One Year After Divorce

[M30USA]

I recently passed the one year mark. In total I've been separated for almost 2 years. I've had a lot of time to reflect. One thing I've realized is that I no longer love my ex-wife. For a while I continued to say that I still loved her but the marriage was just unworkable for reasons including abuse, drastically different parenting styles, and intrusive in-laws. But now when I see her I just see an angry, self-centered and abusive person. Instead of feeling like I miss her when I see her occasionally, my heart gets a disturbed feeling as if I need to leave.

[pteromom]

I recently passed the one year mark. In total I've been separated for almost 2 years. I've had a lot of time to reflect. One thing I've realized is that I no longer love my ex-wife. For a while I continued to say that I still loved her but the marriage was just unworkable for reasons including abuse, drastically different parenting styles, and intrusive in-laws. But now when I see her I just see an angry, self-centered and abusive person. Instead of feeling like I miss her when I see her occasionally, my heart gets a disturbed feeling as if I need to leave.

 

That's a step in the right direction. And when you move past this judgment of her as angry and abusive, you'll get to a place where you can acknowledge that she is damaged but you'll have no emotional reaction at all. You will be able to just wish her well and have absolutely no feelings at all - positive or negative. This is when you will know you are healed.

[Mr. Lucky]

But now when I see her I just see an angry, self-centered and abusive person. Instead of feeling like I miss her when I see her occasionally, my heart gets a disturbed feeling as if I need to leave.

If you have kids together, she'll always be the mother of those children. I give my ex-W the respect that status confers without an additional ounce of regard or consideration...

 

Mr. Lucky

[M30USA]

If you have kids together, she'll always be the mother of those children. I give my ex-W the respect that status confers without an additional ounce of regard or consideration...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

My ex doesn't give me any respect as their father. She placed my name dead last on a list of persons who are able to pick up my sons from school--behind her brother and SIL. Additionally, she refused to let me sit next to them at their school open house. A while ago she attempted to have all of my parental rights taken away with supervised visitation when she filed false child abuse claims. The funny thing is I still order my children to obey her when they are at her house--for their sake. I am 100% certain that she does not do the same.

 

But, heck, that's what moving on is all about. You become "okay" with things not being okay.

Edited September 9, 2013 by M30USA

[pteromom]

My ex doesn't give me any respect as their father. She placed my name dead last on a list of persons who are able to pick up my sons from school--behind her brother and SIL. Additionally, she refused to let me sit next to them at their school open house. A while ago she attempted to have all of my parental rights taken away with supervised visitation when she filed false child abuse claims. The funny thing is I still order my children to obey her when they are at her house--for their sake. I am 100% certain that she does not do the same.

 

But, heck, that's what moving on is all about. You become "okay" with things not being okay.

 

Yep... accept reality, control what is within your control, and let the rest go.

[CarrieT]

Additionally, she refused to let me sit next to them at their school open house. A while ago she attempted to have all of my parental rights taken away with supervised visitation when she filed false child abuse claims. The funny thing is I still order my children to obey her when they are at her house--for their sake. I am 100% certain that she does not do the same.

 

My fiance's ExWife does these exact sort of things and more. She has had the children call 911 on my fiance for made-up reasons which then causes Child Protective agencies to get involved. They seem to now understand the reports are unfounded, but it does not mean they can't not investigate them which is just time away from true abusive cases.

 

My fiance has been very good about not bad-mouthing their mother even though she constantly bad-mouths their father. The saving light is that almost a full decade after their divorce (with her still pulling stunts like this) the children - in their pre-teens - are seeing their mother and her antics for what they are worth: NOTHING. They are beginning to prefer the household and family that he and I are setting up and understand that in spite of the vitriol they hear at their other house, it is very one-sided.

[M30USA]

My fiance's ExWife does these exact sort of things and more. She has had the children call 911 on my fiance for made-up reasons which then causes Child Protective agencies to get involved. They seem to now understand the reports are unfounded, but it does not mean they can't not investigate them which is just time away from true abusive cases.

 

My fiance has been very good about not bad-mouthing their mother even though she constantly bad-mouths their father. The saving light is that almost a full decade after their divorce (with her still pulling stunts like this) the children - in their pre-teens - are seeing their mother and her antics for what they are worth: NOTHING. They are beginning to prefer the household and family that he and I are setting up and understand that in spite of the vitriol they hear at their other house, it is very one-sided.

 

Your post has given me more hope than you know.