Can't do no contact with kids involved

[Monodare1]

Hi guys

 

I've read a lot about how no contact is the way to go during a break up. That said, has anyone experienced the difficulty of a break up with a kid or kids? I'm doing my best and only speaking to the ex if its regards my sons welfare or when and where in getting him for the weekend. In trying to to engage in any other discussion (although its difficult). Has anyone else got experience with this?

[TaraMaiden]

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature: The matter is discussed there.

Basically, you confine it to LC -'Limited Contact' - that is to say, all and any discussion focuses solely on the well-being, welfare and progress of the children.

Nothing else.

 

See the Guide thread for more info.

[Moniq]

Me!!!! My son talks to his dad daily sometimes two three times a day. And my son always wants us to say goodbye to each other. Im trying limiting our talk time to 30 seconds. I don't have much advice to give you but keep it light and to the point. I would come up with any excuse just to speak to him. No more tho let me know how it goes for you

[RonaldS]

My thing is, being 2013, any communication that needs to occur (other than emergencies) can happen via text and email. Phone calls and face-to-face conversations typically devolve into BS about the past and who did what and nothing ever comes out of it.

[WantAMajorChange]

Me!!!! My son talks to his dad daily sometimes two three times a day. And my son always wants us to say goodbye to each other. Im trying limiting our talk time to 30 seconds. I don't have much advice to give you but keep it light and to the point. I would come up with any excuse just to speak to him. No more tho let me know how it goes for you

 

You can simply day hi or bye. My wife doesn't talk to me and I don't talk to her. We simply say hi if we run into each other and say bye if we see each other leave. I don't go out of my way to say either.

[Dolphono]

A court order will square you away nicely. Pick up and drop off weekends, weekly or Bi weekly and a N.C restraining order.

[JJLA]

No Contact is not possible, but limited contact is.

 

First and foremost, you need a parenting plan. This can be a court order or an informal written document sanctioned by the courts and incorporated into an order (check your local jurisdiction, I only know California law - Scotland is a mystery to me). I can't stress enough how important this is. Once you have a structure in place, you avoid arguments over whose turn it is to have custody and you eliminate the gamesmanship. It is this gamesmanship which accounts for 90% of the stress over communication in co-parenting situations. With a plan, communication is limited to the basics and logistics.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

Hi Monodare, sorry to hear about your situation.

 

I cannot emphasis the importance of Limited Contact. I wish I was aware of LC when I first split with my ex. It would have saved a lot a pain in the long term for me, you start analysing everything she says, hoping there's a faint hope of getting back together again. Now onwards, it's just about your son.

 

Also, try to be amicable with your ex as well and try not to argue as well, however unreasonable she is being. Life is so much easier when you are being civilised torwards each other.

 

Good Luck...