Layzie1207 Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 i was thinking about telling my ex how i feel, about how devastated i am and how i am torturing myself because i hate how i treated her, and then try to tell her i have changed. i was thinking about asking her for another chance and if she refuses then i was planning on telling her i love her and i support her decision 110% and i will always be there for her if she needs me, but it may be too painful for me to be her friend and then tell her that i may not be able to be her friend. i am very scared to do this and i was wish there was something else i could do but i am honestly stuck in a rut that i cant get out of and ive been this way for 3 months and it doesnt seem to be getting any better. if there isnt a chance of us getting back together now or in the future i want to know so i can let go easier, but if she says there is a chance in the future im not sure what to think. i think i have come to a crossroads where i need to do something to get on with my life but i dont know what to do anymore. please help. i will reply to your responses with my feelings because i honeslty am unsure of what to do anymore and i just want to be happy again. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 If you go back to to this woman on your hands and knees begging for her to resolve this issue or take you back then she will lose even MORE respect for you and kick you in the head when you are down. Do Nothing Say Nothing Send Nothing Leave the ball in her court, if she's interested in coming back then she will let you know. In the meantime look out for yourself, hang with your buddies, get a new hobby, and date other women. In this situation it is very very very impt that you DO AND SAY NOTHING!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie1207 Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 well i have changed a lot since i last talked to her and i just wish there was a way she could know i changed. but at the same time i feel like if i dont talk to her anymore then she will slowly just grow apart and i will lose her forever. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Layzie - she's not psychic! If you want to be with her then you need to tell her so, however you do need to think carefully about how you do this. Be measured about it, if you just let forth this emotional torrent chances are she will run for the hills. Who made the break and why - these are things you need to consider and you need to know how to remedy twhatever it was that went wrong in the first place. Think first, act later. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie1207 Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 i think the problem is i think too much haha. well what made the breakup happen is that i just treated her badly and was a bad boyfriend. during the break i acted crazy to the point where she said she wanted me to move on and be happy and that she would probably never love me again. now that i realize my mistakes and i have figured myself out i was hoping that i could show her somehow and maybe eventually shed be open to giving me another chance. im very scared of getting hurt though by her being with someone else or not moving on with my life because im waiting for her. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 If you treated her that way she will be back my friend. Just do NOTHING. Wait it out, stay cool, confident, indifferent. I will tell you right now that with 98% assuredy if you sit and wait and do nothing then she will contact you. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Let me do a quick summary to see that I have this straight: You didn't treat your girlfriend well so she left you. Now, three months later you realized the errors of your ways and how you weren't as good to her as you should have been and you want to let her know that you've changed. You want to tell her that you still love her, you realize your mistakes and you'd like another chance. Is that correct? If so, then tell her. If you treated her poorly and she left you, it's unlikely she's going to come crawling back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 i think you need to take things calmly becasue if you contact her with that - forgive me - desperate air of "i NEED to get back with you and this time it WILL be perfect!!!" she is going to think you are deranged! What she will respond to is some level of amturity on your part, and if you take some time to reflect upon your self and your behaviour and then invite her for conversation things may well progress positively form there, but please do not focus your future well being and happiness entirely on getting back with her becasue no matter how much you may have changed the decision is hers and hers alone to make. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie1207 Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 well the last thing i said to her was that i was going to continue to love her, but i was going to try and find myself and find an inner peace within me. i really have done that and i am very happy with myself for the change i have made. i just am not sure when to contact her or how, but i feel like the longer i dont talk to her, the more she pulls herself away from me and just moves on with her life. this is why i am very excited about this post. i have honestly heard about 93449543747 different things to do and i was hoping of coming to a conclusion after this thread is through. also right now my friend was going to call her in a few days and just tell her how much ive changed, she said shed even tell my ex taht i have nothing to do with her calling she just felt my ex should know. she was going to tell my ex how much ive changed and how depressed i am because of how i treated her. i really screwed things up though by acting so crazy for so long. but i wasnt sure if having that friend talk to her was the right move. the one thing i do like about it though was that this friend was one of the people who wanted my ex to break up with me because she thought i treated her bad, but now she is on my side and really thinks im the best person for my ex, even though i know that's my exs decision. but through all of this i really do love my ex and if she truly wants to never be with me again i will tell her i love her and let her go. but i dont think shes ever going to say that. i also think she has her heart set out on being with other people eventually and that is just absolutely killing me, i wish my ex could know how much pain that brings me and we could talk about it but i dont see how that would ever be possible. Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 TRy making casual contact with her - maybe a message to say "it's holiday season, would you like a card or should i cross you off my list?" It's the friendly approach, and perhaps that is what you need in order to gain, or regain, her trust before you can broach the subject of reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 dude you need to give her a chance to MISS YOU. listen to my advice man or you will shoot yerself in the foot! let her stray for a while and have her freedom and then when she starts missing you she will be the one coming back to u on her hands and knees. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie1207 Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 i would be ok with giving her a break if i honestly thought that she would miss me. but theres nothign to miss, theres nothing for her to come back to besides a crappy boyfriend and a crazy guy. that is why i wanted my friend to call her because i have changed so much but i dont know how i am ever going to show that to her. also no offense to anyone but i hear so many ideas of what i should do and i never know which one i should listen to :-( Link to post Share on other sites
zara Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 Don't let friends do the the intermediary BS, show her that you are a man by your thoughts, words and deeds. That means be calm, thoughtful, considerate and she will see, you won't have to tell her anything, how you have changed. And if not, then you just have to take the lessons you have learned forward into your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie1207 Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 sometimes i think about just asking her to be completely truthful with me and i will be completely truthful with her and have us just talk, something we've never done. but im still so confused as to what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie1207 Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 also we are both 18 and in our first semesters in college, so the being young thing im sure makes her think differently. im not saying to doubt teh love just get more perspective on teh situation Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 you are both 18? you both have much to learn and at your age remember you have little or no experience in most aspects of life. You will learn as you get older and thru experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Layzie1207 Posted November 17, 2004 Author Share Posted November 17, 2004 yes i know i know, but im a very bright guy and have a ton of common sense so i get things really well. i know that in 5 years ill look back at this and be like what was i thinking. but right now i just wish i could have another chance because i know i do love her, i really do. Link to post Share on other sites
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