3 months on I finally find out the truth

[SimonSerenade]

Just a quick update since I haven't been on for quite some time, my ex broke up with me a little over 3 months a go now, at first I was going out of my mind wondering why and wondering what I did wrong then I just sort of started to accept it little bit by little bit, I preoccupied my mind with other interests, mainly work and video games for the most part, I'm happy to say I finally got rid of everything that reminded me of her and anything she'd ever bought me, I was still feeling pretty crappy 2 months in to the break up then I had bad news out of nowhere about my father being in a critical condition in hospital.

 

He fell in to a diabetic coma and because he had been there for some time without anyone finding him in that state, he wound up with double pneumonia and sadly passed away not too long after, it's been a stressful time trying to get money together to pay for his funeral expenses, it certainly snapped me out of feeling sorry for myself over my ex, he was only 45 and it scared the hell out of me how you could just go in any given second like that, it really put up a bigger picture in front of me.

 

Anyway, I've been coping pretty well with it (as well as anybody can about losing their father), lately I haven't been thinking much about my ex but I bumped into a friend today who told me she had been seeing someone he knew for quite some time now, immediately my heart fell through my ass and I had to excuse myself away from him pretty quickly just to find a nice quiet place to digest it all, even after so much time has passed it still brought me to tears, I had to see it for myself so I went on to her Facebook page and there it was, a picture of them both not long after we'd broken up.

 

I always suspected she was cheating but she always made such a big stink about people that cheated and how she'd never do it I put it out of my mind, I really don't know how to feel about it, on one hand I feel relieved to know the truth after all this time and on the other hand I'm devastated at how easily I was replaced and how somebody could just do that to someone and lie through their teeth about it.

 

I haven't been with anybody since my ex because the thought of it has been too painful to bare, my trust in women in general has been rocked because of all this and I think now I will just be alone and try to find some happiness in it, maybe now I know the truth I can finally put all this behind me, never having to wonder about what went wrong again.

 

Looking back now, I just feel so sad that somebody I loved so much and couldn't ever see myself without could do that, I thought she was one in a million and my eyes were so loyally focused on her, I honestly trusted her with my life and thought she was the kind of person who could never do that but I was wrong and that scares me so much that someone you'd least expect something like that from could do that.

 

I wish I could say I was over her and I wasn't still completely madly in love with her even after all this but I can't and I just sort of accept that now, it doesn't hurt like it used to, it doesn't cut me up inside like it used to but damn I still feel so sad about it, in time I'll regain my self worth and probably learn to love and trust again but for right now, I think on my own is the way to go.

[hopefulfaerie]

Just want you to know I'm very sorry for your loss, both of them.

You seem to have an amazingly healthy attitude. You also sound incrediblely strong. I don't know that I would be dealing near as well as you are.

I wish you all the best! Maybe it's "women's intuition" or something but I just have a feeling that not long from now, you will meet someone so great and special and be so glad it didn't work out with her

Also, I know she shattered your trust but there are many many women that don't cheat and never would. I am one of them. I'm 41 and have never cheated on a man. Just not in me, plus I don't ever want to know what guilt like that feels like.

Lots and lots of people are like that. I really believe most people are faithful. You will find one that deserves you.

Hang in there

[thishatteredsymphony]

I can feel for you, man. Totally and completely. That this happened to both of us around the same time makes me understand even more. I feel somewhat glad to know I uncovered the truth all at the same time, as I don't think I could have taken it so well if I found out later.

 

Cheaters are inherently selfish people. Both my and your ex are pretty good examples of that. But others are right, there are so many people out there who have not and will never cheat.

 

You're making a lot of progress, Simon. I can't say I fully understand your situation since you're finding this out later. But I feel like just in watching your posts you're definitely feeling the healing process. Continue to focus on yourself. There isn't anything wrong with being alone for a time, doing so helps you heal and at the end of the long road we'll be thankful for this personal growth.

 

All the best to you, man.

[bob the brave]

Did you ever post FB photos or the like with her too? Maybe she cheated with you on another guy and will do the same with the guy she's with now. That is to say she didn't replace you, you were just another in the que. And so is this guy. He will probably be cheated on and dumped too.

 

thishatteredsymphony is right - cheaters are selfish people. Girls like this love the attention and attraction, the high that initially is felt in a relationship. When that wanes, they look elsewhere to get that feeling again. It is not you, it is her.

 

Although it is romantic, never give yourself fully to anyone. Love them, befriend them, help them but never fully trust them to the point you potentially make yourself vulnerable, because people are human and we cannot fully predict nor control their actions. This will make you a stronger, wiser, more valuable SO for a good partner and protect you against those who are not.

[Omei]

Sorry about your loss (hugs)

Please don't lose your trust in woman!! Lose your trust in HER.

So many of us would never

 

I hope you father has a beautiful funeral.

[heartshapedrocks]

First off... My deepest sympathies for the loss of your father.

I am also sorry to hear that you had to find out from a friend this news about your ex.

I had similar feelings about my ex as you.

A cheater with someone in the wings already engaged now.

I didn't have to hear from a friend, she called me up to tell me

Oh well....our EX's are gone time to detach and live a life to its fullest.

The way I look at it we both dodged bullets.

[SimonSerenade]

Thanks for all the replies, it really does help to know I'm not alone in this boat, I think that it's just been one of those year's where everything happens at once and unfortunately, there's not much I can really do about it, I'm probably going to sit around and feel sorry for myself for a little while but I'll get back on my feet again, life and all it's bs has made me strong like that throughout the years, I guess for me, the hardest part now is getting that image I saw out of my head and fast, on top of that, I've got to try and rebuild a level of faith and trust in people because right now, it's at an all time low, my father wasn't the best father but he was a damn good friend to me and he was probably the only person I would ever really open to in my family about this sort of stuff, I feel well and truly lost without him.

 

It just feels like she's firing bullets and I don't have a chance of avoiding them, she got everything her own way and took everything away from me, she even somehow managed to take a very dear friend from me and turn him against me, she's managed to turn everyone against me and I could accept that if I was deserving of it but looking back, I can't think of anything I did that warranted any of this, that's something I've always struggled to come to terms with, there's just no respect or boundaries on her end.

 

I used to think that a guilty conscience slept in thunder, now I'm not so sure, I've tried to turn it over in my head and think of ways that would justify what she did but I can't, I would hate myself for doing that to anyone but I guess some people don't feel guilt like that, right now, I'm just trying to see her for the crappy person that she is, rather than the person I used to hold a candle up to, the only thing that's dragged me through this is the comfort that I wasn't the only person she did this to, she cut off her other ex's in similar fashion so that's probably who she really is and I doubt she'll ever change.

 

I've been getting close to an old friend lately and maybe I thought something would happen there one day but now I'm not too sure, this whole thing has just sent my head in a whirlwind but like you guys said, I have to keep my trust in women, she is a lovely genuine person and just talking to her makes me really happy but I won't even take her out for a coffee because she isn't my ex, hopefully now I can start thinking that's a good thing.

[hopefulfaerie]

This kinda made me think of something I experienced many years ago.

I was a waitress at a bar/grill and a small group of men would come in for about a werk

They were in town on business and leaving soon. Anyway, one of the guys was hitting on me and I reciprocated. Until I found out he had a wife and baby at home!!! Of course, I backed off and immediately felt disgusted and sorry for the wife at home.

Anyway a couple nights later some co workers and I ran into them at a bar and he was holding hands and kissing some woman. It really stuck with me all these years.

What a creep!!!! I felt so sorry for the wife and felt all men are cheaters and liars.

I KNOW NOW THAT'S NOT TRUE.

But, I don't know, just witnessing that really affected me some how.

My point is I think most people men and women have a conscience and even if they could get away with cheating, would not do it because they like to sleep at night.

I hope you can trust again. Someone that deserves your trust. She clearly does not!!! Weird.

[SimonSerenade]

That sucks, I can relate to that, one of the biggest reasons I don't go out to the clubs is because people in the past have made advances on me and these people had boyfriend's, if I was the kind of guy who was thoughtless and a touch on the vein side then great bring it on but I'm not like that, I believe when your with someone, you see them and only them through your eyes, I've been cheated on and left too many times before to ever be a part of it, it's a horrible sinking feeling that never leaves you, it degrades you of all you feel that your worth, all the while the cheaters out there just move on never knowing the mess they left behind, I think the hardest part is looking away from all that and giving people that trust you once held so dear again.

[SMALLTOWNBLUES]

Hey Simon,

 

I found out my ex cheated on me and had to deal with that fall out and then had my mom pass away a couple of weeks ago, a few months after the breakup but wasnt yet in NC with ex yet.

 

I feel your pain. Im trying to be strong and know you can be too. Hope dealing with all the business end of your father's funeral didn't stop your chances to properly grieve. I know what that's like as well.

 

I know how weird it is to have to simultaneously grieve the loss of a relationship and a parent. The ex's should have no hold over us when a loved one so close passes, but we just wish they were there by our side. Not trying to project, but imagining you must know the feeling.

 

Feels like when it rains it pours.

 

Anyways, hope things are getting better, I'm trying to keep my faith in women too! Good luck! Thoughts are with you.

[LuvsTrucks2]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

Don't loose faith in all of us, I'm trying to get back my faith in men as well. It's hard, but don't give up.

 

Everything you are experiencing is for a reason, you just don't know what that reason is yet.

 

Stay strong, we are here for you.