Is it safe to assume that ANY type of flaky/cancelling behavior=someone else involved

[SubliminalSessions]

A recent encounter with a guy I met with twice who basically started not answering correspondence, would respond with apologies and excuses in nearly every message, and never suggested getting together...I seen him at the nightclub dancing and being touchy with someone else.

 

I had tried not to jump to conclusions with the guy, but it turned out my deepest suspicious were real (I even had a dream about him the day prior, which was somewhat fuzzy, but I didn't wake up necessarily happy). Later in the day it hit me he was getting married to someone else in the dream

 

Anyhow...I'm starting to wonder if I should from this point on, take any and all instances of evasive behavior, flakiness and such as immediate grounds for termination and an automatic confession of guilt. Because, in the past it has ALWAYS come to past, that people who do those things it turns out they are seeing someone else.

 

Today, I spoke with a guy who we talked about going on a date this weekend. He tells me he got called into work and had to dogsit for a friend. I responded back, "blah, blah, blah lol" He explained a little further, but I didn't even bother responding back. Sounds like claptrap to me.

 

What do you think of this protocol for all romantic affairs 5 dates or less?

Edited September 8, 2013 by SubliminalSessions

[HappyLove]

Those are what you call RED FLAGS! Excuses, never suggesting dates, touching other people. Who cares if they are with someone else or not. Bottom line is they are shady and not up to your standards so you move on. Or you hang in there with the blaring red flags and get your feelings hurt. Just use common sense. When someone shows me flaky behavior I consider them a flake and keep it moving. I'm not gonna sit and try to figure out why they flake or with who.

[SubliminalSessions]

Those are what you call RED FLAGS! Excuses, never suggesting dates, touching other people. Who cares if they are with someone else or not. Bottom line is they are shady and not up to your standards so you move on. Or you hang in there with the blaring red flags and get your feelings hurt. Just use common sense. When someone shows me flaky behavior I consider them a flake and keep it moving. I'm not gonna sit and try to figure out why they flake or with who.

 

Red flags they are.

 

It's just in the past, I've allowed people to bull**** me about their sister's panic attacks, getting called into work on emergency, ect. And I'm just like, enough is enough. Time to stop listening to all the drama and accept it for what it is, regardless of how much they say they think about me.

 

I keep giving 3 strikes. No, non of that. It's 1 strike from now on until they can make it past 4 laps. 1 mile. Block, delete, next. Like a conveyor belt going into a meat grinder I'm doing these dudes from now til the day I die.

[Grumpybutfun]

SS:

What happened before in other dating scenarios that is Similar? Are you pursuing the same type of guy, in other words?

Grumps

Edited September 8, 2013 by Grumpybutfun

[Joaquin]

My approach is that if a person cancels for WHATEVER reason then they must be the one to reschedule.

 

Stuff happens but then its on them to put it right and they will if they are up for it.

 

I dont think Id stick around after two cancels as thats just embarrassing for everyone.

 

And there can a million reasons why people flake. Someone else on the scene, ex issues, **** going on in their lives, just not into you etc.

Edited September 8, 2013 by Joaquin

[gaius]

Yeah, I don't think it's safe to say every single time has something to do with another person but it's definitely wise to not put up with flakey behavior. Even giving them 3 strikes might be too much. They'll start feeling entitled to strikes after you give the first one.

[SubliminalSessions]

SS:

What happened before in other dating scenarios that is Similar? Are you pursuing the same type of guy, in other words?

Grumps

 

Well, the most recent one...a guy I met like 2 or 3 months ago was doing the same. Saying he wanted to go to the zoo together, hangout yadda yadda. But he always had some excuse as to why he couldn't do it. We had each other's number, but we'd run into each other at parties, but he couldn't ever plan something with me.

 

I seen him at a party last week, and he's all apologetic and saying how sweet I am, but that he's currently seeing someone but we could still hangout as friends. NOT!

 

I wouldn't so much say I'm pursuing the same type of guy, it's just I still live in the same stupid town where this behavior is the norm. I need to move. I usually have breaks in between where I'm with someone for awhile, I haven't had any living here. It's been 2.5 straight years of baloney.

[PlumPrincess]

It doesn't mean someone else is involved, but it definitely means unreliable and not particularly interested or playing games.

[SubliminalSessions]

It doesn't mean someone else is involved, but it definitely means unreliable and not particularly interested or playing games.

 

Well, in the above situation...I should have added that all these guys had shown alot of interested, so it's not that there was no attraction. I kind of want to put that into a separate bracket. Because when someone is not interested, they don't follow you around, kiss you, try to get you in bed, and be all hugged up on you.

 

These are people who do all those things IN THE MOMENT, but when it's time to plan ****, they can't commit (hey that rhymes)

[PlumPrincess]

Well, in the above situation...I should have added that all these guys had shown alot of interested, so it's not that there was no attraction. I kind of want to put that into a separate bracket. Because when someone is not interested, they don't follow you around, kiss you, try to get you in bed, and be all hugged up on you.

 

These are people who do all those things IN THE MOMENT, but when it's time to plan ****, they can't commit (hey that rhymes)

Then yes, they are probably multidating and were more interested in someone else. If you want something serious, stay away from people who want to rush things with you. Most of the time, they have no genuine interest in you.