rhw Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 (edited) weeks, let myself feel the anger i didn't feel before. i even gave him a new nickname- LSos or Lying Sack of $h!t. two days ago, i was having one of my best days in a long time. i was feeling really good, realizing that i can get through this. it'd been 3 weeks and i was really starting to think i was healing. loving mom, wonderful friends, great job, lots of things to keep me busy. and then i get the email in my inbox. he circumvented my spam; still trying to make himself look like the innocent one and make me the pursuer (BS). i simply responded, "you wanted me out of your life so why are you investing any time corresponding with me?! he even claimed that i was stalking him (never) and that i'd created a creeper profile to do so which was "just plain unhealthy." i admit, i got sucked into that trap but i felt it necessary to point out that his words and his actions contradicted each other as always. if i were such a stalker, what the hell was he doing staying "friends" with me if that's what he really believed? i knew he was just butt hurt at what i'd wrote a few weeks ago. he wrote back "Seek help" and "show these emails to your psychologist." i told him i didn't have one because i didn't need one but he clearly needed help. it went on back and forth for two hours, with me mostly saying the same thing, "what part of don't contact me don't you get??" and things along the line of "Well, screw you. I never believed I'd end up hating you." i asked him how he got past the spam folder i put him in and told him I never wanted to see him again, never wanted to hear from him again and that i am so very done which got another reply, "Send nasty notes, get like response." told him he was the one who kept contacting ME. that i gave him what he wanted so why wouldn't he just leave me alone? and then the final bullet... .... wait for it... "Guess your dad taught you to be a great abuser, eh?" wow. oh wow, he threw my past in my face. that was so over the line, i couldn't believe it came from him. what the f . . . Tell me, what on earth could he possibly be trying to accomplish here?! Edited September 6, 2013 by rhw Link to post Share on other sites
fanine Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 (edited) These guys thrive on,attention I think. Some of them anyway. Whether it is good or bad. He wanted to get a reaction out of you. It is very difficult to not engage, but that is what happens. I got some foul stuff from my xMM at one point. It is to do with control I think. He still wants control and was just checking in to see what reaction he would get. Sorry you had this. It really is best just to ignore.. Edited September 6, 2013 by fanine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trailrunner1975 Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 He's pushing your buttons and any reaction just eggs him on. Stop feeding the troll. Starve the troll. Be the better of the two of you and walk on like an adult. He is being childish. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 rhw, he succeeded. You allowed him to steal yet More time and energy from your life! He does NOT deserve Anything more from you. At this point, your Silence will speak volumns** Men HATE to be ignored. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 Just goes to show what low depths this man (wimp) will go to hurt you. More reason to click the OFF button and shut him out of your life. Today is a new day. What is done in the past, happened in the past. Look at the crap you have gone through and take pride in the strength you are showing yourself. You have a level head on your shoulders and know you have to end all contact with him for yourself. Not even if he begged and apologizes. Link to post Share on other sites
glowing Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 He sounds like a Narcissist, and *exactly* like my exH. Ignore, ignore, ignore. If he circumvents your spam, delete. If he tries again, ignore. My therapist once told me that it takes two to engage, even if you are not the one initiating. She said to imagine a tug of war with a large rope in between. What happens if you're in a tug of war and you just drop the rope? He's left holding the other end, and the tug of war is over. Drop the rope. I predict he will try again and again. It's called 'hoovering' when dealing with a narcissist. He feeds off of your reaction, positive or negative. If you defend yourself, he's won. If you are mad at him, he's won. He needs your energy to live his life. Cut him off and drop that rope. Who cares if he says you have two heads and follow him around all day in an unmarked car? YOU know the truth, and you know he's making it up. So does he. Drop the rope. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 Or more productively, what did you think would be accomplished by going tit for tat? You could have not read the message and just deleted it. Everyone has to learn where they have control and where they don't. You escalated things by even responding...once. Link to post Share on other sites
glowing Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 Or more productively, what did you think would be accomplished by going tit for tat? You could have not read the message and just deleted it. Everyone has to learn where they have control and where they don't. You escalated things by even responding...once. Agreed, but keep in mind that this takes practice. Thankfully you don't share children with him and can completely ignore any and everything he does or says. Believe me, if I didn't have to coparent with my exH I would take MUCH pleasure in yawning everytime he tried to contact me and deleting the communication as quickly as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 I don't see where it benefits the op to bash the mm. It keeps the cycle going. It actually oils the toxic wheel. To always look at the other party does not empower us. To constantly assign labels to others does not open our eyes to US. Our life...is just that. Ours. If we choose to react instead of respond...it speaks to us..not them. Link to post Share on other sites
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