

One caveat though... doggie didn't work for me at all. It was the position that allowed for the deepest penetration, so him even barely touching my cervix felt like murder.

 

Sideways facing each other, or with her on top, may also be good options.

 

Well different positions work fine, at least up at this point anyway, without as extreme as crying as your experiences had it (thankfully). Though she prefers anything but on her back because it hurts then.

[Lauren.B]

She is pregnant at 19, no wonder she doesn't want to have sex. Pregnancy is uncomfortable and maybe she would appreciate you talking to her and asking how she is rather than just being concerned about getting some.

[Johnsmith1003]

She is pregnant at 19, no wonder she doesn't want to have sex. Pregnancy is uncomfortable and maybe she would appreciate you talking to her and asking how she is rather than just being concerned about getting some.

 

 

 

Yeah...your right. I realize this now. I don't feel it so most of the time I perceive it as over exaggeration or excuses but in fact it's neither. Thanks.

[Arabella]

It's good that you can see her side now. Please, be more patient and understanding with her That doesn't mean that you have to neglect your own needs, though... ask her to try things that wouldn't hurt her.

[carhill]

OP, I noted that you mentioned she masturbates when you are gone. One potential middle ground is some mutual masturbation. She's still in control and there is no more discomfort than when you are gone.

 

Also, in your opening post, I read this:

 

"Ok so marriage life is going wonderful. No strains in it. I'm 23, shes 19. Married since February. Nothing is out of the ordinary."

 

This indicates to me, from your perception, that your wife has no complaints, or has not voiced any. Perhaps encourage her to communicate more, in light of your most recent statement:

 

"I don't feel it [the pregnancy] so most of the time I perceive it as over exaggeration or excuses but in fact it's neither."

 

Have you noted that she communicates with you when you react with words or behaviors which indicate she's over-exaggerating or making excuses? Or, do you just keep those perceptions to yourself?

 

Usually, the solution can be found in effective communication. Each partner has their responsibility in that. Good luck.

[TaraMaiden]

Clearly not the case. We are both matured far beyond our age, and nearly have our bachelor degrees in our respective fields soon. We are not immature.

 

That's what you think.

 

The Teen Brain: It's Just Not Grown Up Yet : NPR

 

Men don't mature until they're 43, new study finds

 

You of course, will protest that you are the sole exceptions to the rule, and that neither article can possibly ever apply to you.

 

Okay....

 

There is a good chance this relationship will flourish, blossom and develop until you are the rare octogenarian couple celebrating 60 yrears of wedded bliss.

 

Odds are against it though.

There is an equally good chance you two took this step way too soon,and that Life will have a way of basically sabotaging things and scuppering all plans.

The wheels may be in motion, because further research clealy indicates that over 50% of women go completely off physical sex after having had children.... With their husband, that is.

 

Pessimism?

Possibly.

 

Reality?

Check it out, you'll see I'm not making it up.

 

https://www.google.co.uk/webhp?source=search_app&gws_rd=cr&ei=RTcvUrmgCo_OswaBzIHwCA#q=women+go+off+sex+after+child

 

 

But I wish you luck. Sincerely, I do.

[bubbaganoosh]

When's the last time you held her in bed and told her that you love her? Talk about the new baby coming? It did wonders for me. My second wife felt uncomfortable and didn't feel good about how the baby bump was getting bigger. One night I reached for her and got the 'No such luck" look from her and I told her fine but does that mean I can't hold you? Totally different story and we laid there for maybe an hour talking about names for the baby and other things. I gave the baby a nickname since we didn't know if we were having a boy or girl. The wife need some assurance that she was still wanted, needed and loved. Boils down to patience. She's carrying you baby. That should be enough. Hope you in the delivery room when she gives birth.

[Johnsmith1003]

You keyed on the 19 and pregnant part and not the part about her not loving you any more. That will cost you in the long run. And I wasn't even saying anything about the maturity level of either of you. The 19 and pregnant comment had to do with bringing a baby into this loveless mess.

 

It's always that one person within a thread you must vehemently ignore because there is just no hope for them.