Are you too picky?

[GravityMan]

I think for most people...taking into account all the opposite-sex people they encounter throughout a large segment of their life (and most people encounter hundreds or thousands), about 0.05% - 0.3% of those people are a good to great match for them. Beyond the great matches, about 0.4% to 10% of encountered people likely have enough going for them that the person is willing to date them...but there's not enough there for things to progress beyond mere dating and perhaps sex. The rest get a total pass due to zero attraction or some obvious upfront issue. This assumes the person has reasonable standards for himself or herself, and is willing to have a LTR with the right person...some just prefer to stay single.

 

For the typical person, dating is not hard. Things fizzling out doesn't always indicate failure on anyone's part. It was still a life experience; you (hopefully) learned and grew a bit from it. Finding a great match who's also into you is far more challenging. Some people get lucky and strike gold on their very first try in high-school or college; others date and have casual relationships with tons of people before finding someone who really clicks well. The majority of people fall somewhere in-between.

 

Being picky about a person's character is a good thing. Relationships are partnerships, and being on compatible (which doesn't always mean "same") wavelengths in character, personality, worldview, values, morals and so on is important. I think it's easier to get through tough times when the couple clicks well on those things.

[ltjg45]

At this stage, not picky enough. I can look over all of the women at my work place and would sleep with 30 of them if given the opportunity.

 

As for an actual relationship, the overwhelming number of women that I would sleep with has kids during their 20s and that is a deal breaker for me as I'm not interested in dealing with kids anytime soon.

 

So that will drop the dating pool much lower.....and I hasn't even got to the "compatibility" part.

[LookUp]

People today are picky due to two things. Porn give men unrealistic standards. Perfect, picturesque Hollywood movies give women unrealistic standards. Solution? For men it's easy. For women? Well, Hollywood is a multi billion/trillion dollar industry. It's not going anywhere.

[hotpotato]

People today are picky due to two things. Porn give men unrealistic standards. Perfect, picturesque Hollywood movies give women unrealistic standards. Solution? For men it's easy. For women? Well, Hollywood is a multi billion/trillion dollar industry. It's not going anywhere.

 

Hmm...Most of the women I see who are married or paired are OK looking.

 

Pern might be nice, beautiful women might be nice, but a woman need only be average to be attractive to a man.

[mea_M]

No. Not picky. Marriage or any long tern relationship is a two way street and takes effort on both parts. And no one is perfect. We alll have our brightside and darkside in life. Accepting of the above makes for a much more relaxed union because there are no unrealistic expectations. As long as there is love and understanding between the two parties, I think that's half the battle right there.

 

Mea:)

[LookUp]

Hmm...Most of the women I see who are married or paired are OK looking.

 

Pern might be nice, beautiful women might be nice, but a woman need only be average to be attractive to a man.

 

The women I see who are paired or married are very attractive.

[ltjg45]

The women I see who are paired or married are very attractive.

 

Your standards must be pretty low.

 

I also agree with hotpotato.

[Sanman]

Part of being picky is that, as others have stated here, short of raising children there are few reasons to settle into a relationship and compromise your interests. This is the not prior generations where women were all jobless or limited in the scope of jobs they receive. You also have nearly infinite ways to live your life. However, you now have the struggle of finding someone you are compatible with that wants to live life on the same terms you do. That makes life harder. Add to that, neither men nor women want to dip too far down the socioeconomic or educational ladder. Then we wonder why we can't find a mate. I am trying to be sexist here, but the reason for many women is that you took half the good jobs, so half those guys are working jobs that mean they cannot support you and you have to support them. The remaing half of men with the good jobs now have twice as many choices, so why settle down? For men, it is that women don't need them for financial security, so figuring out relationships is harder than it was in previous generations. If that is all that was needed, the halls of Silicon Valley would be filled with players.

 

 

So, what else do we need? You need someone stable, perhaps with a good job, who has chosen out of many possibilities to travel the same path in life as you. That is a tough thing to find.

[LookUp]

Your standards must be pretty low.

 

I also agree with hotpotato.

 

Attractiveness of women depends on the region.

[hotpotato]

Attractiveness of women depends on the region.

 

Where are you?

 

I read a book written hundreds of years ago. The author, a man, clearly stated that men dont need a beautiful woman to be a wife. Really hot women were better off as sex workers. In other words, they were hot but the beauty doesnt confer any extra advantages in the dating world. I see the same thing today.

 

Really, you could put the average woman or even homely woman in some red lipstick and high heels (and maybe drop a few pounds) and she is attractive to most men.

 

I dont mean the average woman in makeup. When I think hot Im talking about women like Salma hayek, Natasha Hensridge, Alessandra Ambrosio, etc.

Edited September 13, 2013 by hotpotato

[mario_C]

We need to do a consolidation of all the "(Wo)men should lower their standards" threads, please and thank you.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I think a lot of us expect our SO to come wrapped in a perfect package with a red bow. We are just too picky nowadays, men & women. We also are not realistic. Our grandparents generations met each other and stayed married for decades where as now we take years to pick and choose and tear people apart if they aren't perfect. How can you have people who have arranged marriages, even now, stay married for a very long time and then a huge part of the population who are great people and hard working not find a match....ever. Then you have the ones who aren't picky enough. They think every guy is the one and go way too fast with the relationship and before you can blink its over. I've been guilty of both! I've learned to look at a persons heart over time. Not by what they tell me or promise me and not by how successful they are. Do you think you're too picky? Have you learned anything from being too picky or not picky enough?

 

Our grandparents generation had better quality people and a system that actually supported marriage and the nuclear family (as opposed to the one today).

 

Also, that generation went through many hardships and, thus, appreciated what they had in life. Our generation is extremely entitled, with most going through very little hardship (any hardship that anybody that I know went through was their own doing.....drugs, jail, unable to get a job because of choosing the wrong major in college, etc).

 

So you really can't compare the generations. That generation was called the "Greatest Generation" for a reason. We will not see that level of overall greatness for a long time, if ever, and all of us here will surely be dead by that time.

 

But on topic, I am very picky and I have a pretty, wonderful, caring girlfriend currently.