Do you believe that the opposite of what you seek in life will happen?

[questionlife]

Do you believe that the opposite of what you seek in life will happen? I'm not talking about 'the law of attraction"... but I just mean that say you want more friends, so you go out seeking more friends in community groups, events, etc. that people will get the sense that you are looking for friends and the opposite will happen - no new friends

 

Or, vice versa... if I invite a lot of new people in our community circle to events, dances, etc. as a friend, hoping to make new friends, again, they will see me as desperate and think I am some lonely guy trying to make friends (which I am) so the opposite of what I want to happens...

 

I also feel like I do what I want people to do to me - invite me into their circle of friends, so I do it to others, but it backfires on me

 

I often wonder if I should just conciously try and do the opposite - like be an old hermit, and suddenly people will like me for being a character and want me around all the time! lol

[mellifluous]

Interesting question I've also thought about this. It seems to happen quite often, with little and significant things; like I'll be really excited about a gap year trip to Europe, and it doesn't happen. Or I'll be anxious to see a friend for the day, and they don't pitch. Haha. Made me question this reverse attraction thing, too.

 

I don't believe it is real, though. In your case, it seems that you're scared of how other people will perceive you in the first place.. So although you're really keen and go in there hoping to gain new friends, you have a preconceived notion that it is going to backfire on you because you're afraid of how people will perceive you. And I completely associate with this feeling.

 

Do you tend to stick to the same sort of 'clique' of people? Or are you open-minded about meeting new people? It may be that you're looking in the wrong place.. If people are rejecting you because they sense your loneliness and need for interaction, do you really want to be part of their circle? It seems like you have to 'prove' yourself to be accepted.. which nobody should need to do. Becoming a hermit is not going to solve it, haha. Maybe try exploring places that you don't usually go to I'm quite socially awkward myself, and aside from the friends I've had since high school, I've met some incredible people who didn't give two hoots about my awkwardness (either because they're awkward themselves, or they're very open and friendly - either way, they're all awesome, hehe). I've made lasting friendships in the places and times I least expected to.

 

In conclusion, I think the problem is expectations. Don't make expectations about this, whether it is about how others will see you, or how they are going to respond. You're expecting them to either think badly of you, or to accept you as one of them. Allow things to flow if it does not work with a certain circle of people, no worries. As lonely as you may be feeling right now, open yourself up to every opportunity to meet new people and I guarantee that you will. Also, focus more on experiencing the diversity of people rather than the goal of making new friends.

 

Hope that makes sense it's all a learning experience!

[almond]

No.

 

I believe you should aim to reach your goals, work hard, and retain focus in order to make it happen.

 

In terms of coming off as desperate, sometimes, you need to stop trying harder, and try differently/smarter. This applies in a lot of cases, and it is something that really benefited me once I had learned to actually put it in practice.

 

Keeping my eye on the prize has worked well for me thus far, and I don't intend to change it. If it ain't broke and such.

[questionlife]

In terms of coming off as desperate, sometimes, you need to stop trying harder, and try differently/smarter. This applies in a lot of cases, and it is something that really benefited me once I had learned to actually put it in practice.

 

Thanks... I'm not quite sure what you mean by try smarter? I agree with you - never give on goals, but most goals are things like get a new job, new car, etc. that are easily attained by perserverance and hard work... but getting new friends (or a girlfriend) does not seem like the same thing - I am not sure how I could go about getting friends in a smarter way?

 

Thanks

[almond]

I don't know your situation, so I'm not sure I can accurately advise. By trying smarter instead of harder, I guess I'm suggesting that if your current tactic isn't working, then try to think of another way.

 

What makes you think that people view you as desperate when you invite them to group gatherings? These things can take time. You might have to persist for a while before you actually grow close enough to people to become friends. If they are accepting invitations, then you're definitely on the right track.

 

If this sort of thing isn't working for you, you could also try and get involved in other activities to meet new people. Any hobbies or interests you can get more involved with? Team sports? Volunteering? You know, the usual. Getting yourself out there is the way to go in my opinion.

 

A way of trying smarter would be to go out with the intention of getting to know people, and to genuinely appreciate them for who and what they are. I try to do this often, and have found that it draws people to me, and also helps make me a more kind and understanding individual. Be open to friendship from people that you would never expect it from.

 

And whilst I'm certainly not a fan of changing who you are to attract friends, one can always work on their own personal strengths and weaknesses. You are the one to determine what these are. What do you like about yourself? Are you nurturing this quality? Are there things that you'd like to be/do, but haven't put in the ground work yet? What are you proud of? What makes you feel good about yourself? Are there things about yourself that you don't particularly like, but yet they keep popping up?

 

Work hard to be the kind of person that you would like to be, and this will help you attract like-minded individuals.

[todreaminblue]

that really doesnt make sense to me.......when i am a hermit its because i dont want people around me.....so why would people be attracted to someone who wants to eb alone...bit twisted likely to get your head bitten off when befriending hermits.....used to know a real hermit he would bite anyones head off who came near him...he lived on top of a hill near a fish co op my uncle owned.....he would smile at me though...what can i say i am blessed...but one thing i do know is...everybody kept their distance because they knew he wanted to be alone........so that is why your comment doesnt make sense to me..its natural to avoid hermits...he used to bark like a dog if peopel got too close......his cat was also huge...size of a small labrador..and quite evil.....deb

[questionlife]

I don't know your situation, so I'm not sure I can accurately advise. By trying smarter instead of harder, I guess I'm suggesting that if your current tactic isn't working, then try to think of another way.

 

What makes you think that people view you as desperate when you invite them to group gatherings? These things can take time. You might have to persist for a while before you actually grow close enough to people to become friends. If they are accepting invitations, then you're definitely on the right track.

 

If this sort of thing isn't working for you, you could also try and get involved in other activities to meet new people. Any hobbies or interests you can get more involved with? Team sports? Volunteering? You know, the usual. Getting yourself out there is the way to go in my opinion.

 

A way of trying smarter would be to go out with the intention of getting to know people, and to genuinely appreciate them for who and what they are. I try to do this often, and have found that it draws people to me, and also helps make me a more kind and understanding individual. Be open to friendship from people that you would never expect it from.

 

And whilst I'm certainly not a fan of changing who you are to attract friends, one can always work on their own personal strengths and weaknesses. You are the one to determine what these are. What do you like about yourself? Are you nurturing this quality? Are there things that you'd like to be/do, but haven't put in the ground work yet? What are you proud of? What makes you feel good about yourself? Are there things about yourself that you don't particularly like, but yet they keep popping up?

 

Work hard to be the kind of person that you would like to be, and this will help you attract like-minded individuals.

 

Thanks Yes, I have friends who tell me I need to work on loving (or even just being friends with myself... I am normally very hard on myself, and I think it shows that I don't like myself sometimes - so why should anyone else like me, if I don't even like myself? lol

 

Anyway, people are accepting my invitations and I do have a social life... I was just wondering if it looked like I was desperate always inviting people to go dancing, or the comedy, or a festival, etc. - I was thinking of trying a different tactic (and not necessarily becoming a hermit like todreaminblue described but if I just let go of inviting people to things, they might actually start inviting me to things - kinda like doing the opposite of what I think I should do, to make what I want to happen

[todreaminblue]

Thanks Yes, I have friends who tell me I need to work on loving (or even just being friends with myself... I am normally very hard on myself, and I think it shows that I don't like myself sometimes - so why should anyone else like me, if I don't even like myself? lol

 

Anyway, people are accepting my invitations and I do have a social life... I was just wondering if it looked like I was desperate always inviting people to go dancing, or the comedy, or a festival, etc. - I was thinking of trying a different tactic (and not necessarily becoming a hermit like todreaminblue described but if I just let go of inviting people to things, they might actually start inviting me to things - kinda like doing the opposite of what I think I should do, to make what I want to happen

 

smilin......my hermit was a very special hermit....very sad actually ......

 

i dont invite anyone accept closest friends and family to things like to the movies ro dinner...i have only recently started to accept invitations to events and church gatherings..i was reclusive and am being pushed out of my comfort zone by myself...smilin....i wish you much luck and if you fidn a really large black cat that is the size of a small labrador on your travels ....it likes to eat fish heads.....feed it and run..because it should have died years ago......deb

[skydiveaddict]

Do you believe that the opposite of what you seek in life will happen?

 

Yes. I already know it. I've been living it for years.

Edited September 9, 2013 by skydiveaddict

[questionlife]

Yes. I already know it. I've been living it for years.

 

So, how do you live with it? Do you literally conciously try and do the opposite of what you want to make what you want to happen? How do you deal with the constant disappointment that nothing works out?

 

Thanks

[mea_M]

Thanks Yes, I have friends who tell me I need to work on loving (or even just being friends with myself... I am normally very hard on myself, and I think it shows that I don't like myself sometimes - so why should anyone else like me, if I don't even like myself? lol

 

To answer the topic here no I do not believe that to be true at all. We attract what we put out there. For example: Put good out there and good will return. You see , you get back what you give so to speak. The way I see it anyway. And loving yourself is the number one gift you can give to yourself and others. Trust me on that.

 

 

Mea :-)

[skydiveaddict]

So, how do you live with it?

 

I just do. I prefer life over death.

 

Do you literally conciously try and do the opposite of what you want to make what you want to happen?

 

Certainly not. I don't think anyone does that.

 

How do you deal with the constant disappointment that nothing works out?

 

Well, I didn't say that exactly. Sometimes things do work out. I'm not unique to this. Everyone has disappointments in life.