Are you too picky?

[HappyLove]

You're saying two different thing here.

 

First you say you won't tolerate drugs in excess, but then you say in the second paragraph that "usage" is the deal breaker.

 

?????????

 

Hey if alcoholics and drug addicts is your thing I'm not knocking you. Everyone has their preference.

[NGC1300]

I have never drank, smoked, or did any type of drugs. A drunk driver isn't more right than someone's who's high. It's all bad behavior especially if abused.

 

A complete non sequitur.

 

Who said anything about driving drunk or high?

[MrCastle]

You're saying two different thing here.

 

First you say you won't tolerate drugs in excess, but then you say in the second paragraph that "usage" is the deal breaker.

 

?????????

 

If we're talking weed, pills, powders, and things of that nature, I don't want someone who uses at all.

 

If we're talking alcohol, a casual, social drinker is normal. I can deal with that.

[NGC1300]

Hey if alcoholics and drug addicts is your thing I'm not knocking you. Everyone has their preference.

 

So now anyone who has a beer or smokes a joint is a drug addict?

 

I'm out.

[Woggle]

I use weed on occasion and it doesn't have any adverse affects. It's no worse than drinking. In fact people can overdose on alchohol way more than they can on weed.

[almond]

The current discussion (views on illegal vs. legal drug usage in a potential partner) is very interesting. People's feelings, logic and thoughts differ so widely. It's fascinating.

[NGC1300]

If we're talking weed, pills, powders, and things of that nature, I don't want someone who uses at all.

 

If we're talking alcohol, a casual, social drinker is normal. I can deal with that.

 

I rest my case. Your concerns have nothing to do with drugs, only about legality.

[MrCastle]

I rest my case. Your concerns have nothing to do with drugs, only about legality.

 

If heroin or crystal meth were legal I still wouldn't date a girl who did it so your argument is flimsy at best.

[HappyLove]

The current discussion (views on illegal vs. legal drug usage in a potential partner) is very interesting. People's feelings, logic and thoughts differ so widely. It's fascinating.

 

 

No lie, OLD was talking to a guy who wasn't exactly my type but hey decided give benefit of doubt. He had baggage too a divorce, a kid, sharing custody. Well we moved up to talking on the phone conversations are great then he says, how do you feel about smoking weed. I say never I'm not about that! He says, bye nice meeting you and hung up! Lol, I'm looking at the phone like WOW now that's a true weed head. I mean here's a man with a daughter going into her teens I'd think he'd want to set a better example. Oh well, there's NO WAY I would have put up with that but it was very funny. Like wow your drugs are that important huh?!

[NGC1300]

Like wow your drugs are that important huh?!

 

No, he just didn't want to waste time with someone who puts perceptions and stereotypes ahead of getting to know the person.

[MrCastle]

No, he just didn't want to waste time with someone who puts perceptions and stereotypes ahead of getting to know the person.

 

What does that have to do with anything? I personally don't do drugs. Why should I have to deal with someone who does? He was in his right to only want to date someone who views weed usage the way he does, and OP and I have a right to do the same.

[HappyLove]

No, he just didn't want to waste time with someone who puts perceptions and stereotypes ahead of getting to know the person.

 

Boo hoo, I'll try not to cry too much about the weed head not liking perceptions and stereotypes, lol.

 

Anyways, why are you so upset about people not wanting to date druggies anyway? If someone says I never date people who wear glasses...to each his own. Just like you may love dating pot and pill heads. Who am I to judge? Just hope they don't steal from you.

[NGC1300]

I personally don't do drugs. Why should I have to deal with someone who does?

 

You have already admitted to accepting drug use, because ethanol is a drug.

[MrCastle]

You have already admitted to accepting drug use, because ethanol is a drug.

 

Ahh yes because having a beer in a social setting with friends is equivalent to snorting cocaine or "popping a molly."

[emva07]

As long as a man is kind, loyal, and respectful I won't toss him.

Some people might call that picky, lol.

 

As for the piece of old people being married for so long, back then for various reasons (religious, societal, etc) marriage was seen as something that you save no matter what, you don't want everyone talking about you. Kids were made fun of at school if they had divorced parents, etc. Doesn't mean people were more or less happy than they are today. I'd say BECAUSE of society's pressure of marriage after high school/college, people were less picky and tolerated a lot more to stay in marriages.

[NGC1300]

Ahh yes because having a beer in a social setting with friends is equivalent to snorting cocaine or "popping a molly."

 

So your deal-breaker isn't drugs, just stimulant drugs.

 

Finally we get to the bottom of it.

[MrCastle]

So your deal-breaker isn't drugs, just stimulant drugs.

 

Finally we get to the bottom of it.

 

I think we've been at the bottom for quite some time now

[kaylan]

I think a lot of us expect our SO to come wrapped in a perfect package with a red bow. We are just too picky nowadays, men & women. We also are not realistic. Our grandparents generations met each other and stayed married for decades where as now we take years to pick and choose and tear people apart if they aren't perfect. How can you have people who have arranged marriages, even now, stay married for a very long time and then a huge part of the population who are great people and hard working not find a match....ever. Then you have the ones who aren't picky enough. They think every guy is the one and go way too fast with the relationship and before you can blink its over. I've been guilty of both! I've learned to look at a persons heart over time. Not by what they tell me or promise me and not by how successful they are. Do you think you're too picky? Have you learned anything from being too picky or not picky enough?

Older generations didnt really marry for love as much as people would like to think. A lot of times it was because of convenience and societal expectations. And because divorce was frowned upon, many people stayed married despite any marital problems that came up.

 

Im glad more people are picky nowadays. It lessens the occurrence of people settling for someone they dont really love.

[cici713]

Older generations didnt really marry for love as much as people would like to think. A lot of times it was because of convenience and societal expectations. And because divorce was frowned upon, many people stayed married despite any marital problems that came up.

 

Im glad more people are picky nowadays. It lessens the occurrence of people settling for someone they dont really love.

 

My grandparents were married over 60 years. The greatest love story I've ever seen. He wrote her a love song the day he died. I know they married for loved and had a happy life. That's what I want. Picky because I've seen real love and know it exists.

[kaylan]

My grandparents were married over 60 years. The greatest love story I've ever seen. He wrote her a love song the day he died. I know they married for loved and had a happy life. That's what I want. Picky because I've seen real love and know it exists.

Just because I said some of the older generation didnt marry for love, doesnt mean every couple was that way.

 

My best friends grandparents were in love, but things changed as they got older. And his grandmother put up with some crap during their marriage. But she stayed because shes a traditional woman and was the family matriarch. She still loved her husband, but they didnt seem in love. Hell, they slept in separate rooms.

 

I give her so much credit for staying with him in order to not fracture the family unit. I couldnt make the same sacrifice. I need long lasting romantic love if Im gonna be in a marriage.

[crederer]

I think people are generally too picky with appearances and some with trying to fit that hollywood image. The hollywood part mostly for females. I know several women who broke up with their man, and basically said, "He was a great guy, he didn't do anything wrong but I want to have a guy that can make my heart pound everyday. I just want to be happy like in the Notebook".

 

I'm paraphrasing of course, but I've heard 3 women basically say the same thing, then 2 of them bitched about not being able to find "love".

 

All three of these people were in relationships of 3 years or more when they ended it. Obviously relationships get a little bit stale after a long time but that doesn't mean they're not a suitable life partner. Your partner should not be the person that you feel needs to be the one to bring you happiness.

 

And a lot of men I know aren't necessarily "picky" but can take the small things their women do for granted. You got a good woman bro, buck up and stop being whiny because she doesn't pick up after you like your mother did.

[emva07]

Grandparents rarely tell us all the times cheating was an issue in their marriage, the times they separated, the time one of them moved out for some time, etc....

[emva07]

There's a movie I once watched, "the women" which said it best.

 

Meg Ryan was telling her mom who was like 60 that her husband was cheating on her and all, her mom was trying to calm her down and she says "NO MOM, YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS FEELING!"

 

and the mom says:

"

Well, let me try. It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach. It feels like your heart stopped beating. It feels like that dream. You know, the one where you're falling and you want so desperately to wake up... ...before you hit the ground, but it's all out of your control. You can't trust anything anymore. No one is who they say they are. Your life is changed forever. And the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience... ...is no one will ever be able to break your heart like that again."

 

 

To which Meg Ryan (over 40 yrs old)says, you never told me Dad cheated on you! blah blah

So of course the mom says she just never wanted her children to have a bad image of him.

[Leigh 87]

I think people are generally too picky with appearances and some with trying to fit that hollywood image. The hollywood part mostly for females. I know several women who broke up with their man, and basically said, "He was a great guy, he didn't do anything wrong but I want to have a guy that can make my heart pound everyday. I just want to be happy like in the Notebook".

 

I'm paraphrasing of course, but I've heard 3 women basically say the same thing, then 2 of them bitched about not being able to find "love".

 

All three of these people were in relationships of 3 years or more when they ended it. Obviously relationships get a little bit stale after a long time but that doesn't mean they're not a suitable life partner. Your partner should not be the person that you feel needs to be the one to bring you happiness.

 

And a lot of men I know aren't necessarily "picky" but can take the small things their women do for granted. You got a good woman bro, buck up and stop being whiny because she doesn't pick up after you like your mother did.

 

 

Why should women settle for a guy who is " nice enough" and they enjoy being around somewhat, but who they are not IN love with?

 

Why the hell would a guy with options settle for a girl who he is not head over heals for?

 

Being "crazy" about a girl is something that every guy is capable of being; if it is not with ME, I would rather move on and find a guy who feels that way about me, and who I feel that way about.

 

Long term, that crazy feeling dissipates, obviously. However, after almost THREE YEARS with my ex, I STILL felt soooo happy to come home to him! We were both excited about seeing each other after that time.

 

And we were not even right for each other, but still; THAT is not something those women you mention had, and they could find it elsewhere. So they are choosing to do that.

 

Why settle for a "friend" who you have sex with, with minimal strong romantic feelings?

 

I believe things can be like in the notebook.

[Woggle]

Why should women settle for a guy who is " nice enough" and they enjoy being around somewhat, but who they are not IN love with?

 

Why the hell would a guy with options settle for a girl who he is not head over heals for?

 

Being "crazy" about a girl is something that every guy is capable of being; if it is not with ME, I would rather move on and find a guy who feels that way about me, and who I feel that way about.

 

Long term, that crazy feeling dissipates, obviously. However, after almost THREE YEARS with my ex, I STILL felt soooo happy to come home to him! We were both excited about seeing each other after that time.

 

And we were not even right for each other, but still; THAT is not something those women you mention had, and they could find it elsewhere. So they are choosing to do that.

 

Why settle for a "friend" who you have sex with, with minimal strong romantic feelings?

 

I believe things can be like in the notebook.

 

Because this kind of magical stuff you speak of only exists in movies. It makes as much sense as wanting to fly like superman. Life is not a 24/7 high and until people get that idea out of their head they will be in a state of constant discontent.