HappyLove Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I think a lot of us expect our SO to come wrapped in a perfect package with a red bow. We are just too picky nowadays, men & women. We also are not realistic. Our grandparents generations met each other and stayed married for decades where as now we take years to pick and choose and tear people apart if they aren't perfect. How can you have people who have arranged marriages, even now, stay married for a very long time and then a huge part of the population who are great people and hard working not find a match....ever. Then you have the ones who aren't picky enough. They think every guy is the one and go way too fast with the relationship and before you can blink its over. I've been guilty of both! I've learned to look at a persons heart over time. Not by what they tell me or promise me and not by how successful they are. Do you think you're too picky? Have you learned anything from being too picky or not picky enough? Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 About some things yes but some people have incredibly low standards about other things. Some people will dismiss somebody for the wrong color curtains in their place but it's no big deal at all if the person is already married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Yes and no. I feel like I'm picky where it matters...picky in things that people have the ability to control and change. Lifestyle choices. Personality traits. I'm "picky" in those things technically speaking because I am a harsh grader but really, I only ask for traits that I myself possess. So for example, I don't think it's "picky" to ask that my partner never do drugs of any kind no matter what because I don't do any kind of drugs no matter what, etc etc. It may be picky, but never hypocritical. I'm just looking for a mirror image of myself (with longer hair and a better ass). Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I am not picky at all. As long as you are physically attractive to me, I am willing to see what's on the inside. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I'm not terribly picky but I find myself to be reasonable and rational. Any reasonable guy has a chance to date me, why be picky when it might cause me to pass up someone good? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HappyLove Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 Definitely drugs is a no go for me. Any addiction like gambling, drugs, alcohol. But I've become more lenient on expecting things like matching education or how you dress even what you do for work. I've met people who seemed like they would be such a great person because of education or exact interests and was WRONG! I want an honest man with a good heart. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Definitely drugs is a no go for me. Any addiction like gambling, drugs, alcohol. But I've become more lenient on expecting things like matching education or how you dress even what you do for work. I've met people who seemed like they would be such a great person because of education or exact interests and was WRONG! I want an honest man with a good heart. I don't have education standards per se. I mean ideally they are college educated but more than anything they need to be smart. You can be an idiot and be in college (see them all the time) and be smart but just didn't have the time or money to go to college. But I'll never break on my smart standards. I'm not dating an airhead. But back to the overall topic, I don't feel like I'm picky because I know I exist, so there has to be a woman like me who also exists. The person I'm looking for is not some fantasy person. Link to post Share on other sites
love1336x Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I think I am not picky enough.... I usually go base on the "feelings" the "connection" with the person I have vs actually getting to know them. When I first met my ex it was literally love at first sight, but if i wasn't thinking with my heart & vagina (because i think it was more of sexually appeal vs love) I think i would have saved myself a lot of heartache... But, heyy i can't go back in time... I learned my lesson... for now. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 F**k picky. Some women don't even know what the hell they want. They like you and then when you admit how you feel they hit you with the BS. Then when you want just sex with a woman you meet after a while they talk about all these feelings they have for you. I'm in a$$ hole mode and have had my limit with women at this moment. I'm just tired of the time wasters. I'm real and is it so damn hard to just want someone to be real and straight with you. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Do you think you're too picky?Historically, not picky enough, though that was due to demographics. Have you learned anything from being too picky or not picky enough? If anything, to learn to give less 'benefit of the doubt' to issues/interactions/behaviors which arise. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I'm not intentionally picky, but I am put off very easily. I just do not feel attracted to most people, even if I can appreciate that they are physically very impressive. It's not intentional at all, but I find myself having almost impossibly high standards that I cannot drop. There is no set criteria at all - looks, intelligence level, income etc. are all relatively unimportant. I just find it very hard to feel attraction - something about most people generally puts me off. Ignorance, the way they carry themselves, the things they believe in, their motivations in life etc. etc. I wish it weren't the case, as I'd have a much easier time finding a partner if I were ever looking. I have never looked though, ever. It would be pointless. I speak to many people, and I'm very social, but I very rarely feel that spark. If I do, it's often fleeting and disappears soon after the person opens their mouth. Sucks. When the stars do manage to align though, it's explosive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 (edited) Most people aren't picky enough, mostly out of fear of being alone I think. Or they are picky about stupid things but not about the large things. Like, yeah he was basically a douche all along, but oh gosh we both LOVED the most random band and we laughed and he was talking marriage!! Not to toot my own horn or anything but I think I've always had a decent people - picker and was never the type to get swept away by some random guy I've known for a month. I do think I've always had a healthy balance of having boundaries and standards without being unrealistic. In general I don't notice people being too picky, save a few exceptions and those are people who think they are the BEES KNEES but....can't find a relationship. In that case, it's partially too picky, partially over inflated sense of self. Edited September 10, 2013 by veggirl Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I'm not intentionally picky, but I am put off very easily. I just do not feel attracted to most people, even if I can appreciate that they are physically very impressive. It's not intentional at all, but I find myself having almost impossibly high standards that I cannot drop. There is no set criteria at all - looks, intelligence level, income etc. are all relatively unimportant. I just find it very hard to feel attraction - something about most people generally puts me off. Ignorance, the way they carry themselves, the things they believe in, their motivations in life etc. etc. I wish it weren't the case, as I'd have a much easier time finding a partner if I were ever looking. I have never looked though, ever. It would be pointless. I speak to many people, and I'm very social, but I very rarely feel that spark. If I do, it's often fleeting and disappears soon after the person opens their mouth. Sucks. When the stars do manage to align though, it's explosive. I'm somewhat like this. But I feel different kinds of attraction to different people. Some girl may not be physically attractive to me but her mind and personality are so awesome I would prefer to have her in my life as opposed to not. Some girls all they have are looks and I'm not about to turn down a beautiful woman just because we don't connect on a personal level. It's that elusive person that has both that we're all trying to find and settle down with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HappyLove Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 Most people aren't picky enough, mostly out of fear of being alone I think. Or they are picky about stupid things but not about the large things. Like, yeah he was basically a douche all along, but oh gosh we both LOVED the most random band and we laughed and he was talking marriage!! Not to toot my own horn or anything but I think I've always had a decent people - picker and was never the type to get swept away by some random guy I've known for a month. I do think I've always had a healthy balance of having boundaries and standards without being unrealistic. In general I don't notice people being too picky, save a few exceptions and those are people who think they are the BEES KNEES but....can't find a relationship. In that case, it's partially too picky, partially over inflated sense of self. You're one of the lucky few, you should spill your secrets. Link to post Share on other sites
cici713 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I've been told I'm picky. But I've also learned a lot from my past. I know what I do and what I don't want. I know what I deserve and I'm not going to settle for less. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HappyLove Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 I think I've gotten to the point where I just try not to judge others. But I keep an eye out to see if they follow through on what they say. If they don't follow through and seem too much of a flake I reconsider. Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Definitely drugs is a no go for me. This is why I laugh at society. It's funny how it's only a "drug" if it's illegal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
white Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I'm not. I think it's really weird to be picky in these things. I'm supposed to consciously turn down someone great because of some flaw or error they made early on? How awful is that? You could wind up making the biggest mistake of your life and not even knowing it - the you in an alternate universe where you didn't cast them off could be the happiest person alive, and if they peeked in on your universe and found why you distanced yourself from him/her, they'd have infinite pity for your stupidity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 This is why I laugh at society. It's funny how it's only a "drug" if it's illegal. Exactly. Honestly if I had to make a choice I would rather have a weed smoker than a drunk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HappyLove Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 This is why I laugh at society. It's funny how it's only a "drug" if it's illegal. Ummm, no I just prefer not being around some ass who is silly, makes poor decisions, and puts others lives in danger because he's high! I don't care if he got that way from sniffing dog crap, it's disgusting behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 Ummm, no I just prefer not being around some ass who is silly, makes poor decisions, and puts others lives in danger because he's high! I don't care if he got that way from sniffing dog crap, it's disgusting behavior. The only way for you to be intellectually honest here, is to claim that you won't date anyone who EVER drinks alcohol. Because, alcohol kills more people ever year than any illicit drug. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 This is why I laugh at society. It's funny how it's only a "drug" if it's illegal. I don't care if it's legal or not. If you drink excessively, if you're hooked on prescription pills (both legal) -- I'm tossing you a no. Drug usage regardless of what the drug is, is a no for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NGC1300 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I don't care if it's legal or not. If you drink excessively, if you're hooked on prescription pills (both legal) -- I'm tossing you a no. Drug usage regardless of what the drug is, is a no for me. You're saying two different thing here. First you say you won't tolerate drugs in excess, but then you say in the second paragraph that "usage" is the deal breaker. ????????? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HappyLove Posted September 10, 2013 Author Share Posted September 10, 2013 The only way for you to be intellectually honest here, is to claim that you won't date anyone who EVER drinks alcohol. Because, alcohol kills more people ever year than any illicit drug. I have never drank, smoked, or did any type of drugs. A drunk driver isn't more right than someone's who's high. It's all bad behavior especially if abused. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cici713 Posted September 10, 2013 Share Posted September 10, 2013 I think people who have a mental list of their ideal partner are too picky. A guy I dated once told me basically I didn't fit that list so it wouldn't work out. I think it is also easier these days for people to be pickier with OLD and what not. The grass is greener mentality. Link to post Share on other sites
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