Stone Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I recently found out I am pregnant, more than likley I am keeping the baby but I am only 3 weeks and abortion has crossed our minds I was pro choice untill but now I am in a situation and very confused so I fuigured I'd ask if any LSers have ever been faced with this decision and if so what made you choose? If you did choose abortion do you regret it? I am not trying to turn this political at all, I just want some feed back, adoption is not an option for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I have been through that experience. It is a terrible one. The father and I were not in a steady relationship, and I was too scared to be a single mom. So I decided to have the procedure done. To be honest, I regret giving up that opportunity to be a mother. But if I did have the baby, I wouldn't be where I am now. I guess it is a Catch 22 for me. However, if I had the chance to do it over, I would have kept the baby. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I have had an abortion and I won't sign in as a guest to hide it. PM stone and we can discuss it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ihadone Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Sorry, not brave enough to post under my own nickname. I had an abortion when I was unmarried. Although I had graduated college and had a good job and probably would have had the support of my family had I asked for it, I'm glad I didn't go through the pregnancy. It's tough raising kids on your own (as you well know). I don't wonder 'what if'. It was the right decision at the time for many reasons. I have children today. I'm glad they have two parents. It was a more emotional experience than I thought it would be. At the time, although I was clear in my conviction, I did feel a sense of loss. I did have some irregular bleeding that entailed additional doctor visits. Ultimately I was fine but it was an ordeal. Certainly not something to enter into lightly. I know you have been giving it considerable thought and I think you'll make the right decision for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 An abortion is a personal decision. Noone should be judged here. When I was 19, I had an abortion. I was young, scared, and didn't really understand the consequences behind it. The whole experience was not a pleasant one and I never felt good about my decision. Do I regret it? Yes, and no. My life would have been so much different if I actually kept the baby and wouldn't be as advanced as I am today. I would have been tied to the baby's father forever which is something that would have been a nightmare. However, if I could go back in time, I would keep the baby. The positives of a child far outweigh the negatives. One thing I learned from the experience is that I never wanted to go through it again. I learned to get on proper birth control and knew deep down inside that if I ever got pregnant again, I would definitely keep the child. It was a one time thing for me. I also realize in hindsight that I would have benefited from counseling and support groups but I didn't think there were things out there for that. Stone, do what you think is right for you and your boyfriend. Weigh all the options and think about how it will affect you emotionally and physically. I know whatever decision you make will be the right one. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Okay despite my personal views or thoughts on abortion I think that it is different for each and every person. My question is...would you ever consider adoption? Or is just the thought of carrying the baby right now what you want to avoid? The reason I ask is so it'll be easier to give you advice. I have had 2 friends who've had abortions (one would have been a first time mother, the other had 2 kids already) and when we used to talk about this they both said they regretted it. They had done it out of pure selfish reasons, like for instance one did it because her "lifestyle" wasn't quite right for a child, she didn't want to have to change certain things (vehicles, apartment size, ect) and she opted to end the pregnancy. Then later on regretted being selfish and only considering herself though at the time she convinced herself it was right not to bring the baby into the world at that time. The other friend had seperated from her husband and ended up meeting someone else, she wound up pregnant and long story short she patched things up with her husband despite the fact the other guy wanted to be with her and in their baby's life...once she got back together with her husband he asked her to have an abortion and she did...well years later it haunted her...she says she hates herself each time she looks at her children knowing she killed another child of hers out of selfishness.... These are two true stories I know of....abortion has to be a personal choice but I hope you consider the outcome, all your options, how you'll feel before and after, and realize it's a choice you can't take back....if you choose abortion then I hope you have all the emotional support that you'll need through such an extreme procedure. No matter what I wish you the best of luck and hope you keep us updated on your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Hello all, I want to remind everyone that this thread was started by someone seeking responses from individuals who have had to make a decision about whether or not to have an abortion. Posts in this thread should be made in that context. Many, if not most, people have opinions about abortion, adoption, and the moral issues entailed in these choices -- but that is not what is being sought here. If you don't have a relevant personal anecdote to share, chances are very good that any contribution you would like to make to this discussion will be off-topic. Please respect the request that has been made by Stone, and respond to her appropriately, if you have experience with the dilemma she is facing. Opinions regarding the morality of abortion, adoption, etc. can be voiced elsewhere -- there are existing threads about these issues already, and of course new ones can be started. Thank you for your cooperation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 I am almost positive I am keeping the baby, I already have one child and I am a wonderful mom, but he is disabled and he needs alot of attention medical care ect. and as Fu**Ed up as it is to say I would do anything to make sure he gets what he needs, regardless of my desicion. I am not married and am just starting a business as well as my b/f. He is a father fuigure to my son but we have had problems. But I am trying to weigh all of my options here, The most important thing to me is my son and I am sure it will be the same with this baby. I guess I am just having mass confusion and I am scared, If I decide to abort I don't know if I can live with myself, especially since I know how much happiness my son already brings me. Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 An abortion is a personal decision. Noone should be judged here. I completely agree. I have never had one, but I am 19 and there have been a few scares before. I personally could never have done it, and now that I am at least with the man I know I'm going to marry, I would not have to. But no one can understand your circumstances, no one. And no one has the right to judge someone for their circumstances. One thing that I did learn however, that I am not sure whether or not I should post because it is a very sensitive story but I feel it might help those of you who have. My bf's mother had an abortion at 16. She then had a miscarriage when she tried to get pregnant again. My bf is her miracle baby and the love of her life. Well, his mother is also relatively psychic and believes, or at least has an interest in things like palm reading. Well, when she had her palm read a few years back she was shocked when the woman said, "ahh yes, I see that you have THREE children". She quickly corrected the woman and said no, I only have one, and the woman sheepishly apoligized. Later when she was at home, she broke into tears at what the woman had said, how could she have known? Anyway...a book I was reading recently by a clairvoyant psychotherapist who claims to work with spirits and guradian angels and such said that aborted children hold no grudges or anger towards those who would have been their earthly mothers, and that sometimes, they even grow up "on the other side" and stay with the mother as a guardians themselves. I often wonder if the young girl that came to my bf in his "dreams" when he was two, the girl who told him she was his guardian angel, was one of his siblings. But this is not necessary to the story. I know that not everyone believes in spirits, but this story and the reading I did seemed to coincide too much for it to be a coincidence, and I thought I would at least share it with those of you who would benefit from it. I know that it helped her when she read it. Jugement is a human flaw, not a spiritual reality, so do not worry about the souls of the children who you worry you have "givin up"...they are still your babies. And they still know your love for them, and they still love you. I'm sorry if this was too emotional or sensitive, but I just wanted to tell you. Just in case it would help someone. And just so you know, I think you are all very brave strong women. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Well I think whatever choice you make it will be what's best for you and your other son. You're obviously a very smart loving person, if abortion was an option for you and becomes your choice...I think getting therapy or going to a support group would be needed to help you deal with your choice. But I must admit I'm happy to see that you're considering keeping your baby. You know everything happens for a reason! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 Oh I am Absolutley considering keeping the baby it's like a 90 (keeping it) and a 10% not, I am so scared that I will have another disabled child and honestly I cannot handle that. LR You made me cry... (witch is not hard to do now with these hormones racing) but that was a very nice story. Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 There was a time when my honey and I were apart. Dating a woman with children can cause a man to pause and make sure that this is the life he wants. My tubes are tied, but I got pregnant with his child. We were in a period of NC. I was distraught, at the time being a father was not something he wanted. I was already raising two children on my own. I was scared. I thought about abortion. I thought seriously about it. Just as I made up my mind to keep the baby, I had a miscarriage. For me keeping the baby would have been the right thing, even if we had never gotten back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 My boyfriend is majorly freaking out, HARD!! but this is his 1st one so I guess that is quite normal I wish I just could get pregnant a year from now, I know that is a stupid thing to say, he really didn't think he could ever have children, maby this is our miricle. Link to post Share on other sites
Regret Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I had an abortion when I was 17. I tried to hide it from everyone. It was a horrible experience. I didn't realize how far along I was, or that I was going to feel anything at all. I don't know if thats the way it normally happens, but the doctor at the clinic was rude. The nurses were kind, but everyone seemed to be in a hurry. My abortion was incomplete, and I got sick. I had an infection because the abortion was in my regular doctors words "sloppy", the infection caused me to bleed, and I had to have a hystorectomy. That was ten years ago. I will never have my own children because of my choice. My father doesn't speak to me anymore, and my mother to this day has to sneak to contact me. I would say that I regret it, and I don't have a second chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 I am sorry dear. Thank you for sharing your story Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I had an abortion when I was 17. I tried to hide it from everyone. It was a horrible experience. I didn't realize how far along I was, or that I was going to feel anything at all. I don't know if thats the way it normally happens, but the doctor at the clinic was rude. The nurses were kind, but everyone seemed to be in a hurry. My abortion was incomplete, and I got sick. I had an infection because the abortion was in my regular doctors words "sloppy", the infection caused me to bleed, and I had to have a hystorectomy. That was ten years ago. I will never have my own children because of my choice. My father doesn't speak to me anymore, and my mother to this day has to sneak to contact me. I would say that I regret it, and I don't have a second chance. I'm so sorry to hear this as well. There are so many reasons I wouldn't have an abortion and am being responsible until in fact I am ready to be a parent. I wouldn't have the strength to go through this and I believe No one should have to go through this and I hope that your life gets a little easier each day though I'm sure it's a constant reminder of what could have been. But maybe you could consider adoption? Stone I'm so glad to hear you're more than half way sure that you want to keep your baby. Is there anyway you could discuss the chance of the baby coming out disabled with your doctor? Is there any tests that can be performed to prepare you ahead of time? I hope your BF comes around and realizes what a wonderful gift you are giving him... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 UPDATE!!! My B/f told me last night that he wanted to keep the baby and get married and finally have a faimly we all wanted... ( Jeeze I hope that wasn't a proposal) LOL So we are happily keeping the baby and now I am excited about it, maby because we have reached an agreement I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 YIPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 So we are happily keeping the baby and now I am excited about it Congratulations . Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Thanks for updating us, I'm glad to know that you are keeping the baby...congradulations! Link to post Share on other sites
250r Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Here's my story: 30 years ago my biological mother gave birth to me. All I am told is that she was very young and the father was not around. She decided to give me up for adoption rather than have an abortion. My current parents had been trying to have a baby for 5 years and were unsuccessful. They adopted me and I have lived a very full and blessed life. I know nothing about my biological parents but I am extremely happy and content with that. I can not tell you how much I admire my biological mother for being so unselfish and able to deal with me for 9 months only to give me up to perfect strangers. I love my current parents with all my heart and they are incredible. I truly don't think you could find any better parents than the ones I ended up with. Good luck to you in your situation and your decision...I'm sure it will not be easy whatever you do decide to do. I just ask that you consider adoption as an option... Link to post Share on other sites
250r Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 whooops, guess I was a little late to the party huh... Congrats! I hope you don't mind I'll leave my earlier post as is in case anyone else in the same situation reads this at a later date. I'm very happy for you... Link to post Share on other sites
Artifact Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 Great news, stone! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted November 18, 2004 Author Share Posted November 18, 2004 Thanks for sharing your story 250r I don't even know what I was thinking when I wrote that, I think adoption is WONDERFUL but knowing myself I would have kept it as I already am. I hope that one day you adopt a child and give them the love that you received from your parents Link to post Share on other sites
RowanRavyn Posted November 18, 2004 Share Posted November 18, 2004 YAY!! Congrats Stone! Link to post Share on other sites
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