10 months later, been feeling extremely down lately.

[zorzzorz]

It's been about 11 months since my ex left me for another guy. To sum up what had happened, we had been on-and-off for quite some time, mostly due to really petty arguments and small stuff. Even during periods of us being "off" we still acted as a couple, did everything the same, and remained committed. That's just how it went. In actuality, the periods of "on" and "off" -ness did not differ at all... we'd just have an explosive argument, get mad, need alone time, but eventually forget it and carry on. Anyway, we were together for ~4 years, for most of university. Towards the end of uni, near graduation, she had been spending a lot of time working on a thesis with a bunch of classmates in her field of study. No big deal, I'm a trusting person. Graduation happens, and then a few months of job searching later, she tells me, "Oh, so-and-so says he's had a crush on me, so I'm going to pursue it" This was a COMPLETE shocker to me, considering we had just been on a date not too long ago and she was telling me how much she loved me! This left me really depressed and I felt very betrayed. When she broke the news to me, she even said, "Oh, he is SO GREAT to me, tells me he likes me ALL THE TIME (she was kind of insecure, I realize now, and needed a lot of constant reassurance. Sometimes I wasn't able to meet her needs, I admit.) You should be happy for me. Can't you just be happy for me?" "Oh, all that time we spent together (and acting like a couple still ) and me telling you I loved you? That was just as best friends..... Oh, the promise ring you gave me and I still wear? I just like how they look...." She couldn't understand why I was sad, and believed she wasn't cheating or betraying me. I don't even honestly know what to think, to this day if it was cheating or not (maybe this is her getting in my head trying to defend what she did though and remain a "good person".)

 

Anyway. That's not really the main point. It's been quite some time since we broke up. Soon after the break up, I had to initiate NC. I just couldn't deal with staying in contact and hearing about how great her new guy was where I failed to be, and it just made me really depressed. I also felt incredibly dumb and naive for trusting her so easily and for apparently not knowing we were just friends at that point? I still feel the frustration NOW, and the fact that it still bothers me makes me feel even more frustrated. WHY am I still getting really sad and upset from time to time? It's been months. I've since busied myself with friends, school, family, etc and really have been focusing on my future and career mostly. Maybe because I'm so stressed lately with applying to medical school, or maybe it's because I really dislike how she tried to play it off like she did nothing wrong and that I was the fool.

 

I also feel like it's been so long already. Shouldn't I be over it by now? It's almost been year! Have I made no progress? About 5-6 months ago, I was doing great, she barely crossed my mind. She even texted me Happy Bday and I said Thanks, but that's it, the end. But lately, I've been thinking a lot about what happened, and feel extremely sad. Am I going backwards? I haven't broken NC other than saying 'thanks'. I don't know why she is invading my head!

[hopefulfaerie]

This is just a guess but maybe because summer is coming to an end or the holidays are approaching.

I was in the drug store the other day and saw all the Halloween merchandise and it made me really sad. It kinda hit me hard that we won't be spending the holidays together.

Even though my brain has already known that for quite some time. I guess my heart is catching up. Weird how that happens.

Stay strong!

Don't beat yourself up. 10 months is really not that long to be fully over someone you once loved.

Take care!

[Blastoplast]

It's normal

 

Even with what sound like intense arguments (probably over stupid ****) you always tend to focus on the good things of previous relationships. I still do with mine, but I have to remind myself how poisonous it got at the end.

 

Keep focused on yourself, work towards your career and any further education you might need.

[zorzzorz]

That's definitely true for me. It seems like lately all the good times and good memories have worked their way into my head. A part of that is because we spent the majority of university together, I feel like most of my memories of those years involve her. Also, she was my best friend, and now I don't have her even as that, so it sucks. It just takes time, I guess. 10 months just seems very long to me already- I know so many people my age jump from relationship to relationship (my ex too, I don't get how you can quickly go from "loving" one person to going to where the grass is greener like that. Oh well), and I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me for not getting over it quickly.

 

I forgot to mention, this was my first ever relationship too. Dunno if that matters, perhaps that is why I still feel sad remembering things from time to time.

[formshifter]

I learned from a lot of people and relations that (in most of the cases) there is no such thing as an on-off-on relationship. Once it’s off that’s a big sign that something is not working and it will “never” work. Some girls don’t know what they want and until they find out, they fill their time with a guy like you and me . Yeah it happened to me too. But guess what? There is good news! Every new girlfriend that you’ll have will be better than the previous one because now you are learning from your mistakes. Based on your description you should search for a more serious girl. Also be sure that she really likes you because when a girl really likes you, you will never have to worry about getting into stupid arguments and etc… . Even if you do a mistake she will forgive you. And about the memories I think they will trouble you until you find another girl, unfortunately. But until then, be healthy, make money and have fun

[Mr Scorpio]

I also feel like it's been so long already. Shouldn't I be over it by now? It's almost been year! Have I made no progress? Am I going backwards? I haven't broken NC other than saying 'thanks'. I don't know why she is invading my head!

 

Some folks don't really let go until they find someone or something else to grab onto. I'm past the three-year mark, and not a day goes by where she doesn't cross my mind several times.