snoop2 Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 hi guys. well i have just lost the girl i loved and adored, we split up 2 months ago but we were trying hard to work something out to get back together. I feel so bad now because its my fault, if only i could control my temper when i'm drunk. I've argued with her so many times when I'm drunk and i get so hot headed and aggressive but i have NEVER hit her. Now she has just had enough of the arguing she has told me that she has given up on me and i feel really gutted. I love her i no i do and i just want her back. She says she still cares about me and will never forget me as i am her first ever proper boyfriend but is there any chance of me getting back with her in the near future? Is there anything i can do? hope you can help cheers.... Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Get help for your alcohol abuse. If you can not control yourself when you drink that is a major sign of having a problem and abusing alcohol. Link to post Share on other sites
kisslaboca Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 when I'm drunk and i get so hot headed and aggressive Even if you didn't hit her, this is serious enough to freak any one out. If I or a friend had a bf like this best advice, harsh as it sounds would be to run as fast as you can. Specially if ou were trying to work it out since your break up 2 months ago, therefore like a testing period, yet you continued this destructive behaviour. It is clear why she left you or stoped trying, however I see nothing in your response that speaks about any changes that you have done or plan to do in your behaviour. Even though there is nothing in the world you want more than to get your gf back, and you feel just horrible that you have messed up, I suggest you look past that now. The real issue is not getting the girl back (if it happens great but it doesn't seem likely just the way things sound now), I think the real issue is for you to do some serious personal growth. To get hot headed and agressive enough to push your partner away from you, specially when you are drunk, is something very serious that will cause you problems not only with this but any future relationships. It can also worsen in the future and escalte into physical violence. You say you didn't hit her ever, however I wouldn't be surprised that as she thought about the relationship and your agresiveness and the your future, she feared that one day you may get a little more out of hand and get physically violent. Who is to say that wouldn't have happened eventually. Forget about guilt now. It is a worthless emotion that is just going to sink you, solve absoulutely nothing, and make you feel really bad about your self. What you need right now is to take this as a signal that some big, permanent changes have to be made in order for you not to self sabotage and drive away those relationships that mean so much to you and the people you love. Sometimes the answer is to avoid alcohol, I don't know if this is something you can do or feel a need to but I think what has happened should be a wake up call to you. You have resources, such as AA and therapists that can assist you in this process if you feel will power alone can't take you there. Only when you make these changes do I think you can consider working things out with your ex. If you take your personal growth seriously and do radical changes as far as your attitude, she will notice and it may interest her in you again. But don't change to get her back, do it for your self, because believe me this will keep coming up in other relationships. Agressive violent behaviour even if it doesn't go into the physical and only happens when you are drunk is something that very few people will put up with unless they have some serious problems themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
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