What should I decide

[thebetrothed]

Hello,

 

There is no easy way to put it, but I will try to put it in the best way I can. A few months ago I met this colleague of mine,but from a different regional office. She was young, intelligent and all that a man could want from a woman. The problem is that she is separated and she has a young kid. Soon we began talking got to know each other well and after a few days we started to have an affair. In the beginning I thought that since it was normal for a woman to have a bad marriage and stay separated from her husband so I went along.

She told me that she had been through a very rough marriage which was true when we listen to what all she had been through and how unsatisfied she had been with her relationship with her spouse.

The more disturbing part was when she then told me that she had also cheated on her husband once with another man "emotionally" as she had described it but later told me that she had kissed the guy when he was visiting her (and I want to believe it that it was just a kiss). She said that she had decided to cheat on her husband because she wasn't happy with her marriage and she wanted someone to care for her and make her feel happy from all the stress at work since her husband didn't pay enough attention to her. She told me that the day her husband had found out about this affair, she confessed that she had nothing left for the relationship and wanted a divorce, but her husband refused and said they should work on the marriage. Eventually she broke up with the other guy. The husband however found a job overseas and then left her with the kid. Somehow things got worse after that and the marriage worsened with each passing day. Now she has filed for a divorce and I think the marriage would end by the end of this year.

The part where I am in a dilemma is that should I go ahead and marry her (even though she says that after the trauma she went through in her first marriage she dosent believe in it anymore). She says that she broke the moral code of marriage by cheating on her husband and accepts full responsibility for it. But as a person she says she had done it because she was unhappy with the relationship and she really was traumatized in that relationship. I am unable to decide whether she is right or not.

I really don't mind the bad marriage part because I can really see that her husband and she weren't ever compatible together, they were two very different people in a bad relationship.

But what I can't decide is about the cheating part, from what I know she wasn't a cheat to begin with and cheated only when she was unhappy with the relationship. I guess our relationship won't be perfect either and there will be differences, but what would she do if these differences aggravate to such an extent that she would again decide to cheat ? I am confused over this part since I am not sure whether she would do it again with me. Given the conditions, she also told me that, when she began talking to me she was talking to me because she was lonely and she needed "someone" to talk but after slowly she fell in love with me. I am confused whether she loves me or is it just getting rid of her loneliness with that "someone".

I mean I don't want to be just anybody who she thinks she wants to be with. I am really confused about her and I would really appreciate it if anyone can advise me about my doubts.

[thebetrothed]

Can anyone please help me out here !!!

[thebetrothed]

Can anyone please help me out. I am really in need of some advice.

[ChessPieceFace]

Why would you sign your life over to a cheater?

[Woggle]

Di you really believe her ex was as bad as she says he was?

[thebetrothed]

Of course not. But for some reason she has told me that she cheated, because she didn't feel anything for her husband and she didn't tell her husband because he had lost his job. She says she feels sorry that she broke the marriage code but as a person she wanted to be cared for.

[thebetrothed]

"Di you really believe her ex was as bad as she says he was?"

 

 

Well , he was a good person, but these two had totally different perspectives in life. He was someone who liked the high flying life and she was someone who liked life laidback. So they were totally not compatible and these were the causes of too many a friction.

[Woggle]

"Di you really believe her ex was as bad as she says he was?"

 

 

Well , he was a good person, but these two had totally different perspectives in life. He was someone who liked the high flying life and she was someone who liked life laidback. So they were totally not compatible and these were the causes of too many a friction.

 

She didn't know this before marriage? It's not an excuse to cheat.

[thebetrothed]

"She didn't know this before marriage? It's not an excuse to cheat."

 

 

I asked her about that too and she said the priorities changed for her husband after marriage. I do understand that she cheated and it was about 4 years ago, since then even though she was pretty much broken away from her husband, she didn't also have any contact with the other guy with whom she had cheated with (she dumped him because he developed cold feet to divorce his wife). So all I wanting to know is that if we marry what would be the real chance she would cheat on me ?

[AverageCat]

She openly admitted that if she doesn't like a situation, she's not gonna try to fix it, she's not gonna try to walk out of it as an adult mature confident person, but instead she's gonna **** you over.

 

So your question should rather be - Will she ever be sad if she gets in a relationship with you?

 

My question is - Do you really wanna know - are you that desperate?

[BeholdtheMan]

should I go ahead and marry her

"Should I go ahead and marry her" he asks...

 

Let me give a few reasons not to marry her

 

The more disturbing part was when she then told me that she had also cheated on her husband once with another man "emotionally" as she had described it but later told me that she had kissed the guy when he was visiting her (and I want to believe it that it was just a kiss).

You're not even her first affair partner

 

She said that she had decided to cheat on her husband because she wasn't happy with her marriage and she wanted someone to care for her and make her feel happy from all the stress at work since her husband didn't pay enough attention to her.

She cheats whenever she feels unsatisfied with her spouse. I mean...really?

 

She doesn't get enough attention, her husband "doesn't make her feel happy" enough...and her go-to response is spreading her legs for another guy?

 

She says that she broke the moral code of marriage by cheating on her husband and accepts full responsibility for it.

Are you off your rocker? Why would you marry a woman with this attitude? She says she accepts moral responsibility but she doesn't try to refrain from immoral behaviour. Her so-called "acceptance is meaningless".

 

What this means is that she knows her behaviour is totally wrong, but she still does it anyway!

 

Given the conditions, she also told me that, when she began talking to me she was talking to me because she was lonely and she needed "someone" to talk but after slowly she fell in love with me.

If you marry her, this is what I predict.

 

The honeymoon phase wears off quickly as the nature of your relationship changes from hot office affair to marriage (with all the responsibilities that marriage entail. She starts to feel "lonely" again because you're no longer lavishing as much attention on her as she'd like. Some new guy at the office starts to give her the eye...you get the idea.