solostand Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 In my case, I couldn't imagine not having at least one close friend who knows about the Affair that I can talk to. I can't imagine not being able to talk to anyone about it. . .unfortunately my friend is all in favor of this affair and thinks my MM is a "true gentleman" and she loves him to bits, so there's not much objectivity there, lol. When I dump him she urges me to take him back! I wonder though how many married men tell their friends about their affair? I haven't asked my MM if he has told anyone, but I certainly know he doesn't deny it when "the guys" or any guy asks him if something's up with him and I. He doesn't confirm it, but he does not deny it, almost a wink wink nudge nudge thing. Still, I can't imagine a MM not having someone to talk to about it other than the AP. Maybe its the difference between men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 ExH knows and two friends currently know. I had two other friends that did, but one I'm no longer in contact with and one I don't share details of my life with. MM has told one person that I'm aware of, but I don't think he knows it's an ongoing A and not just a time or two together. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 My husband told no one. She told one friend of hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 When I was in the A none of my friends knew. But his best friend (a guy) knew and the three of us went out together one evening. Link to post Share on other sites
Daisy2013 Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 4 trusted friends. Unfortunately, with 2 of them it altered our relationships after a while because I was in the wrong. One, more out of hatred for him and anger at me for being stupid and gullible. I don't talk about this with her anymore as it makes her angry, and one day might cause her to confront him, as she feels he took advantage of me. She is Christian and my deception was hard for her to handle. The other was my best friend and mentor and is a Christian marriage and family counselor, an older, Christian woman. After trying to talk to me and help me out of it for 2 years, in June, she backed off because I was in the fog (or limerance, as she calls it). We are still close, but she's not involved in A talks anymore. The A did end recently, but am having to walk this road alone with nobody to talk to except to update her on my progress of NC so she can continue praying for me. The 3rd, tells me to find another and supports my reasons for the A. But they'll never tell and are still my friends. He told nobody, at least that's what he said. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 After almost 8 years all my family and friends know I'm involved with a mm. The only person he has told is his wife. I'm single so I don't feel the need to hide my relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 There are a few people that know, but what is there really to talk about? Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 One long distance friend knows, MM's family knows, and my aunt knows. My family knows of him and that he's my bf, but not that he's a MM. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 ExH knows . You and your xH, must still maintain a close relationship You mentioned you know he, himself is now an OM. And he must be a very understanding man. My xH has had the single run in with MM, had he knew he was married he woulda pounded him for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenix32 Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 In my case, neither one of us has told anybody. It is hard to not be able to talk to anybody about it, but is safer that way and I can always talk about it anonymously on forums like this. None of my friends would understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Dog Woman Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 Noone knew. Neither of us told our respective family, friends or acquaintances and I only discussed any problems with the A on this forum. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 H told no-one during the affair. After, he told one sister and one close friend. It was something very private and he isn't a great sharer of private things. Afterwards he was simply embarrassed and ashamed. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 In my case, the only person I 'told' was my exW. Who she told I don't know. Who my EA partner told I don't know. I've kept enough MW's confidences (not affairs with myself) to understand that dynamic. Anyone who observed and formed their own conclusions was beyond my control and I really didn't care. Most people I've queried in my demographic don't consider EA's affairs so it was likely of little interest to anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 You and your xH, must still maintain a close relationship You mentioned you know he, himself is now an OM. And he must be a very understanding man. My xH has had the single run in with MM, had he knew he was married he woulda pounded him for sure. We're better friends now than we ever were spouses, for sure. I feel bad that he put himself in the same situation as myself, especially after seeing what I was dealing w/ and swearing he would never get involved with a MW. The difference is, they look at theirs as FWB and he hasn't let emotions get involved. I am the only one that he has told about his A. He's not happy about what I've dealt with/dealing with and has made it clear that if I continue waiting after the time frame that I have given, he will listen, but will not be supportive as far as advice. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted September 7, 2013 Share Posted September 7, 2013 In my case, I couldn't imagine not having at least one close friend who knows about the Affair that I can talk to. I can't imagine not being able to talk to anyone about it. . .unfortunately my friend is all in favor of this affair and thinks my MM is a "true gentleman" and she loves him to bits, so there's not much objectivity there, lol. When I dump him she urges me to take him back! I wonder though how many married men tell their friends about their affair? I haven't asked my MM if he has told anyone, but I certainly know he doesn't deny it when "the guys" or any guy asks him if something's up with him and I. He doesn't confirm it, but he does not deny it, almost a wink wink nudge nudge thing. Still, I can't imagine a MM not having someone to talk to about it other than the AP. Maybe its the difference between men and women. We were open with all our friends and significant family. Without their support, I think it would have been much harder for him to leave his M. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted September 7, 2013 Author Share Posted September 7, 2013 So I asked him today and his answer was no one, because he has no male friends that he is that close to to confide any secrets, let alone this one. He also said people would tell him to stop it, and he does not want to stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 There are a few people that know, but what is there really to talk about? This would depend on the particular situation. In our case, he wanted to sound them out about his intention to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
wrinkledforhead Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 My best friend knows of the A. She is the only one who knows the dynamics of the situation in my life. His best friend also knows of the A, which is a recent revelation on his part. We were caught by two of his friends. We were in public, my feet resting on his lap. They showed up and saw, raised their eyebrows. The two people that caught us are a couple who left their spouses for each other many years ago. Out of all the people to be caught by, these two are probably of a better lot. They won't say anything and have an understanding of A's. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I have told a few good friends and my therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
randomwoman Posted September 8, 2013 Share Posted September 8, 2013 I have told 2 friends but they do not know MM and actually do not live in my state. He has not told anyone and I shouldn't have either. We made the agreement not to disclose it to anyone. I had a hard time having no one to talk to about it and I felt it was either tell two low low risk friends or explode in a public display. Overall, the less that know, the better it is for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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