feelings for 2 men

[lonelygirl83]

I am married to a great man and have always thought we had a great marriage. I have never thought about another man until recently. And now I feel torn between the two. I have been texting this other man and hiding it from my husband( I feel horrible but can't stop). The other man is married also but isn't happy with his marriage. He has told me he would leave me be and never contact me again but that isn't what I want. Another thing is I have 3 young kids. 2 from a previous marriage and 1 with my husband now. I would really hate to break my family apart. This other man also has kids that are my age... but he has told me his kids would love me and be happy if he was happy. I am so confused and I find myself crying a lot cause I don't want to hurt my husband but I also love this other man. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[lonelygirl83]

It is normal for people in happy marriages to feel attraction for others. Well balanced people know this and have boundaries. Intrinsically unhappy people cannot have boundaries because they need others to make them happy.

 

You need to go NC with this guy.

What is NC?

[Speakingofwhich]

I am married to a great man and have always thought we had a great marriage. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

I suggest you quit texting the other guy and give your great husband and great marriage all of your attention.

 

Do you know how many women would love to be in your place with a great husband and great marriage? This other guy is going to totally mess your life up if you don't go no contact with him before things go any further. And they will if you don't stop the texting OMM (other married man).

[lonelygirl83]

Another hard thing is we were friends first and he is a great friend that I can talk to. My husband also likes the guy. So if I just completely stop talking to him people will wonder why.

[Grumpybutfun]

OP:

Consider that people who have great marriages do not have EAs with other people. You need to stop being in denial about the state of your marriage. I mean, you call yourself lonelygirl so the great guy and great marriage stuff is a fabrication which is stopping the other TLS members from giving you meaningful advice. It is okay to be honest here.

Good luck,

Grumps

[lonelygirl83]

My name is what it is cause right now I feel lonely my husband is out of town for work. And I really thought I had a great marriage until now. Another thing the other man has kids my age.Also is he just being a sweet and kind man cause he wants to get laid? But he has told me he will leave me alone and never text me again. I have never been this confused in my life.

[Grumpybutfun]

That is a myth:

 

Cheaters will cheat regardless of the state of the marriage.

 

Needy women that need massive validation will cheat even if they have a good marriage.

 

Then why is she calling herself lonelygirl? Her husband may be away on business, but that normally does not make someone lonely unless they are unhappy. I have never known one person who has cheated who was truly in a happy and healthy marriage or relationship. They may be in denial or not understand the issues they are having, but healthy, happy people do not cheat (if you are a massive attention suck, you are neither healthy or happy.) I have to disagree with you on that one.

Grumps

Edited September 7, 2013 by Grumpybutfun

[psm04]

I am married to a great man and have always thought we had a great marriage. I have never thought about another man until recently. And now I feel torn between the two. I have been texting this other man and hiding it from my husband( I feel horrible but can't stop). The other man is married also but isn't happy with his marriage. He has told me he would leave me be and never contact me again but that isn't what I want. Another thing is I have 3 young kids. 2 from a previous marriage and 1 with my husband now. I would really hate to break my family apart. This other man also has kids that are my age... but he has told me his kids would love me and be happy if he was happy. I am so confused and I find myself crying a lot cause I don't want to hurt my husband but I also love this other man. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

Hi there, people like you and I are lucky enough to have great husbands, and yet we still fell/fall into this other stuff. I know this guy makes you feel good, but can he really replace your husband? I was torn between two guys like you. But I realized that my H has integrity that the other guy didn't. My H would never give up on our M and try to cope with it the easy way by having an A.

 

I hope you can really think about this practically. I went through the worst two and a half years of my life. I look at my H now and wonder how I could not only do that to him, but do it with someone who isn't 'above' him in any way. He just gave me butterflies, and made me physically excited, that's it. That is not worth giving up what you have at home, especially if what you have at home is good.

[lonelygirl83]

Leave him alone. Fix whatever is in your marriage.

 

Your confusion? Nah, stop thinking with your vagina, and use logic in this situation.

I am not thinking with my vagina thank you very much. If I were then I would have already slept with the OM and I haven't and I have had plenty of opportunity.

[Hollywood_Undead_Fan]

I've had this issue in June, I liked two boys, one my ex boyfriend and my current boyfriend, but I chose my new boyfriend, because he was my friend back then and I liked him a lot, but I broke up with my ex cause he was cheating on me so yeah, it's perfectly natural!

[whichwayisup]

I am married to a great man and have always thought we had a great marriage. I have never thought about another man until recently. And now I feel torn between the two. I have been texting this other man and hiding it from my husband( I feel horrible but can't stop). The other man is married also but isn't happy with his marriage. He has told me he would leave me be and never contact me again but that isn't what I want. Another thing is I have 3 young kids. 2 from a previous marriage and 1 with my husband now. I would really hate to break my family apart. This other man also has kids that are my age... but he has told me his kids would love me and be happy if he was happy. I am so confused and I find myself crying a lot cause I don't want to hurt my husband but I also love this other man. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

 

The OM is a fantasy and a plug to the problems within you. This IS all about you and what you feel is missing and what is broken inside of you. If your husband hasn't been meeting your needs, talk to him, make your marriage better. Connect with him instead of the OM. The OM is UN available, just like you are yet you both are playing with fire and going to get burned. YOU have a lot to lose, your whole family life as you know could be gone .... for what? Ego feed and addictive feelings for some other married guy who isn't leaving his wife just like you're not going to leave your H for him.

 

You put yourself in a situation that allowed your feelings to grow for someone else, going against your marriage vows and commitment to your husband and family unit as one. DO counseling, fix "you" and become secure, independent and find other things in life that give you a rush or excite you, new hobbies, etc.. Turning to another man to make you feel good isn't the answer.

[lonelygirl83]

I can tell you I don't have daddy issues. This OM yes is older and has kids my age but you can't control who you fall in love with.

[lonelygirl83]

I didn't look for this man it just happened. We just moved to another state and we are living in a hotel and my husband and I hang out with some of the other ppl living in the hotel too. That is how I met this OM. I didn't even realize I had this strong of feelings for him until he moved and we don't see each other anymore. He also wants to have my family over to his new place for dinner. What am I suppose to tell my H?