What to do?

[Merin]

Naive.. DON'T be with someone out of fear of NOT being with someone.. know what I mean?

 

You are such a beautiful girl, and person.. and I would hate to see you return to something that hadn't been good with the "Hope" that you could turn it into something wonderful.

 

You deserve to have something wonderful and good.. and of course that takes time and work (as we both know) but it shouldn't be such a struggle.

[Barby]

I have to say after reading your story, DON'T go back. I understand that he has changed and you two were young and first everythings..but you are such a pretty sweet person, you deserve to be with someone who you can be head over heals in love with.

 

Don't settle just because you're lonely. I think that you deserve so much better. Not saying that he's not a decent person but none the less if the "in love" feeling isn't there then why waste your time and future with him?

 

Keep your head up and pretty soon you'll meet someone who's more than decent, as they said, someone who'll knock your socks off....the Agoraphobia you mentioned, have you seen anybody or got on meds for that?

 

Lonliness can be similar to desperation and make us do things we may end up regretting....not that this is the case with you...but I stick to my original opinion, don't get back with him just because you're lonely and he's there and wants to be with you since you say you don't feel the same....that's not saying the feelings couldn't come back but if they are not there on there own the chances that they'll last and not fade over time is not likely.

[Naive]

Originally posted by Merin2

Naive.. DON'T be with someone out of fear of NOT being with someone.. know what I mean?

 

You are such a beautiful girl, and person.. and I would hate to see you return to something that hadn't been good with the "Hope" that you could turn it into something wonderful.

 

You deserve to have something wonderful and good.. and of course that takes time and work (as we both know) but it shouldn't be such a struggle.

 

Thanks Merin for your kind words. It's such a hard decision. i have to think about all the possible outcomes. I know that it should not be so hard but the more I think about it the more it does not matter. The one I love is out of my reach...........now what? There's not much left. I'm sorry I'm having one of those days when everything gets you down in the dumps. I hate to feel like this. I love to be happy and I am 90% but today it's the other 10%

 

 

Originally posted by Barby

I have to say after reading your story, DON'T go back. I understand that he has changed and you two were young and first everythings..but you are such a pretty sweet person, you deserve to be with someone who you can be head over heals in love with.

 

Hi Barby. Thanks for the nice comment. I know what you mean....you know some of my story and my past does not let me be happy. I was head over heals once and now it's over. Now I feel like there is nothing to look forward to. I feel like I have no choice. He loves me and so many people want someone to love them. I know I sound stupid and I would have already been telling someone, "what are you thinking ????" but now that the shoe is on the other foot it's more difficult

 

Don't settle just because you're lonely. I think that you deserve so much better. Not saying that he's not a decent person but none the less if the "in love" feeling isn't there then why waste your time and future with him?

 

I feel that with time I can love him again.

 

...the Agoraphobia you mentioned, have you seen anybody or got on meds for that?

 

Actually I will see a therapist soon. Maybe by January.

 

Lonliness can be similar to desperation and make us do things we may end up regretting....is not likely.

 

Oh Barby, believe me I have learned this time and time again but it seems that I forget quickly!!!!

[tattoomytoe]

mmm-k naive~ you have got to stop being sooo "spontaneous" because you are using it in negative ways. Cutting your hair is fine, but no more marriages, or running off with guys. it exemplifies your unhappiness in your life and with yourself. Luckily it hasn't become dangerous and terribly self-destructive spontinaity.

 

i personally think you need to NOT talk to any boys right now. You really should focus your time and attention on you and getting yourself better. You are going to do therapy, which is awesome...i hoppe you will be open to idea of medication to help....i know it has saved my life at times.

 

Let the ex do what ever, tell him you are not going to get involved with anyone right now.

 

It is soo much easier to focus on yourself when you do not have to give much time to another person, like an undeserving bf. Be selfish do everything for you.

 

We want you to get better!

[Naive]

Originally posted by tattoomytoe

mmm-k naive~ you have got to stop being sooo "spontaneous" because you are using it in negative ways. Cutting your hair is fine, but no more marriages, or running off with guys. it exemplifies your unhappiness in your life and with yourself. Luckily it hasn't become dangerous and terribly self-destructive spontinaity.

 

i personally think you need to NOT talk to any boys right now. You really should focus your time and attention on you and getting yourself better. You are going to do therapy, which is awesome...i hoppe you will be open to idea of medication to help....i know it has saved my life at times.

 

Let the ex do what ever, tell him you are not going to get involved with anyone right now.

 

It is soo much easier to focus on yourself when you do not have to give much time to another person, like an undeserving bf. Be selfish do everything for you.

 

We want you to get better!

 

I know what you mean tattoo, the only problem here is that I depend on him to live a "normal" day to day life. He's the one that helps me out in everything. That's one of the reasons that I feel bad about saying no.

[Barby]

I see where you're coming from (saying you feel bad saying no since he does everything for you on a day to day basis). You are in a tough situation....

 

 

But none of us are in your shoes. If you honestly feel that being with him is the best decision for you right now, well then it's possible that it could be. There is no reason that you should obligated to anyone just because they help you BUT if the feelings are still lurking there then well I say do what you feel is best.

 

 

Honestly I'm not one to say anything about going back to exes.....I don't know if you've read any of my other posts but I was dating this guy named Oscar for 2 years, he was jealous and at times I just got so sick of it that I couldn't handle it...

well I broke up with him twice...once I went right back to him and this last time we just got back together after a lot longer of a seperation, we stayed friends and I love him and can't deny that he is the one I want to be with.

 

So basically no matter what anyone says....if you feel being with him is right for you then only you can decide what to do.

[tattoomytoe]

How do you depend on him? what can you not do for yourself that he does for you?

[Naive]

He takes me to work and supports me with my condition. He goes to school with me and fixes his schedule around mine. He does a lot.

[JackieQ]

I somehow missed what you said about your relationship until tonite. Sorry...my mistake. I take back what I said. People do change but if he was that abusive of you I'd stay away...don't think I'd risk that again.

 

I do see why he's so important to you though. Being there thru a really horrible time in your life. And it must feel like you'd risk losing him again if you don't follow thru.

 

I like your idea of counseling... It helps sort thru problems but also gives you someone to lean on when you go thru some of those kind of transitions. helped me tremendously although took awhile to find someone who understood and was able to help me get thru some stuff.

 

hang in there, jackieq