I miss when he wasn't on my mind

[ConcreteHeart]

I know this is really hard for you right now to believe, but you can break away from this distructive pattern. What helped me alot was looking at Love Addict vs Love Avoidant. It is a crazy dance that we do in this type of relationship. He is unavailable in the ways that are real. The relationship you have is fake, it doesn't exist anywhere but in our own head.

 

When the MM wanted to make love to me, he courted and pursued and said all the right things. I did the same. I made him feel like he was the most amazing man I ever met because I wanted something from him. He did the same to get his needs met too. The mistake is thinking that it was love. It wasn't. It was two selfish lonely people that wanted to believe that they were unique and special. The unfortunate thing is he was able to detatch himself and become so avoidant of the intimacy that we created, that I become addicted to getting it back. I obsessed and plotted and planned to keep things going when he no longer wanted to risk his whole life for me. In truth, I would not have left my husband either.

 

It took me 12 weeks of intensive therapy to get here, and I just ended things on Monday. It takes time and patience with yourself. You can do this for yourself. YOU CAN!

[legalgirl]

Come on ladies, be strong, you can do it!!! These guys are users and know exactly what to say and when to say it. Yes it hurts like hell to let go but the sooner you do the better off you will be. It will never end like you want it to, this I finally figured out!!!! Hugs to all of you that are hurting.

[rae_lana]

I know this is really hard for you right now to believe, but you can break away from this distructive pattern. What helped me alot was looking at Love Addict vs Love Avoidant. It is a crazy dance that we do in this type of relationship. He is unavailable in the ways that are real. The relationship you have is fake, it doesn't exist anywhere but in our own head.

 

When the MM wanted to make love to me, he courted and pursued and said all the right things. I did the same. I made him feel like he was the most amazing man I ever met because I wanted something from him. He did the same to get his needs met too. The mistake is thinking that it was love. It wasn't. It was two selfish lonely people that wanted to believe that they were unique and special. The unfortunate thing is he was able to detatch himself and become so avoidant of the intimacy that we created, that I become addicted to getting it back. I obsessed and plotted and planned to keep things going when he no longer wanted to risk his whole life for me. In truth, I would not have left my husband either.

 

It took me 12 weeks of intensive therapy to get here, and I just ended things on Monday. It takes time and patience with yourself. You can do this for yourself. YOU CAN!

 

That is unbelievable how that list describes me and him. :/ so crazy.

[ConcreteHeart]

I know. What freaked me out was the fact that we could both be the love addict and avoidant interchangeably. Sometimes he was the addict and I avoided because I was terrified of getting burned. Ironically, my worst fear came true. I was trying so hard to make him stay that he left anyway. But now I can see it for what is was, unhealthy and destructive.

[Lillyfree]

I can't stop thinking about him. I can't. I've been trying to see only his negatives.. And there is a lot.

But I love him so much and it won't go away. I don't want to be in love with him at all, I want it to go back like it was before. I've been sick for a week and I'm sure it's from constantly thinking and obsessing.

 

I look at people and am jealous that they don't have a huge secret. I wish I didn't.

 

there's something that you can do about your secret to stop it from being one.

 

you've been told over and over how to approach this yet you've done nothing.

and also, what you two have going on isn't love.

wake up.

[The Way I Am]

You're never going to get over it if you keep seeing him constantly. You don't want anyone to know and cutting off contact immediately will raise suspicion. So why don't you start by finding excuses not to see him and his wife. Start making plans for yourself and your husband to do other things that won't involve them.

 

Why you feel like texting him or are desperate to contact him, send your husband a nice message instead.