Problem

[Jody]

i have a major problem. i don't seem to be all that great at attracting guys. i mean i'm not ugly or anything, the problem is that i don't know how to act around them.

 

if a guy approaches me and is upbeat and stuff then i'm ok. but let's say it's a guy that i know but not too well and then i see him somewhere i just find it a really hard to approach him myself and talk to him and even if i do approach him i usually get so nervous that i end up saying like two words to him.

 

also, i get the feeling that i kind of give off a sense of my shyness and it kind of keeps guys from really talking to me, i don't know if that makes any sense.

 

i need to fix this problem, i don't want to stay like this forever. i don't like being shy around guys, it keeps me from getting to meet new people. please help me, all of your suggestions would be appreciated.

 

thanks.

[nycesq]

Jody: what you need to do is try to determine why you are shy. While i would never profess to be an expert on shyness, I have generally found that people are shy bcs. they have a problem with their self esteem. You ackowledge the fact that you are shy but you want to change that. Further, you acknowledge that you are an attractive person. Realize that what you are going through, almost everyone does: meeting new people causes people to be nervous....but that is a good thing. It is what makes people exciting and fun and why we want to get to know them. I know this may sound cheesy, but you should work on self-affirmations when you go out, "I'm hot, I'm great," etc. Make sure that your back is straight, head up, be confident. We want to be near those that are sure of themselves. It may seem hard to do, but trying is better than sitting back and meeting no one. I find that men enjoy confident women who are sure of themselves. If you can try to #1, exude confidence and #2 approach people and make conversation, you should find that you will meet people. Compare it to speaking in front of other people. It's very difficult to start but once you get the hang of it, it gets easier and easier. If you find that you just can't do it, engage some of your more outgoing friends to go out with you.....having friends around sometimes gives us more confidence to do that which we could not do alone. Hope that helps.

[Tony T]

Be patient with yourself. You'll grow out of your shyness in good time because you have the will to do so.

 

Even people that aren't shy have a problem with small talk. So, sit down at a desk and write out different things you can talk to guys about each week. Things in the news, current hit music, things that are happening in town, etc. That will give you a good selection of topics for discussion.

 

Ask your girlfriends what guys like to talk about. They can give you some good pointers.

 

Just a little secret. Guys LOVE to talk about themselves so if you want to be Miss Popularity of the World, just ask the guys about themselves...where they were born, what movies they have seen recently, which movies they would recommend, what part of town they live in, where they hang out....stuff like that. Then you can build on questions from there and keep some nice conversations going.

 

You're problem is you are making this out to be a lot more complicated than it is. Guys, most of them anyway, are just human and just as scared of screwing up as you are.

 

My heart used to absolutely pound when I approached a girl. So I used to approached the most beautiful ones I could find...tell them my heart was pounding and ask them to take my pulse. When they said I was going to be Ok, I would tell them how much I appreciated their help and offer to buy them lunch for saving my life. Later, I would tell them I think my heart was pounding for them...and they would immediately fall in love.

[Jody]

thanks so much! you make so much sense, i will try and do what you said and see how it goes, thanks!

[Deejette]

Some guys like shy women and actually prefer them because they are not so full of themselves and are good listeners. But "acting as if" you are confident is also a good practice if your shyness is ruining your life.

 

Confiding to a guy that you are shy is a good tactic too. Everyone has moments of shyness and he will be able to relate to you and even appreciate that you are so honest about it.

Be patient with yourself. You'll grow out of your shyness in good time because you have the will to do so. Even people that aren't shy have a problem with small talk. So, sit down at a desk and write out different things you can talk to guys about each week. Things in the news, current hit music, things that are happening in town, etc. That will give you a good selection of topics for discussion.

 

Ask your girlfriends what guys like to talk about. They can give you some good pointers. Just a little secret. Guys LOVE to talk about themselves so if you want to be Miss Popularity of the World, just ask the guys about themselves...where they were born, what movies they have seen recently, which movies they would recommend, what part of town they live in, where they hang out....stuff like that. Then you can build on questions from there and keep some nice conversations going.

 

You're problem is you are making this out to be a lot more complicated than it is. Guys, most of them anyway, are just human and just as scared of screwing up as you are. My heart used to absolutely pound when I approached a girl. So I used to approached the most beautiful ones I could find...tell them my heart was pounding and ask them to take my pulse. When they said I was going to be Ok, I would tell them how much I appreciated their help and offer to buy them lunch for saving my life. Later, I would tell them I think my heart was pounding for them...and they would immediately fall in love.