Help! What does he think?Is it worth the obsession?Howta talk naturally?+other issues

[jzlove]

How do you talk naturally to a crush? A friend told me to try to separate the his face/person and his words, make those two separate entities, and try to Reeally listen to what he says, that it may be able to help... ;-p I don't know, that's kinda hard, don't you think? Any other suggestions?

 

Cos... okay, let me know what you think on how to figure this one out... so what happened is, I got so obsessed over this guy since last week... I met him few months ago, thought he was just another cute guy, only with an extra kind smile I ever seen, but I just left it at that. But I always see him like at least once a week, from where I work, and he somehow remembered me, and always comes over to just my counter for help, not to the others, and with his gorgeous kindest smile, asks me how i was doing, but of course, still, I just take it as a friendly gesture. But later when I found out that we have common social situation, in that all his family and closest friends are not in the area, and neither are mine, though since I'm in the area longer, at least some of my closest friends are half an hour away, but we both don't seem to be totally connected to the university that we're in now. So the commonground got me more interested, and I felt that at the very least, we can perhaps both use an extra friend. Though, I was still not so interested to do anything yet.

 

Then, last week, I finally got the chance to really run into him. That day, when I walked in when he was lecturing, he smiled and nodded to me before continuing. Then I ran into him that same day and we finally really talk to each other (more than a few lines when he sees me at work). He asked why I was in that section/class, thought I was in another one, and I told him that section is actually one that I occasionally go when I have free time for more review. But, I never ever told him which section I'm in! (He looked me up?) :-p lol (i guess most likely one time I walked passed his office and (didn't even say hi to him that time), but I guess he saw me and remembered. (?!) ) And then he also offered to show me a list of movies that he likes. And asked if I would be working later, cos he may come check out some items etc. But it was left with a very good feeling, like we made a pretty good connection...

 

So when I realize the possibilty of not so one-sided interest, I somehow went all over my head, and got so obsessed over the weekend that I kept thinking about him. And I decided that I wanna be at least somewhat 'passively active', (cos is it, in general, better for the obsessor not to let their obsession know their intent in obvious ways, right?)

 

Like, so yesterday/Monday, I just hanged around my workplace, cos I knew he may show up, and he did! So I 'accidentally' ran into him, but then, I just got so nervous that I think I did not even manage to gave a couple of not so relevant answers to his questions! Or I think I asked one question that I already asked him last time (though immediately realized and linked it to something else.) + more examples... So, I felt like the perfect touch of connection (or bond or 'spark') from last week was lowered by my stupid talking. And I fear that he may not like me as much cos of that and find me not as interesting. I mean I know I shouldn't expect too much, but somehow since last week, the start of the obsession, this is kinda hard to let go. Or should I let go, or continue to proceed onwards? Howta tell what he feels still?

 

See I really stressed the good conversation part and got very stressed like now for just the slow down of the good conversation momentum. Cos really I'm not orienting anything physical (sex), but I really look more into just good, fun talking, you know, even companionship is good...right?

 

Also, I'm actually not even sure if he's got a wife or gf somewhere, cos when we talked about how we're just alone in the area (with family and close friends far away), he mentioned that he spends lots of time on the phone. Does that imply he's got gf, (or wife!?) or can it just be family and friends phone calls? I mean my friends told me to try to see if he's got a ring, but I am too busy looking at his face to have time for his fingers! :-p

 

I mean, I guess if he's married, then only if I can get over him and accept to be just friends that I would still try to talk to him more (the getting to know each other effort), otherwise I will most likely accept fate and leave it at that. Though if he's just got a gf, I guess I should and can still get to know him like my friend suggest, (and let him pick!) I mean he'd let me know if he thinks he'd rather be with me right? (*moral issues here? ;-p I think I would still go for it cos you never know) but of course I will be still less active than if he's really just single. (?) Does that sound like an idea or what should be the best?

 

Either way, I wonder how bad I acted yesterday, all the nervous talking... (?) If I see him, I guess I can mend it by trying to be natural (how!? grr, but I will try), but I don't even see him around that much, except once a week at where I work... (Perhaps I can do that passively active thing? that's not stalking, lol, i hope, just showing up at places where he will mostly likely be... you know.)

 

Cos otherwise there is no way I can get to talk to him more, cos our work level and schedule are very different. And it's going to be thanksgiving and xmas break soon, so I felt that I'm kinda in a time limit here. But perhaps even so I shouldn't set something like that? And let it go slow? Sometimes I fear that if take it slow, that means most likely nothing happens till next semester, and by then he may have made some friends and doesnt need me as a friend at all. I don't know... I don't know what to think... I really wish I know better to handle this, or know what he feels about me, or even just be able to act natural and talk natural when I see him...

 

Ah... I'm going crazy.. please let me know what you think! Thanks!