butterflygrl Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 hey all i have made many posts about situations in my family .. an incident happen the other night i couldn't believe at all here goes i want someone opinion about this.. my ss came in from practice and wanted a salad and it so happen that the salad had tomatos on it he was mad and said he didn't want it with tomatos and my h said well then pick them out .. he said he didn't want to and went got mad .. the thing is he said he wanted a salad with out tomatos not with and he didn't want to pick them out .. so h said then if you can't pick them out then don't eat a salad.. ss stormed to his room all mad huffy and puffy then my h said to me i will make him a salad with ours i will just pick out tthe tomatos.. i told my h he was 14 why couldn't he make himself a salad why was my h making him a salad.. he said you would do it for her which is my daughter and i said yeah but she is 5 and he is 14 there is a difference .. the thing is when ss came in and h said he made him a salad it was almost like he knew if he pouted long enough h would make him one.. i thought this was wrong what do you think .. i think he should have just picked the damn tomatos out instead of pouting but there goes to show you ss has control and h don't ... please give me advice to what you think or am i overreacting! ss never does anything around here always gets his way all he does is pout and dad gives in .. but if our 5yr old does that h says she is spoiled !! i don't get it ... Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I think you are over-reacting. I think your SS (I'm assuming step son) is testing the limits...you should understand no matter what age your SS is he is still your H's baby just as your daughter is your baby. No matter what the age difference is you shouldn't make it seem like you favor your daughter over your SS. No matter how you act, if you're feeling negative towards him he can probably pick up on the vibes. You shouldn't spoil the kid but you should love him harder when he tests your limits, show him he can't get a rise out of you...gain control with kindness. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflygrl Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 hey barby thanks for the reply .. my daughter is also my h too .. ss isn't his baby she is .. ss is 14 not no baby anymore i think he needs to quit pouting and crying and grow up !! and no i don't think im overreacting at all !! you don't live with this child so you just don't know.. he wants no authority and wants to come and go as he please!! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I have a step-child too. Officially, when we wed in a few weeks anyway. We're a very close family, although she doesn't live with her father. I've read your other posts and the only advice that I can give to you is for your husband to obtain control. He needs to realize that he is the parent. He's not acting like a parent when he does some of the things you've told us about. Here's a book that I'm reading that I absolutely love. It's by Physcologist Kevin Lehman. I love this man! I've had the pleasure of listening in on his messages on two occasions. The book is called Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. It breaks down the different styles of parenting and pinpoints what could be the problem. Buy him this book for Christmas! And you read it too, it's a great read. Oh, and don't lose your mind over this! If he's 15, he'll be out soon anyway. But fix him while you can! Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I think its best for people to pick and choose their battles. This is basically a nit picky situation, however, being that the ss is 14, then yes he should have either picked the tomatoes out or made himself another salad. Its fine to have the parents do things for kids no matter what age, but something as minor as this, he could have done it himself. ____________________________ "Don't argue with me, you wont win." Link to post Share on other sites
butterflygrl Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 thanks tiki thanks for your reply i will be looking into that book thanks for the imput.. i will take that into consideration.. we are in counseling and our counselor agrees ss needs some responsibilties and dad needs to quit being his friend and be his father !! Link to post Share on other sites
butterflygrl Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 thanks analyzer for your reply and i totally agree with you .. ss just likes to be in control no matter what thanks again you always make nice replys i appreciate that Link to post Share on other sites
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