alwaysrunnin Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 hey yall... so I went to dinner w/ the ex this weekend, first time I've seen her in a month (we've been broken up for a month and a half, talked about once a week since then). 3 years together, great w/ the occasional freaking out about our futures...her 1st year of law school, and she's around all of these new people, has all of this stress, told me she needed time to figure herself out... anyway, the dinner went really well, i just acted like myself w/o talking about our relationship - over 3 hours together and conversation was great. in the middle of dinner, she kinda stopped the conversation and told me it was really good to see me. she also started crying at the end, and on the way home, about why she was so cold to me when she first broke it off, and how she misses me, but then sometimes doesn't b/c she is so busy w/ school. dropped her off, gave her a hug and a quick kiss on the forehead (maybe a mistake but oh well she was just standing there like she was waiting for something...) , told her i had a great time and to call me if she had the time to go see a movie next weekend. she also still had all of my stuff up in her room...but then again, girls do that... now in a TYPICAL date, if I had a good time, I'd call the girl or email her to let her know that - something simple. But in this situation, she already knows this...should I just wait to see if she calls? Haven't heard from her yet, its been 2 days...I know time will play this out, but I also feel that sometimes people have to influence the outcomes...I don't want to ignore her, b/c she is the type of girl who likes attention, but I still want to play it cool. i HATE playing games!! thanks for any advice.... Link to post Share on other sites
lostNconfusedx10 Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 if she's the kind of girl that loves attention then she would not like it if you didnt call her soon......which in most cases is a good idea to wait a bit. It gives her time to reflect and you'll know better of her intentions if she calls you first. Call it a game if you will but it sounded like things went great so you dont want to seem too needy. Wait and see if she calls you and if she doesnt, call her a day or 2 before you planned the movie date and just play it off if she asks why you didnt call sooner. That way you play the game without it looking like a game. you havent heard from her yet most likely because she's waiting for you to call her. Be strong, show you're not needy Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwaysrunnin Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 yeah, gotta stay strong. she did finally hit me up on IM tonite, but didn't say anything about chillin this weekend. just back and forth light jokin around, the usual, i ended the conversation b/c i've gotta get up crazy early for work. man, but i DONT want to be getting played here b/c i've been down this road once before, its so hard to tell if she's feelin me or not. i think she is - but she's confused still...the fact that she contacts me is i guess good?? but maybe its just a sympathy thing too, and truthfully, i don't want any of that. any other advice? or i guess i should just completely chill w/ it and see if she calls this weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Congrats on the dinner. That's a big part of the battle. At least you have a playing field to work in. Link to post Share on other sites
UnicornGirl Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 do some little things for her. like send her a goofy picture or a cartoon, or somehow give her a little present. don't worry about getting played -- she doesn't know what she wants. be sweet to her and very supportive and do little things to show her you care for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Hope dinner with my ex goes well next weekend. We started out by going to the gym on Monday, the first time meeting in a month and we're going again this weekend. Did you not find it a bit awkward when you first saw her? I got nervous and started mumbling before and throughout the night I was more quiet than usual since I didn't know what was apropriate topics of conversation. We just ended up talking about work, family and university work. Helped that I had read Sense and Sensibility which she is reading for one of her classes. Link to post Share on other sites
UnicornGirl Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Yeah Sukotto, when my ex and I started hanging out we talked almost entirely about school. Well, after a really awkward and romantic day in the city for my birthday that he planned. But since then we talk about barely anything but schoolwork and I can't think of anything else to talk with him about. I mentioned that I love him and want to get back together two weeks ago and now we're back to total awkwardness because that's not what he wants right now. It's strange how someone you used to be so close with can become a stranger all over again! It's so sad. I keep dreaming about looking at him through glass or windows. Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Well I'm not sure how I feel at the moment, I'm glad that I get to see her and we still speak most days but we've avoided talking about the relationship completely. She did say she had missed me when we were at the gym and I told her that I missed seeing her too and she gave me a hug. Now to be honest I dont know if I could get back with her since I'm not completely over what she done and thats something I'd need to resolve before considering it. She has told me that she's considering going to study in Canada for a year so thats something we've got to talk about and me getting a new flat in the city will provide more conversation. Anyone know of any other ways to stimulate chit-chat with your ex in emergencies? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwaysrunnin Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 well...i can usually make conversation w/ anybody, so i guess i really wasn't worried about that part of it...i'm a trainer until i get into grad school, and its kind of an undescribed part of my job to be able to talk to people about whatever, whenever...be it about candling your ears to a 60 year old grandma or hip-hop to a 30 year old producer... i find it helps to read a lot, follow the news and just be interested in a lot of stuff. i could tell my ex was kinda feeling weird about conversation at first, but i went there with the mindstate that it was a first date, and i was out to impress the girl...course who knows if it works?? she did hit me up on im by wed nite, guess i'll have to see if she will take the movie bait this weekend. good luck w/ your situation sukkoto, just be yourself. and yeah, i did give her a little goofy pic i found while reading the paper, something that would have reminded her about us...thats when she started to get all emotional and cry. but she's so busy, and still confused, and probably doesnt have the time to work on us now. oh well. she hasnt said she doesnt love me anymore, but she doesnt say she does either. thanks yall. good luck with your stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Looks like i've got me a study date instead She just spoke to me and I told her that I'll be in the library from 10-4 and she said that she'll come in for 12 and find me, thankfully libraries require silence so its just a case of writing notes. Though I do need to get the paper done on arithmetic operations in circuits, joy! I hope your cinema date works out, she might need a little more time to get her head straight. Though is 6 weeks really that long a time to give her space? My girlfriend broke up on the 30th September and thats us just started doing casual things together. Maybe you should try something like going out for a drink / coffee and then going to see a film after that. Link to post Share on other sites
MafiaGal4984 Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font][color=blue][/color] Hi. I was caught by your post and when reading it could not believe how similar our situations are. My boyfriend and I broke up and are maybe on the verge of reconciling...anyways that is for another discussion. But I want to let you in on a secret. Call the girl, if you havent already. Because I can guarantee she is sitting at home wondering "why hasnt he called me? Did he have fun? What is he thinking?" Even if you guys do not make plans to go out again during thsi conversation, just call her and see how she is and what she has been up to. This small gesture will let her know that Yes, she is on your mind. Best of luck with your sitauation. I will be watching! Take care Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 Well apologies again for hijacking the thread, I think we should just call this thhe re-establishing contact thread! Just had her full attention for 45 minutes in the library and we talked regardless of the little old librarian saying "shhhh" every couple of minutes, had a good range of conversations from what she's done this week, worth, weather (lol) and then we sat and browsed amazon for a bit looking for a mp3 player that she wants. Then she had to go disappear to class and she told me to text her when i'm leaving and she'll meet me for the train, before she left she kisesd me a few times though i did push her away and gave her a wierd look though I think that might have given her the wrong impression. Now meeting her for the train home, that could be awkward since her best friend is going to be there and we've never really got on after an incident 2 years ago, we're pleasant and everything but thats about where it ends. I was so less nervous today so I think Monday was just a case of me not having seen her for a while. We're both busy this weekend so she suggested we meet up for dinner on Friday / Saturday still but the problem is that I may be down in England on business. So my choice is work or dinner with ex-girlfriend, decisions, decisions.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwaysrunnin Posted November 19, 2004 Author Share Posted November 19, 2004 hey congrats sukkoto, sounds like yall had a good time. mafiagirl - hmmmm...you really think i should call her? I told her I had a great time before I left last sunday nite, and I'm the one who offered to go out again the next weekend (which would be now). She did hit me up on IM on wed, but now I'm just waiting to see if she calls. I DONT want to be too pushy...this is kinda my 3rd chance....a week after we initially broke up, told her not to call me again unless she was ready to get back together, calls me the next day, but I pushed too fast, and that fell apart in a matter of days...now that I've built back up to here, I don't want to mess it up again...any one else's opinion? esp by tonite???? man i hate this b/c i really just want to go chill w/ her tonite and watch a movie and talk rather than work and go out to the bars again... Link to post Share on other sites
Sukotto Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 Just take the chance and phone, its not like you've been contacting her everyday and as long as you make it seem like its just a suggestion and not like you had kept yourself free just for her. "Hey X, <insert small talk>" then once you get to an appropriate bit just say "You fancy heading out to see a movie tonight if your free?" she can either say yes or no, if she says no then just say fine and then maybe just drop in that your going to go out with friends instead so she doesn't think that you were desperate. Though if she does say no then trying to get her out again might be a bit harder, I told my ex to get back to me when she wanted to head out and that took 2 weeks for her to do. Me ----- The train ride home was ok, her friend didn't turn up so it was just the two of us. We had a chat about work and she put her head on my shoulder for a bit and said how tired she was. Then I gave drove her from the station to her house before heading home. It was quite a good day and I have lots of rambling for my journal now. I've came to the conclusion that I'm just going to try and be casual for the next few weeks and then consider making a move. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alwaysrunnin Posted November 21, 2004 Author Share Posted November 21, 2004 hey sukkoto, at least she showed a little affection...thats good, i think. i know my ex is just holding herself back b/c she doesnt want to have to deal with the emotional drama now - too much going on in her life. she used to be the most affectionate girl ever...i mean, she flirted w/ me when we went out last week, but it ended there. if it was any other date, it felt right to kiss her at the end, but i didnt want to do anything like that so quickly b/c i'm pretty sure she's not emotionally ready for that...just a friendly hug and peck. so i did call her friday early evening, and she called me back late friday nite when i was out (left a message). said she had been up all nite at the library studying, which i believe...i mean, if she was out w/ someone else and having a good time, she wouldnt have thought to call. but she can't make the movie b/c she has too much work for school so i just emailed her back today, told her i got her message, and she emailed me back pretty soon thereafter, wants to get together over thanksgiving possibly. guess we'll see what happens, i'll let her call me this time around... she says she doesnt have time - i know she is crazy busy but so am i - i guess she just doesnt want to make the time for us...i think thats a weak excuse b/c we're only about 45-50 minutes apart...but i know i gotta respect that for a little while b/c its her first year of law school and she's freakin out...its like she's burying herself in her school work and law school life to keep her from missing me...but in my opinion, life is hard, and its always gonna be busy, so you gotta make time eventually somehow. ok time to go out and try to forget about her for a little bit tonite good luck with your stuff all Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts