Are my suspicions justified??...help, need advice pls

[Laurynn]

(note: this might end up being a long post)

 

I recently moved to a new/strange city, I'm in my early 30's, don't know anyone here so thought I'd try the Internet Personals to meet someone. I've used them in the past and had very poor luck. Have met a lot of men who misrepresented themselves, lied, etc. I need to know if my bad past experiences have caused me to become "too suspicious/cautious" or if my hesitation here (which I'll explain below) is more just my instinct trying to get my attention. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated, as I'm to go out on a date (first time meeting) with this guy.

 

1...He's 36 and states he's only been in two long term relationships in his life. I think one was about 3 years, the other about 4 years in length. Only *2* serious relationships and he's 36? Does anyone else find this super strange?? It's not that he casually dated in between these relationships.....I get the impression that during the years he wasn't in a relationship, he was single. Really didn't date at all. Warning sign here??

 

2...We've talked on the phone several times. He doesn't "sound" like he's 36, he sounds much younger. Even in his personal ad, he made mention that he "doesn't look like your average 36 year old (meaning he looks a lot younger). He doesn't seem to know really basic things about life...things that a 36 year old should know. I can't even give you an example, just a lot of everyday things he seems a bit 'stunned' about. He apparently has a fairly high profile career, where he's done a lot of world travel for work. (so he says) I'd expect him to be a little more "sharp?"...

 

3...He's been on this particular Personals site for way over a year, and he's still single. According to his profile, and what he's told me on the phone, he's got a lot going for himself: describes himself as attractive/sexy, has a great career, is down to earth, etc. I've seen his picture. He's nice looking. If he has so much going for himself, why is he still single?

 

4...He's lived in my city for well over 3 years now and he admits that he's never even seen the major sites. We live close to a world renowned National Park in the Mountains. Everyone, and I mean, EVERYONE who lives here has been there. He says he's never. That's mighty strange to me.

 

5...He's told me that I'm the only one he's ever "clicked with" through the personals, and he thinks we have so much in common, really wants to meet me, I'm the *only* one he's interested in meeting. But. Each and everyday, he's back at that site, obviously "looking"......a player?? does he have 5 women who he's stringing along?

 

6...Sometimes he'll go 2 days without dropping me an email, which is no biggie but it always makes me wonder if he's really busy because maybe he's a) already involved with someone...b) dating tons of other women?

 

7...In our profiles, it tells our Astrological signs. His originally stated he was a Leo. We even talked about this on the phone. 2 weeks ago, I noticed that his profile said he was a Cancer. The only way to change your Sign is to edit your profile information/edit your birthdate. That's strange, why would someone change their birthdate? I casually asked him about this in email. He gave me some lame excuse about how the "system was stupid"....how he had put in his birthdate but it had obviously given him the wrong sign. Um, why was he going in there to do anything to his birthdate?? I asked him the latter, he didn't give me an explanation. I think he had purposely changed his birthdate (which thereby changes a person's sign) for the following reason: There are 3 categories in this Personals site. Dating (casual dating), Romance (looking for a long term relationship) and Intimate (for those looking strictly for sex, flings and some pretty disturbing things). He has a profile in both Dating and Romance. I know there are a lot of guys who come across as Mr Normal/Nice Guy in Dating and Romance, then have profiles in Intimate..where you find out what they're *really* looking for (sex)....and that some of them are even "attached" and looking for sex. Blech. Well.....I always do a check to see if a guy I'm corresponding with in Dating or Romance is sneaking around in Intimate. You can go to Intimate and do a 'search'....you just enter the info (like height, build, Sign, age, whether they drink/smoke, etc) and it will bring up all those who match. I did this using his information, and I found a guy who matched. ONLY....this person's profile said they were "ATTACHED." Guess what? I wrote them, and they emailed me back. To make a long story short, the information in the email header showed that the Internet Provider for this "person" was the exact (and I mean EXACT) same as this "so called nice guy". Now it seems to me that the odds of this are fairly slim. It's not a very common Internet Provider. Even the writing styles were the same.

 

NOW...I had admitted to Mr Nice Guy that I check out profiles in Intimate, to see if the guys in Dating and Romance have one in there (and if so, I'm not interested). I *suspect* he changed his Astrological sign so that *IF* I did a search, his info wouldn't add up (example: I'd be looking for someone who was a Capricorn, but seeing how he changed himself to a Libra, he wouldn't get caught).

 

No, I'm not possessive or crazy LOL. I simply believe in protecting my interests from liars and those who misrepresent what they're *really* looking for.

 

Also....from the very beginning, he mails me ONLY from web based email accounts like Yahoo or Hotmail. Never uses his regular one (the one assigned to him from his Internet Provider, you know..like AOL or Juno, etc). This in itself is strange. Most people use the webbased ones initially....til they get to know someone, then they give out their 'real' email address. That's been my experience for 2 years now. I casually asked him about this. He said, "gee, i hadn't even thought of doing that". Okay...so could the reason be that he has a wife/girlfriend who has access to his regular email address?? It's not that he uses these web based ones so that he can access his mail from work or anything...because I've yet to receive an email from him during the work week. He's obviously not allowed to send personal emails from work.

 

His field of work is computers. One night we were talking on the phone and he started going on about how neat *hacking is*.....started talking about the Back Orifice hacking thing.......about how neat it would be to hack into someone's computer (someone you didn't like) and basically control their browser, etc. WHAT????? That's pretty bent if you ask me. And this is a guy who could probably do it, his job is to write "codes" and such. Is this 36 year old man some kind of nutbar??

 

He lives in a tiny, cheap apartment...admits to having little furniture and possessions....drives a 21 year old car (though he claims to make 60K+ per year).....says he's saving his money to buy a house, okay that's fine but the guy has nothing to show for his 36 years of life. Should I be suspicious? Is he just a total cheapskate? This is a guy who doesn't have a cell phone and thinks that cell phones are a stupid 'waste of money'. God, even teenagers have cell phones LOL It's not like a big luxury nowadays. Even my 60 yr parents each have cell phones!

 

Do you think I'm just looking for reasons to write this guy off? Am I being far too suspicious and skeptical? Do you think I'm just so afraid of being 'screwed around' that I'm making mountains out of mole hills?

 

I need to call him shortly to let confirm our plans to meet for a drink tonight. At this point, I don't know if I want to go through with it. Even if I meet him, it's not going to help me determine if he's a lying scumbag...how do you really ever know?

 

I apologize for this being so darn long but I felt you needed all the info in order to give the best advice.

 

Laurynn

[Tony T]

I normally don't read really long posts here. But I read the first paragraph...which led me to the second...and I was spellbound. It was extremely interesting and before I talk about your problem, I just want to encourage you to write mystery novels. And please send me an autographed book.

 

My Email address is: <e-mail address removed> I will then give you my home address, which can be verified at the Hillsborough County, Florida property appraiser's website, so you will know it's absolutely me. If you have the desire, you can go to the Clerk of the Circuit Court's site to see if I am married, to see if there are judgements against me, and to see if I have ever been in jail. If that's not enough, you can go to the tax collector's site to see if I've paid my property taxes, how much they are. You will pretty much be able to find out whether or not I'm a deadbeat or a fraud. I really like your style and mentioned the above for you to add to you investigative knowledge.

 

Now, your problem.

 

I think your intuition has already told you this guy has been exceptionally deceptive. To what extent, there is no way of knowing. Relationships between two honest people are hard enough without getting tangled up with some lying weirdo who prances around an online dating website like a tap-dancing centepede.

 

Though I really don't think this guy will actually show up to meet you in the light of the crap he's given you, I think you should go ahead with your meeting, as long as it's in a public place. Don't have drinks in a noisy bar...have coffee in a more quiet setting. Be sure to take enough money to treat yourself to a nice meal somewhere nearby if he doesn't show up.

 

If he does appear, talk to him for a few minutes and size him up. If he seems OK, continue on until things get weird. Question him about some things that puzzle you. However, if it becomes obvious that he's a fraud, pull out a printed copy of your post and let him read it. Ask him if he could clarify this stuff for you. Don't be embarrassed. If this guy is the love of your life, he will be amused. If he's not, who the hell cares?

 

You could have a real fun time if he shows up.

 

Now, to address your stated questions:

 

1. It is entirely possible for a 36 year old man to have had just a few relationships. Girls like guys with newer cars and nicer living quarters and he doesn't have either. At least he's been honest about that. There was a guy who posted here a few days ago who was 41 and had never had a relationship or sex. Even a really nice guy might just enjoy doing his own thing, reading, traveling, etc. and not require a mate all the time. No problem here.

 

2. Don't go by what people sound like. A lot of 36 year olds don't have a clue. Just because he's stunned at some things may mean he's lived a rather reclusive or sheltered life. Age and travel don't make you smart. President Clinton wasn't smart enough to go down Pennsylvania Avenue to the Days Inn to get his blow job and he couldn't lie his way out of it. He's a very smart man and very well traveled...but pretty stupid at some things. (His wife was smart enough to forgive him and get a job in the Senate)

 

3. He may still be single because he hasn't met the right person. He obviously doesn't have the average lifestyle and may not be appealing to all women. There are very wonderful people, men and women, who have been searching for the right person for ten, fifteen, even twenty years without success. Don't knock him there. As far as the picture he sent you, it may be of him...or it could be his older brother...and maybe even the guy he served time with at Folsom Prison. Who knows?

 

4. I have relatives who had lived in Philadelphia for nearly 40 years, my dad's people. Until my mom and dad took me to visit them when I was ten or so, they had never seen the Liberty Bell, Betsy Ross' Home, Independence Hall (where the Declaration of Independence and the U.S. Constitution were drafted and signed), the Philadelphia Zoo (one of the nation's largest), the Philadephia Art Museum, etc., etc. A lot of people who live in great cities never take the time to see the sights. Things seem to be so much more appealing the further from home you travel...so don't hold that against him for not having been to the sights close to him. But that still doesn't mean he's not weird.

 

5. There's really no way of knowing how many women he's working right now or if you are the only one he's ever clicked with. It really doesn't make any difference at all. If you meet him and like him and start a relationship, just think how many hours of fun you will have going to all the Internet dating sites to see if he's still posting stuff and trying to meet people. What will make a difference is if he stops his dating efforts and concentrates on you.

 

6. Sometimes I go for many days without writing Email to friends. It's just my moods. Sometimes I enjoy writing a lot...and then I go for days and just don't want to write anyone. I even get so sick of getting those advertisements for adult web sites that I never want to see another naked girl in my life...but then I begin to wonder if there is really anything better. Don't read anything into his mailing habits. Sure, he could be writing other women. He could also be out robbing banks...or writing some great poetry to give you when he finally meets you. Who the hell knows???

 

7. I'm sure he's manipulating his profile in order to attract the largest number of replies. His explanations are extremely lame. While what he is doing is a deceptive behavior, I am sure some of the nicest men in the world have done the same identical thing. This is not a man I would trust to execute your will but I don't think it should stop you from meeting him and amusing yourself. By the way, I am a Libra...the very best. But if it will help my chances, I'll be a Leo any day!!!

 

_________________________________

 

You are not being too suspicious or skepticle. This guy is strange, indeed. But everything you have described could be done by a number of very nice people. There is just something about being online that causes people to manipulate themselves...to be what they aren't...to misrepresent themselves. But people do that in person as well.

 

Hey, you have a real head start here. I don't think this will be a keeper, but it certainly should be entertaining and NOT a waste of time.

 

I wouldn't give up your online search, either. While there are some extremely deceptive men who post, there are many others who are genuine and sincere and who are looking for a lady just like you.

 

Personally, I think nothing beats real, live people you meet during the course of your work day or who are introduced to you by your friends.

 

Please let us know what you decide to do. And if you meet this guy, please let us know what he was all about.

[Laurynn]

Okay, you were being highly facetious when you stated that what I wrote caused you to be spellbound, right? (sorry, just want to make sure I understand when someone is making fun of me :-) )

 

I really do appreciate the response you've taken the time to write. I've lurked here a bit, and I've read some of your responses to other people and you definitely have a knack for giving good, sound, to-the-point advice!!

 

Here are a couple other oddities....

 

1. There have been several occasions when he's called, that he doesn't leave a msg on my voicemail. Okay, this is a huge pet peeve of mine....people who call but don't leave a msg (haha...I don't pay $6 a month for nuttin'!). I know he's called because thanks to technology *grin*, I also have caller ID. I've jokingly asked him WHY he phones but doens't leave a msg. He gave me some pee-poor excuse that he let it ring and ring but the voicemail didn't kick in. Um, yeah, right. Amazing that nobody else has voiced this problem (family members, friends). Is it that he doesn't want to be *overheard* leaving a message?? hmmm.

 

2. About a week ago, he'd called during the day when I was out (again, didn't leave a msg). Later that evening when I had a chance, I gave him a call. Busy busy busy. I tried about 3 times over the course of an hour. Still busy. I chuckled to myself, figuring the guy was online (has only one phone line)....so I dropped him a cheeky little email, something like, "Hey there Surfaholic...I'm trying to phone ya!" I didn't hear back from him til the next day. He basically stated, "I was online for a good 3 hours, talking to a friend on Instant Messenger, and by the time I got off, I was tired of being on the computer so didn't bother to mail you back." Hmmmm. Okie dokie. My thoughts on this, you ask? (LOL)...I'm suspecting he wasn't actually online...I'm suspecting he was having a very long phone conversation with someone (much like the ones he and I have had in the past....sometimes for 3 hours or more, into the wee hours of the morning)....and due to this, he had no idea I was phoning him (doesn't have caller ID, the cheapskate :-).....which makes it understandable that he didn't reply to my email because he wasn't even ONLINE TO GET IT! LOL

 

I have no problem with him talking/chatting/emailing other women. All the power to him. I don't own him, heck we're not even in a relationship......but I am seriously looking to meet someone to hopefully have a serious, TRUTHFUL, long term relationship......not some "career personal ad surfer dude" who's got 15 women on the go, telling each of us that we are "someone he really feels he's clicked with/has a lot in common with, bla bla bla'. Life is very short, I would rather be alone and content with myself than waste my time with some butthead who's playing games.

 

Ya know? I did get frustrated a couple nights ago....and I emailed him....and I basically told him all of my concerns/all of these little things that don't add up (well, most of them).......and his response was one of "shock"....he couldn't *believe* I would think those things, that I wouldn't trust him......he was sooo sorry that I felt that way.....he went on about how he was soooo interested in me, how I was the only one he was interested in, how he's been patiently waiting for a month to meet me, yadda yadda.

 

Anywhoo....I'm still not sure if I'll go through all the nerve-wracking stress of meeting someone I have my doubts about. I feel like I'd be disrespecting myself by doing that, ya know? If he was really soooooooo interested in me, why does he log in to this personals site several times a day, each day? Thinking someone better might come along? I've jokingly asked him about this......he really has no explanation for why he still goes there so often.

 

Last week he took the week off, in lieu of the holidays. A few times in emails, I'd casually and innocently ask him what he was up to.......and I didn't mean it in a 'snoopy/possessive' way. It was like, "hey, whatcha up to today?" He never ever bothered to respond. I expected something like, "did some laundry, reorganized my sock drawer, went for a walk, went to a movie, baked a cake, watched Jerry Springer...etc".....but no response, didn't address that question at all.

 

Anyway, sorry for writing so much. It's one of my God-given talents to be so longwinded *snicker*

 

I'll definitely let you know how it goes, if it does.

 

Laurynn :-)

[Laurynn]

A few weeks ago when we were talking on the phone, I casually asked him how long ago his last long term relationship was. It was apparently 3 years ago. He said the reason he'd broken up with his live-in girlfriend of 4 years was: she didn't trust him and was very suspicious LOL

 

Now of course, it's possible she was a very insecure woman (he says she was) who maybe didn't trust any man. He did state that her insecurity was based on past relationships she'd had where she was lied to/cheated on. (well, so he says). He ended things because he wasn't happy being with someone who allegedly questioned him all the time.

 

OR...

 

It's entirely possible that his ex girlfriend's suspicions of him were justified.....(of course, a fact he would have left out)......and that he was a player then, and still is today. That might explain why someone his age has had only 2 long term relationships (the first one started in high school so does that one really even count?..there's about 18 years between high school and the age of 36)....maybe he loves 'playing the field'......and naturally, the internet personals would be a perfect place to play.

 

Of course I'll never know the truth to his past relationship......however, in light of his current actions with me, I do find it hard to believe he'd live with someone for 3 whole years if she was the jealous, possessive, insecure twit he made her out to be.

 

Laurynn ~hoping longwinded writing will one day be an Olympic event~

[Tony T]

No, I was NOT being facetious. I never read long posts after the first paragraph unless they are interesting. You should see some of the posts here that are a mile long without any paragraphs...I mean one solid block of gray type. I don't touch those.

 

To your questions:

 

1. I personally do not like leaving messages sometimes. I don't believe his excuse about it ringing on and on...but not leaving a message is absolute genius. When you leave a message, you are leaving another person in control. If you don't leave a message, you are free to call them in a few hours...and to keep calling until they answer. Now, if they don't answer after a week, then it's rational to leave a message. Knowing that you have caller ID, if I called you three times and hung up after you did not answer, if you did not call me you would never hear from me again. I take hints pretty well.

 

Don't cut this guy down for not leaving messages, just for his excuse. Not leaving messages on answering machines is total genius. It helps retain control over the exchange, depending..of course...on teh circumstances.

 

2. You make a million assumptions that may or may not be true. I have been online for very long times and have not read my Email. I have DSL, which gives me 24/7 access to the Internet. Right now, I am typing directly onto Internet Explorer. But I get my mail on America Online. I hate getting my mail because I am on more buddy lists than you could imagine and I get slammed with Instant Messages. So I could be on the Internet for days and never get my mail. Don't jump to conclusions based on your own personal experiences. In psychology, that's called projection and it could get you in serious trouble if you do it a lot in life. Every person is unique and every person experiences life and the same circumstances in their own unique ways.

 

You are very correct that this guy has every right to talk for hours to whoever he wants, or to use his phone line to be online. We really will never know the whole truth about exactly what he is doing.

 

His reaction to your Email could be a danger sign, yes, but maybe not. I think it probably is but having watched a lot of episodes of Perry Mason, Court TV, Judge Wapner, Judge Judy, most of the O.J. Simpson trial, and a lot of the hearings on the presidential voting disputes in Florida, I have learned that the truth is painted with many colors and sometimes the truth paint drips into the lie zone.

 

Frankly, I think he protested too much. But if he is still willing to meet you after you confronted him this way, he either has a lot of balls, he is not going to show up, or he is really a decent guy who's lifestyle and way of relating to others and to the world is a bit out of the ordinary. Most geniuses are different and considered weird. Most are very lonely.

 

I personall think that, while you are not necessarily weird, you are certainly a genius. To be able to use the techiniques you use to find out when he enters these dating websites, etc. is really impressive. It sounds like you have been deceived way too much in your life. It's a serious shame that you have to be so hypervigiliant about life. I think that's a sad way to have to live. Next time, if I were you, I would write a guy off way before I would go through so much trouble to check up on him. It's just not worth it. You know as well as me that this is NOT going to be a happening thing. You have the meximum distrust of him even before you have gotten out of the starting gate.

 

As far as his going to the personals several times a day, he could be doing this for entertainment purposes only. No matter what his experience has been with you thus far, you are no more than a voice on the phone and some type on a screen. Like you said, he owes you nothing and he can go anywhere and do anything he likes.

 

I still think you ought to meet this guy...in a safe public place. Write it off as pure entertainment. You just never know about people or events. He may be part of a television documentary production company on online dating and he may have a $10,000 check for you for showing up. You just never, ever know about these things. Yeah, there is a morsel of a chance he could be one nice guy.

 

You don't sound like a lady who would enjoy a guy who drives a car nearly as old as you are and lives in a cardboard box. But you do have a great deal of intellectual curiosity and that should drive you to at least check this guy out.

 

Give you 25 to 1 he doesn't show.

 

Yes, do let us know!!!

[Tony T]

Yes, an Olympic Gold Metal for your typing efforts...for sure.

 

I think it would be natural for anyone to be suspicious of this guy. His actions are strange and out of the ordinary. But so were Thomas Edison's. I'm sure his wife thought he was screwing chicks out in the garage in the dark when all the while he was trying to light up the world.

 

And look at Bill Gates...we are talking really weird here. He's a jailbird, spent overnight in jail in New Mexico for speeding in the 70's, spent many nights sleeping in his garage and, until he got married, often slept under his desk at Microsoft...I mean he had a crapier lifestyle than this guy we're talking about yet he has something like $85 billion in personal worth...give or take a billion or two.

 

This guy is very suspicious but it's just so hard to believe that he would be so up front about being so weird and so deceptive.

 

If this guy is playing, out of the 18 years he's had to play, not more than six of them...and probably less than four...could have been by using the Internet. Until 1995, there were relatively few users of the Internet and hardly any matching services. The Internet really didn't surge to big time popularity until about 1997, though it seems like such an important part of our lives today. So how did he play and entertain himself before that??? Maybe he was too shy to approach girls...and now is more comfortable on the Internet. Or maybe is is a true pervert. Who knows???

 

Again, I really hope you won't spend this kind of time screwing around with future dating hopefuls. It's really not worth it...and your brain chemistry could one day go haywire and you could become truly paranoid and require medication for that. That's not something you want.

 

I will be on pins and needles until I hear how you handled this thing.

 

Good luck!!! I wish I could be there.

 

P.S. Have you thought about creating a hotmail address for yourself and answering his personal ad. Create a new identity for yourself that way and see if he is really playing. It wouldn't take you long to find out that way. He would have no idea who he was writing to. Yeah, I know that's devious but it's a surefire way to call the question.

[Laurynn]

First let me address this comment of yours:

 

"You don't sound like a lady who would enjoy a guy who drives a car nearly as old as you are and lives in a cardboard box."

 

Well, I'm really not a materialistic person....and I don't necessarily judge someone based on the number/quality of their material possessions........but I do know that I have worked very hard all my life to attain my career and to have a nice life. No, no...I'm not Ivana Trump *grin* I guess I just figure that a man in my age group (early to mid thirties) should have *something* to show for his years of hard work. If he has nothing, does that mean he's a tightwad-cheapskate? (Oh boy, the story of my life...that's the only kind of guys I've ended up dating....I am a very generous person so I guess I'm a good type for them)...or does it mean he blows his money on cheap wine, casinos, hookers, 1-900 numbers, drugs, etc? Okay okay, I realize I'm being just a tad extreme here, but you get my drift....

 

Or does it mean he's got no ambition in life? This latter one would bother me the most. I respect people who are driven, ambitious, work hard to reach their goals......and if they're not this way, I couldn't respect them....therefore, I couldn't be with them.

 

Hey, I know that everyone has different priorities. I've gathered from him that driving a newer vehicle isn't a real priority at the moment, and that's his prerogative. But I do see lots of little red flags waving in the wind that spell out "CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP"......I have a new found aversion to cheap men, cheap people in general!

 

Yes, I know I've probably already invested far too much time trying to figure this dude out....I guess I have been hurt a lot in the past, and maybe now I tend to second guess myself because I'm trying to figure out if I'm being overly suspicious, or justifiably suspicious. I'd hate to toss away "Mr Right For Me" all because I was too darn skeptical and 'looking for trouble'...ya know?

 

I've had two long term relationships with men I met through these personals...one I ended up engaged to (where I got stuck paying for the $5400 ring and $10,000 other assorted costs)...and the next one turned out to be a closet alcoholic/manipulator/fraud/etc. So now you understand why I'm making mountains out of mole hills? haha.

 

Anyway, enough monopolizing this board with *my* problems (me)....I'll flip a coin and figure out whether I meet this dude or not. Will let ya know, I promise!!

 

Thanks so much,

 

Laurynn

 

PS..your insights and feedback have been terrific...great sense of humor, abundant ability to see things from all perspectives....loved it!

[Laurynn]

haha. As for your suggestion of creating a personal ad, just to see what he's up to, did that very same thing today :-) No bites yet. Silly me, should have done it a few weeks ago.

 

Though I did make up a fake one in the "Pervert" section....which the pervert with the identical information responded to...who went on to email my private email address (hotmail) and it happened to have the exact same IP# as Mr Good Guy's.

 

Yikes, look at the time! I have to call him soon and let him know if we're still on for tonight. I am extremely nervous. eeks!

[Tony T]

I didn't mean to imply you were a golddigger...not at all.

 

As far as judging a person's finances, I learned a long time ago that many people who look to poorest and live the poorest are the most wealthy. Ross Perot, who has a financial statement of $5 billion, paid himself $60,000 per year until he sold his company to General Motors some years ago for $3 billion in cash and stock. He still lives in a $250,000 house in Texas.

 

People with real money don't need to show it off. But I will admit that most people with some money don't live as frugal as this guy...but I have seen it happen.

 

What he does with his money is not your business. My guess is he's probably lied to you about his job, his life, everything...but there is a chance he hasn't.

 

With all the evidence you have accumulated, I see no point in giving him the benefit of the doubt. If you have better things to do this evening, call him and cancel. If not, just go a be entertained.

[Lee]

I hope that is not my supposed husband you are talking about. Sounds uncannily similar. What country are you in?? He too?

 

My husband was a shy quiet person who has mostly been single - I believed him - he was odd at first, like a schizoid. I felt sorry for him and have helped him become 'normal'. "It is the quiet and nice ones you need to watch" I believe. Not all, but some. If your gut feeling tells you something and you don't get paranoid etc then you may be correct.

 

Take Care

 

Lee

 

me determine if he's a lying scumbag...how do you really ever know? I apologize for this being so darn long but I felt you needed all the info in order to give the best advice. Laurynn

[Jane]

Additional - Your post has freaked me out - please tell me what singles site! I need my fears to go away. What a wonderful helpful group this is.

 

I hope that is not my supposed husband you are talking about. Sounds uncannily similar. What country are you in?? He too? My husband was a shy quiet person who has mostly been single - I believed him - he was odd at first, like a schizoid. I felt sorry for him and have helped him become 'normal'. "It is the quiet and nice ones you need to watch" I believe. Not all, but some. If your gut feeling tells you something and you don't get paranoid etc then you may be correct. Take Care Lee

 

[Laurynn]

Alberta, Canada to be exact. Shoot, I'm heading out the door to meet him in 15 minutes....I hope it aint your hubby!!!! Please respond as soon as you see this and give me some details..like what his initials are, where he's originally from.

 

Laurynn

[Jane]

Oh that is reassurung. Mine is from the UK. Sounds oddly familiar though. The playing dum game - oh I hadn't thought of that. The hacking part seems a bit sick. You would have thought at 36 he had grown out of it.

 

If he works in computers YES he can hack. Don't ever allow gas lighting (someone making you feel or look mad).

 

Put out for an honest sincere man - you will get him. Nice guys - ha!

 

Go with your gut feeling.

 

?Get a friend to meet him and observe maybe?

 

Quite a lot of computer (nerds etc) have low emotional intelligence - despite the intelligence with computers.

 

Also many are reclusive - the lack of furniture everything - is making my alarm bells ring. I met my H/B over the computer and he is so weird and acts like I am the one.

 

Actually don't put out for a nice man, apparently when you are not looking it is common to find someone.

 

My heart goes out to you.

 

I think that computer stuff like dating, chat etc make a few people feel a bit paranoid. Why? I don't know.

Alberta, Canada to be exact. Shoot, I'm heading out the door to meet him in 15 minutes....I hope it aint your hubby!!!! Please respond as soon as you see this and give me some details..like what his initials are, where he's originally from.

 

Laurynn

[Rogue]

Ugh! This makes me sick. I hope the date went realy sour so that this poor guy wouldn't have to date you anymore.

 

Have you any idea how idiotic you've been? I hope this poor guys sees it in you. Everything he said was a "lie" to try to "trick" you.

 

Like,someone would lie about having a crappy car, living in a tiny apartment and not being in a lot of relationships! Geez, is that stuff you pick women up with nowadays? Wow, what a way to impress someone ,by telling them you work in the I.T. industry! Geez, I know tons of people who fits his description, male and female,and heck I live in Canada too! On top off that, he's also someone's husband cheating on his wife behind her back! OmigosH!!! Golly gee willy nilly, we can't have that kind of thing, now can we?

 

He met YOU through the internet, and he didn't question the things you told him about yourself,did he? How much of what you told was true, or 'exagerated' a bit?Are you as attractive as you said you are? Are you really into 'outdoors' stuff,if you put it in your profile? You had better been completely honest with him, since you expect the guy to check in with the R.C.M.P. before dating you.

 

Don't get me wrong.In this day and age, you can't be too careful. It's wise to mistrust everything you read through the internet, since so much of it are lies anyways. I agree that you should always handle any info someone gives you about themselves with suspicion, especially since you can't verify any of it anyways. But it just gets ridiculous when you want to put a complete stranger through a fine tooth comb, and criticize the 'little' things he told you about himself. If you don't trust him, don't meet him ,end of story. Go with your instincts. But just don't expect to read the guy's mind. Why do you bother online dating, anyways, since you're so paranoid of it? Besides , this guy doesn't seem to be your type so why bother?

[Jane]

wOO hOO!

 

Want a referral to an anger management therapist?

Ugh! This makes me sick. I hope the date went realy sour so that this poor guy wouldn't have to date you anymore. Have you any idea how idiotic you've been? I hope this poor guys sees it in you. Everything he said was a "lie" to try to "trick" you. Like,someone would lie about having a crappy car, living in a tiny apartment and not being in a lot of relationships! Geez, is that stuff you pick women up with nowadays? Wow, what a way to impress someone ,by telling them you work in the I.T. industry! Geez, I know tons of people who fits his description, male and female,and heck I live in Canada too! On top off that, he's also someone's husband cheating on his wife behind her back! OmigosH!!! Golly gee willy nilly, we can't have that kind of thing, now can we? He met YOU through the internet, and he didn't question the things you told him about yourself,did he? How much of what you told was true, or 'exagerated' a bit?Are you as attractive as you said you are? Are you really into 'outdoors' stuff,if you put it in your profile? You had better been completely honest with him, since you expect the guy to check in with the R.C.M.P. before dating you. Don't get me wrong.In this day and age, you can't be too careful. It's wise to mistrust everything you read through the internet, since so much of it are lies anyways. I agree that you should always handle any info someone gives you about themselves with suspicion, especially since you can't verify any of it anyways. But it just gets ridiculous when you want to put a complete stranger through a fine tooth comb, and criticize the 'little' things he told you about himself. If you don't trust him, don't meet him ,end of story. Go with your instincts. But just don't expect to read the guy's mind. Why do you bother online dating, anyways, since you're so paranoid of it? Besides , this guy doesn't seem to be your type so why bother?

[MegaB]

I see you have posted this on this site as well...hmm...so I will post my response one more time.

 

What's your freaking problem! He's a computer dork who just enjoys what other computer geeks do...hacking! This also means that he's not so good in the relationship field, thus the lack of experience. Don't try to judge him based on his lack of relationships. You are so damn superficial! People like you are what breeds men like him. No wonder he's online to meet women. And why the hell are you so critical of everything about him? Why the hell are you stalking him on the relationship site? YOU ARE THE NUTCASE.

 

People who usually go online to meet people expect too much from the other person...like that's the magical place to meet the perfect match. For god's sake, think of it as meeting people at the supermarket, or even the bookstore...you just never know what kind of person you will meet. Just because he has his info written out online DOES NOT mean that you know everything about him, and especially it doesn't give you the right to be so critical of his every move. Geesh! Wake up, you freak!

[Jane]

Woo Hoo

 

Seems like there is projecting here.

 

I think the lady in question is completely justified in her suspicious feelings.

 

Try not to make nasty statements and send bad feelings because, unfortunately it does come back to you.

 

Take Care

[Laurynn]

You obviously don't "get it" so I'm not going to waste my time explaining it once more.

 

Do you get off by insulting people who come here for advice? Does it make you feel all powerful and tingly?

 

Laurynn

[MegaB]

No, it should make you feel uncomfortable that you were being so superficial and doubtful of an honest man. I understand your "doubt" about meeting people online and that you just wanted to be cautious, but all the statements you made about the guy just shows YOUR personality...not his. That's why you are being criticized here. Sorry if we're not all lovey dovey to you, but the truth stings you know.

 

You obviously don't "get it" so I'm not going to waste my time explaining it once more. Do you get off by insulting people who come here for advice? Does it make you feel all powerful and tingly? Laurynn

[Laurynn]

"you were being so superficial and doubtful of an honest man"

 

Gee, how do YOU know he's an honest man?? You know the guy personally or something?

 

As for me being superficial, give it a rest. I'm not going to apologize for the fact that I expect a man who's 36 should have something to show for himself. Material things are far from everything, but it their lifestyle, accomodations, etc can be a fairly good indicator of a lot of things. After meeting this guy online initially, he bragged about his high income, his $2200 a month meal allowance when he goes overseas to work and how he eats weiners and beans (cheap) so that he can come home with a sh*tload of extra cash....(which of course he didn't have to mention), so naturally it's curious why he's got this great career and brags about his $400 a month apartment and his 21 year old car. He admits he has little furniture...so what's he done with his income all these years?

 

Snorted it up his nose?

 

Gambled it away?

 

Blew it all and had to declare bankruptcy?

 

Lying about his career/income? (and really works at Burger King)

 

A total cheapskate?

 

Has a wife and 4 kids somewhere that he's supporting?

 

I have every damn right to consider these things and question them.....I may not be looking to get married next week but I'm looking to meet someone who'd possibly make a good life partner somewhere down the road. If I was merely looking for an occasional roll in the sack, then of course none of this would matter.

 

You're seriously missing the deeper meaning to my concern about his lifestyle, etc. I have all I need...a great career, a good car that's long since paid for, a nice home, all the material possessions I could hope for, the ability to travel...so it aint like I'm a golddigger, hun. I got where I got from working my a$$ off, setting goals and working many long hours to achieve them. I'm a go-getter, driven and ambitious. I look for the same qualities in someone I'd consider dating. I've dated guys that had no ambition, who lived with their mommy and daddy at the age of 35, who could never drive across town once in a while to pick me up to go somewhere out of fear that their rusty old jalopy would crap out half-way here.....the same guys who'd always conveniently have forgotten their wallet at home when it came time (their turn, I believe in going dutch) to pay the check for dinner, or who's wallet was suddenly stolen including their bank card.

 

I've dated the guys who initially tried to dazzle me with all their big career goals.....only to find that they spent 90% of their free time playing pool, drinking beer and playing computer games.

 

I don't expect you to be all lovey-dovey, puhlease.

 

You've torn a strip off of me here, and same with the Dating forum on RelationshipWeb. You even went to the trouble of copying and pasting your nasty and hateful response in both places. Guess you wanted to make doubley sure that I received your uncalled for insults.

 

I suspect that I've hit a nerve with you...perhaps a lot of what I write resonates with you.....and your anger and hostility stems from that. Other than that, I can't possibly think of a reason that you'd go to so much lengths to bash me the way you have. And for the record, only 3 out of a dozen or more people thought I was over the line in all this......so what does that tell you.

 

Until you've walked a mile in my mukluks, get off my back.

 

Laurynn

 

 

 

No, it should make you feel uncomfortable that you were being so superficial and doubtful of an honest man. I understand your "doubt" about meeting people online and that you just wanted to be cautious, but all the statements you made about the guy just shows YOUR personality...not his. That's why you are being criticized here. Sorry if we're not all lovey dovey to you, but the truth stings you know.

[digger]

I thought I'd seen it all here but you've officially hit an all time low for being a total cow. what's your freaking problem? no wait. it's pretty evident.

 

I see you have posted this on this site as well...hmm...so I will post my response one more time. What's your freaking problem! He's a computer dork who just enjoys what other computer geeks do...hacking! This also means that he's not so good in the relationship field, thus the lack of experience. Don't try to judge him based on his lack of relationships. You are so damn superficial! People like you are what breeds men like him. No wonder he's online to meet women. And why the hell are you so critical of everything about him? Why the hell are you stalking him on the relationship site? YOU ARE THE NUTCASE. People who usually go online to meet people expect too much from the other person...like that's the magical place to meet the perfect match. For god's sake, think of it as meeting people at the supermarket, or even the bookstore...you just never know what kind of person you will meet. Just because he has his info written out online DOES NOT mean that you know everything about him, and especially it doesn't give you the right to be so critical of his every move. Geesh! Wake up, you freak!